July 10, 2001

6:46 AM

It's all over, boys, we're obsoleteA team of Australian scientists has announced that they've found a way to fertilize human ova with somatic cells instead of sperm. No actual living babies have been produced yet, but they expect results within the year.
posted by briank (43 comments total)

time to brush up those conversational skills. :)
posted by rebeccablood at 7:17 AM on July 10, 2001

Perhaps you'all could redirect your energies to getting some of those items languishing on your "Honey-do" lists finished up, now that you won't have to bother wasting all that time injecting sperm in to us.
posted by kristin at 7:39 AM on July 10, 2001

Does this mean I'm going to have to come up with a term to replace "breeders"?
posted by anapestic at 7:50 AM on July 10, 2001

Heh.
"Sure, whatever. Kids, great. Make some purdy ones, dear."
*resumes watching reruns of Street Hawk*
posted by dong_resin at 7:51 AM on July 10, 2001

Aha! It was never about the sperm, now was it?
posted by xiffix at 7:53 AM on July 10, 2001

> ...Away to fertilise eggs using genetic material from any
> cell in the body

Alice, what are you doing? Get away from me with those scissors. Leave my big toe alone!
posted by jfuller at 7:59 AM on July 10, 2001

His love is real, but he is not.
posted by dong_resin at 8:00 AM on July 10, 2001

Well, at least lawn care and vehicle maintenance is still ours.

Uh, hon? How long has this oil light been on??
posted by UncleFes at 8:01 AM on July 10, 2001

aw, shucks...makes me feel so unnecessary...Incomplete!
posted by black8 at 8:11 AM on July 10, 2001

On the upside, this will certainly free up more time for pr0n collection and, ahem, related activities :)
posted by UncleFes at 8:13 AM on July 10, 2001

you won't have to bother wasting all that time injecting sperm in to us

Kristin, you and your pillow talk! You really know how to make a guy feel special.
posted by Skot at 8:16 AM on July 10, 2001

Well, at least they'll still need us for our cells -- if women just used their own, they could never conceive a male child... (unless, of course, they wouldn't want to. SCUM, anyone?)
posted by tweebiscuit at 8:25 AM on July 10, 2001

As they no longer need men, tweebiscuit, why would they produce them? Soon, a society of super women will develop, leaving men to wither and die out.

Are you saying that a group of animals, entirely composed of females, will breed?

Of course, that will only last until the technology is destroyed/misunderstood/breaks down/aliens arrive, and the human race dies out because of its inability to breed. Unless the (now all female) scientists decide that they should splice in froggy DNA, allowing some women to switch gender.

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Frog women!!!!!!!
posted by J. R. Hughto at 8:35 AM on July 10, 2001

> Unless the (now all female) scientists decide that they
> should splice in froggy DNA, allowing some women to
> switch gender.

Frog ova can be made to develop just by pricking the cell membrane with a pin. Can you say Jesus Haploid Christ?
posted by jfuller at 8:45 AM on July 10, 2001

"However, they will not know if the embryos were viable until they were transferred to foster mothers for further development."

I hope we don't get mutant babies from this.
posted by timothompson at 8:48 AM on July 10, 2001

Soon, a society of super women will develop, leaving men to wither and die out.

I always wondered how they did that Paradise Island thing.
posted by jpoulos at 8:50 AM on July 10, 2001

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Frog women!!!!!!!

Relax, the frog women will still need brake jobs and fertilizer spreading. Our societal position is secure.
posted by UncleFes at 8:51 AM on July 10, 2001

Nothing is made more irrelevent with this news than a gay, Pesty. I have seen the future and they are lesbians.
posted by norm at 8:56 AM on July 10, 2001

So it ain't all bad, then.
posted by dong_resin at 9:01 AM on July 10, 2001

Er, about the lesbians, I mean.
posted by dong_resin at 9:03 AM on July 10, 2001

So it ain't all bad, then.

They ain't gonna let us watch, dong.
posted by UncleFes at 9:09 AM on July 10, 2001

Nothing is made more irrelevent with this news than a gay, Pesty.

The lesbians will still need to keep us around for decorating.
posted by anapestic at 9:10 AM on July 10, 2001

So who's up for some old fashioned mob action? Let's go, guys.

Killin' th' scientists! Killin' th' scientists!
posted by tomorama at 9:19 AM on July 10, 2001

I don't see this as a sign that men are redundant. I see this as news that nookie as reproduction will no longer be the case. If people don't need to have sex to have kids, then sex can be all about fun (and love), right?
posted by nprigoda at 9:21 AM on July 10, 2001

I'm with you nprigoda. Time for the snip snip.
posted by jpoulos at 9:24 AM on July 10, 2001

Oh great. We'll be a planet of flanel and golf. That's just what we need. You'll need the men to, as anapestic said, decorate. And dictate fashion. But again, that is gay men. All the gender roles will be reversed, and the sexes seperated. We'll hire the women to have men just to keep the population up, in exchange for our decorating and fashion. Oh, and Martha Stewart has to stand in the middle, torn between the two groups.
posted by benjh at 9:27 AM on July 10, 2001

I don't see this as a sign that men are redundant. I see this as news that nookie as reproduction will no longer be the case.

Hasn't that been true since the invention of the turkey baster?
posted by anapestic at 9:36 AM on July 10, 2001

Mommy, where do babies come from?

Well, sarah, how much do you know about deoxyribonucleic acid?
posted by lawtalkinguy at 9:37 AM on July 10, 2001

"sex can be all about fun (and love), right?"

Not in John Ashcroft's America, it won't!
posted by dong_resin at 9:46 AM on July 10, 2001

Proceed Directly to Real Doll thread
posted by ParisParamus at 10:21 AM on July 10, 2001

if women just used their own, they could never conceive a male child... (unless, of course, they wouldn't want to. . .

Oh, HELL no, not a world of only women . . .
posted by jennaratrix at 11:22 AM on July 10, 2001

How much more redundant can we get, anyway? There is very little information on the Y chromosome (male sex, ear hair) that isn't on the X. Wouldn't a little gene splicing (especially when the one controlling knowledge of internal combustion engines is found) render men totally obsolete?
posted by joaquim at 11:32 AM on July 10, 2001

Oh, HELL no, not a world of only women . . .

Men, I think we can thank God almighty that women are so catty. I'm thinking this could be key to our continued existence
posted by srw12 at 11:51 AM on July 10, 2001

fuck you all, I'm going to the basement to activate the doomsday device.
posted by Hackworth at 12:14 PM on July 10, 2001

Errr wait... Sex is used for procreation?! My God, will wonders never cease...
posted by fooljay at 1:05 PM on July 10, 2001

Cool. Now all those women can leave me alone!
posted by stbalbach at 1:48 PM on July 10, 2001

Dang. Microprose 1992 was right!
posted by gramcracker at 7:47 PM on July 10, 2001

haha. this has to have been the most amusing comment spread ive ever read. lets start a new MetaFilter where the sole reason for commenting is to either be a smart ass or just be plain damn funny.
posted by Satapher at 8:30 PM on July 10, 2001

A priceless vase is lost on a distant planet that doesn't exist!

GENIUS!!!
posted by lotsofno at 9:14 PM on July 10, 2001

I demand equal rights. Why isn't someone working on how to get men pregnant? (Who needs women?)

(Satapher: please see this.)
posted by Steven Den Beste at 9:46 PM on July 10, 2001

Fooljay: I was about to say that myself. As far as licentious desires are concerned, we may be all right in this regard for another decade, provided women are still interested in having sex. There will still be the same complaints about the male's inadequacies at listening or even communicating for that matter, both being qualities that seemingly come natural to him. But the minute a Gigolo Joe enters the world, the porn market should experience an upswing (no pun intended) and angry tears will be shed somewhere.
posted by ed at 12:20 AM on July 11, 2001

Steven, shhhhh! (There Is No Cabal™)
posted by lia at 12:46 AM on July 11, 2001

Will babies from my nose skin cells look more beautiful than babies from my hair cells? People tell me my nose is cute!
posted by Mihai at 11:41 PM on July 11, 2001