Can't Stop Punching
March 4, 2010 8:26 PM   Subscribe

The World's Most Action Packed Action Movie. [via: everythingisterrible] Warning: Some of the scenes might be upsetting. NSFW

Previously
posted by nola (55 comments total) 36 users marked this as a favorite

 
That was pretty weak until he slapped that guy six times with a severed arm and then cried while he scalped him. THEN I KNEW IT WAS ON
posted by eddydamascene at 8:32 PM on March 4, 2010 [15 favorites]


Yeah, for better or worse that is why and how it ended up here eddydamascene. I just wanted to share. Jesus that part cracks me right up.
posted by nola at 8:35 PM on March 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


AAAAAAAUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
posted by kittens for breakfast at 8:36 PM on March 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT BEFORE I CUT YOU OUT FROM UNDER IT
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 8:38 PM on March 4, 2010 [3 favorites]


Is there, like, a fetish audience for this kind of thing? Or is it all overseas sales?
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 8:38 PM on March 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


Wait, so the guy went through all that, and killed all those people, just to get a T-shirt? I have never been more grateful for the existence of Threadless.
posted by arto at 8:38 PM on March 4, 2010 [7 favorites]


Nothing like an opening shot of greasy man thighs to end my day on a high note.
posted by emilyd22222 at 8:40 PM on March 4, 2010 [3 favorites]


So is this guy a never-nude?
posted by lexicakes at 8:43 PM on March 4, 2010 [10 favorites]


until he slapped that guy six times with a severed arm and then cried while he scalped him. THEN I KNEW IT WAS ON

Yeah, for better or worse that is why and how it ended up here ... Jesus that part cracks me right up.


You people have no hearts. I cried with him, not at him.
posted by philip-random at 8:45 PM on March 4, 2010 [15 favorites]


Nothing like an opening shot of greasy man thighs to end my day on a high note.

Harland Sanders is the greatest psyops warrior of our time.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 8:47 PM on March 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


"well, ok, the guy cuts off my arm and then slaps me around with it but i still have to know - what's my motivation in this scene?"
posted by pyramid termite at 8:51 PM on March 4, 2010 [10 favorites]


...





AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH!!!
posted by kittens for breakfast at 8:51 PM on March 4, 2010 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: Is there a fetish audience for this kind of thing?
posted by verb at 8:59 PM on March 4, 2010 [4 favorites]


Also upsetting: Mack Luster P.D. M.D.
posted by eddydamascene at 9:02 PM on March 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


We've got movie sign!

Looks expectantly at lower right corner of screen for three silhouettes.
posted by mosk at 9:06 PM on March 4, 2010 [6 favorites]


Needs more HAYARRRGH! GAAAAAAHHHHHH! RAUGHGGHHHHHHH!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:07 PM on March 4, 2010 [6 favorites]


I feel like maybe this movie might be the only american film from the 80s that made it to Japan and that's why we got Versus and Battle Royale.
posted by empath at 9:13 PM on March 4, 2010 [4 favorites]


(Vaguely related, but my efforts to find this masterpiece in complete form somewhere online led instead to me finding Deadly Tantrum, which is five NSFW minutes of a Jason Statham-like dude fighting a Jason Voorhees-like dude in a skirt, which is also essentially Friday the 13th if Nick Park directed it, and which is also really pretty awesome.)
posted by kittens for breakfast at 9:14 PM on March 4, 2010 [5 favorites]


Roid rage.
posted by charlie don't surf at 9:24 PM on March 4, 2010


This is so... edifying!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 9:35 PM on March 4, 2010


Wow. It's just so... so... wonderful! The screams, the inarticulate bellows. The overly long wait between when the gun is pointed, the actor fears death, and then the gunshot is finally added to the sound effects!

Honestly, as the hero is picking up the telephone after the series of random scenes of random people being randomly shot for no obvious reason, I half expected the phone to shoot him.
posted by Ghidorah at 9:36 PM on March 4, 2010 [6 favorites]


That was still miles better than 300.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:58 PM on March 4, 2010 [15 favorites]


Well. That happened.
posted by zarq at 10:10 PM on March 4, 2010 [3 favorites]


This is brilliant.
posted by brundlefly at 10:11 PM on March 4, 2010


Near perfect. Reminds me of those violent Mexican narco/tough guy movies they show locally in the afternoons. Is there a Gringo's Guide to Mexican Action Flicks out there somewhere? They seem like a new kitsch genre ready for the making.
posted by 2N2222 at 10:24 PM on March 4, 2010


Machete, rated X
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:28 PM on March 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


This movie blows (your balls off).
posted by tellurian at 10:28 PM on March 4, 2010


Incidentally, Deadly Prey co-writer and director David A. Prior is "currently available for Screenwriting Assignments or Polishes or Ghost Writing." I'm not sure why he's fond of initial caps, but it's a relief to know that he can work something out to fit your budget.
posted by ed at 11:20 PM on March 4, 2010


Wait a minute.

Rippling physique? Check.
Blond mullet? Check.
Propensity for over-the-top murderous ultra-violence? Check.
Inappropriate cutoff shorts? Check.

I think we may have just met the real-life Brock Samson.
posted by Strange Interlude at 11:31 PM on March 4, 2010 [13 favorites]


Sweet find, ed! His resume is quite an eye opener, too. There's Deadly Prey and movies like Bioforce I, Future Force, Aerobi-cide, White Fury, and All The King's Men, a six hour video series on Elvis Presley.

One of these things is not like the others...
posted by Kevin Street at 11:43 PM on March 4, 2010


This really is one of the greatest things I've ever seen.
posted by eyeballkid at 11:56 PM on March 4, 2010


I paused at 1:35 in the video to see if that guy's arm really got cut off. I think it just may have been.
posted by milnak at 12:02 AM on March 5, 2010


I could have sworn the guy's name was Big Mclargehuge. David Prior, huh? Sometimes the name just doesn't fit the face. Or the rippling muscles. Or the tendons bulging on the neck, mid-below.
posted by Ghidorah at 12:07 AM on March 5, 2010


Nah, David Prior is the (co)writer and director. His brother Ted Prior played the Brock Sampsonlike protagonist. According to imdb, he's a working professional whose career is still going strong in 2010. Or maybe it's just a cover for his real job with the CIA.
posted by Kevin Street at 12:30 AM on March 5, 2010


Needs more Cato vs Clouseau.
posted by turgid dahlia at 1:42 AM on March 5, 2010 [3 favorites]


That was still miles better than 300.

THIS ... IS ... GYAAAAARGH!
posted by bwg at 4:05 AM on March 5, 2010


I wonder if those dazed looking guys holding a gun who get shot in the chest secretly dream of someday being shot in the chest by Jack Bauer.
posted by digsrus at 4:50 AM on March 5, 2010


Dammit, I was hoping to pick up a copy of this. Or download it. Now, I'm afraid if I find it, it'll act badly, grimace and then cut off my arm.
posted by filmgeek at 5:08 AM on March 5, 2010


Haha, that was great! And check out the VHS cover! A piece of art in itself!
posted by soundofsuburbia at 5:16 AM on March 5, 2010


It's like a Brock Landers/Reed Rothchild movie ... but REAL.
posted by scratch at 5:42 AM on March 5, 2010


My female intuition tells me I am not needed in this thread, so I'll just fade away. You guys carry on!
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:17 AM on March 5, 2010 [4 favorites]


Machete, rated X

Did know they're actually making Machete? It's true!
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:18 AM on March 5, 2010


From the David A. Prior site (presented without comment):

Deadly Survivor: Screenplay Completed
This is a non-stop action piece in which a Highly Decorated Iraqi War veteran is down on his luck when he is offered a rather strange job. People want to hunt him for sport. And the money is so good he takes the job but very soon learns that these people intend to kill him and that was not part of the deal. And so Trevor Stanton is forced to use his exceptional survival and combat skills to overcome his hunters and foil a multi-million dollar scam being attempted by the same man who hired him. This is a classic case of the hunted becoming the hunter.

posted by kittens for breakfast at 6:34 AM on March 5, 2010


My female intuition tells me I am not needed in this thread, so I'll just fade away.

Why? I'm a female person too. Stay and enjoy the mayhem.
posted by scratch at 6:34 AM on March 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


Not surprisingly it works well with the Hillifier...
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 6:49 AM on March 5, 2010 [2 favorites]


And so Trevor Stanton

A man called Trevor should be selling dodgy motors in Dagenham not slapping blokes to death with the soggy end of their severed arm.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 6:54 AM on March 5, 2010


Did know they're actually making Machete? It's true!

I cannot even begin to tell you the number of people who came into the video store I used to work at to request the various fake movies advertised at the beginning of Grindhouse. Not only did these people not realize that the trailers were fake, but they were also requesting to rent them from a video store immediately after having seen them advertised in the movie theater.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:34 AM on March 5, 2010


This movie comes from the same school of homoeroticism as Beastmaster.
posted by Nelson at 7:38 AM on March 5, 2010


Nah, David Prior is the (co)writer and director.

I had a real WTF moment there before I remembered that David Prior != David Pryor.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:45 AM on March 5, 2010


Not only did these people not realize that the trailers were fake, but they were also requesting to rent them from a video store immediately after having seen them advertised in the movie theater.

That happens so often it's crazy. People were asking for Back to the Future II while the first one was in theatres. If you ever wondered why the ads say "Only in Theatres", now you know.

I had someone ask me for History of the World, Part II when I was working at a video rental place.
posted by ODiV at 7:46 AM on March 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


29 seconds into the video he looks just like Christian Bale.
posted by Flex1970 at 7:46 AM on March 5, 2010


I'd swear that there were at least two or three other "The Most Dangerous Game"-type movies in the eighties, besides this. Let's see... Avenging Force with the incomparable Michael Dudikoff, Quiet Cool had an element of this... maybe this was the third. This Rambo-porn all tends to run together; the rippling muscles, the camo paint, the commando knife in the chest sheath--all just as stylized as the make-up, inch-long press-on nails and strings of fake pearls worn by 80s porn stars. In fact, I'm pretty sure that this guy's hairdo is almost identical to Ginger Lynn's.
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:22 AM on March 5, 2010


"Take off your shirt or I'll cut you out from under it!"

Might have to use that one on the GF :)
posted by bidrattler at 12:45 PM on March 5, 2010


Deadly Prey protagonist at an In-n-Out drive through

- Sir, may I take your order?
- Wauuuuuuuugh!!!
- Something to drink?
- Auuuuuuuuuuurgh!!!
- and would you like fries with that?
- Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!
- and will you be eating in your car?
- Haaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!
- OK. One double-double, small fries, and a diet Coke.
That will be Five fifty. Please pay at the window.
posted by zippy at 9:00 PM on March 5, 2010


Metafilter: AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH!!!
posted by otherchaz at 1:10 PM on March 8, 2010


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