Who cheats?

March 10, 2010 12:21 AM

Ever wonder what professions top the list as the most guilty of infidelity? A dating site for married people surveyed all of their new members last year. Of the 1.9 million folks who signed up, female teachers and male physicians topped the list for their genders.
posted by three blind mice (58 comments total)

I Knew It!
posted by Balisong at 12:27 AM on March 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

The pornography industry has known about this for years.
posted by pracowity at 12:32 AM on March 10, 2010 [28 favorites]

I wish there were some percentages or something to go by for this seemingly arbitrary list of professions. Is there any corroborating evidence? Out of 1.9 million, they should have listed the whole list of professions in quantitative order.
posted by Balisong at 12:32 AM on March 10, 2010 [2 favorites]

This doesn't show who cheats, it shows what professions people put down in their profile on this dating/cheating website.

"Ladies, call me, I'm a doctor!"
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:40 AM on March 10, 2010 [15 favorites]

I know.. when you get down to the bottom of the list and there is only one female Port-o-Let assembly inspector or the only male pantyhose model, you're getting too specific, But I don't see my job listed as any of the ones who get to have so much fun.
posted by Balisong at 12:41 AM on March 10, 2010

This is terrible! I'm a lawyer, and apparently I should have a wife who I should be cheating on. Instead, I can't get laid at all.
posted by planet at 12:41 AM on March 10, 2010 [3 favorites]

Luckily, real estate agents seem to be uni-gender-douchbaggerous.
posted by Balisong at 12:44 AM on March 10, 2010

The pornography industry has known about this for years.

I don't see "pizza boy" anywhere on that list!
posted by Pope Guilty at 1:01 AM on March 10, 2010 [9 favorites]

How many of those "stay-at-home moms" or "nurses" are, in reality, just employees of Ashley Madison?

How many of those self-styled "physicians" live in their mom's basement? (It's true, you know. You really can buy them...)
posted by stringbean at 1:12 AM on March 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

So, er, this is apparently a list of occupations who are willing to admit that they're unfaithful, right?

That seems pretty significant to me.
posted by koeselitz at 1:15 AM on March 10, 2010

pracowity: "The pornography industry has known about this for years."

Hello. Mein dizbatcher says zere iss problem mit deine kable.
posted by sharkfu at 1:19 AM on March 10, 2010 [15 favorites]

And the men who were perceived themselves as "powerful" or "influential" (like doctors, cops and lawyers), say their cheating was "justifiable."

One of these things is not like the others...
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:37 AM on March 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

What does the phonography industry have to do with physicians being willing to accept the sound quality of mp3 files?
posted by srboisvert at 1:43 AM on March 10, 2010

correction: Lady teachers??? Call me, I'm a doctor
posted by infini at 1:44 AM on March 10, 2010

How does this list stack up against the relative distribution of men and women in different professions? 4/5 for each gender were professions that were stereotypically of that gender.
posted by Jacqueline at 1:46 AM on March 10, 2010 [4 favorites]

If there's one thing you can trust, it's the unverified survey results of a website targeted at dishonest people.
posted by Usher at 1:53 AM on March 10, 2010 [32 favorites]

female teachers and male physicians topped the list

Don't even tell me about the bottoms, you cheeky monkey.
posted by twoleftfeet at 2:23 AM on March 10, 2010 [3 favorites]

Jacqueline makes the point I was going to make. These lists are absolutely meaningless until compared to lists of distribution of sexes among professions. Take the women's list, for example. Teachers, homemakers, nurses, secretaries, and real estate agents. That sure sounds like a list of "top professions among women" to me. So the list may say absolutely nothing except that women in all professions are equally likely to cheat. The men's list looks more like it is skewed by profession, as doctors, cops, and lawyers are not the biggest professions by number for men.

It wouldn't surprise me much if women were equally likely to sign up for ashleymadison.com regardless of profession while men were more likely to sign up if they were employed in positions of authority, or at least positions which they themselves regarded as authoritative.
posted by Justinian at 2:41 AM on March 10, 2010 [2 favorites]

Linguists aren't on the list, because we don't consider it cheating unless you violate a bound proposition!
posted by iamkimiam at 2:59 AM on March 10, 2010 [7 favorites]

Nothing to see here folks. This is not the best of the web.
posted by christhelongtimelurker at 3:06 AM on March 10, 2010

An occupational hazard of being a male college professor is that infidelity rates are high: there are often hundreds of younger women in a professor's classes each semester, in addition to a power differential.

I don't expect to see many academic staff signing up to Ashley Madison, though. Most academics who want to have affairs wouldn't bother going online, they'd just go and have an affair.

The Ashley Madison data doesn't show who cheats, it shows who uses the internet to cheat.
posted by surenoproblem at 3:14 AM on March 10, 2010

I'm a lawyer, and apparently I should have a wife who I should be cheating on. Instead, I can't get laid at all.

I'm quietly chuckling to myself at the idea that somewhere, there may be lawyer in a deteriorating marriage, hitched to a woman named Mary-Ann Sue.

Sorry, had to get that one out of my system.
posted by lifeless at 3:27 AM on March 10, 2010

The president and founder of AshleyMadison.com Noel Biderman notes these top professions are often high stress and require many to work long hours.

In other news today, a study has found that men's sexual tastes broaden when they are under stress. Perhaps this isn't specific to what types of partners one would be interested in, but what one would do to get laid (such as cheating on one's partner)?
posted by acb at 4:00 AM on March 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

I may be a little old-fashioned, but to me infidelity is a terrible crime - a crime of betrayal. It's also a crime that the Lord has condemned as poisonous to the welfare of all society. That's why the Holy Bible says, "the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbor's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death" (Leviticus 20:10). And yet, we all know that adultery is a crime that stains the underpants of America today.

I also think that making casual jokes about this serious issue - especially on "trendy" websites like this - are a major symptom of a general lack of values in our society.

I for one would like to see our Government take a stand against this fithy epidemic, by stapling every man's penis to his wife's labradoodle. Then no husband could stray in his holy vows without Fido as a witness to the sordid act - a hairy, panting conscience for those who have none.

Of course, some people don't have labradoodles - which is a pity, they're an extremely intelligent breed of dog. In those cases, I suggest that an Alaskan Malamute or Pomeranian wedged up the bunghole would prevent these perverted manwhores from waddling off to slobber their disgusting juices all over the nearest glittering floozy.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 4:03 AM on March 10, 2010 [16 favorites]

I would have guessed nurses for females. But I'm probably getting it slightly mixed up with pre-marital promiscuity. Not sure[?]

A few years ago one of the jeans chains over here got in a bit of trouble for creating and advert with a whole heap of men jumping out the windows of a hospital nurses' quarters at dawn, shirts and jeans in hand. The naysayers said it portrayed female nurses as sluts.

After seeing a news story on the subject, on the spot, half drunk, my mate came up with a great theory: "What's the problem? It's almost a compliment. To do that job you would have to like people. And if you like people then you probably like to FUCK people."
posted by uncanny hengeman at 4:04 AM on March 10, 2010

If you were signing up to have a fling online, would you use your real persona, or make up a fantasy one more likely to project allure? I imagine that doctors, cops, nurses and teachers hit more fantasy buttons than, say, middle-managers or bus drivers. And since you're hiding your real identity, you might as well go the whole hog and become someone else.
posted by acb at 4:11 AM on March 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

Pope Guilty: "The pornography industry has known about this for years.

I don't see "pizza boy" anywhere on that list!"

[Maude shows the porn video starring Bunny to the Dude.]

Sherry: [on video] You must be here to fix the cable.

Maude Lebowski: Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here.

The Dude: He fixes the cable?

Maude Lebowski: Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.
posted by bwg at 4:16 AM on March 10, 2010 [4 favorites]

How did they control for age?
posted by DU at 4:19 AM on March 10, 2010

Politician didn't make the list? I call shenanigans.
posted by TedW at 4:30 AM on March 10, 2010

Also, as a physician, I guess I need to sign up for that site, so I can um, check up on my stay at home wife. I just hope I don't find my real estate agent mom on there because that would be creepy.
posted by TedW at 4:41 AM on March 10, 2010

An occupational hazard of being a male college professor is that infidelity rates are high.

If the occupation is "Professor's Wife," anyway.
posted by fourcheesemac at 4:50 AM on March 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

I work with a fair number of male engineers... including one who is actually using that site, apparently, to try and cheat on his wife. Personally, I think that's just really sad...

... but at the same time, the idea was raised that I, as I single guy, could try and infiltrate that site. You know... for research purposes. Of course, that scenario would depend on me pretending to be married and interested in carrying on an affair...

Now, obviously, not gonna do that, for all kinds of reasons... but there is something pretty funny about that idea, lying about infidelity.

It's also worth noting that site is fairly expensive... in the same way that a site like Match tends to skew towards middle / upper class, any site with a $30+/monthly fee is going to do the same.
posted by ph00dz at 4:53 AM on March 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

Politician didn't make the list? I call shenanigans.

Politicians don't need to sign up for online dating/cheating. They have a very extensive internship program.

That wasn't a joke.
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 5:06 AM on March 10, 2010 [4 favorites]

"What's the problem? It's almost a compliment. To do that job you would have to like people. And if you like people then you probably like to FUCK people."

For years, I was convinced that one of the responsibilities of the diligent nurse was to provide the occasional hand-job to the terminally frustrated quadraplegic. I'm sure it's not true, but the idea does seem to exemplify the best human qualities we associate with that profession.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:17 AM on March 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

My wife is a teacher, currently staying at home with the kids. Should I start the divorce paperwork now?
posted by CaseyB at 5:54 AM on March 10, 2010

Yeah, I fell for that old trick, too, Peter. Those head nurses sure enjoyed their hazing.
posted by horsewithnoname at 5:58 AM on March 10, 2010

My wife is a teacher, currently staying at home with the kids. Should I start the divorce paperwork now?

I'd wait until she starts talking about going to nursing school.
posted by Pollomacho at 5:59 AM on March 10, 2010

Hey I don't see "spy" on the list; must be fake.
posted by Mister_A at 6:41 AM on March 10, 2010

One link to a Yahoo article?

Though I think actor/actress ought to make the list. Whichever are the unhappiest professions ought to make the list.
posted by anniecat at 6:44 AM on March 10, 2010

How many of those "stay-at-home moms" or "nurses" are, in reality, just employees of Ashley Madison?

Ashley Madison has many exciting income opportunities. Besides the obvious 'adult' dating service they can partner with local escort services to provide company for those professionals who 'just needs someone to go to this dinner thing with them'. On the other side, they can partner with local law enforcement's vice squad and have cops pose as e-hookers to snare johns.

And when the paid cheating ultimately ends in divorce they can auction off credit card records to the highest bidder, be it private detective, aggrieved spouse, divorce lawyer, or the cheater covering his tracks.
posted by device55 at 6:56 AM on March 10, 2010

Maude Lebowski: Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.

Is that from a movie?
posted by shakespeherian at 7:09 AM on March 10, 2010

Yes, it is from The Goonies.
posted by Mister_A at 7:30 AM on March 10, 2010 [8 favorites]

TOO SOON
posted by shakespeherian at 7:37 AM on March 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

.
posted by Mister_A at 7:38 AM on March 10, 2010

PeterMcDermott: "And the men who were perceived themselves as "powerful" or "influential" (like doctors, cops and lawyers), say their cheating was "justifiable."

One of these things is not like the others..."

Cops also like to say their homicide is justifiable.
posted by symbioid at 7:46 AM on March 10, 2010

And all this time I thought tabloid-friendly actors and reality show contestants were the ones most likely to cheat! Boy, am I glad I read the news today!
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 8:41 AM on March 10, 2010

I noticed the male doctor stock picture looks an awful lot like NY Governor David Patterson, who has admitted to extramarital affairs. A coincidence, I'm sure, but an interesting one.
posted by tommasz at 8:41 AM on March 10, 2010

An occupational hazard of being a male college professor is that infidelity rates are high.

I have to tell you, when I clicked the link I was absolutely certain I would see "Pastor" on the list. Making cracks about pederastic priests is fairly common these days - however there is a reflection of this epidemic in the Protestant churches - namely, of male pastors taking advantage of married women in their congregations. I had someone once shrug this off, "same happens with therapists, counselors, etc." but it goes significantly deeper. Professional boundaries in a typical therapist/client relationship are enhanced and delineated by time frames - i.e. "I am your counselor and you can reach me from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. and we have bi-weekly appointments." There's no such boundary for typical pastors - ostensibly supposed to respond at a moment's notice, 24/7 availability. Thus, in seminary we received a staggering amount of boundary training. I assume this was because I attended a relatively enlightened seminary - in fact, one course was taught by the general council to the denomination itself. Tons of boundary training. Furthermore, the pastor-parishioner relationship includes a moral, spiritual component which often metastasizes into "my pastor can do no wrong / is always correct / is the closest thing I have to Jesus in my life." This disadvantages the husband, and insofar as most protestant pastors are thoroughly addicted to being smiled at - they welcome the affection from their female parishioners. And then old Satan closes the noose, it's a dark and stormy night, the door to the pastor's office is closed and all kinds of nastiness ensues. Churches can disappear in a puff of smoke over this sort of thing - I was actually party to a "cleansing ritual" (exorcism) at a church that experienced this.
This is why I try so hard to distance myself from the shiny, loafer-wearing button-down protestant pastor image. I preach about my struggles with whiskey and cigarettes - because I think the "pastor as Jesus" trope is incredibly toxic to most churches. I'm a poor, lost sinner just as much as anyone else. "Pastor as Jesus" leads to women rejecting their husbands to chase after their (often married) male pastors. We've known for years that this is true in cults - most churches are no different.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 9:18 AM on March 10, 2010 [7 favorites]

We know these people are looking to cheat? So how do we know they aren't lying about their profession?
posted by Francis at 9:38 AM on March 10, 2010

So how do we know they aren't lying about their profession?

Sure baby, I'm a doctor, when I'm not Formula 1 racing.
posted by Pollomacho at 9:43 AM on March 10, 2010

Speaking of lawyers. A friend of mine went to law school with a guy who got busted trying to hire a prostitute like a week before his wedding, and just after graduating law school, before passing the bar.

Apparently he had just looked her up on craigslist.
posted by delmoi at 10:11 AM on March 10, 2010

It certainly takes a cunning linguist to pull off an exclusive alternative relation.
posted by akash at 10:30 AM on March 10, 2010

Cops also like to say their homicide is justifiable.

There are plenty of other threads on that subject to make stuff up in.
posted by Ironmouth at 10:51 AM on March 10, 2010 [2 favorites]

Old Gatlin Brothers song:
I'm a doctor, I'm a lawyer, I'm a movie star
I'm an astronaut, and I own this bar
And I'd lie to you for your love.
posted by fourcheesemac at 11:38 AM on March 10, 2010

The president and founder of AshleyMadison.com Noel Biderman notes these top professions are often high stress and require many to work long hours.

The professions listed also have a high degree of flexibility in their working hours/appointments.

Doctor/Nurses: "Oops, emergency at the hospital!" (or graveyard shifts, etc.)

Real Estate Agent: "Oh, I've got to show this house tonight at 10pm."

Lawyer: "I need to have a quick meeting with a client tonight at the Gold Club."

Stay-at-home mom: "Ah, nap time!"

Teachers: Free periods. (Sometimes) early afternoons.

Engineer is the one that doesn't make as much sense to me, but I suppose civil/electrical/etc. engineers are off on projects a lot of time, and software engineers are often pulling all-nighters. Combine jobs like that with kids and you just don't have the same availability or opportunity to cheat.

I'd guess the least common professions to use this site would be the ones that have the strict, regular schedules where you can't disappear for an hour or two: factory worker, telemarketing, waste management, retail, government.
posted by mrgrimm at 12:12 PM on March 10, 2010

I work on a campus with ~5000 other white, male engineers. looking around here it's a miracle that any of us can even get laid, let alone get ambitious enough to cheat.
posted by Dr. Twist at 1:04 PM on March 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

If you are already cheating, why would you need to sign up for a dating website?
posted by kanemano at 2:27 PM on March 10, 2010

shakespeherian: "Maude Lebowski: Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.

Is that from a movie?"

Obviously you're not a golfer.
posted by bwg at 5:08 PM on March 10, 2010