With/In loving memory.

February 7, 2010 12:34 AM

You are always in my prayers

He/She would be very happy to know that you loved him/her so much

For a Friendly Neighbor

For a Wife

Nevermind why you'd give condolences to "a wife..." let's hope she's not YOURS... obituarieshelp.org will help you fake like you are nice and caring, not just when writing the obit, but at any sorrowful time, big or small. And so much more than just condolence letters you can copy.

Plus, keep up on all the moderately famous recently departed.

posted by Ambrosia Voyeur (35 comments total)

...and I realize that finding this amusing in times of lesser grief might make you feel baaaaad when you return to it in times of need, but I pray you'll find peace and comfort in the days ahead.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:45 AM on February 7, 2010

Good grief!
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:52 AM on February 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 1:03 AM on February 7, 2010

Nevermind why you'd give condolences to "a wife..."

Presumably, the condolences are to the person whose wife has died.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 1:12 AM on February 7, 2010

I suppose this could be used to "fake" sympathy, but a little borrowed eloquence, sincerely applied, might sometimes be appreciated by everybody involved.

Well, almost everybody.
posted by longsleeves at 1:22 AM on February 7, 2010 [3 favorites]

Not everyone is as articulate as we on Metafilter (ha). There's nothing wrong with getting a little help when writing something important to someone in grief.
posted by Philosopher Dirtbike at 1:36 AM on February 7, 2010 [6 favorites]

Get well soon.
posted by trondant at 1:38 AM on February 7, 2010

I know what killed her: four bullets above the fold.
posted by pracowity at 2:45 AM on February 7, 2010 [8 favorites]

"a wife..." let's hope she's not YOURS...

Worst. Valentine's Day card. Ever.
posted by twoleftfeet at 3:12 AM on February 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Um, the entire site seems to be a linkfarm.

For example, the "Obituary Resources" menu item returns this:

Free Genealogy
Create and print your family tree in minutes. Completely free!
www.myheritage.com

Am I missing something? Where is the non-linkfarm content?
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:25 AM on February 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

It was with a great sense of loss when I heard of Deanna's death...

This isn't even a coherent sentence. Not a great place to go borrowing your eloquence from.
posted by embrangled at 3:37 AM on February 7, 2010 [3 favorites]

O Deanna! She was more than my friend; she was my fucking partner.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:01 AM on February 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Ever lose someone very close to you and you had to write the obit? Try it.
posted by Postroad at 4:29 AM on February 7, 2010

Some people write best for a deadline.
posted by pracowity at 5:21 AM on February 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

I write obituaries every day. This is a helpful resource. Though I will admit that I usually aim for brevity, rather than profundity. Obituary space in most newspapers is expensive. Often, it is cheaper to just run a regular framed advertisement.
posted by ColdChef at 5:31 AM on February 7, 2010

Ever lose someone very close to you and you had to write the obit? Try it.

I was completely at a loss when I had to write my father's obituary last year. Luckily, when I opened up his pre-need folder, he had written it for me. Five pages worth. That's a good dad. (though, to be truthful, I should say that I edited the hell out of it)
posted by ColdChef at 5:34 AM on February 7, 2010 [13 favorites]

This will come in very handy for all the obit FPPs about people I have never heard of.
posted by barrett caulk at 5:38 AM on February 7, 2010

.
posted by Wolof at 6:20 AM on February 7, 2010

To piggyback on this, when people send flowers/a plant/whatever to a funeral, they have to write (or have us write) a little card to go with it.

The top two phrases people use are #1: With Deepest Sympathy and #2: Our Thoughts and Prayers are With You.

So, if you're stuck, either one of those or something similar will do just fine if you can't think of anything else.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:27 AM on February 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

I've long suspected that many of the people who say Our Thoughts and Prayers are With You never really give it a second thought, let alone a prayer.
posted by twoleftfeet at 6:33 AM on February 7, 2010

I'm with UbuRoivas that the site feels a little sketchy. If you have to tell me in your tagline that you're "an informative and respected website", you probably aren't.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 7:04 AM on February 7, 2010

The top two phrases people use are #1: With Deepest Sympathy and #2: Our Thoughts and Prayers are With You.

On at least two occasions, I've written on a card, "This fucking sucks." Of course, the bereaved were close friends of mine and they appreciated my sentiment and knew the love and support that came with it. Trying to convince a florist to write that on the card is quite another matter.
posted by ColdChef at 8:00 AM on February 7, 2010 [7 favorites]

"This is a bummer, man. That's a bummer."
posted by wobh at 9:06 AM on February 7, 2010

Yeah, not too sure about the eloquence of the letters either:

Her passing will not only leave a void in our lives, but in the hearts of all those who knew her. Deanna will always remain within my heart.

So, she'll always remain in your heart... in the void left by her passing? Or just alongside the void?
posted by creeky at 9:14 AM on February 7, 2010 [3 favorites]

There are kind of scads of google ads all over it, and the page navigation is circuitous, but I was having fun getting lost deep in the annals, and there is a really large variety of content available overall.

I found it both potentially useful... and hilarious out of context. Like an aisle of greeting cards, only with (dead) tastefully omitted but implied on all the categorical markers. "For the (dead) nephew," "on your anniversary (of death)." Ymmv.

I'm telling everyone I see that I'm praying they'll find peace and comfort in the days ahead. Thanks, obituaryhelp.org!

In other news, I think we done slashdotted it.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:51 AM on February 7, 2010

On at least two occasions, I've written on a card, "This fucking sucks." Of course, the bereaved were close friends of mine and they appreciated my sentiment and knew the love and support that came with it. Trying to convince a florist to write that on the card is quite another matter.
posted by ColdChef at 8:00 AM on February 7 [4 favorites +] [!]

Coldchef, at our shop, if that is what you wanted, you'd get it. We've "dropped" the f-bomb for folks before. (It's a military town so we don't get the vapors, even if the language is not something we necessarily personally use.)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 10:54 AM on February 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

ColdChef - If a friend of mine put that on my fucking card I would get a fucking leave from hell to fucking haunt him in his fucking sleep.
posted by eeeeeez at 11:21 AM on February 7, 2010

Ugh. I hate, hate, hate writing condolence cards. Everything I can think to say either sounds insincere, saccharine or glib. I've totally searched sites like that when I was sitting there with a card and a pen and no clue what to say.
posted by craichead at 12:47 PM on February 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Having said that, this is perhaps the most alarmingly awful sample condolence letter I have read in my life.

I want you to know that I'm here for you and your family. God does not test people who do not have the courage to pass the test. It is important to keep the faith and move on with your life.

Seriously? "Move on with your life? Sheesh.
posted by craichead at 1:05 PM on February 7, 2010 [3 favorites]

I see a general pattern in the sympathy messages, which is useful to me. Breaking them down into either sentences or paragraphs (depending on the length), ...

1. Express the your own reaction to this news.
I am deeply saddened by the sudden death of Henry....

2. Bring up happy qualities or memories.
...I'm proud to have known such a kind, warm and brilliant person....

3. Extend an emotional support between the sender and recipient.
... My prayers and thoughts are with him and with those he left behind.

It even works for the sympathy-but-trying-to-remain-upbeat letter to the cancer victim:

1. It was so nice to see you today. 2. You looked beautiful in your red scarf. 3. I know this journey is very challenging, but I am here to support you in whatever you need.


--

Oh, and eeeeeez: I suspect ColdChef would never send a card like that to you, because his sense of humor is so alien to you that you two would probably never become friends. Me, I'd fucking rise from the grave just to scare the fucking hell out of him, and fucking die (again) laughing at his reaction. And he'd think that was totally awesome. After he changed his pants.
posted by IAmBroom at 1:14 PM on February 7, 2010 [5 favorites]

Was this site made for LarryDavid-like situations?
posted by hal_c_on at 1:18 PM on February 7, 2010

I used to have a terrible time writing these things, until I said to myself: what exactly am I trying to say here? And I wrote down just that: "I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you. I am so sorry. Please let me know if there is anything I can do."

That's all it takes, really. Even when I believed in God, I had the good sense not to invoke His Plan in those letters.
posted by Countess Elena at 2:52 PM on February 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Please accept my sincere condolences for the loss of your grandfather.

Shortly before he died, he confided in me that he had buried $2.4 million dollars worth of gold bullion in the back of his farm from "an old bank job". He said you should wait a year or two before you start digging, so as not to tip off the surviving members of his gang. Or the Feds.

Burn this note after reading.
posted by Davenhill at 12:33 AM on February 8, 2010

Is there a site that helps you write "I'm sorry you were almost murdered" notes, because I'm not sure what to say to the business owner near where I work who was shot in a botched robbery.
posted by BrotherCaine at 1:16 PM on February 8, 2010

BrotherCaine, sounds like a Greeting Card Emergency!
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:14 PM on February 8, 2010 [1 favorite]