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Endangered Species Condoms
February 22, 2010 10:37 PM   Subscribe

“Wrap with care, save the polar bear.” Endangered species condoms: exactly what it says on the tin. Use them to prevent human overpopulation and leave some room on the planet for everything else!
posted by spitefulcrow (45 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
"Tweedle"?
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 10:42 PM on February 22, 2010


Also see: fuck for forest
posted by lalochezia at 10:59 PM on February 22, 2010


last link NSFW
posted by lalochezia at 10:59 PM on February 22, 2010


Better yet: have a vasectomy, save a honeybee!
posted by BrotherCaine at 11:18 PM on February 22, 2010 [4 favorites]


If they were really serious about saving the planet from overpopulation, the condoms would be laced with chemicals that would sterilize the users, then infect them with a highly contagious disease that kills SUV drivers.

Or is this just a shallow marketing gimmick?
posted by Davenhill at 11:20 PM on February 22, 2010 [1 favorite]


I am quite sure that farmer's markets and colleges are not the primary source of overpopulation.
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 11:20 PM on February 22, 2010 [3 favorites]


If you wear a condom whenever you shag you are
Bound to save a jaguar

Wrap your knob in rubber,
Save the whale and his blubber

Get your woman on the pill,
No more animals will we kill
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:58 PM on February 22, 2010 [4 favorites]


Save the world from confusion,
Don't have sex with Malthusians
posted by RogerB at 12:12 AM on February 23, 2010 [11 favorites]


Okay, at first I thought the endangered animal was imprinted on the condom. I'm glad that's not the case, because that would be a total turn-off (or perhaps that was their plan all along...)
posted by biochemist at 12:19 AM on February 23, 2010


...colleges are not the primary source of overpopulation.

When you add how much waste college kids produce plus the kind of folks having sex without rubbers in this day and age? Yeah, maybe we don't want those people having kids.

First world citizens do more damage than several third world ones - slash and burn cash cropping, strip mining, and selling landfill space has more to do with first world demands than the rest of the world suddenly deciding it was a great idea to shit in their own drinking water.
posted by yeloson at 12:21 AM on February 23, 2010


Put a sheepskin on your dong
And save the Cypriot mouflon
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:24 AM on February 23, 2010 [1 favorite]


Give all endangered species a break,
By wrapping up your trouser snake
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:28 AM on February 23, 2010 [2 favorites]


Preserve Arinia simplex
By only having anal sex
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:36 AM on February 23, 2010 [1 favorite]


Your best conservation tactic
Is to wear a prophylactic

If you wish to save the badger
Then you'd best wrap up your tadger
posted by louche mustachio at 12:39 AM on February 23, 2010


No glove no love
No Grenada Dove
posted by Schlimmbesserung at 12:52 AM on February 23, 2010


Renounce your life of sin
To preserve the pangolin

Wrap your weiner up with care
And defend the polar bear

Save the rare woodcock
Put your peener in a sock
posted by louche mustachio at 12:52 AM on February 23, 2010


Wrap your wiener in Koala,
Just what the fuck rhymes with Koala?
posted by qvantamon at 2:28 AM on February 23, 2010


Or just snip off your vas -
Protect animals en masse.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:28 AM on February 23, 2010


"Listen, babe, if we don't do it, we can't save endangered species. Do you want that on your conscience?"
posted by maxwelton at 2:28 AM on February 23, 2010


Just what the fuck rhymes with Koala?
If I figure it out I'll give you a holla.
posted by maxwelton at 2:29 AM on February 23, 2010


Wrap your wiener in Koala

NO - they're already decimated by chlamydia!
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:29 AM on February 23, 2010


Get on the bandwagon with Edward Abbey
Or you'll soon be askin' 'how was formed babbie?'

Me, I wouldn't mind a Greenpeace once or twice
Hell, at this point, blue or purple or red would be nice

I'm the world's greatest enviromentalist dissident
Haven't fucked anybody since Bush was president
posted by koeselitz at 3:28 AM on February 23, 2010 [3 favorites]


an' I can't spell 'environmentalist' either.
posted by koeselitz at 3:29 AM on February 23, 2010


I am the world's destructive boy -
The one who fucks just to destroy.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:35 AM on February 23, 2010 [2 favorites]


Am I missing the page where they actually sell them?
posted by headnsouth at 3:40 AM on February 23, 2010


Your latex-swaddled Tater Tot
will help preserve the ocelot.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 3:42 AM on February 23, 2010 [9 favorites]


Am I missing the page where they actually sell them?

Don't worry, the Checkmate is in the email.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:44 AM on February 23, 2010


Just redesign them sausages
To no longer fit in them passages.
posted by chavenet at 3:52 AM on February 23, 2010


The man whose cock expanded
Was corrupted by Mister 'vironmentalist
Condom-man.
Could not get
A semen bag
For love or money.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:02 AM on February 23, 2010 [1 favorite]


Hey you!
Fuck face!
posted by koeselitz at 4:15 AM on February 23, 2010 [1 favorite]


How many critters
Can you save
Selling rubbers
Like Burma Shave?
posted by louche mustachio at 4:27 AM on February 23, 2010 [6 favorites]


Wrap it even if you're gay
Not having babies? no excuse!
Wear a condom anyway
Or Sarah Palin kills the moose!
posted by fourcheesemac at 5:08 AM on February 23, 2010 [2 favorites]


If you forget to wrap your meat,
We'll maim and kill this parakeet.
posted by generichuman at 6:12 AM on February 23, 2010 [1 favorite]


Which one here is not like the others?

Hint:

Wear a condom now
And save the spotted owl.

Wut?
posted by Splunge at 6:16 AM on February 23, 2010


Put a baggie on your carrot
Save a baby parrot
posted by Splunge at 6:20 AM on February 23, 2010


This is exactly like the "Starving kids in China!" argument made about eating a plate of food in Toledo Ohio. Way to totally mis-understand the problem, scientists.
posted by zpousman at 6:38 AM on February 23, 2010


Make sure you check for ozone holes first.
posted by Kabanos at 7:48 AM on February 23, 2010


I really can't even think about the polar bears and the footage I've seen of them swimming swimming swimming swimming forever looking for ice that they expect to be there but isn't without bursting into tears. I know, it's kind of stupid, but for some reason, that particular image just fills me with soul-wrenching sadness.

It isn't our growing population which is causing this problem, anyway. It's our growing consumption of energy. These two things may be linked but are not identical, and no amount of birth control at this stage is going to prevent those damn noble-seeming bears from drowning as they swim swim swim.
posted by hippybear at 8:53 AM on February 23, 2010


no amount of birth control at this stage is going to prevent those damn noble-seeming bears from drowning as they swim swim swim.

On the bright side, we may be helping to accelerate their evolution into the dreaded killer sea bear. Which would be awesome.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 9:03 AM on February 23, 2010 [2 favorites]


It isn't our growing population which is causing this problem, anyway. It's our growing consumption of energy. These two things may be linked but are not identical, and no amount of birth control at this stage is going to prevent those damn noble-seeming bears from drowning as they swim swim swim.

Our consumption of energy cannot be separated from our population without major social justice compromises. If there were only a few million human beings we could all be as recklessly indulgent as we liked.
posted by phrontist at 9:09 AM on February 23, 2010


no amount of birth control at this stage is going to prevent those damn noble-seeming bears from drowning as they swim swim swim.

But it might prevent some other members of species, including humans, from drowning, literally or metaphorically, further down the line.
posted by phrontist at 9:10 AM on February 23, 2010


They didn't have much success when they originally started this campaign:

Wear a johnny when having sex
You could help save T-Rex

Also, that polar bear is completely the wrong scale.
posted by panboi at 9:13 AM on February 23, 2010


Our consumption of energy cannot be separated from our population without major social justice compromises. If there were only a few million human beings we could all be as recklessly indulgent as we liked.

I agree with you completely. However... it is not a problem which is going to be solved with condoms. If you want to reduce our population to a few million, you're going to have to embark on a much more ambitious culling scheme than simply preventing births.

And you're needlessly complicating this entire concept. It's a bullshit marketing scheme trying to use eco-guilt as a way to sell condoms, when there is nothing that the humans who may be exposed to the marketing could possibly do to actually enact the change the condoms are proclaiming. I mean, that is, without machetes, senseless violence, and finally suicide. The requirement for population reduction in order to save any animal currently endangered is simply too huge.
posted by hippybear at 9:15 AM on February 23, 2010


Whether or not it's a bullshit marketing ploy, and whether or not it saves the polar bears, if it gets more people to use condoms, then disease and unwanted pregnancies are prevented. That's a huge win in my book.
posted by headnsouth at 10:32 AM on February 23, 2010 [1 favorite]


I noticed they haven't made their way onto eBay yet.
posted by homeless Visigoth at 2:03 PM on February 23, 2010


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