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Cizzows in the hizzouse
February 26, 2010 8:06 PM   Subscribe

Four days after cows broke into her home, a woman in Murfreesboro, Ark., says she's still in shock.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey (107 comments total) 20 users marked this as a favorite

 
love the arkansas tag
posted by toodleydoodley at 8:12 PM on February 26, 2010


REVENGE OF THE BURGER
posted by The Whelk at 8:12 PM on February 26, 2010 [6 favorites]


The first photo and caption are classic.
posted by carter at 8:13 PM on February 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


and obviously if she's got a herding dog and it's not kept separate from the cows, it's going to happen again and again. that poor cow looks wrung out.
posted by toodleydoodley at 8:13 PM on February 26, 2010


call me crazy, but those cows 'sleeping' look either tranqed or dead.
posted by efalk at 8:13 PM on February 26, 2010


I've never seen an exhausted cow before.
posted by Lord_Pall at 8:13 PM on February 26, 2010 [4 favorites]


'til the cows go home.
posted by idiopath at 8:15 PM on February 26, 2010


Fat and docile, big and dumb
They look so stupid, they aren't much fun
Cows aren't fun
posted by furiousxgeorge at 8:15 PM on February 26, 2010 [5 favorites]


Holy. Fucking. Shit.

That picture of the cow is hilarious. It looks like she just got done with an epic, Hangover-style weekend of partying in that woman's house, was finally kicked out, but couldn't make it more than a few steps before collapsing in a stupor and calling it a day. When she wakes up she's going to have to worry about her boss seeing the pics on Facebook.

I think we'll be seeing that photo with added super-titles for years to come.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 8:17 PM on February 26, 2010 [31 favorites]


Reminds me to call USAA about adding the Roaming Cow rider to my renter's insurance.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:18 PM on February 26, 2010 [6 favorites]


Woody Allen did a story about this in the New Yorker a month or two ago, and now it's in the news.

He needs to be more careful.
posted by Jimmy Havok at 8:19 PM on February 26, 2010


"Cow.....Another Cow."

"Actually, I think that was the same one."
posted by FfejL at 8:20 PM on February 26, 2010 [3 favorites]


What is the point of homeowner's insurance if it doesn't cover bovine break-ins?
posted by robtf3 at 8:22 PM on February 26, 2010 [2 favorites]


They went in there and trashed the place, and it wasn't their place.
posted by maudlin at 8:23 PM on February 26, 2010 [3 favorites]


"I tell you, Abigail, I was udderly flabbergasted."
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 8:23 PM on February 26, 2010


Looking at that picture, you kind of get the impression that the cow was doing the same exact thing three hours ago, but in the house, in front of the TV.
posted by iamkimiam at 8:25 PM on February 26, 2010


I am wondering just which exclusion clause in the homeowners' insurance policy covers this. Natural calamities? Accidental damage done by household pets? Terrorism?
posted by HotToddy at 8:27 PM on February 26, 2010


Larsony?
posted by iamkimiam at 8:29 PM on February 26, 2010 [74 favorites]


She only moved out there to get away from the constant anxiety of running a china shop right next to one of the largest stockyards in the Mid West.
posted by Abiezer at 8:31 PM on February 26, 2010 [8 favorites]


Beef flood. Like an unpredicted water flood, only with different residues, and less well defined cleanup regimes...
posted by paulsc at 8:31 PM on February 26, 2010


she's still in shock

Milking it for all it's worth? I got nothin'
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 8:32 PM on February 26, 2010 [2 favorites]


She called her husband at work. She told him not to worry, no one was hurt, "but I've got cows in my house." Her husband came home to assist in the cow removal.
posted by three blind mice at 8:35 PM on February 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


I speak and read no Chinese, but someone once told me that the Chinese ideogram for "sudden interruption" is "horse in doorway."
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:35 PM on February 26, 2010 [2 favorites]


Ham Burglery?

I'm sorry.
posted by iamkimiam at 8:37 PM on February 26, 2010 [7 favorites]


That reminds me of the story of a wild deer breaking into a neighbor's house in my hometown (upstate NY) one winter and being all disoriented and dripping blood everywhere due to the broken glass. Ack.
posted by ifjuly at 8:39 PM on February 26, 2010


Her husband came home to assist in the cow removal.

"Honey, I guess I'm sort of numb to it at this point, but could you at least warn me in advance of the next time your mother comes to visit?"
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 8:40 PM on February 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Also, it reminds me of how it wasn't unusual growing up to see cows hanging out lazily on the porches of people's homes in Vermont during the summer.
posted by ifjuly at 8:40 PM on February 26, 2010


Beef Bargin'in?

No really, I'll stop now.
posted by iamkimiam at 8:46 PM on February 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


it's clear to me that this was a cowtastrophe waiting to happen
posted by pyramid termite at 8:46 PM on February 26, 2010 [3 favorites]


The Chinese ideogram for "completely fucked" is "3 cows in house".
posted by Meatbomb at 8:50 PM on February 26, 2010 [19 favorites]


what a load of bull
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:53 PM on February 26, 2010


It Thinks Its People!!
posted by mannequito at 8:56 PM on February 26, 2010


She said she also called the local 4-H coordinator. She wasn't sure why, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Cannot stop giggling.
posted by FunkyHelix at 8:58 PM on February 26, 2010 [14 favorites]


They broke in so easily. They must have been steaking that place out for days.
posted by gordie at 9:02 PM on February 26, 2010 [14 favorites]


You cows have no business in a people house, all right?

'Cause you're cows.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 9:05 PM on February 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


You cows have no business in a people house, all right?

It was either there or the china shop, and noone felt like walking into town.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 9:15 PM on February 26, 2010


Organized on MeatUp, no doubt.
posted by sapere aude at 9:16 PM on February 26, 2010 [7 favorites]


It was a grass-fed moovement.
posted by iamkimiam at 9:18 PM on February 26, 2010 [4 favorites]


THERE'S A COO IN THE HOOSE
posted by exlotuseater at 9:21 PM on February 26, 2010


Thank you. Oh god, thank you.
posted by swift at 9:21 PM on February 26, 2010


"What the hell is this?"
"Bed. You guys really shouldn't be in here."
"What the HELL is this?"
"TV. Really, you guys should leave."
"OMG, what is THIS?"
"Bathroom. Listen, guys..."
"Shut up, dog!"
"Yeah, shut up, dog!"
"What the fuck is going on?"
"The cows broke in."
"WHAT is that?"
"Fridge. C'mon, guys..."
"WE SAID SHUT UP, CAT!"
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:26 PM on February 26, 2010 [24 favorites]


Them cows in the pitcher look like libruls.
posted by telstar at 9:30 PM on February 26, 2010


I speak and read no Chinese, but someone once told me that the Chinese ideogram for "sudden interruption" is "horse in doorway."
Not far off: chuǎng . The Shuowen Jiezi glosses the character as "馬出門皃。引申爲突兀驚人之辭" which means I think 'a horse coming through a door, and thus by extension a word for a sudden, frightening occurrence.'
posted by Abiezer at 9:31 PM on February 26, 2010 [18 favorites]


Perhaps 'startling' more than 'frightening' for 驚 there. I know that was going to bother everyone.
posted by Abiezer at 9:34 PM on February 26, 2010 [4 favorites]


"It's not something that people would see everyday," Francis said. "At least I hope I never see it again."

Totally not a Purple Cow.
posted by ShawnStruck at 9:43 PM on February 26, 2010 [4 favorites]


I am wondering just which exclusion clause in the homeowners' insurance policy covers this. Natural calamities? Accidental damage done by household pets? Terrorism?

Maybe acts of God? If the insurance company is based in India?
posted by amtho at 9:59 PM on February 26, 2010 [6 favorites]


Aww... Sleepy cow is sleepy.
posted by quin at 10:18 PM on February 26, 2010


Not far off: 闖 chuǎng . The Shuowen Jiezi glosses the character as "馬出門皃。引申爲突兀驚人之辭" which means I think 'a horse coming through a door, and thus by extension a word for a sudden, frightening occurrence.'

It gets better! 闖入 (the second character means "enter") means "forced entry."
posted by No-sword at 10:37 PM on February 26, 2010


All I can say is ...
posted by fallingbadgers at 10:41 PM on February 26, 2010


Needless to say, the homebound bovines caused "total chaos," upending furniture, scattering belongings, and generally making a mess of things.

One of the animals was resting on a bedroom rug.


We're so quick to judge others. Think harder, people. We did it first.
posted by sallybrown at 10:50 PM on February 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


After all, he’s not just a social grub but a raving paranoid, endlessly mouthing something about attempted homicide by a Hereford.

Udder Madness, Woody Allen
posted by griphus at 10:59 PM on February 26, 2010


Cows can sometimes sleep like my second college roommate.

I did not know that.
posted by Cyrano at 11:25 PM on February 26, 2010


What is the point of homeowner's insurance if it doesn't cover bovine break-ins?

Seems kinda like bullshit, really.

But seriously, I'd be cancelling the policy and getting a new one. And I'd be selling the cows to cover some of the damage.
posted by rodgerd at 11:27 PM on February 26, 2010


We're so quick to judge others udders.

To err is human
To forgive bovine.
posted by hal9k at 11:37 PM on February 26, 2010 [8 favorites]


So profound, hal9k; a message we should all ruminate on a while.
posted by Abiezer at 11:51 PM on February 26, 2010


She should grind them all and make hamburglars.
posted by qvantamon at 11:57 PM on February 26, 2010


At least she's not in stock. /rimshot
posted by Effigy2000 at 12:02 AM on February 27, 2010


Don't have a "cow", man.
posted by anazgnos at 12:06 AM on February 27, 2010


No one should show The Potate this post after the question that he recently asked.

Our soothing cow-friendly propaganda will not be believed if he sees this.
posted by winna at 12:20 AM on February 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


So they made it home...what exactly can they stop doing now?
posted by sourwookie at 12:38 AM on February 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


This made me laugh when I saw it on my local news earlier. I think the best part is how, yeah, it's a shocking thing to find huge animals in your house, but she just called some folks (deputies and teachers) who took care of it. I'd be just trying to not get squished, and especially to not startle that one who was all sacked out. I'd have to seriously stifle the giggling, go outside, and laugh behind some barricade after seeing that.

I was sad about the destructive aspects and the jerky insurance policy. That can't be fun to clean up.
posted by lilywing13 at 12:54 AM on February 27, 2010


She said she also called the local 4-H coordinator. She wasn't sure why, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Maybe she'll get a special ribbon.
posted by Skygazer at 1:14 AM on February 27, 2010


"Mr. Eshley," said Adela in a shaking voice, "I asked you to drive that beast out of my garden, but I did not ask you to drive it into my house. If I must have it anywhere on the premises I prefer the garden to the morning-room."
posted by Tchad at 1:25 AM on February 27, 2010 [6 favorites]


the jerky insurance policy
posted by hattifattener at 1:47 AM on February 27, 2010


That picture of the cow is hilarious. It looks like she just got done with an epic, Hangover-style weekend of partying in that woman's house, was finally kicked out, but couldn't make it more than a few steps before collapsing in a stupor and calling it a day. When she wakes up she's going to have to worry about her boss seeing the pics on Facebook.

From the angles they shot at, I doubt you could recognize any specific cow. It just looks like they used some (wait for it!)... stock photography.

Thank you! Please DON'T try the veal! Be sure and tip your cows!
posted by hal9k at 1:51 AM on February 27, 2010 [7 favorites]


Just yesterday I became a fan of the Norwegian Curling Team's Pants on a certain social networking site. I was so delighted when I noticed... the pants were posting updates! Norsk argyle pants that curl! Posting updates! To the intarwebs! I thought to myself, "yes, this, this is The Internet."

Then, today, it's cows breaking into a house, chillin' in the bedroom and out on the front lawn. Man, when I was a kid 25 years ago, there was no Internet for regular folk. My brother and I sometimes snuck out to a neighbor's pasture and watched their cows at night when we were bored. (Cows do funny things when they're half asleep.) That was it.

But now... now, thanks to rapid technological progress, I can see cows in Arkansas while sitting in front of my PC in France, cows who broke into someone's home, and learn that the Chinese ideogram for 'startling occurrence' is a horse through a door.

I am glad (like a giggling little kid) to be alive to see this.
posted by fraula at 2:04 AM on February 27, 2010 [29 favorites]


Cows? No problem.

The real problem is when a moose breaks into a nursing home. (Warning: Lots of moose blood, norwegian text)
posted by ymgve at 3:02 AM on February 27, 2010


As she drove up, she said, one of the cows was looking out the front door. That one walked out on its own.

Man, I hate it when the look-out chickens out and runs away without letting everyone else in the party know that the parents are back.
posted by slimepuppy at 3:15 AM on February 27, 2010 [2 favorites]


You know, there's single-link news of the weird posts, and then there's this.
posted by yhbc at 3:53 AM on February 27, 2010


It looks like she just got done with an epic, Hangover-style weekend of partying in that woman's house...

Party 'til the cows come home, then party with the cows.
posted by exogenous at 4:57 AM on February 27, 2010 [13 favorites]


Now, exactly how many cattle are required for a stampede, Earl? Is it three or more?
posted by steef at 5:15 AM on February 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Her insurance adjuster told her that the mayhem caused by the cows wouldn't be covered. Seems her homeowner's policy doesn't account for intruding cows.

That's a shocker.

"Yeah, you really should've pre-applied for the additional livestock insanity insurance we just made up. I'd love to help you, but nowhere in the contract does it cover home invasion of the bovine variety. I would love to give you this pen as a token of our sympathy, though. Just so we're clear though; at no point were we obligated to give you the pen."
posted by Hiker at 6:10 AM on February 27, 2010


Yeah, I've had guests like that before...
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 6:30 AM on February 27, 2010


Woody Allen did a story about this in the New Yorker a month or two ago,

That was really great, thank you.
posted by caddis at 6:55 AM on February 27, 2010


"but I've got cows in my house."

This reads like the punchline to a lost Gary Larson cartoon.

Seems her homeowner's policy doesn't account for intruding cows.

On the other hand her policy does cover extruding cows as well as intruding crows.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:29 AM on February 27, 2010


Yerf. I can only imagine the fun clean up involved with dealing with the mess caused by the cows relieving themselves in the house. Quarts of cow pee. Mmm...love coming home to that smell. Poor folks.
posted by Atreides at 7:46 AM on February 27, 2010


You probably shouldn't worry, but there are an awful lot of cows and maybe we just think we bred all the intelligence out of them.
posted by tommasz at 7:53 AM on February 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Someone call Temple Grandin.
posted by joecacti at 8:12 AM on February 27, 2010


Her insurance adjuster told her that the mayhem caused by the cows wouldn't be covered. Seems her homeowner's policy doesn't account for intruding cows.

Is it wrong that I'm more pissed about this than whimsied about the cows? Why the cockblocking fuck do we even have homeowner's insurance if not for something like this? The insurance industry is the biggest scam ever perpetrated on humanity.

I will not connect this to the healtcare debate I will not connect this to the healtcare debate I will not connect this to the healtcare debate
posted by dirigibleman at 8:55 AM on February 27, 2010 [14 favorites]


Gee, haven't these folks heard about cow repellant?
posted by kinnakeet at 9:00 AM on February 27, 2010


Ditto on the insurance. WTF? It's bullshit, is what it is.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:09 AM on February 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


After all that damage, she'll probably have to mooove.
posted by brundlefly at 9:10 AM on February 27, 2010 [2 favorites]


But did they answer the phone?
posted by grapefruitmoon at 9:39 AM on February 27, 2010


Francis went on to comment: "I hate cows."
posted by Drexen at 10:39 AM on February 27, 2010


I'm mooved to send a bag of flaming manure to the insurance adjusters.
posted by readymade at 10:41 AM on February 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


I was amused until I read about the insurer abdication; now I'm just angry.
posted by bz at 10:54 AM on February 27, 2010


Breaking into somebody's house & trashing it when they are not even around is such a low & cowardly act.
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:21 AM on February 27, 2010 [2 favorites]


Party 'til the cows come home, then party with the cows.

I cannot stop laughing at this.....
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:53 PM on February 27, 2010


TPS: I cannot stop laughing at this.....

Some folks are easily aMOOsed.
posted by Skygazer at 1:06 PM on February 27, 2010


Her insurance should cover it under vandalism. Doesn't really matter that the vandals are cows, if you ask me. I'd appeal that case.

I also kept expecting to see another cow hiding behind an "EAT MORE CHIKIN" sign.
posted by misha at 6:29 PM on February 27, 2010


Feral Cow. (Warning: Loud rock and roll, myspace.)
posted by zoinks at 6:34 PM on February 27, 2010


Knock knock.



Who's there?



Interrupting cow.



Inter-
MOO!!!

Inter?
MOO!!! MOO!! MOO!!!


wha?
MOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
posted by Skygazer at 7:14 PM on February 27, 2010


...when they are not even around is such a low & cowardly act.

Lowing with Cowards, with Kevin Cowstner
posted by readymade at 7:42 PM on February 27, 2010


Best puns in a while on the blue in this thread -- everyone, give yourselves a round of applause.
posted by jckll at 9:05 PM on February 27, 2010


ground round?
posted by The Whelk at 9:10 PM on February 27, 2010


wow, that really raises the stakes.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:12 PM on February 27, 2010


How now?
posted by Skygazer at 10:18 PM on February 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


well, jcklll suggested that the puns were rare, whereas i feel they were just well done.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:25 PM on February 27, 2010


Now you're just milking it.
posted by readymade at 10:44 PM on February 27, 2010


Yeah, that wasn't exactly the cream of the thread.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:46 PM on February 27, 2010


We cud have expected it, I suppose.
posted by Abiezer at 10:47 PM on February 27, 2010


Could someone steer this in another direction?
posted by readymade at 10:48 PM on February 27, 2010


Yeah, I think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:55 PM on February 27, 2010


So I've herd.
posted by Abiezer at 10:56 PM on February 27, 2010


I'm ungulating back and forth about this: I'm cowed by the humor, but in the end it's all bull.
posted by readymade at 11:04 PM on February 27, 2010


Her homeowners insurance might not cover it if the cows were hers, because it's then business related. The article isn't clear on whose cows they were or where they came from, but it does describe the place as a "farmhouse." Homeowners policies generally have a lot of exclusions pertaining to commercial activity.

Alternately she might just have a really minimal homeowners policy that doesn't cover "all other perils" and instead only covers fire/wind/theft and other specific stuff. There are some crummy policies out there.
posted by Kadin2048 at 12:48 AM on February 28, 2010


Janet! Donkeys!

close as i could get, sorry.
posted by cereselle at 1:17 PM on February 28, 2010


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