"There are actually guys who pay you?!"
March 11, 2010 6:13 PM Subscribe
Confessions of a Call Bear - "At 6-foot-3 and 245 pounds, he's a pretty big guy, though he "carries it well." His red hair is cut in a flattop, and he has a closely cropped beard, but he doesn't look particularly imposing." Rusty McMann is a 40something male escort.
"Look, they got boy whores! Isn't that thoughtful?"
posted by The Whelk at 6:20 PM on March 11, 2010 [9 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 6:20 PM on March 11, 2010 [9 favorites]
Link is now 404 for me.
posted by aaronbeekay at 6:21 PM on March 11, 2010
posted by aaronbeekay at 6:21 PM on March 11, 2010
This is the part where people ask me for the sordid details of my life on the edge of society, and the strange requests I must constantly get in my seedy little demimonde. But the boring truth is that those dark dabblings are few and far between. There was this one time in Phoenix when I was called to the far edges of the suburbs very late at night. When I pulled in the driveway the entire house was dark, including the doorbell. After a few knocks, someone looking like Gollum came to the door and brought me to the only room in the house with furniture or light. He poured Welch's grape soda into the chamber of a clear glass water pipe and started smoking either crack or crystal meth.
Awesome paragraph.
posted by stinkycheese at 6:27 PM on March 11, 2010 [5 favorites]
Awesome paragraph.
posted by stinkycheese at 6:27 PM on March 11, 2010 [5 favorites]
I call hoax--I remember reading something about the first male prostitute, and it wasn't this dude.
posted by box at 6:40 PM on March 11, 2010
posted by box at 6:40 PM on March 11, 2010
Allow me to let you in on one of the dirty little secrets of human sexuality: Hardly anyone (except for the very stupid and very lazy) has ever accepted the ideals of beauty and/or desirability as set forth by their respective cultures' Fashionable Intelligence.
Awesome sentence.
posted by box at 6:43 PM on March 11, 2010 [12 favorites]
Awesome sentence.
posted by box at 6:43 PM on March 11, 2010 [12 favorites]
I don't see anywhere that it claims he's the first by any means... And I'd be rather doubtful of _anyone_ claiming to be the first. The Roman Empire already happened, you see.
posted by kaibutsu at 6:44 PM on March 11, 2010
posted by kaibutsu at 6:44 PM on March 11, 2010
(The following links may be NSFW...duh!)
Looking at his website, it seems that Rusty is up for a "Hookie", one of the top prizes at the "International Escort Awards". Good luck Rusty!
posted by soy bean at 6:45 PM on March 11, 2010
Looking at his website, it seems that Rusty is up for a "Hookie", one of the top prizes at the "International Escort Awards". Good luck Rusty!
posted by soy bean at 6:45 PM on March 11, 2010
Pretty sure I saw this guy on my train ride into work this morning. Pretty sure I thought "woof" and smiled to myself.
posted by msbutah at 6:46 PM on March 11, 2010
posted by msbutah at 6:46 PM on March 11, 2010
Found it--first legal male prostitute. My mistake, kaibatsu.
posted by box at 6:47 PM on March 11, 2010
posted by box at 6:47 PM on March 11, 2010
Did metafilter just discover Salon today?
posted by Max Power at 7:03 PM on March 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by Max Power at 7:03 PM on March 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
I call hoax--I remember reading something about the first male prostitute, and it wasn't this dude.
That was the first legal male prostitute.
posted by kenko at 7:07 PM on March 11, 2010
That was the first legal male prostitute.
posted by kenko at 7:07 PM on March 11, 2010
"what happens in Vegas ... is dick."
I'll bet Salon rejected his request to use this as the title.
posted by Adam_S at 7:16 PM on March 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
I'll bet Salon rejected his request to use this as the title.
posted by Adam_S at 7:16 PM on March 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
box: "Found it--first legal male prostitute. My mistake, kaibatsu."
First legal American prostitute. Prostitution is legal in Canada so I'm betting there has been some hoser getting paid for, um, hosing, for quite a while.
posted by Mitheral at 7:39 PM on March 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
First legal American prostitute. Prostitution is legal in Canada so I'm betting there has been some hoser getting paid for, um, hosing, for quite a while.
posted by Mitheral at 7:39 PM on March 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
Oh. Dear. God. This is just cruel. He's like something I'd order out of a catalog. Wait, I guess if I were in Vegas, I COULD order him out of a catalog!!! I have a stupid weakness for furry bearded red heads. *swoon*
Anyway, I've been resisting making an FPP about this because it is just too crude and too brutal, but if you have ANY curiosity about the bears or gay lifestyle or what-have-you, here it is:
Kevin Smith (of Southwest Airlines rejection fame, amongst other things), has known about the bears for a while. He also knows that he's sort of a bit of a fetish object for that group.
He's okay with this. He's so okay, that he is producing a documentary film about the bears (which will premiere at SXSW, directed by close friend and bear extraordinaire Malcom Ingram), and he recently went to the International Bear Rendevouz weekend in San Francisco to do a panel with Malcom in front of a room full of bears. Here is the mp3 of that panel. [~1h, VERY NSFW, possibly NSFA]
Bonus link: Kevin's very own "inaction figure" of himself in full-on bear drag. It's just so CUTE!!!
posted by hippybear at 7:44 PM on March 11, 2010 [13 favorites]
Anyway, I've been resisting making an FPP about this because it is just too crude and too brutal, but if you have ANY curiosity about the bears or gay lifestyle or what-have-you, here it is:
Kevin Smith (of Southwest Airlines rejection fame, amongst other things), has known about the bears for a while. He also knows that he's sort of a bit of a fetish object for that group.
He's okay with this. He's so okay, that he is producing a documentary film about the bears (which will premiere at SXSW, directed by close friend and bear extraordinaire Malcom Ingram), and he recently went to the International Bear Rendevouz weekend in San Francisco to do a panel with Malcom in front of a room full of bears. Here is the mp3 of that panel. [~1h, VERY NSFW, possibly NSFA]
Bonus link: Kevin's very own "inaction figure" of himself in full-on bear drag. It's just so CUTE!!!
posted by hippybear at 7:44 PM on March 11, 2010 [13 favorites]
I'd hit that. I probably wouldn't pay for it, but I'd hit it.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 8:19 PM on March 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by ethnomethodologist at 8:19 PM on March 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
Pretty sure I thought "woof" and smiled to myself.
Okay this next sentence is for the gays. Everyone else plus your ears and think about ladies.
Hi there, Gays. Now you know I love you. You're like a family to me, I may have even called some of you Daddy at one time, so know this comes from a loving place. But can we just all agree to stop using the W-word? It hurts me. Inside. Thank you for your time.
posted by The Whelk at 8:31 PM on March 11, 2010 [3 favorites]
Okay this next sentence is for the gays. Everyone else plus your ears and think about ladies.
Hi there, Gays. Now you know I love you. You're like a family to me, I may have even called some of you Daddy at one time, so know this comes from a loving place. But can we just all agree to stop using the W-word? It hurts me. Inside. Thank you for your time.
posted by The Whelk at 8:31 PM on March 11, 2010 [3 favorites]
what is known as a "bear": bigger, hairier men who favor some kind of facial hair and tend to embody a jeans-and-shirt version of masculinity.
Whaddya know, I'm somebody's type.
posted by nanojath at 8:40 PM on March 11, 2010
Whaddya know, I'm somebody's type.
posted by nanojath at 8:40 PM on March 11, 2010
Hah Whelk that's why I laughed (on the inside). Because I am a skinny 23 year old, and my first reaction to him was "the w-word", a word that generally frightens me in its utterance.
posted by msbutah at 8:42 PM on March 11, 2010
posted by msbutah at 8:42 PM on March 11, 2010
What does "woof" mean in the parlance of our times? I thought it was an expression of dismay and mild derision, implying that the object viewed is a bit of a "dog's breakfast," so to speak.
posted by Scattercat at 8:42 PM on March 11, 2010
posted by Scattercat at 8:42 PM on March 11, 2010
It means said man would hit that.
posted by The Whelk at 8:43 PM on March 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by The Whelk at 8:43 PM on March 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
Scattercat I'm pretty sure that it's generally used as a sign of approval between bears/cubs/wolves/otters (don't get me started on that mess). Sort of like a wink.
posted by msbutah at 8:45 PM on March 11, 2010
posted by msbutah at 8:45 PM on March 11, 2010
(don't get me started on that mess)
Indeed. I don't feel the need to publicly indicate my preferences cause dear god just look at me.
posted by The Whelk at 8:47 PM on March 11, 2010
Indeed. I don't feel the need to publicly indicate my preferences cause dear god just look at me.
posted by The Whelk at 8:47 PM on March 11, 2010
Hunh. The things you learn on Metafilter...
I say "woof" a lot to mean more or less what I thought it meant. Now I'm worried that my semi-audible ongoing internal monologue about pretty much everything may have given someone quite the wrong idea.
Thanks for making me paranoid about my pseudo-verbal grunts, ya'll. This must be what it is to be a victim of the Gay Agenda.
posted by Scattercat at 8:52 PM on March 11, 2010
I say "woof" a lot to mean more or less what I thought it meant. Now I'm worried that my semi-audible ongoing internal monologue about pretty much everything may have given someone quite the wrong idea.
Thanks for making me paranoid about my pseudo-verbal grunts, ya'll. This must be what it is to be a victim of the Gay Agenda.
posted by Scattercat at 8:52 PM on March 11, 2010
Apparently we redheads smell and taste different, too.
this isn't true, is it?
posted by episteborg at 8:52 PM on March 11, 2010
this isn't true, is it?
posted by episteborg at 8:52 PM on March 11, 2010
What does "woof" mean in the parlance of our times?
As best can be traced, it originates from Young Frankenstein.
And that's pretty much what it means.
posted by hippybear at 8:53 PM on March 11, 2010
As best can be traced, it originates from Young Frankenstein.
And that's pretty much what it means.
posted by hippybear at 8:53 PM on March 11, 2010
There are actually men who hire me because they enjoy my company enough to take me to the opera, a formal dinner at the Plaza, or on a cruise to Mexico.
If this man is a personable and intelligent as he comes across in his article, I am not surprised.
Apparently we redheads smell and taste different, too.
As someone with red hair, this gave me pause. It's news to me.
posted by orange swan at 9:05 PM on March 11, 2010
If this man is a personable and intelligent as he comes across in his article, I am not surprised.
Apparently we redheads smell and taste different, too.
As someone with red hair, this gave me pause. It's news to me.
posted by orange swan at 9:05 PM on March 11, 2010
If this man is a personable and intelligent as he comes across in his article, I am not surprised.
Most of the gay escorts I've known have been quite personable and intelligent. Their clients were very often been high-and-mighty people, for whom dating (or being seen cruising at the gay bars) was simply too much of a distraction from their work. And regular people living in the closet.
My friends nearly invariably went on full-length dates with these folks. Sure there's sex. But there's way more skill to being a good escort than well-practiced fellatio.
Pays real nice, too. One fellow paid for his student loans, his car, and an AR-15 rifle on the wages in just a few months.
posted by Netzapper at 9:28 PM on March 11, 2010
Most of the gay escorts I've known have been quite personable and intelligent. Their clients were very often been high-and-mighty people, for whom dating (or being seen cruising at the gay bars) was simply too much of a distraction from their work. And regular people living in the closet.
My friends nearly invariably went on full-length dates with these folks. Sure there's sex. But there's way more skill to being a good escort than well-practiced fellatio.
Pays real nice, too. One fellow paid for his student loans, his car, and an AR-15 rifle on the wages in just a few months.
posted by Netzapper at 9:28 PM on March 11, 2010
orange swan - It's news to me.
Well, uh, yeah... you guys do. There's several kinda-sorta scientifically backed up ideas that "compatible" HLA causes people to like each other`s smell.
Redheads, to my nose, are really extra yummy...
posted by porpoise at 9:41 PM on March 11, 2010
Well, uh, yeah... you guys do. There's several kinda-sorta scientifically backed up ideas that "compatible" HLA causes people to like each other`s smell.
Redheads, to my nose, are really extra yummy...
posted by porpoise at 9:41 PM on March 11, 2010
>Apparently we redheads smell and taste different, too.
As someone with red hair, this gave me pause. It's news to me.
Don't worry about it. It's a baseless assertion. I KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE.
Original first sentence in my response was "Don't sweat it." I saw fit to change it.
posted by Mayor Curley at 10:01 PM on March 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
As someone with red hair, this gave me pause. It's news to me.
Don't worry about it. It's a baseless assertion. I KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE.
Original first sentence in my response was "Don't sweat it." I saw fit to change it.
posted by Mayor Curley at 10:01 PM on March 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
Netzapper: "Pays real nice, too. One fellow paid for his student loans, his car, and an AR-15 rifle on the wages in just a few months."
One of those things is not like the others.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 10:17 PM on March 11, 2010 [5 favorites]
One of those things is not like the others.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 10:17 PM on March 11, 2010 [5 favorites]
From the article: so I know exactly where not to step to keep from breaking off his sternum and killing him.
I don't think that came out quite right. Cause of Death: Trampled by Bear.
posted by Sparx at 10:31 PM on March 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
I don't think that came out quite right. Cause of Death: Trampled by Bear.
posted by Sparx at 10:31 PM on March 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
Netzapper: "Pays real nice, too. One fellow paid for his student loans, his car, and an AR-15 rifle on the wages in just a few months."
Joakim Ziegler: "One of those things is not like the others."
Seriously. He never should have gone into debt in the first place.
posted by codswallop at 10:49 PM on March 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
Joakim Ziegler: "One of those things is not like the others."
Seriously. He never should have gone into debt in the first place.
posted by codswallop at 10:49 PM on March 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
Huh. Not my type.
I'm more an aficionado of the 20-something twink that tragically turns out to actually be a signal-mixing, straight metrosexual who thought we were just really, really close friends.
YOU BASTARD! I WASTED TWO YEARS ON YOU!!!
*ahem*
posted by darkstar at 10:59 PM on March 11, 2010 [7 favorites]
I'm more an aficionado of the 20-something twink that tragically turns out to actually be a signal-mixing, straight metrosexual who thought we were just really, really close friends.
YOU BASTARD! I WASTED TWO YEARS ON YOU!!!
*ahem*
posted by darkstar at 10:59 PM on March 11, 2010 [7 favorites]
I hate to get all sensitive here, but...
One of those things is not like the others.
In America, there is really no inherent dissonance between going to college, owning a car, and enjoying firing guns. There are just as many gay people in, for instance, rural West Virginia, as other places (except urban places that many fortunate gay people have migrated to). A lot of those gay people grow up with guns. Some of them get to go to college. Almost all of them have student loans.
Irrespective of one's view of gun control, this is still true. It's just much much harder to be a gay person born with little pecuniary advantage in many parts of the US.
posted by Trapped Vector at 11:16 PM on March 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
One of those things is not like the others.
In America, there is really no inherent dissonance between going to college, owning a car, and enjoying firing guns. There are just as many gay people in, for instance, rural West Virginia, as other places (except urban places that many fortunate gay people have migrated to). A lot of those gay people grow up with guns. Some of them get to go to college. Almost all of them have student loans.
Irrespective of one's view of gun control, this is still true. It's just much much harder to be a gay person born with little pecuniary advantage in many parts of the US.
posted by Trapped Vector at 11:16 PM on March 11, 2010 [2 favorites]
Plus, I'm sure the 2nd Amendment said something about bears, didn't it?
posted by darkstar at 11:18 PM on March 11, 2010 [4 favorites]
posted by darkstar at 11:18 PM on March 11, 2010 [4 favorites]
Bears. Trust the gay culture to over-work something to the point of nausea. I like big hairy men, but vastly prefer they shave their faces. Sometimes that doesn't matter so much. But looking at Rusty here, that PA is just so totally a turn-off as to be an assault. But this is gay culture, and it's bears, and the bears have decided they like that sort of thing. Having labeled and branded it, it's all about standards and norms, just a different set. You will conform to the standards of nonconformity.
However, I like that article, and I like what Rusty has to say. It certainly goes well with my experience. Taste is a funny thing. Some people are ashamed for being attracted to anyone outside of cultural norms, and other people are happy to think less of someone whose taste is out of bounds. This is sad, except it produces a bounty. There are those who are lonely and needy, and totally blown away if someone comes along and finds them hot. I love that effect, I'm turned on by a partner's excitement.
posted by Goofyy at 11:18 PM on March 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
However, I like that article, and I like what Rusty has to say. It certainly goes well with my experience. Taste is a funny thing. Some people are ashamed for being attracted to anyone outside of cultural norms, and other people are happy to think less of someone whose taste is out of bounds. This is sad, except it produces a bounty. There are those who are lonely and needy, and totally blown away if someone comes along and finds them hot. I love that effect, I'm turned on by a partner's excitement.
posted by Goofyy at 11:18 PM on March 11, 2010 [1 favorite]
Glad to see this discussion taking place on the blue. It took me years of being self-conscious about being barrel-chested and hairy before I realized that some guys find that really attractive.
I'm really not my type, but hey, who am I to argue?
posted by MrVisible at 1:53 AM on March 12, 2010
I'm really not my type, but hey, who am I to argue?
posted by MrVisible at 1:53 AM on March 12, 2010
To give the bear subculture the benefit of the doubt, I'm going to go ahead and assume that they don't actually find Kevin Smith attractive, but are being polite to him because he so desperately needs to think they adore him.
KEVIN SMITH: Hey guys! So I'm really hot to you, right?
BEAR 1: (Whispering) Is that true?
BEAR 2: (Whispering) There was one guy on a chatroom, like, 15 years ago. He also had a thing for Denny Hecker.
KEVIN SMITH: I'm like a god in your world.
BEAR 2: Sure you are, Kevin!
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:23 AM on March 12, 2010 [7 favorites]
KEVIN SMITH: Hey guys! So I'm really hot to you, right?
BEAR 1: (Whispering) Is that true?
BEAR 2: (Whispering) There was one guy on a chatroom, like, 15 years ago. He also had a thing for Denny Hecker.
KEVIN SMITH: I'm like a god in your world.
BEAR 2: Sure you are, Kevin!
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:23 AM on March 12, 2010 [7 favorites]
It's like how the Inuits have a million words for snow.
sigh... no, no they don't
/derail
posted by jammy at 4:57 AM on March 12, 2010
sigh... no, no they don't
/derail
posted by jammy at 4:57 AM on March 12, 2010
Minnesotans have a million words for snow, but it's entirely based how you inflect one sentence: "So, whaddya think, pretty good out dere, ya?"
posted by Astro Zombie at 5:23 AM on March 12, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by Astro Zombie at 5:23 AM on March 12, 2010 [6 favorites]
If I were gay and in the market for this sort of thing, I'd insist on being the first out the door anywhere we went just so I would have a real-life excuse to announce "Exit, pursued by a bear".
Yes, I am a massive dork.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 5:45 AM on March 12, 2010 [8 favorites]
Yes, I am a massive dork.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 5:45 AM on March 12, 2010 [8 favorites]
"Exit, pursued by a bear"
(It's a dull design, but it's a nice try.)
posted by octobersurprise at 6:07 AM on March 12, 2010
(It's a dull design, but it's a nice try.)
posted by octobersurprise at 6:07 AM on March 12, 2010
I'd like to see that teeshirt redone. Make the person big, and the bear a little teddybear. I'm in a very good mood.
posted by Goofyy at 6:31 AM on March 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by Goofyy at 6:31 AM on March 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
Otters?!
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 8:17 AM on March 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 8:17 AM on March 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
The interesting thing about the article is how it plays into everything I've heard/been told about sex work. There is a fetish for *anything*, people pay for deliberate services (Having someone crush your chest in construction boots is not exactly something you can bring up in a bar) or for convince/closeted/less experienced/someone "safe" (a highly-paid sex worker isn't going to rob your house and more likely to be very up-to-date with their STD checks) or whatever, and the majority of customers are pretty average. It being Las Vegas may skew this a little, as the city is famous for it's sex work trade and transient nature - but it fits into everything I'd heard from male and female workers. So on that level, it's sort of interesting, but hadn't guessed there was a spot for every sexual niche'?
As for the whole "bear" de-rail. *shudder*. I've started my theory before, that the whole reason we've got this whole public subculture now is cause a generation of out gay men DIDN'T get all killed off by a horrifying plague and collectively hit 40, hard, and latched onto THIS thing - which now exists primarily to separate people from their money as do most things - and that combination weird high-school clique vibe I get from the whole thing (the only thing we have in common is a general phenotype, that icks me out) and the defination of what constitutes a "bear" going so broad that it's completely meaningless except as a way of choosing porn and or sex partners - which is what it should be.
There's several kinda-sorta scientifically backed up ideas that "compatible" HLA causes people to like each other`s smell.
I used to think I was really inclusive, I've been attracted to big guys, small guys, young guys, old guys, short guys, tall guys, nelly guys, guys who climb on rocks, whatever, but I was picking out possible models for an event "Oh he's cute, okay this one" when my co-worker pointed out all the guys I liked had very similar facial structure. Same eye shape, same ratio of nose to mouth, same forehead size ...then she went
Actually, those are YOUR facial features."
So I'm not inclusive, I'm just a raging narcissist.
posted by The Whelk at 8:25 AM on March 12, 2010 [4 favorites]
As for the whole "bear" de-rail. *shudder*. I've started my theory before, that the whole reason we've got this whole public subculture now is cause a generation of out gay men DIDN'T get all killed off by a horrifying plague and collectively hit 40, hard, and latched onto THIS thing - which now exists primarily to separate people from their money as do most things - and that combination weird high-school clique vibe I get from the whole thing (the only thing we have in common is a general phenotype, that icks me out) and the defination of what constitutes a "bear" going so broad that it's completely meaningless except as a way of choosing porn and or sex partners - which is what it should be.
There's several kinda-sorta scientifically backed up ideas that "compatible" HLA causes people to like each other`s smell.
I used to think I was really inclusive, I've been attracted to big guys, small guys, young guys, old guys, short guys, tall guys, nelly guys, guys who climb on rocks, whatever, but I was picking out possible models for an event "Oh he's cute, okay this one" when my co-worker pointed out all the guys I liked had very similar facial structure. Same eye shape, same ratio of nose to mouth, same forehead size ...then she went
Actually, those are YOUR facial features."
So I'm not inclusive, I'm just a raging narcissist.
posted by The Whelk at 8:25 AM on March 12, 2010 [4 favorites]
Oh and heard that the creator of Smokey the Bear had intended him to be a very different kind of bear but got overruled.
posted by The Whelk at 8:27 AM on March 12, 2010
posted by The Whelk at 8:27 AM on March 12, 2010
MetaFilter: I'm not inclusive, I'm just a raging narcissist.
posted by hippybear at 8:30 AM on March 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 8:30 AM on March 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
I've started my theory before, that the whole reason we've got this whole public subculture now is cause a generation of out gay men DIDN'T get all killed off by a horrifying plague and collectively hit 40, hard, and latched onto THIS thing - which now exists primarily to separate people from their money as do most things - and that combination weird high-school clique vibe I get from the whole thing (the only thing we have in common is a general phenotype, that icks me out) and the defination of what constitutes a "bear" going so broad that it's completely meaningless except as a way of choosing porn and or sex partners - which is what it should be.
Okay, yes, I totally understand how it all looks from this vantage point. But that really isn't how it started. You are correct in that it seems to spring out of the post-AIDS gay population, although it was entirely a response to the sanitized, shaved-body, urban metropolitan pretty boy queer image which was pretty much ubiquitous during the 80s. There is a lot of speculation that the reason this image took over from the more blue-collar, average Joe, mustache-clone look of the 70s was because it was a more "clean" and "uncontaminated" look -- a response to the AIDS crisis, certainly. But this new "look" being handed to gays didn't really suit everyone.
in 1987, when Richard Bulger and friends started publishing "Bear Magazine" as a photocopied 'zine, they adopted the subtitle for the publication "Masculinity Without The Trappings". Within two years, it went from bimonthly 'zine style to monthly black-n-white glossy, and was soon an international success. The early issues of the magazine were VERY social-political, focusing a lot on reclaiming some slice of homosexuality for men who were much more attracted to the masculine aspects of males -- beards, body hair, sweat, manual labor -- and were rejecting the force-fed media images of The Gay Man as being shaven-bodied pretty boys who seemed eternally 19 years old.
I personally found my first issue of Bear Magazine (Issue #11) in 1989, and it was largely instrumental in my own coming out process. Growing up in southern NM and struggling with issues of sexuality, I was mortified by the perception that I had that, if I was actually attracted to men, I had to want to wear women's clothing all the time, would be forced into a life of being a hair stylist, and was going to have to adopt fey mannerisms. Yes, it was an entirely false set of beliefs, but lacking any visible gay subculture at all to use as a reference point (and Las Cruces still lacks a gay bar, or even a bar doing a gay night once a week), it was a pretty understandable how I might have acquired them. Especially considering the Reagan decade and its own attitude toward queers.
Those early issues of Bear were heady reading -- full not only of photos of hot men and hot "friction fiction", but also shades of revolution, of men struggling toward a more authentic expression of self within the large umbrella of Gay. Shunned and sidelined for a decade or more, the macho fag was starting to reappear. There were letters from men all over the world who, in a situation similar to mine, were claiming a gay identity and coming out of the closet for the first time in their lives because they were seeing themselves, their turn-ons, and their interests reflected in some form of media. Finally. It was a pretty amazing, empowering thing to witness, even from the backwoods zone of the southern NM desert.
I started traveling to Albuquerque to participate in the "bear club" there. Mostly a social meet-n-greet situation, it was, again, an affirming experience to be surrounded by men who were "my type" and who would include me as being one of them in return. This was a marked difference from the times that I went, say, to El Paso to visit gay bars there. Walking into such a place as a bearded, boot-wearing man more often than not led to me having a "safe zone" around me at the bar and felt very alienating. In contrast, the bear club meetings were full of men with stories of having exactly that happen to them, too, and I suppose to some extent it was our mutual sense of rejection which pulled us all together.
Sadly, this sense of revolution and reclamation didn't last long. I have a hard time pinpointing exactly when things changed, but I'd say sometime in the very early 1990s, around '92 or '93, the snowball of the shift really began to roll down the hill. Several things happened all at once, it seemed. First, the "girth-n-mirth" crowd started to merge with the bears. This was a logical progression, as the fat men and those who liked them were in the same rejection-by-the-mainstream boat as the hairy men and those who liked them. (Yes, it's true -- when the Bear Movement started, it was not actually focussed on fat men, mostly hairy and perhaps stocky, but not the really really big guys.)
The second thing that happened was that all the bear clubs around the country started hosting annual "bear run" events. At first, these were a magical wonderland of tourist opportunities -- each city large enough to have an active and effective bear club would create an annual event, partially to celebrate its own existence and hopefully pull a few more locals out of the woodwork as members, and partially to serve as a lure for other like-minded men in other cities to come play tourist for a weekend. (And, yes, serve as "fresh meat" for the sex, which was and continues to be pretty ubiquitous at such events.) These bear gatherings started to turn into their own version of the circuit party, with their own cliques and superstars, the same (always wealthy because of the travel expenses involved), and as that subculture took hold, so did the marketing.
The morphing of the bears from Social Movement to Marketing Niche is a source of great sadness for me. Because as it happened, the desire to reclaim space within the mainstream gay culture for men who aren't fitting into the pre-determined ideals of "pretty" faded, and it just became it's own closed bubble. It has its own porn stars, its own circuit parties, its own lingo, its own bars, its own uniform... It's like a parallel universe established alongside, and the dreams of integration and acceptance seem to have faded.
Myself, I stopped going to bear gatherings years ago. I've tried three or four times to get a bear group started here in Spokane, but getting anything queer going in this city is like pulling teeth, so that really hasn't taken hold in any tangible way yet. I still identify as "bear", although anymore my smaller(ish) frame and lack of chest hair already puts me on the "outside" of "what a bear is". But until the day I die, men with beards and a few extra pounds are going to be the ones that draw my eye. There's nothing I can do about how I'm wired and what makes me go "ping". I will always have a bear paw print tattooed on my shoulder, gotten in the early, heady days of Beardom, when it was a statement of defiance and reclamation. A statement that, yes, I AM A GAY MAN, and though I may look like this and like what I like, you will HAVE to deal with the reality of faggots who don't fit your predetermined image. And I was saying that not only to the world in general, but also to the queers, because they would have rejected me, too.
posted by hippybear at 9:24 AM on March 12, 2010 [31 favorites]
Okay, yes, I totally understand how it all looks from this vantage point. But that really isn't how it started. You are correct in that it seems to spring out of the post-AIDS gay population, although it was entirely a response to the sanitized, shaved-body, urban metropolitan pretty boy queer image which was pretty much ubiquitous during the 80s. There is a lot of speculation that the reason this image took over from the more blue-collar, average Joe, mustache-clone look of the 70s was because it was a more "clean" and "uncontaminated" look -- a response to the AIDS crisis, certainly. But this new "look" being handed to gays didn't really suit everyone.
in 1987, when Richard Bulger and friends started publishing "Bear Magazine" as a photocopied 'zine, they adopted the subtitle for the publication "Masculinity Without The Trappings". Within two years, it went from bimonthly 'zine style to monthly black-n-white glossy, and was soon an international success. The early issues of the magazine were VERY social-political, focusing a lot on reclaiming some slice of homosexuality for men who were much more attracted to the masculine aspects of males -- beards, body hair, sweat, manual labor -- and were rejecting the force-fed media images of The Gay Man as being shaven-bodied pretty boys who seemed eternally 19 years old.
I personally found my first issue of Bear Magazine (Issue #11) in 1989, and it was largely instrumental in my own coming out process. Growing up in southern NM and struggling with issues of sexuality, I was mortified by the perception that I had that, if I was actually attracted to men, I had to want to wear women's clothing all the time, would be forced into a life of being a hair stylist, and was going to have to adopt fey mannerisms. Yes, it was an entirely false set of beliefs, but lacking any visible gay subculture at all to use as a reference point (and Las Cruces still lacks a gay bar, or even a bar doing a gay night once a week), it was a pretty understandable how I might have acquired them. Especially considering the Reagan decade and its own attitude toward queers.
Those early issues of Bear were heady reading -- full not only of photos of hot men and hot "friction fiction", but also shades of revolution, of men struggling toward a more authentic expression of self within the large umbrella of Gay. Shunned and sidelined for a decade or more, the macho fag was starting to reappear. There were letters from men all over the world who, in a situation similar to mine, were claiming a gay identity and coming out of the closet for the first time in their lives because they were seeing themselves, their turn-ons, and their interests reflected in some form of media. Finally. It was a pretty amazing, empowering thing to witness, even from the backwoods zone of the southern NM desert.
I started traveling to Albuquerque to participate in the "bear club" there. Mostly a social meet-n-greet situation, it was, again, an affirming experience to be surrounded by men who were "my type" and who would include me as being one of them in return. This was a marked difference from the times that I went, say, to El Paso to visit gay bars there. Walking into such a place as a bearded, boot-wearing man more often than not led to me having a "safe zone" around me at the bar and felt very alienating. In contrast, the bear club meetings were full of men with stories of having exactly that happen to them, too, and I suppose to some extent it was our mutual sense of rejection which pulled us all together.
Sadly, this sense of revolution and reclamation didn't last long. I have a hard time pinpointing exactly when things changed, but I'd say sometime in the very early 1990s, around '92 or '93, the snowball of the shift really began to roll down the hill. Several things happened all at once, it seemed. First, the "girth-n-mirth" crowd started to merge with the bears. This was a logical progression, as the fat men and those who liked them were in the same rejection-by-the-mainstream boat as the hairy men and those who liked them. (Yes, it's true -- when the Bear Movement started, it was not actually focussed on fat men, mostly hairy and perhaps stocky, but not the really really big guys.)
The second thing that happened was that all the bear clubs around the country started hosting annual "bear run" events. At first, these were a magical wonderland of tourist opportunities -- each city large enough to have an active and effective bear club would create an annual event, partially to celebrate its own existence and hopefully pull a few more locals out of the woodwork as members, and partially to serve as a lure for other like-minded men in other cities to come play tourist for a weekend. (And, yes, serve as "fresh meat" for the sex, which was and continues to be pretty ubiquitous at such events.) These bear gatherings started to turn into their own version of the circuit party, with their own cliques and superstars, the same (always wealthy because of the travel expenses involved), and as that subculture took hold, so did the marketing.
The morphing of the bears from Social Movement to Marketing Niche is a source of great sadness for me. Because as it happened, the desire to reclaim space within the mainstream gay culture for men who aren't fitting into the pre-determined ideals of "pretty" faded, and it just became it's own closed bubble. It has its own porn stars, its own circuit parties, its own lingo, its own bars, its own uniform... It's like a parallel universe established alongside, and the dreams of integration and acceptance seem to have faded.
Myself, I stopped going to bear gatherings years ago. I've tried three or four times to get a bear group started here in Spokane, but getting anything queer going in this city is like pulling teeth, so that really hasn't taken hold in any tangible way yet. I still identify as "bear", although anymore my smaller(ish) frame and lack of chest hair already puts me on the "outside" of "what a bear is". But until the day I die, men with beards and a few extra pounds are going to be the ones that draw my eye. There's nothing I can do about how I'm wired and what makes me go "ping". I will always have a bear paw print tattooed on my shoulder, gotten in the early, heady days of Beardom, when it was a statement of defiance and reclamation. A statement that, yes, I AM A GAY MAN, and though I may look like this and like what I like, you will HAVE to deal with the reality of faggots who don't fit your predetermined image. And I was saying that not only to the world in general, but also to the queers, because they would have rejected me, too.
posted by hippybear at 9:24 AM on March 12, 2010 [31 favorites]
I can certinally see the thru line there, and the added effect of No Internet and Small Town amphifiying the "wow I am totally alone in what I like" factor - not to mention the whole "The scene is never what it used to be" thang although I have to say a lot of my antipathy comes from the "This is just so god damned silly" part of my brain. The same part that thinks leather and boots are HILARIOUS - although I do sympathize with the safe zone feeling, no is as bitches as Dudes In Bars - i was convinced there was something seriously wrong with me cause only much older, very drunk men would talk to me. (until I realized older drunk men are the only people who talk to anyone, everyone else is too busy knitting)
But that's a damn good job of providing context there hippybear. Although now I'm wondering if I should cut my hair for San Fransisco or just let it throw down to my fucking shoulders.
posted by The Whelk at 9:37 AM on March 12, 2010
But that's a damn good job of providing context there hippybear. Although now I'm wondering if I should cut my hair for San Fransisco or just let it throw down to my fucking shoulders.
posted by The Whelk at 9:37 AM on March 12, 2010
Interesting read. I like how nonchalant he is about what he does.
Hardly anyone (except for the very stupid and very lazy) has ever accepted the ideals of beauty and/or desirability as set forth by their respective cultures' Fashionable Intelligence.
This is true, and yet it's sometimes very hard to reconcile that with being vocal/confident about your personal standards for beauty, for the very reason that those concrete ideas about beauty are so ubiquitous. At least, for me it is. When someone asks me what kind of guys I like, I tense up, because I always feel like it must be such a foreign thing to most people. I've brought it up on mefi a few times when it's topical, but that's a lot different than with face-to-face interactions. I think the reason is partly because I feel being exclusively into guys who fit the bear/cub mold is a kind of shallowness, same as a straight guy who only falls for slim blonde girls. Dumb example but you get what I mean. It isn't that big a deal, but I'm a neurotic person by nature, so I can't really help but bean-plate it sometimes.
I don't really bring up the whole "bear/cub/chaser" naming convention with anyone or use it in describing guys I like, both because a) actually saying it aloud feels really weird to me, and b) like some of the others upthread, there's this really strict conformist element to the subculture that I don't think is positive or useful. Truthfully (and pragmatically), the only real reason I align myself with the subculture at all is because that's the space that most of the guys I like inhabit.
Most of my good friends know by now what kind of guys I like, which is especially bizarre because most of them are straight guys who don't know many other gay people. It's never actually squicked anyone out to my knowledge, though they're usually confused as to why I'm not attracted to guys who look like Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp (who are apparently the dudebro's platonic exemplars of masculine beauty). But when it comes up it's almost always in the form of a good-natured joke, which I'd much prefer to uneasy avoidance of it. One of these days I'm going to bring someone out to meet my friends that looks like they just got done working on my car or moving my furniture, and they're just going to have to be okay with that.
OP: Thanks for sharing that, hippybear. There's a lot I don't know about the community; hopefully my post doesn't come off as trite. Growing up where I have, I've never really felt much of a connection to the community (to either beardom or gaydom at large), and I feel like I might be worse off for it. When I was young I spent many years wondering if there were other gay guys who didn't talk with lisps. I'm exposing my ignorance here, but I was young and confused. I didn't have anyone to talk to and no one to compare myself to except public figures (and there was quite a contrast). I never thought to seek out gay events or gatherings. In hindsight, it was kind of surreal. Thank god for the internet or I'd be a basket case.
posted by kryptondog at 9:52 AM on March 12, 2010
Hardly anyone (except for the very stupid and very lazy) has ever accepted the ideals of beauty and/or desirability as set forth by their respective cultures' Fashionable Intelligence.
This is true, and yet it's sometimes very hard to reconcile that with being vocal/confident about your personal standards for beauty, for the very reason that those concrete ideas about beauty are so ubiquitous. At least, for me it is. When someone asks me what kind of guys I like, I tense up, because I always feel like it must be such a foreign thing to most people. I've brought it up on mefi a few times when it's topical, but that's a lot different than with face-to-face interactions. I think the reason is partly because I feel being exclusively into guys who fit the bear/cub mold is a kind of shallowness, same as a straight guy who only falls for slim blonde girls. Dumb example but you get what I mean. It isn't that big a deal, but I'm a neurotic person by nature, so I can't really help but bean-plate it sometimes.
I don't really bring up the whole "bear/cub/chaser" naming convention with anyone or use it in describing guys I like, both because a) actually saying it aloud feels really weird to me, and b) like some of the others upthread, there's this really strict conformist element to the subculture that I don't think is positive or useful. Truthfully (and pragmatically), the only real reason I align myself with the subculture at all is because that's the space that most of the guys I like inhabit.
Most of my good friends know by now what kind of guys I like, which is especially bizarre because most of them are straight guys who don't know many other gay people. It's never actually squicked anyone out to my knowledge, though they're usually confused as to why I'm not attracted to guys who look like Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp (who are apparently the dudebro's platonic exemplars of masculine beauty). But when it comes up it's almost always in the form of a good-natured joke, which I'd much prefer to uneasy avoidance of it. One of these days I'm going to bring someone out to meet my friends that looks like they just got done working on my car or moving my furniture, and they're just going to have to be okay with that.
OP: Thanks for sharing that, hippybear. There's a lot I don't know about the community; hopefully my post doesn't come off as trite. Growing up where I have, I've never really felt much of a connection to the community (to either beardom or gaydom at large), and I feel like I might be worse off for it. When I was young I spent many years wondering if there were other gay guys who didn't talk with lisps. I'm exposing my ignorance here, but I was young and confused. I didn't have anyone to talk to and no one to compare myself to except public figures (and there was quite a contrast). I never thought to seek out gay events or gatherings. In hindsight, it was kind of surreal. Thank god for the internet or I'd be a basket case.
posted by kryptondog at 9:52 AM on March 12, 2010
I'm wondering if I should cut my hair for San Fransisco or just let it throw down to my fucking shoulders.
If you want to get laid, cut your hair. If you're looking for a job as an extra in Milk II, grow it out.
But can we just all agree to stop using the W-word? It hurts me. Inside.
This surprised me a little. How is a "woof" different than a wink, nod or a smile?
Great comment, hippybear. More insightful than the article. And I liked the article.
Thank god for the internet or I'd be a basket case.
Everyone who's ever felt completely alone and weird (i.e. all of us) agree.
posted by mrgrimm at 10:03 AM on March 12, 2010
If you want to get laid, cut your hair. If you're looking for a job as an extra in Milk II, grow it out.
But can we just all agree to stop using the W-word? It hurts me. Inside.
This surprised me a little. How is a "woof" different than a wink, nod or a smile?
Great comment, hippybear. More insightful than the article. And I liked the article.
Thank god for the internet or I'd be a basket case.
Everyone who's ever felt completely alone and weird (i.e. all of us) agree.
posted by mrgrimm at 10:03 AM on March 12, 2010
Everyone who's ever felt completely alone and weird (i.e. all of us) agree.
This surprised me a little. How is a "woof" different than a wink, nod or a smile?
It just ..annoys me. It's a stupid word and it's cliquish and it sounds dumb and it's mother dresses it funny.
posted by The Whelk at 10:10 AM on March 12, 2010
This surprised me a little. How is a "woof" different than a wink, nod or a smile?
It just ..annoys me. It's a stupid word and it's cliquish and it sounds dumb and it's mother dresses it funny.
posted by The Whelk at 10:10 AM on March 12, 2010
Milk II: A boozy Castro St. club kid discovers he's the only one who can see the ghost of a long-dead politician who encourages him to become more civic minded and responsible.
posted by The Whelk at 12:37 PM on March 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 12:37 PM on March 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
“Lucky for Bobby I earned a first aid merit badge in the Boy Scouts, so I know exactly where not to step to keep from breaking off his sternum and killing him.”
Ironic that I too am a large hairy flattopped guy who also earned a first aid merit badge in Boy Scouts, and every one of my interests, including the uses to which I’ve put this bit of knowledge, run the exact opposite way.
I also hate Vegas. Weird how people seem to have 'bizarros' of each other (presumably I'm the one with goatee).
posted by Smedleyman at 2:40 PM on March 12, 2010
Ironic that I too am a large hairy flattopped guy who also earned a first aid merit badge in Boy Scouts, and every one of my interests, including the uses to which I’ve put this bit of knowledge, run the exact opposite way.
I also hate Vegas. Weird how people seem to have 'bizarros' of each other (presumably I'm the one with goatee).
posted by Smedleyman at 2:40 PM on March 12, 2010
To give the bear subculture the benefit of the doubt, I'm going to go ahead and assume that they don't actually find Kevin Smith attractive, but are being polite to him because he so desperately needs to think they adore him.
i think kevin smith is adorable--as much for his friendly-natured embrace of the bear label as for his woofiness. even growing up, bear was my preferred type. i never really got in with the whole bear lifestyle and movement, but in my own experience it is as much about an attitude as a look. along the same lines, i never saw 'woof' as a version of 'i'd hit that,' but rather as a friendly greeting, much as i would howdy my girl friends with 'hi, pretty lady.'
posted by fallacy of the beard at 2:59 PM on March 12, 2010
i think kevin smith is adorable--as much for his friendly-natured embrace of the bear label as for his woofiness. even growing up, bear was my preferred type. i never really got in with the whole bear lifestyle and movement, but in my own experience it is as much about an attitude as a look. along the same lines, i never saw 'woof' as a version of 'i'd hit that,' but rather as a friendly greeting, much as i would howdy my girl friends with 'hi, pretty lady.'
posted by fallacy of the beard at 2:59 PM on March 12, 2010
Here are three letters to blast your past, hippybear: BML. My partner and I met on the BML, in 1995.
BO m+ d- w c+ t f++k-- e+
I was a B2 for 26 years. I actually kinda like myself as a B0 but no worries, it'll be back.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 9:38 PM on March 12, 2010
BO m+ d- w c+ t f++k-- e+
I was a B2 for 26 years. I actually kinda like myself as a B0 but no worries, it'll be back.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 9:38 PM on March 12, 2010
Here are three letters to blast your past, hippybear: BML. My partner and I met on the BML, in 1995.
HA! Yes, BML. I met my partner there too, around 1993. Back when #bearcave had recently split off of #gblf. The BML was such a great worldwide networking tool for so many years. I still know more than a couple of the guys I used to communicate with there.
I haven't formulated my bearcode in over a decade. Hrm. I used a tool to help me calculate this:
B5 f- t+ w d g+ k+ s++ m r+
I'm not sure how I feel about that. :D
posted by hippybear at 10:15 PM on March 12, 2010
HA! Yes, BML. I met my partner there too, around 1993. Back when #bearcave had recently split off of #gblf. The BML was such a great worldwide networking tool for so many years. I still know more than a couple of the guys I used to communicate with there.
I haven't formulated my bearcode in over a decade. Hrm. I used a tool to help me calculate this:
B5 f- t+ w d g+ k+ s++ m r+
I'm not sure how I feel about that. :D
posted by hippybear at 10:15 PM on March 12, 2010
« Older A sad end indeed | Redder Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by Kirk Grim at 6:18 PM on March 11, 2010 [15 favorites]