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The Days of Miracles and Wonder
February 11, 2010 2:04 PM   Subscribe

Greg Knauss (once a contributor to Suck.com): "What would the bright-eyed, long-haired, involuntarily celibate version of myself from two decades ago think?" Answer: "Calm down? Calm down? You’re fat! And bald! I’m going to be fat and bald!"
posted by WCityMike (55 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

 
Two posts in less than a week? Will miracles never cease?
posted by dogwelder at 2:08 PM on February 11, 2010


The lyric is "miracle and wonder," and this is pretty banal.
posted by lumensimus at 2:09 PM on February 11, 2010


Joe Beese your embolism is waiting. Mr. Joe Beese please report.
posted by Babblesort at 2:10 PM on February 11, 2010 [7 favorites]


Reminded me of this recent SFGate editorial.
posted by sararah at 2:11 PM on February 11, 2010


“And in his first year, he prevented a second Great Depression, has stopped torture as official policy, is winding down an unnecessary war, has dramatically opened up the transparency of government and has gone a good way towards restoring America’s place in the world.”

ok, look. i'm trying to come around to being less harsh on Obama. I am. but jesus, why don't you tell the 20 years younger version of yourself he rode into office on a unicorn, while you're at it?
posted by shmegegge at 2:14 PM on February 11, 2010 [6 favorites]


Babblesort: "Joe Beese your embolism is waiting. Mr. Joe Beese please report."

heh... It's not just the link. Feels like the whole world is trying to provoke me today.
posted by Joe Beese at 2:18 PM on February 11, 2010


Coco? Is that you?
posted by Joey Michaels at 2:20 PM on February 11, 2010


Am I the only person who, when confronted by a Younger Me, would simply administer a savage beating?
posted by aramaic at 2:20 PM on February 11, 2010 [29 favorites]


I would savagely beat a younger you also.
posted by Babblesort at 2:21 PM on February 11, 2010 [27 favorites]


Did anyone ever make a post about the Obama musical ?
posted by Joe Beese at 2:28 PM on February 11, 2010


Eh, I liked this bit better when Patton Oswalt did it (ffwd to 4:40).
posted by monosyllabic at 2:32 PM on February 11, 2010 [8 favorites]


Um, to someone in 1990, "iPad" would sound like "Eye Pad" and wouldn't lead to any sanitary napkin jokes.

And he didn't explain to his younger self that the reason people are disappointed in the iPad is that it costs more than other things that are way better.
posted by The World Famous at 2:59 PM on February 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Related Posts
Old School Erotica September 26, 2005


Ah the good old days.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:01 PM on February 11, 2010


Embrace Life—Always Wear Your Seatbelt
posted by netbros at 3:07 PM on February 11, 2010


“No. Totally serious. He’s liberal,

No. He isn't.

And quit expecting me to be impressed that you are having sex with your wife.
posted by paisley henosis at 3:08 PM on February 11, 2010 [7 favorites]


Needs more Terry Colon.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:11 PM on February 11, 2010 [4 favorites]


Are we trying to prove that we're cynical world-weary bastards?

It's not Shakespere by jeez.
posted by khaibit at 3:13 PM on February 11, 2010


but not by, damn it.
posted by khaibit at 3:13 PM on February 11, 2010


Am I the only person who, when confronted by a Younger Me, would simply administer a savage beating?

I'd buy younger me a drink and get him laid.
posted by jonmc at 3:15 PM on February 11, 2010


I'd buy younger me a drink and get him laid.

He has already seen how good you are at getting him laid and he is unimpressed.
posted by The World Famous at 3:19 PM on February 11, 2010 [4 favorites]


My Now Me kind of hates my Younger Me. Which is sad, because my Younger Me was quite a happy chap. I hope my Older Me will look on both of us more favourably.
posted by Elmore at 3:22 PM on February 11, 2010 [5 favorites]


I would savagely beat a younger you also.
posted by Babblesort at 4:21 PM on February 11


How about we savagely beat you now and agree to reminisce about it in ten years?

On topic, I'm not sure the "Obama - cynics just won't accept that he's as futuristically awesome as an iPad" argument is one I actually need to bother unpacking my tedious "I wasn't in fact expecting miracles and I do actually have genuine and reasonable problems with this administration" arguments yet again over.
posted by nanojath at 3:26 PM on February 11, 2010 [2 favorites]


meh.

fail.
posted by mrgrimm at 3:29 PM on February 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


I'd buy younger me a drink and get him laid.

ouch, I'd call that an auto-Polanski
posted by found missing at 3:29 PM on February 11, 2010 [4 favorites]


Hi, younger me. Wanna backrub?
posted by found missing at 3:32 PM on February 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Eh, I liked this bit better when Patton Oswalt did it (ffwd to 4:40).

No doubt. I got as far as the riff on the iPad's inconceivable future-ness when the little plagiarism-alarms started going off in my head. Does Patton have a MeFi account to comment?
posted by Strange Interlude at 3:35 PM on February 11, 2010


and weighs a pound an a half.

Meh AND Fail.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 3:36 PM on February 11, 2010


Embrace Life—Always Wear Your Seatbelt

Store Your Cheese Properly

Turn Out the Lights When You're the Last One to Leave a Room
posted by mrgrimm at 3:38 PM on February 11, 2010



Am I the only person who, when confronted by a Younger Me, would simply administer a savage beating?


...yes. After I made sweet sweet love to myself.


..oh like you wouldn't.
posted by The Whelk at 3:44 PM on February 11, 2010 [4 favorites]


Eh, I liked this bit better when Patton Oswalt did it (ffwd to 4:40).

"For the next 4 years, America is gonna be a cool '80s cop flick."

Sorta.
posted by mrgrimm at 3:46 PM on February 11, 2010


Seriously, someone should write to him and tell him that near-verbatim plagiarism of other people's material -- particularly the material from their HBO specials that everyone has seen -- is not cool.
posted by The Bellman at 3:47 PM on February 11, 2010


To a real cynic saying Obama is like an iPad is still pretty accurate; both are less than expected but still mostly functional.
posted by Bonzai at 3:52 PM on February 11, 2010


I made the mistake of reading this thread before following the link, as usual, but I will say that no matter what amount of poo you snarky bastards fling, I have always loved Greg Knauss's writing a whole lot, and even if this particular post isn't the otter's tits, he can do little wrong by me in the words department.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:14 PM on February 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


"Yeah. Gopher."

That bit was pretty funny.
posted by Zed at 4:27 PM on February 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Sadly the two decades younger me was already married with a kid and mortgage. Gawd, I'm old.
posted by octothorpe at 5:01 PM on February 11, 2010


  “No. Totally serious. He’s liberal,
No. He isn't.


You forget the gameplan:
(1) Step a little to the right
(2) Define centrist as liberal.
(3) Now former (actual) liberals are radical and unrealistic.
(4) When a new center emerges, goto (1)

What you call liberal probably isn't liberal, either.
posted by fleacircus at 5:08 PM on February 11, 2010 [2 favorites]


I'd buy younger me a drink and get him laid.

I wouldn't want to drink with or fuck the 1990 me.
posted by octobersurprise at 6:02 PM on February 11, 2010


Dear AskMefi: I just found out the 1990's me and the 2010's me's husband (sorry, the grammar is difficult) hooked up after meeting in a bar the other night. He said he only fucked her because she reminded him of me. Bonus: He wants us to meet because we'd, "really get along." What should I do?
posted by Kloryne at 6:17 PM on February 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Remind him the time machine and erotic cloner is not a toy and say it;s only fair if you get to mess around with his 1990s self. (note, if not advisable, shoot for any attractive historical historical figure)
posted by The Whelk at 6:24 PM on February 11, 2010


For more on this topic, see also: Hot Tub Time Machine.
posted by JDC8 at 6:40 PM on February 11, 2010


O the fucker...
posted by The Whelk at 6:47 PM on February 11, 2010


I really like the clouds.
posted by swift at 6:59 PM on February 11, 2010


I'd buy younger me a drink and get him laid.

Ah, but would you let him bang your wife?
posted by ZenMasterThis at 7:47 PM on February 11, 2010


The absolutely fantastic short story you are all vaguely imagining is called "The Merchant and the Alchemist's Gate," by Ted Chiang, and you can listen to it read very well here.
posted by straight at 9:50 PM on February 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


I'm just glad mrgrimm said it first. This was banal and shitty. Meh, fail, etc. etc.
posted by barnacles at 11:19 PM on February 11, 2010


He also apparently allowed the 1990 version of himself choose the background for his blog.
posted by NoraReed at 12:47 AM on February 12, 2010 [1 favorite]


Made me laugh.
posted by Lezzles at 1:22 AM on February 12, 2010


I'm just glad mrgrimm said it first.

Really?

No, seriously, you're really actually glad that he said, quote, "meh. fail."? That he took two of the laziest, stupidest, most deeply worrying tropes of the everything-is-boring internet hate brigades, that he made certain not to capitalize them in order to underscore his utter boredom with the whole affair, or maybe that he made the creative synergistic leap of marrying together 'meh' and 'fail' as some sort of ironic metacommentary on the jaded shitcock kneejerk hatefulness of our texty life no matter where we turn, but probably was just being lazy, cynical and pointlessly nasty?

Really, truly? You're glad that he said that first, before you had the opportunity to get a chance?

Well, OK, fine. But if you're serious, I'm kind of compelled to suggest that you can go fuck yourself.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:45 AM on February 12, 2010 [1 favorite]


I still haven't read the linked piece. I'm just being fighty on principle. So it goes.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:50 AM on February 12, 2010


Stavros, it's a reference to the end of the linked piece, which says:

“OK. Thanks. Oh, and two more things.”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t ever used the words ‘Meh’ or ‘Fail.’”

posted by Lemurrhea at 5:19 AM on February 12, 2010


Best conversation ever with a younger self is contained here. That is all.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 5:53 AM on February 12, 2010


No, seriously, you're really actually glad that he said, quote, "meh. fail."? That he took two of the laziest, stupidest, most deeply worrying tropes of the everything-is-boring internet hate brigades, that he made certain not to capitalize them in order to underscore his utter boredom with the whole affair, or maybe that he made the creative synergistic leap of marrying together 'meh' and 'fail' as some sort of ironic metacommentary on the jaded shitcock kneejerk hatefulness of our texty life no matter where we turn, but probably was just being lazy, cynical and pointlessly nasty?

So I see you didn't read the OP's link...
posted by mreleganza at 9:17 AM on February 12, 2010


stavros, lighten up. i was just taking the piss out of a not-so-great newspaper-style "opinion" column. and yeah, it would make more sense if you read the article.
posted by mrgrimm at 2:01 PM on February 12, 2010


it's a reference to the end of the linked piece

Hah. No, as I mentioned, I hadn't read the article itself. Sorry, I do get exercised sometimes. But I am no less opposed to the MehFailian worldview in general.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:44 PM on February 12, 2010


No offense taken, and no apology needed. I just wanted to clear my (generally) non-cynical name.
posted by mrgrimm at 7:57 AM on February 16, 2010


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