Post crash, a crash blossoms post
February 12, 2010 4:53 AM   Subscribe

Crash blossoms are funny despite later analysis, confusion, or web sites.
posted by twoleftfeet (49 comments total) 14 users marked this as a favorite
 
Giving a unique flavor to her album was her recording at the Abbey Road Studios in London, where big names such as The Beatles had used, in an attempt to make the recording ‘‘sound like a live performance,’’ she said, adding she is first releasing her album in Japan before marketing it in Europe and the Middle East.

I can't parse this sentence.
posted by I_pity_the_fool at 5:08 AM on February 12, 2010 [1 favorite]


I have always suspected people become editors just for the opportunity to write these.
posted by Enron Hubbard at 5:08 AM on February 12, 2010 [1 favorite]


I read your post, then read the first link, and then thought "So crash blossoms are kids who are thought to flourish after their parents are killed in plane crashes, even though evidence in the other links will prove otherwise," I was going to make this comment say something like "Hey I'm not seeing anything funny about a girl who's dad died in a plane crash," and then I read the other links.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 5:09 AM on February 12, 2010 [14 favorites]


In the small British town where I once lived, the local paper required very short words for its front page headlines, and the police were always promising the victims of crime that justice would be done, and so the word "vow" was frequently used in a way that created verb/noun confusion: "POLICE VOW TO MURDER VICTIM'S FAMILY", etcetera.
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 5:23 AM on February 12, 2010 [8 favorites]


"Gator Attacks Puzzle Experts" may be my new favourite headline. And this is coming from someone who had a stolen newsboard reading "NORFOLK ESCAPED MONKEYS RIDDLE" on his wall as a student.
posted by him at 5:26 AM on February 12, 2010 [6 favorites]


One of my favorites was a CNN story back in '06 about a UN meeting on Iran, touting that:
"CARROT-STICK DEAL AGREED ON IRAN."
Healthy snacks.
posted by The White Hat at 5:34 AM on February 12, 2010


James Taranto's Best of the Web Today column over at Opinion Journal usually has a collection of these towards the end. From the most recent edition:

Police Union Vows to Fight Time Clocks
posted by jquinby at 6:00 AM on February 12, 2010


Completely unrelated to the topic at hand:

I'm curious. Does anyone how the headline image for the NYT article was created? It looks like something you'd spend 10 minutes making out of playdoh, but I always feel like I'm cheating when I photograph real-world objects to use in my graphic design projects. Is this something that a designer would/could create in a 3d modeling program, or is it really just easier to bust out the modeling clay?
posted by niles at 6:02 AM on February 12, 2010


spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints nailed my thoughts as well...

That said, I shall now refer to anyone who excels after an accident a Crash Blossom, and those that don't as Crash Wilting Foliage.
posted by HuronBob at 6:02 AM on February 12, 2010


I have always suspected people become editors just for the opportunity to write these.

Or maybe not.

I believe the link is the first use of 'Crash Blossom' as a noun, but maybe not.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:05 AM on February 12, 2010


Nope, it was the first.

More here.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:09 AM on February 12, 2010


Vaguely related: the (almost entirely) unintended political consequences of the quest for concision in headline composition:
(One, possibly minor, but real, contributing factor to the trend of failing referendums and, thus, cuts in school budgets: "Tax hike" uses four fewer characters than "school funds." This is why, my headline-writing friends on the copy desk tell me, you are more likely to read a headline that says, "District to vote on tax hike" than one that reads "District to vote on school funds.") —from Slacktivisit
posted by kipmanley at 6:32 AM on February 12, 2010


Sting closes caravan brothel, presumably to concentrate on his music projects.
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 6:37 AM on February 12, 2010 [2 favorites]


These are like those 3-D pictures that you have to stare at cross-eyed for awhile before they pop out and make sense.
posted by emumimic at 6:50 AM on February 12, 2010 [2 favorites]


Recently in my local paper: MISSING WOMAN REMAINS FOUND
posted by WPW at 6:52 AM on February 12, 2010 [2 favorites]


I love this.

Don't get me wrong, copy editors and headline writers do have fun -- sometimes in really sneaky ways. It's usually a thankless job and so you have to entertain yourself somehow.

But other times you just have to put a headline on the story so you can move on with your life. You don't particularly care what it says, just as long as it's mostly right and kind of makes sense.
posted by darksong at 7:10 AM on February 12, 2010


Metafilter: mostly right and kind of makes sense
posted by kcds at 7:15 AM on February 12, 2010


More, as always, from Language Log.
posted by cortex at 7:24 AM on February 12, 2010


I still remember when my local paper had the headline: Chemist Held Without Bond. I really appreciated that one.
posted by demiurge at 7:49 AM on February 12, 2010 [2 favorites]


Crash Blossom - n. pretty and/or talented young woman whose music career takes off due to family tragedy press?
posted by es_de_bah at 8:12 AM on February 12, 2010


Crash Blossom -v. To DDOS Mayim Bialik.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:27 AM on February 12, 2010 [3 favorites]


METAFILTER POSTS FASCINATING HEADLINES.
posted by shmegegge at 8:43 AM on February 12, 2010


Do these goofy headlines sometimes get people to actually glance at or maybe even read the whole article?

Does a clearer headline make it more likely that people will read just the headline and bypass the article completely?

Are crash blossoms a sneaky way to make us more informed?
posted by marsha56 at 8:51 AM on February 12, 2010


Comedian linked to MetaFilter posts bombs
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:54 AM on February 12, 2010


"Jessica Hahn Pooped After Long Day Testifying"

I love this one, because once you make the grammatical switch in your head, the imagined article and reporting process are especially rewarding.
posted by CaseyB at 9:03 AM on February 12, 2010 [3 favorites]


That is possibly the coolest term ever invented.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 9:08 AM on February 12, 2010


Skywalker Crosses Han Solo
posted by Babblesort at 9:18 AM on February 12, 2010


Fun post. And I personally am sorry "Torture professor John Yoo in San Mateo" did not actually announce a scheduled event to mete out some equal justice to Yoo.
posted by bearwife at 9:27 AM on February 12, 2010


I have always suspected people become editors just for the opportunity to write these.

When I was EIC of a few local newspapers, this was definitely my favorite part of the job. The headline I was most proud of was an article about an out of control car plowing intothe front door of a bank:

CAR CRASH BREAKS BANK
posted by ShawnStruck at 9:30 AM on February 12, 2010


My favorite: ZOMBIES PUSH JESUS FROM TOP OF BOX OFFICE.
posted by Foosnark at 9:53 AM on February 12, 2010 [1 favorite]


Ones I've seen elsewhere:

MAN BEATS OFF BEAR TO SAVE FRIEND
NAVY APOLOGIZES FOR TYING SAILOR TO BLAST
CHURCH GROUP HELPS HURT FAMILY
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:02 AM on February 12, 2010


The syndicated veterinarian column in my local rag had this a few days ago: Dog bonds with husband, turns on woman.

Not nearly as titillating as I had hoped.
posted by barrett caulk at 10:12 AM on February 12, 2010


XLNT post turns on reader....

:)
posted by Lynsey at 11:07 AM on February 12, 2010


At first I thought there was a band named Crash Blossoms, but that was Gin Blossoms. So now I think there should be a band named Crash Blossoms.
posted by Splunge at 11:10 AM on February 12, 2010 [1 favorite]


I still remember when my local paper had the headline: Chemist Held Without Bond. I really appreciated that one.

He was in the custody of Sergeant van der Waals.
posted by benzenedream at 11:46 AM on February 12, 2010


As the article notes, the CJR had a few books of these in the 80s. The best, I think, by far, was: "BRITISH LEFT WAFFLES ON FALKLANDS".
posted by The Bellman at 11:55 AM on February 12, 2010


No relation.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 12:02 PM on February 12, 2010


Crash blossom makes me think of Turd Blossom. I wonder what he's doing right now?
posted by pianomover at 12:48 PM on February 12, 2010


Richard Lederer wrote numerous books touching upon this sort of thing. One of my favorites from his collections is Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole In One.
posted by XMLicious at 12:58 PM on February 12, 2010


Ah, to be a liver of good engrish.
posted by Crash Blossom at 1:00 PM on February 12, 2010


I think it's true that the English language lends itself to things like puns and crash blossoms. German headlines just tend to sound truncated and ugly in telegraph style.
posted by Omnomnom at 1:37 PM on February 12, 2010


...telegram style, that is...
posted by Omnomnom at 1:39 PM on February 12, 2010


Niles, if you want to find out how the image was made, contact the illustrator.
posted by Mo Nickels at 2:46 PM on February 12, 2010


On the front page of BBC News (UK Edition) at the moment: SLAUGHTERED LAMB TEACHER PROTEST. I defy anyone who doesn't already know the story to make sense of that.
posted by him at 3:00 PM on February 12, 2010


A group of some sort is organizing or has organized a protest regarding the actions of, or the actions taken or not taken regarding, a teacher implicated in some sort of scandal involving a slaughtered lamb.

Eh?
posted by cortex at 3:59 PM on February 12, 2010


Made me look. Yeah, the head teacher sent the school's pet lamb to slaughter, was about to resign, and the students organized a protest to keep him. The article states:
  parents and pupils chanted "save our head"
which makes me think that any sufficiently short expression, taken out of context, will sound ridiculous.
posted by twoleftfeet at 4:10 PM on February 12, 2010


After a certain event which some will recall, the New York Times offered this headline: "MAN SHOT BY CHENEY TO MAKE STATEMENT." I took it to be a plausible interpretation.
posted by aws17576 at 7:44 PM on February 12, 2010


I thought this was going to be some sort of JG Ballard thing, even as I was reading the first link.

Now that I understand (I think, maybe) my favorite crash blossom was ARMY SEX PROBE WIDENS.
posted by Jimmy Havok at 9:57 PM on February 13, 2010 [1 favorite]


A local headline that still brings a smile to my face is

UNIVERSITY WITHOUT WALLS
TO HOLD OPEN HOUSE
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 9:59 PM on February 23, 2010


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