Generals

February 1, 2010 2:18 PM

“I don’t want anyone on my team that doesn’t play to win.” Red Klotz, 88, has been head coach of the Washington Generals since the early 1950s, and played for the team himself until the age of 62. In the linked story, he provides Kansas City sportswriter Joe Posnanski with the greatest quote of all time (that wasn't it up there) and recounts his two glorious victories over the Harlem Globetrotters (against 13,000-some losses.) Now Klotz may have a secret weapon against his long-time rivals: after 50 years as straight men, the Generals are trying to become the wackiest team on the court.
posted by escabeche (28 comments total)

WANT.
posted by Lizc at 2:21 PM on February 1, 2010

Hey, I thought the Generals were due!
posted by Floydd at 2:22 PM on February 1, 2010 [6 favorites]

Some NBA greats have played for the globetrotters, and in their early years they were a serious team with some serious wins against all-white teams.
posted by garlic at 2:31 PM on February 1, 2010

Yeah, that is a pretty great quote. You'll notice the implication, of course, that Conan's a crap skater.
posted by carsonb at 2:37 PM on February 1, 2010

"lane clogging abilities." lol

Love how he offers to drop Richter if it helps.
posted by Ironmouth at 2:52 PM on February 1, 2010

I think the killing Santa Claus quote was better.
posted by sciurus at 2:56 PM on February 1, 2010

I thought this post was going to be about their upcoming "first professional basketball game on ice":

In what could be a risky move, Red Klotz, the owner of the Generals, gave the Globetrotters some bulletin-board material in the news release for the event, saying that his team excelled on ice.

“I’ve been asking for this game for years and I’m glad the Globetrotters have finally given in,” the release said.

posted by Jahaza at 2:56 PM on February 1, 2010

O'Brien is a crap skater. Skip to 4:45 for proof.
posted by cmfletcher at 3:03 PM on February 1, 2010

"Playing to win" is either redundant, like when a reality show contestant is spewing it to the camera in their confessional, or code for a coach or player putting way too much emphasis on the outcome of a single competition.
posted by soelo at 3:07 PM on February 1, 2010

I love that the crowd booed them in '71. Or rather, I imagine they were really booing the Globetrotters. Still, how do you not realize that you've seen maybe the rarest thing in sports when the damn Washington Generals win a game? How could you not get at least a little giddy about that?
posted by Navelgazer at 3:08 PM on February 1, 2010 [3 favorites]

I'm amazed the Globetrotters still have time to play games, what with getting shipwrecked on uncharted islands, solving mysteries with a bunch of kids and their great dane, and saving the world with the help of their super powers.
posted by JHarris at 3:09 PM on February 1, 2010 [9 favorites]

Not to mention Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate getting his degree in astrophysics.
posted by Navelgazer at 3:34 PM on February 1, 2010 [5 favorites]

The Generals beat the Globetrotters on January 5, 1971, ending a 2,495-game losing streak. They were on an 0-7,968 streak as of February 1995.
posted by kirkaracha at 4:21 PM on February 1, 2010

I'm amazed the Globetrotters still have time to play games, what with getting shipwrecked on uncharted islands, solving mysteries with a bunch of kids and their great dane, and saving the world with the help of their super powers.
posted by JHarris at 3:09 PM on February 1

Not only that, I distinctly remember them playing (some Yeti) on ice, so the Generals may not have such an advantage (was that a Scooby Doo cross-over?).
posted by 445supermag at 4:31 PM on February 1, 2010

I thought this post was going to be about their upcoming "first professional basketball game on ice"

It was. Read the linked blog post to learn "the greatest quote of all time."
posted by escabeche at 4:46 PM on February 1, 2010

Not to mention Ethan "Bubblegum" Tate getting his degree in astrophysics.

Pssh, his algebra is just bunch of razzle dazzle!
posted by milarepa at 4:54 PM on February 1, 2010

This must come to pass. If The Secret counts for anything, then I must see this - the whitest possible combination in all of basketball.
posted by palindromic at 5:22 PM on February 1, 2010

I was going to come up with some clever way to link to these videos, but screw it, here they are: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
posted by UrineSoakedRube at 6:18 PM on February 1, 2010

Do I wish I could "local youth group" in time to be admitted to this ice game?

Yes. Yes, I do.
posted by meadowlark lime at 7:46 PM on February 1, 2010

I too love that quote from Red Klotz. It is sort of like when I told my brother to keep hitting me as it was making him tired and I would get him after that.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 7:48 PM on February 1, 2010

Apologies... didn't read down far enough on the right link... thought it was just about the Conan business.
posted by Jahaza at 7:58 PM on February 1, 2010

Support the team! Buy a jersey! $25 cheaper than any Globetrotter jersey!

talk about rare. how many kids are sporting these?
posted by leotrotsky at 8:53 PM on February 1, 2010

My grade school team (Go Wicker Park Beavers!) beat the Globetrotters. I was very young, the new white kid at a not-so-white school. Some politician was invited to referee. Lieutenant Governor, I think. He figured he'd get better press if he called the game in favor of the kids. The Globetrotters were gracious about it, of course, but it was a little like like watching Santa Claus getting beaten up by the older kids who also threatened to beat you up.
posted by hydrophonic at 9:19 PM on February 1, 2010 [1 favorite]

Not only that, I distinctly remember them playing (some Yeti) on ice, so the Generals may not have such an advantage (was that a Scooby Doo cross-over?).

In fact, I am aware of two different cartoon incarnations of the Harlem Globetrotters, both products of Hanna-Barbera during their most shameful period of output.

The better(?) remembered one, aired on Cartoon Network back when they were awesome and I think still shown on Boomerang once in a while, is the Super Globetrotters, in which they had super powers, received missions from their basketball satellite in space, and in which many of their adventures came down to winning basketball games against the Evil Villain's version of the Washington Generals every week. Notably, some of the super powers are outright copied from H-B's earlier superhero cartoon The Impossibles, right down to having one of the Trots be a "Multi-Man," with the same powers and even costume.

The other is more obscure. The Scooby-Doo Movies Globetrotter appearances is actually a crossover with this show. It has the Globetrotters travelling from place to place having Scooby-ish adventures with no super-powers (other than typical cartoon stuff and basketball skillz). I seem to remember this being an hour in length, but maybe with other cartoons interspersed. They had a mascot dog and, I think, a bus driver named Granny (but I may just be getting that from the Scooby episode). Again, somehow, the plot for each episode always came down to a basketball game. It used the same scoreboard graphic in every episode to show the game's artificially-derived suspense-building score, just with different numbers displayed. That is nearly all I can remember of that show; I must have been four or five when it aired, and it wasn't a particularly well-liked show for me I think.
posted by JHarris at 11:25 PM on February 1, 2010

From the SI link:

8-year-old Vikings fan creates biblical Favre art

KIMBALL, Minn. -- Eight-year-old Andrew Brower of Kimball obviously had football on his mind at Sunday School. With plenty of purple crayons, he created a picture of Jesus with his disciples at a recent Sunday School class. Andrew put all of them in Vikings jerseys with Jesus, of course, wearing #4.

"I just thought of it because Brett Favre is the quarterback and Jesus is like the quarterback of the world," Andrew said.

...

Y'know, every time I start to think that I had a messed-up childhood, somebody like Andrew Brower reminds me that it could have been much, much worse. Thanks kid.
posted by Toby Dammit X at 4:47 AM on February 2, 2010

"I just thought of it because Brett Favre is the quarterback and Jesus is like the quarterback of the world," Andrew said.

This quote is better than the excel on ice one. Jesus gave some darn good audible on the mount.
posted by haveanicesummer at 6:53 AM on February 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

His team got crucified in the big game of the season though.
posted by ersatz at 8:48 AM on February 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

Good post, and doubly so because it led me to Joe Posnanski's blog.
posted by TedW at 8:59 AM on February 2, 2010