What Would Jesus Drink?

February 18, 2010 6:35 PM

Jesus Beer
posted by cjorgensen (57 comments total)

LOLXIAN
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 6:38 PM on February 18, 2010

HE'BREW - THE CHOSEN BEER
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:40 PM on February 18, 2010

ALCOLOL
posted by DU at 6:41 PM on February 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

YES PLEASE.
posted by vrakatar at 6:44 PM on February 18, 2010

The g-string that reads "Fill me with the holy spirit" is choice.
posted by Imhotep is Invisible at 6:45 PM on February 18, 2010

I laughed.

DISCLAIMER: I am intoxicated.
posted by Joe Beese at 6:47 PM on February 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

Jesus.
posted by Ike_Arumba at 6:51 PM on February 18, 2010

Jesus! Beer!

Jesus? Beer?

Jesus, beer!
posted by loquacious at 6:52 PM on February 18, 2010

Jesus has a perm.
posted by Sailormom at 6:59 PM on February 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

I don't know... he-man beer commercials and Christianity both seem like really interesting new targets for satire, but somehow combining the two seems here has yielded a product that is less than the sum of its parts.
posted by Mister_A at 7:01 PM on February 18, 2010

In the name of the father, and of the son, and of the 100-proof spirits.
posted by turgid dahlia at 7:03 PM on February 18, 2010 [2 favorites]

When the edit pony finally gets here I will whip its eyes until it sleeps.
posted by Mister_A at 7:04 PM on February 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

Polygamy Porter
posted by Manjusri at 7:07 PM on February 18, 2010

So you linked to a one joke video?

Lame.

Lame joke.

Lame idea.

Lame post.
posted by oddman at 7:08 PM on February 18, 2010

Bloody mary, full of vodka
The Worcestershire and Tabasco sauces are with thee
Blessed art thou amongst breakfast beverages
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb: pre-work inebriation
Holy Mary, mother of God
I can fucking see through time
Now
And at the…Christ I’ve got a headache.
posted by turgid dahlia at 7:08 PM on February 18, 2010 [5 favorites]

MetaFilter: So you linked to a one joke video?
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 7:09 PM on February 18, 2010 [3 favorites]

I like Jesus. But I also like to drink.

But wouldn't Jesus wine make more sense? You could sell that stuff to Catholics and vampires.
posted by Davenhill at 7:12 PM on February 18, 2010

Bible Brew: For the New Testament Party Crew .. And the twins!
posted by geoff. at 7:22 PM on February 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

Jesus Is My Designated Driver
posted by Joe Beese at 7:28 PM on February 18, 2010

And just in time for Lent, too.
posted by jquinby at 7:45 PM on February 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

Christ, what an asshole.
posted by vibrotronica at 7:48 PM on February 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

I thought he was more of a wine guy.
posted by jonmc at 7:49 PM on February 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

The original "Mortal Sin." Much better.
posted by HumuloneRanger at 8:00 PM on February 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

I think the Jesus in that video should have a Wanker Beer, actually.

Wankers.
posted by Skygazer at 8:10 PM on February 18, 2010

Wedding at Cana, people! The Sumerians and the Egyptians were all about the beer; the Canaanites, not so much.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:12 PM on February 18, 2010

I wasn't so attached to the post that if it went away for being LOLXIAN I would cry, but that's not what I was doing here. It made me laugh. It was well done in my opinion, and there's a differnce between making fun of a religion and making fun of the religious in my mind. I respect religion, even if I am not religious, and I am pretty certain Jesus had a better sense of humor than most his followers.

oddman: Lame post.

Yeah, considering the source I can live with this commentary.
posted by cjorgensen at 8:15 PM on February 18, 2010

I've got art ready for this.
posted by pjern at 8:17 PM on February 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

Jesus doesn't drink beer but if He did it would be Coors.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 8:20 PM on February 18, 2010

turgid dahlia said '...I can fucking see through time'
Wow. That is one awesome line. I've been there, dude.

oddman said 'Lame....'
It's people like you that give this site a reputation for being stuck up and elitist. :)
posted by Monkeymoo at 8:24 PM on February 18, 2010

I'm sure you'd be willing to.
posted by oddman at 8:25 PM on February 18, 2010

Jesus doesn't drink beer but if He did it would be Coors.

Guy liked water in his wine, can't see why he'd be against watery beer.
posted by qvantamon at 8:32 PM on February 18, 2010

Guy liked water in his wine, can't see why he'd be against watery beer.

He turned water INTO wine. If only He could have seen this.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 8:36 PM on February 18, 2010

Oh, in Northeastern Brazil there's Guarana Jesus, a pink, extremely sweet Guarana-based soda.

Funny thing, the beverage was created, in 1920, by Jesus Norberto Gomes, an atheist and communist that was excommunicated for beating up a priest.
posted by qvantamon at 8:41 PM on February 18, 2010

Guy liked water in his wine, can't see why he'd be against watery beer.

You kidding? Guy was so desperate to get tentpoled that he even accepted water in his vinegar.

Too soon?
posted by turgid dahlia at 8:47 PM on February 18, 2010

o boy
posted by not_on_display at 8:57 PM on February 18, 2010

I'm not usually given to point out lameness. But.... I can't believe I went to the trouble of installing quicktime, closing out firefox so the plugin could start and then downloading the video for that. Lamer than a lame thing that is lame.

You might have just linked to "Toonces the driving cat" instead. Now with 50% more Dana Carvey. It's about as lame, but doesn't require quicktime.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 9:09 PM on February 18, 2010

That was OK, on the whole. But that taphandle... that was brilliance. I want one of those, but it would be fairly difficult to make.
posted by gurple at 9:41 PM on February 18, 2010

Ok, can we please get past the whole "Jesus [insert joke product/movie/fake ad, etc. here] sacrilege! OMG I'm so edgy!" thing going on. Seems to be perpetrated by non-Christians and Christians alike.

"Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter, see, it's like the power of Jesus...and vampires! How edgy!" Just seems so...90s.
posted by zardoz at 9:51 PM on February 18, 2010

   
     +    + +   
   +   +  +  +    
   ++++++++
   +             +++
   +        +   + + +
   +    +       +  + +
   +             +  ++
   +  +         +++
   +      +     + +
   +             +
    +++++++

posted by tellurian at 10:11 PM on February 18, 2010

WWJD(rink)?
posted by armage at 10:15 PM on February 18, 2010

"Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter, see, it's like the power of Jesus...and vampires! How edgy!" Just seems so...90s.

90s, fine, true. But if you are denying the funny of Jesus Christ Supercop, then, my friend, you have truly turned away from Him and His Humor.
posted by gurple at 10:21 PM on February 18, 2010

Jesus doesn't drink beer but if He did it would be Coors.

That's easily the worst thing you've ever typed.
posted by loquacious at 10:44 PM on February 18, 2010 [2 favorites]

Jesus could make Coors taste like Fat Tire.
posted by Balisong at 11:37 PM on February 18, 2010

Tall boy?
posted by bwg at 12:17 AM on February 19, 2010

Fer chrissakes, a jug made out of crosses and not a drink in sight. Well, you can all fek off.
*starts singing with lots of warble*
posted by tellurian at 3:39 AM on February 19, 2010

HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA HAPPY LENT LOLXIANS
posted by availablelight at 4:19 AM on February 19, 2010

Jesus doesn't drink beer but if He did it would be Coors.

That's easily the worst thing you've ever typed.
posted by loquacious Almost 6 hours ago [2 favorites +]


Dude, I'm married to a Coloradoan!
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 4:47 AM on February 19, 2010

I assume you all have heard "I Met Jesus in a Bar."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrOn6Am_opk
posted by texorama at 5:08 AM on February 19, 2010

> Jesus doesn't drink beer but if He did it would be Coors.

That is because Jesus has infinite compassion. He will obligingly drink whatever you offer and forgive you for it.
posted by ardgedee at 6:01 AM on February 19, 2010 [4 favorites]

Yea well let's hope he doesn't bring his dad to the bar.
posted by stormpooper at 6:09 AM on February 19, 2010

Say no to Quicktime.

Say yes to beer.
posted by Splunge at 7:10 AM on February 19, 2010

Dude, I'm married to a Coloradoan!

Introduce him to beer that doesn't taste like water. He'll be very thankful if you get my drift.
posted by Splunge at 7:12 AM on February 19, 2010

Jesus doesn't drink beer but if He did it would be Coors.

That's because he's good at turning water into wine. Problem solved.
posted by Babblesort at 7:47 AM on February 19, 2010

Being married to a Coloradoan doesn't excuse either of you for liking Coors.
posted by craven_morhead at 8:29 AM on February 19, 2010

Jesus could make Coors taste like Fat Tire.
posted by Balisong at 1:37 AM on February 19 [+] [!]

Oh, but Jesus, WHY?
posted by Seamus at 8:32 AM on February 19, 2010

Jesus could make Coors taste like Fat Tire.

So, this god, he turns awful things into mediocre things?

This is the guy that all the fuss is about?
posted by gurple at 9:18 AM on February 19, 2010

It looks like Jesus Beer has made it into Indian textbooks.
posted by klausness at 3:39 PM on February 19, 2010