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"He was the worst guy I’ve ever seen trying to hustle women."
February 23, 2010 8:40 PM   Subscribe

Lakers beat writer obliterates the myth that Wilt Chamberlain slept with 20,000 women.

This article from SportsByBrooks hits the high points.

[admin note: as others have mentioned in the thread, the first link to lakernoise.com contains some malware designed to fool you into installing some software. Please visit the site with caution.]
posted by reenum (77 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

 
Wait, wait, people actually believed that?
posted by Pope Guilty at 8:47 PM on February 23, 2010 [3 favorites]


That photo of chamberlain with the sign somehow made trying to read that weird purple blog post worthwhile
posted by angrycat at 8:48 PM on February 23, 2010


Aw, man! I think I was better off believing the myth. I mean, yeah, I'm a progressive sort of guy who respects women and on an analytical level sleeping with 20,000 women is sleazy and gross, but on that lizard brain level... DUDE HE NAILED 20,000 CHIXXXX LOL AWESOME! You know?
posted by DecemberBoy at 8:48 PM on February 23, 2010


Wait, wait, people actually believed that?

I don't think anyone REALLY believed it, I mean, it's pretty clearly mathematically impossible. But it's sort of like Santa Claus or Jesus: sure, it's completely implausible if you think about it for even a minute, but it's fun to believe in the myth.
posted by DecemberBoy at 8:50 PM on February 23, 2010


Nice crash blossom. I was expecting a record-breaking new myth about how a basketball team pummeled some poor author to within inches of his life. Instead, hmm. Oh well.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 8:58 PM on February 23, 2010 [1 favorite]


I could love a milion girls
posted by The Whelk at 9:06 PM on February 23, 2010


Ironically, Jerry West smashed Wilt's record when he sent Pau Gasol to Los Angeles for a bucket of rocks, three used tea towels, and a pat on the back, fucking over millions of NBA fans in one night.
posted by Ufez Jones at 9:10 PM on February 23, 2010 [5 favorites]


Wait, The Stilt didn't really nail a different woman every day of his life?
posted by cmoj at 9:12 PM on February 23, 2010


Aw, man! I think I was better off believing the myth. I mean, yeah, I'm a progressive sort of guy who respects women and on an analytical level sleeping with 20,000 women is sleazy and gross, but on that lizard brain level... DUDE HE NAILED 20,000 CHIXXXX LOL AWESOME! You know?

No, I don't know.
posted by Jaltcoh at 9:15 PM on February 23, 2010 [8 favorites]


It would be kind of neat to have all of the STDs. Having just some is gross, but having all is sort of respectable.
posted by planet at 9:15 PM on February 23, 2010 [16 favorites]


>: It would be kind of neat to have all of the STDs. Having just some is gross, but having all is sort of respectable.

Gotta catch 'em all!
posted by dunkadunc at 9:18 PM on February 23, 2010 [7 favorites]


Avast just gave me a trojan horse alert off that site.
posted by anazgnos at 9:19 PM on February 23, 2010 [1 favorite]


Gotta catch 'em all!
Monsters are coming out of my balls!
posted by planet at 9:20 PM on February 23, 2010 [5 favorites]


Ufez, have you heard about the Grizzlie this year? Pau's brother, Marc, has turned into a pretty respectable NBA center, the team has a solid core of young talent, low cap number, and a good stash of draft picks on the way. At the time, it was ridiculous (since, say, the bulls were offering Hinrich, Nocioni, and possibly Deng or Tyrus Thomas), but it's evened out quite a bit.
posted by Ghidorah at 9:23 PM on February 23, 2010


I just got an alert from Avast, too.
posted by MegoSteve at 9:26 PM on February 23, 2010


No, I don't know.

Oh, please. It probably even appeals on a biological imperative level. Spreading one's genes as much as possible and all that. Also, it's just a joke. Don't be that guy.
posted by DecemberBoy at 9:28 PM on February 23, 2010 [9 favorites]


It just strokes the idiotic wang-centric id that most of us outgrow by about 18 but still remember fondly, is all I'm really sayin'.
posted by DecemberBoy at 9:31 PM on February 23, 2010


Is less than 20,000 really disappointing? As far as getting busy with the ladies, I take from that article that everybody on the Lakers was basically getting as much or more than they could handle.
posted by stinkycheese at 9:34 PM on February 23, 2010


Obviously, people got Wilt Chamerlain confused with me. Just sayin'.
posted by zardoz at 9:35 PM on February 23, 2010 [3 favorites]


Long ago Spy Magazine brought out the calculator and did an analysis - length of penis travel, now many hours etc. but the most startling stat was the number of gallons of ejaculate. I'm scared to even open Excel or WA just thinking what it might tell me.
posted by vapidave at 9:41 PM on February 23, 2010 [1 favorite]


Ghidora - yeah, I'm aware that Marc has been a decent surprise, and the Grizz have a few decent young players, but those are certainly unintended consequences. And trust me (and Blazers and Knicks fans*) no team is going anywhere with Zach "the Albatross" Randolph weighing them down.

*I'd have added the Clippers, but that entire franchise has been held down by some odd, ancient Sumerian curse for the entirety of my life. Even in jest, I can't blame their woes on Zach.
posted by Ufez Jones at 9:49 PM on February 23, 2010


I covered the NBA, way back in the day, as a journalist. There used to be a joke.

What's the most difficult move in the NBA? The three-pointer? The dunk?

Trying not to smile as you kiss your wife goodbye as you leave on a two-week road trip.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:54 PM on February 23, 2010 [3 favorites]


Yipes, Avast does not like that site one little bit. I feel like Trojan Man should come to my rescue, given the subject matter.
posted by Diagonalize at 9:59 PM on February 23, 2010 [1 favorite]


> I'd have added the Clippers, but that entire franchise has been held down by some odd, ancient Sumerian curse for the entirety of my life.

Native American, actually.
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:06 PM on February 23, 2010


Metafilter: the idiotic wang-centric id that most of us outgrow.
posted by june made him a gemini at 10:17 PM on February 23, 2010 [2 favorites]


I'm scared to even open Excel or WA just thinking what it might tell me

In the metric system, we can just do it in our heads:

10 cubic cm x 20,000 = 200,000 cc

A cc is identical to a mL, so that's 200 litres.

Converting to gallons isn't as easy, but I think a gallon is something around 4 litres, so you're looking at approx 50 gallons.

trivia: the band 10cc were named after the average volume of ejaculate
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:25 PM on February 23, 2010


I always get Magic Johnson and Magic Charlie confused. Anyway, one of them came and spoke at my junior high school. I don't remember a thing he said.

To this day I'm sort of weirded out that the school had chosen to pay him to show up, speak for an hour, and leave.

I had some teachers at that school who I loved so much, I still wish one of them could have just done an assembly and got the Magic Whoever Fund cash as a gift to take home to their family. Like my math teacher who had terminal cancer and just sort of stuck in there and told jokes all the time.

On the bus ride home, some friends were talking about the assembly, then they started talking about Chamberlain and there were lots of "NO WAY"s and "DUDE SERIOUSLY"s thrown around.

Gaaah, just pisses me off to think about it.
posted by circular at 10:33 PM on February 23, 2010 [3 favorites]


"...a guy like Magic with a great infectious personality". Poor taste.
posted by ryaninoakland at 10:40 PM on February 23, 2010


I remember reading the article about Wilt's custom built house - round bed, extra tall ceilings mirrored ceiling etc.

The one thing I mistakenly took from the article was that he had a bedspread made of wolf noses.
posted by pianomover at 10:41 PM on February 23, 2010 [4 favorites]


You know when I stopped reading? When the guy who writes exclusively about the Lakers misspelled Minneapolis.
Hot Rod Hundley, a noted partier and ladies man, was the number one overall pick in the 1957 NBA draft, when he was selected by the Minnieapolis Lakers.
posted by yiftach at 10:51 PM on February 23, 2010


... somebody's still bitter...
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 11:05 PM on February 23, 2010


Hm I detected virus going to that website.
posted by dopamine at 11:19 PM on February 23, 2010 [1 favorite]


angrycat: "weird purple blog post"

At first I thought you meant purple figuratively.
posted by idiopath at 11:32 PM on February 23, 2010


trivia: the band 10cc were named after the average volume of ejaculate

Counter-trivia: No they weren't.

If you think this is plausible, you lack either a penis or a basic sense of physical units.
posted by Dr Dracator at 11:50 PM on February 23, 2010 [3 favorites]


I take from that article that everybody on the Lakers was basically getting as much or more than they could handle.

clearly you've never heard of AC Green.

posted by camcgee at 11:51 PM on February 23, 2010 [4 favorites]


(Should have previewed so I could have seen that my attempt to make the quote italic had failed.)
posted by camcgee at 11:53 PM on February 23, 2010


"Obliterates" is a very strong word. That article was pretty weak.

Seriously...are you still caught up in the boys' locker room going "no way...."?

Lame.
posted by hal_c_on at 12:14 AM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]


That was an interesting article.

It did make me a little sad though, because maybe Ed getting to date Shannon (hottest girl and dumbest jock in high school) was less of an anomaly than me and my peers kept telling ourselves it was. Shannon was even really smart.
posted by From Bklyn at 12:20 AM on February 24, 2010


Wait, wait, people actually believed that?


I used to do the math and figure it would be pretty damn difficult, and that I sure as hell couldn't do it (like, couldn't physically do it even if I had 20k potential willing partners). But then I figured Wilt could do a lot of things that I couldn't, so maybe he was superlibido man, too.

People apparently believe that Warren Beatty slept with 12775 women....
posted by Infinite Jest at 12:27 AM on February 24, 2010


If you think this is plausible, you lack either a penis or a basic sense of physical units.

That's ridiculous. I have a penis; it's 9.3 furlongs in length.
posted by UbuRoivas at 12:32 AM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]


Aw, man! I think I was better off believing the myth. I mean, yeah, I'm a progressive sort of guy who respects women and on an analytical level sleeping with 20,000 women is sleazy and gross, but on that lizard brain level... DUDE HE NAILED 20,000 CHIXXXX LOL AWESOME! You know?

In counterpoint to those intentionally playing devil's avocado;

"Yes, I Do."
posted by TomStampy at 12:44 AM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]


it's sort of like Santa Claus or Jesu

Santa very well could have had sex with 20,000 women by now. Think about how many of them invite him in for milk&cookies every year. Its like the holiday equivalent of inviting someone in for coffee.
posted by mannequito at 12:53 AM on February 24, 2010


Evidently Randolph has changed, or matured, or something. Even the coaches voted him into the all star game this year, something they're reluctant to do with headcases (see also, Wallace, Rasheed) even when they're having career years.

And of course the Clippers' curse is fully active, one need only watch as Blake Griffin's once promising career circles the drain. Usually missing the rookie season due to a knee injury doesn't help things. And, following along the asshole owner/cursed franchise, evidently Chris Paul's knee surgery involved having a chunk of his meniscus removed. The post where I read that went on to talk about things like "grinding" and "bone on bone," just not in a Wilt Chamberlain kind of way...
posted by Ghidorah at 1:00 AM on February 24, 2010


That's ridiculous. I have a penis; it's 9.3 furlongs in length.

Don't be ridiculous, the proper measurement is in megarods.
posted by BrotherCaine at 1:21 AM on February 24, 2010


I'll be damned if I'll accept that dubious standard - those French are forever fiddling with their megarods.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:27 AM on February 24, 2010


"...you're looking at approx 50 gallons."

My first inclination is "ick". Then I thought, wait a minute, is their some kind of deeper issue that I might need to examine because this squicks me out? Then I thought, no, I don't like the idea of approximately 50 gallons of human anything.
posted by vapidave at 2:21 AM on February 24, 2010


> Santa very well could have had sex with 20,000 women by now

But Santa only comes once a year!
posted by chavenet at 3:07 AM on February 24, 2010 [6 favorites]


"...you're looking at approx 50 gallons."

WA and snopes tell us it's 15.85 galons

Anyway, if you figure 3 girls a day for 20 years, it's not impossible, perhaps for the Chinese emperor or Genghis Khan or something.
posted by delmoi at 3:12 AM on February 24, 2010


Oh, please. It probably even appeals on a biological imperative level. Spreading one's genes as much as possible and all that. Also, it's just a joke. Don't be that guy.

Yikes! Sorry, having sex with 20,000 women doesn't sound appealing; it sounds like an exhausting full-time job. I'm hard-pressed to think of a less exciting sexual fantasy than having to constantly pick up new women to fulfill the male "biological imperative."
posted by Jaltcoh at 4:23 AM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]


Remembrances of Love, with Wilt Chamberlain [...transcript only, can't find a video clip...]

Wilt Chamberlain V/O: I was totally head over heels for Cheryl. Maybe I was feeling a little vulnerable. I was on the rebound from a previous relationship with a girl who was still in the bathroom. But there was no time for analyzing - I've always followed my heart...
posted by Auden at 4:25 AM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]


Georges Simenon claimed to have slept with 10.000 women of which 8.000 where prostitutes.
He was a very, very prolific writer. I'm not sure whether that makes his claim more believable.
Or whether this matters in anyway.
posted by joost de vries at 4:29 AM on February 24, 2010


Simenon's *wife* pooh-poohed that and said that the number was no more than 1,200.
posted by texorama at 4:47 AM on February 24, 2010


That's the first time a metafilter link has attempted to give me a virus. :(

reenum, you should download AVAST immediately and scan your system, because the fact that your computer didn't find anything wrong with that site means there's a high likelihood you're infected with viruses right now.

Don't log into any online bank or credit card accounts until after you've swept your system.
posted by ®@ at 4:53 AM on February 24, 2010 [1 favorite]


Shhh! Don't alert the gloating Mac users.

/gloating
posted by ryanrs at 5:05 AM on February 24, 2010


I had sex with 20000 women when I was in 8th grade. You haven't met them because they all live in Canada.
posted by qvantamon at 5:10 AM on February 24, 2010 [7 favorites]


trivia: the band 10cc were named after the average volume of ejaculate

lol cream
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 5:25 AM on February 24, 2010


Avast just gave me a trojan horse alert off that site.


ò.ó
---
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 5:30 AM on February 24, 2010


texorama: "Simenon's *wife* pooh-poohed that and said that the number was no more than 1,200."


Yeah but after the first ten, it feels like 10,000.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 5:55 AM on February 24, 2010


Band members actually confirm the 10cc origin myth here. How could I not see? I must have gone blind!
posted by Dr Dracator at 5:57 AM on February 24, 2010


Yikes! Sorry, having sex with 20,000 women doesn't sound appealing; it sounds like an exhausting full-time job. I'm hard-pressed to think of a less exciting sexual fantasy than having to constantly pick up new women to fulfill the male "biological imperative."

I'm ashamed to admit I did some calculations on this, and by jove, that's not a job, that's the finest career choice a lizard brain could make.
posted by cavalier at 5:59 AM on February 24, 2010


Ya, this tried to drop some evil Javascript, fortunately my AV caught it. I'm flagging this post.
posted by deadmessenger at 6:03 AM on February 24, 2010


I heard he once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.
posted by electroboy at 7:05 AM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]


But Santa only comes once a year!

And when he does, it's down the chimney.
posted by enkd at 7:39 AM on February 24, 2010


Wait, The Stilt didn't really nail a different woman every day of his life?

(Now we know the true meaning of his nickname . . . )
posted by flug at 7:47 AM on February 24, 2010


I heard he once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.

And he likes his oatmeal lumpy.
posted by grubi at 7:50 AM on February 24, 2010


The main criticism of Wilt is that he was more concerned with his stats than with the team winning and so it's not too surprising that he inflated the one stat that the NBA couldn't confirm.

That said, I'm sure the current crop of stat dorks could be developing a BTB% (bone to basket).
posted by i_cola at 8:44 AM on February 24, 2010


AVAST reports in the first link:
2/24/2010 9:04:06 AM SYSTEM 1728 Sign of "JS:ScriptIP-inf [Trj]" has been found in "http://lakernoise.com/img/bg-logo.png\{gzip}" file.
posted by Xoebe at 9:09 AM on February 24, 2010


How much was pumped out of Rod Stewart's stomach?
posted by pianomover at 9:29 AM on February 24, 2010


I'm hard-pressed to think of a less exciting sexual fantasy than having to constantly pick up new women to fulfill the male "biological imperative."

Once you hit a certain level of fame, it's not hard; not like the way it is for us regular folk. For professional athletes, it sounds like you don't so much "pick up" as "fight them off with a stick".
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:31 AM on February 24, 2010


That Warren Beatty link was depressing. Did you see the quote from his ex, Joan Collins? "...a skeptic asked her if they really had sex seven times a day. She replied, 'Maybe he did, but I just lay there.'"

I have never understood the Warren Beatty thing anyway. His vibe is just icky to me.
posted by serazin at 9:35 AM on February 24, 2010


"Obliterates" is a very strong word. That article was pretty weak.

Pretty rambling too. Hope the dude gets a good editor.
posted by mrgrimm at 9:42 AM on February 24, 2010


I'm hard-pressed to think of a less exciting sexual fantasy than having to constantly pick up new women to fulfill the male "biological imperative."

Once you hit a certain level of fame, it's not hard; not like the way it is for us regular folk. For professional athletes, it sounds like you don't so much "pick up" as "fight them off with a stick".


Well, my comment would still apply even assuming there's an endless supply of these women and there's no effort required to win them over. Just the sheer physical act done 20,000 times, multiple times a day, every day, with a different person every time, sounds literally hellish, in the same sense that I could imagine Hell consisting of listening to my favorite Beatles song on repeat forever.

And again, I didn't criticize other people for having this fantasy. I just said I don't relate to it.

I mean, maybe I have such a sweet tooth that my greatest fantasy is to eat a bowl full of honey for every meal, every day, 20,000 times in a row. And there's evidence that we're biologically driven to want to eat a lot of sweet food. But if someone came along and was like, "Wow, I'd hate that," why in the world would I object to this?

I've also noticed a trend on this website (this isn't in response to you, ThePinkSuperhero) where bluster is used to tell men they should do things that men are supposedly hard-wired to do. If similar comments were directed at women (e.g. "You must want to stay at home and raise children" -- which is a much more positive image than constantly having sex with different people), it would be unanimously denounced.
posted by Jaltcoh at 9:48 AM on February 24, 2010 [2 favorites]


DUDE HE NAILED 20,000 CHIXXXX LOL AWESOME! You know?

I'm a chixxxx and I totally know.
posted by cereselle at 10:21 AM on February 24, 2010


Flagging for malware on the target site (which was surely not your doing, reenum). And giving Avast a big sloppy kiss!

The alert was for http://lakernoise.com/img/bg-logo.png\{gzip} which is Malware name: JS:ScriptIP-inf [Trj].

Windows-using Mefites who clicked that link and loaded the page fully should cleanse their systems immediately.
posted by ErikaB at 10:29 AM on February 24, 2010


I'm on a Mac - should I be worried? (This is not a leading question for gloating purposes, I just genuinely don't know!)
posted by punchdrunkhistory at 11:19 AM on February 24, 2010


That link should really be redirected to example.com.
posted by dunkadunc at 11:22 AM on February 24, 2010


Windows-using Mefites who clicked that link and loaded the page fully should cleanse their systems immediately.

...should I be worried?

I didn't have any trouble loading lakernoise.com, but when I loaded the PNG that Avast is reporting directly in my browser I was redirected to a page that looked like a Windows Explorer window, with an animated GIF of "installing antivirus program x". I honestly don't know if the page does anything to harm your system or not, but it's labeled a Trojan, and I'm guessing it's just referring to the fact that it's an aggressive advertisement that is designed to fool not-too-savvy users. I can't get the ad to come up by simply visiting the page, so I'm not sure there's anything to worry about or cleanse if you simply visit lakernoise.com.

I did some searching around online for the "JS:ScriptIP-inf [Trj]", and I can't find anything beyond some discussion on Avast forums where people were reporting lots of false positives.

We can't change the link to example.com because that link is the post. We'd have to remove this thread entirely, and I can't find enough of a threat at the site to justify that. I added a note to the link, but if someone has some information that shows the linked site is more dangerous than housing a misleading ad we'll close it up.
posted by pb at 12:38 PM on February 24, 2010


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