In Baucus’ press release, Tauzin is quoted as saying, “This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and, working together, we can make this hope for a better tomorrow a reality today.” This “once-in-a-lifetime” opportunity also extended to the pharmaceutical industry’s ability to blunt the long-term Democratic agenda of lowering prescription drug prices through Medicare negotiations, re-importation and quicker release of generics onto the market. After making such a grand statement of support through cost cutting proposals it was time for the pharmaceutical industry to finally force the White House and Democrats to take certain chips off the table.
One day, a PhRMA lobbyist looked around at the mountain where he lived and decided that he wanted a change. So he set out on a journey through the forests and hills. He climbed over rocks and under vines and kept going until he reached Congress.posted by ennui.bz at 9:11 PM on February 22, 2010 [2 favorites]
The Congress was fractious and shallow, and the PhRMA lobbyist stopped to reconsider the situation. He couldn't see any way across. So he ran up Pennsylvania Ave and then checked down Pennsylvania Ave, all the while thinking that he might have to turn back.
Suddenly, he saw universal health care legislation sitting on the steps of the White House. He decided to ask the legislation for help getting across the stream.
"Hellooo Mr. Health Care Legislation!" called the PhRMA lobbyist across the water, "Would you be so kind as to give me a ride on your back across Congress?"
"Well now, Mr. PhRMA lobbyist! How do I know that if I try to help you, you wont try to kill me?" asked the health care legislation hesitantly.
"Because," the scorpion replied, "If I try to kill you, then I would die too, for you see health care costs are ballooning at more than three times the rate of inflation!"
Now this seemed to make sense to the health care legislation. But he asked. "What about when I get close to passing the Senate? You could still try to kill me and get back to the shore!"
"This is true," agreed the PhRMA lobbyist, "But then I wouldn't be able to get to the other side of Congress!"
"Alright then...how do I know you wont just wait till we get a bill on both sides of Congress and THEN kill me?" said the health care legislation.
"Ahh...," crooned the PhRMA lobbyist, "Because you see, once you've taken me to the other side of this legislature, I will be so grateful for your help, that it would hardly be fair to reward you with death, now would it?!"
So the health care legislation agreed to take the PhRMA lobbyist across the Congress. He swam over to the bank and settled himself near the mud to pick up his passenger. The PhRMA lobbyist crawled onto the health care legislation's back, his sharp claws prickling into the health care legislation's soft hide, and the health care legislation was introduced into the Senate. The muddy currents of politics swirled around them, but the health care legislation stayed near the "mainstream" so the PhRMA lobbyist would not drown. He kicked strongly through the first half of the Congress, his flippers paddling wildly against the popular current.
Halfway across the river, the health care legislation suddenly felt a sharp sting in his back and, out of the corner of his eye, saw the PhRMA lobbyist remove his stinger from the health care legislation's back. A deadening numbness began to creep into his limbs.
"You fool!" croaked the health care legislation, "Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that?"
The PhRMA lobbyist shrugged, and did a little jig on the dying health care legislation's back.
"I could not help myself. It is my nature."
Then they both sank into the muddy waters of the swiftly flowing but shallow politcs of America.
"Self destruction - Its my Nature", said corporate America in chorus..."
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posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:39 PM on February 22, 2010 [1 favorite]