Live by the Sword, Die by the Sword

February 22, 2010 5:40 PM

Soon there will be a sword for every man, woman, and child in the city. But come on, it's not like they're dangerous. OR ARE THEY? In six episodes of Cautionary Tales of Swords, Trip Fisk makes the case for the danger of nature's hell sticks and while they'll fucking slice a baby in half.
posted by pokermonk (38 comments total)

...while they'll fucking slice a baby in half.

?
posted by bz at 5:47 PM on February 22, 2010

They'll even fucking cut your syntax in half.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 5:49 PM on February 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

the danger of nature's hell sticks

Not another smoking PSA.
posted by benzenedream at 5:55 PM on February 22, 2010

It started off stupid, then so stupid it was brilliant, then it folded over on itself back to stupid.
posted by samsaunt at 5:58 PM on February 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

As I was telling some folks the other day, channel101 is my favorite source of stupid. The site is perfect for speeding a week or two bedridden, and on heavy painkillers and finding everything kind of goofy and funny anyway.
posted by idiopath at 6:03 PM on February 22, 2010

Solomon almost fucking sliced a baby in half. Are you calling him stupid?
posted by found missing at 6:03 PM on February 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

anyone notice the millers crossing music at the end?
posted by Dick Laurent is Dead at 6:12 PM on February 22, 2010

my brain broke reading that sentence...
posted by HuronBob at 6:13 PM on February 22, 2010

Spot the film score: I hear The Thin Red Line in episode 1, and Gattaca in episode 2.
posted by Prospero at 6:15 PM on February 22, 2010

Swords. Apparently they'll fucking cut you wide open. That's what I heard. Once.
posted by hanoixan at 6:16 PM on February 22, 2010

Glad to see J.D. Ryznar back in action. I was hoping Yacht Rock wouldn't be his last excuse to act like a guy acting badly.
posted by clockzero at 6:18 PM on February 22, 2010

anyone notice the millers crossing music at the end?

I noticed it at the very beginning. Didn't make it to the end.
posted by herodotus at 6:18 PM on February 22, 2010

Trip Fisk makes the case for the danger of nature's hell sticks and while they'll fucking slice a baby in half.

Seriously, is it a shock that a sword would cut a baby in half?
posted by Ironmouth at 6:18 PM on February 22, 2010

clockzero: "Glad to see J.D. Ryznar "

Ryznar is quite prolific on channel 101, as an actor, director, and writer.
posted by idiopath at 6:20 PM on February 22, 2010

What about paper? Paper is pretty dangerous too...
posted by awfurby at 6:23 PM on February 22, 2010

crap. "while" = "why". too many el sounds in my head, probably the result of too many swords.
posted by pokermonk at 6:23 PM on February 22, 2010

Spot the film score: I hear The Thin Red Line in episode 1

I think it's millers crossing actually.
posted by Dick Laurent is Dead at 6:25 PM on February 22, 2010

IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE. gbooks
posted by sidereal at 6:26 PM on February 22, 2010

This is hilarious.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 6:27 PM on February 22, 2010

Babies are sliceable. Can we all just agree with that?
posted by found missing at 6:31 PM on February 22, 2010

Babies are sliceable. Can we all just agree with that?

Well, sure! They're made of meat, right?
posted by Balisong at 6:43 PM on February 22, 2010

Ninjas can kill anyone they want! Ninjas cut off heads ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time.
posted by Babblesort at 6:47 PM on February 22, 2010

I think it's millers crossing actually.

I'm certain that's Hans Zimmer's score for The Thin Red Line. Here's the track.
posted by Prospero at 6:48 PM on February 22, 2010

This is the same as a comment in a previous MeFi post: Swords will fucking cut you wide open.
posted by meowzilla at 6:50 PM on February 22, 2010

OK Frank, you've got it. I'll stop telling my stories. OH SHIT I lied, here's one more.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:31 PM on February 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Generally, if I've seen something, it's already been posted on Metafilter- so I've got a hard time believing this isn't a double.
posted by dunkadunc at 7:33 PM on February 22, 2010

This is super old, dudes.

Article about Michael Ashe (RIP), who portrayed Trip.
posted by kenko at 7:46 PM on February 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

Also, the Halloween episode is the best.
posted by kenko at 7:47 PM on February 22, 2010

That's ridiculous. I've had a sword for three weeks now, and I've only gone to the ER twice.

Pure anti-sword propaganda. I'm bringing a sword to my next town hall meeting to protest this tommyrot.
posted by lumpenprole at 7:52 PM on February 22, 2010

I've been a fool.... an.... Asian.... fool.
posted by Ratio at 8:02 PM on February 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

I want a sword. Preferably Excalibur, that one brings all the doods to my yard.
posted by Yoshi Ayarane at 8:20 PM on February 22, 2010

Babies are sliceable. Can we all just agree with that?

Circumcision debates don't go well on MeFi.
posted by telstar at 12:05 AM on February 23, 2010

People! Swords as cutting weapons is so 14th century. Swords are for shoving between your foes arm and body and prying his arms out of socket. Or maybe slamming the pommel into his face. Cut him? Why do you think he even bothered to put that armor on this morning? And he's no good for ransom if he's dead now is he.

Unless you're fighting peasants. In which case I'm not even going to talk to you.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 5:46 AM on February 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

While they'll fucking cut a baby in half and doesn't afraid of anything.
posted by adamdschneider at 7:37 AM on February 23, 2010

Someone once told me the "pen was mightier than the sword". In the broadest sense, they might be right, but they were really surprised when, in that specific instance, they were badly wrong.
posted by quin at 9:02 AM on February 23, 2010

Ya know, I've made some pretty big knifes. But never a sword. Absolutely no interest in it whatsoever. Any useful thing I could ever accomplish with a sword I've done with a cheap-ass machete. A friend had a "decorative" sword made by some psychopath from the internet. It was real fancy. And the smith had actually sharpened it before sending it through the mail. Then my friend hung it on her wall and her beloved cat nearly bisected itself on the damned thing. I'm with Trip. Swords are no joke, people.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 10:37 AM on February 23, 2010

One of my many regrets in life was that when i was in Toledo in Spain, I ummed and ahhed over buying a sword. mostly they were either complete crap, or very very expensive, but there was the one that got away... Wish i had it now.
posted by wilful at 8:22 PM on February 23, 2010

Thanks for that link kenko. Sad, and touching.
posted by dabitch at 5:13 AM on February 24, 2010