25 cents, same as in town

March 13, 2010 11:54 PM

The Joydick (NSFW) is a wearable haptic device for controlling video gameplay based on realtime male masturbation. Construction photographs.
posted by Blazecock Pileon (65 comments total)

This is the refractory period following sexual climax in which a person man can achieve no further orgasm and is filled both with pleasure and melancholy.

FTFY.
posted by Someday Bum at 12:03 AM on March 14, 2010 [8 favorites]

This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen.
posted by Skygazer at 12:04 AM on March 14, 2010 [5 favorites]

Sorry BP. I don't get it.
posted by Skygazer at 12:05 AM on March 14, 2010

It's all a little heavy handed, isn't it?
posted by aladfar at 12:06 AM on March 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

Weird. It's also referred to in the previous fatlab post
posted by a womble is an active kind of sloth at 12:09 AM on March 14, 2010

FTFY.

Well, to be fair, women have had Rez for a while. Guys should be allowed a little Centipede.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:11 AM on March 14, 2010 [5 favorites]

Yes, just ... why? Back when I stopped reading boingboing, I had the idea that every post there should come with a reason why people should care. Oh, a post about knitting traffic signs? Why? Why care about this?

So, why? Why use your erection as a game controller? I read the first link, but why, except that you like to play with your erection and like to play video games?
posted by Someday Bum at 12:12 AM on March 14, 2010

Someday Bum, I think you've answered your own question.
posted by finite at 12:14 AM on March 14, 2010 [2 favorites]

So, why? Why use your erection as a game controller? I read the first link, but why, except that you like to play with your erection and like to play video games?

Cause beating your best bro at sf3 third strike is that much more satisfying when you use your epic boner to do it
posted by threetoed at 12:15 AM on March 14, 2010 [9 favorites]

Atari's all well and good. But can this thing, uh, control a web browser?

A friend wants to know.
posted by bicyclefish at 12:20 AM on March 14, 2010 [2 favorites]

FTFY.

Well, to be fair, women have had Rez for a while. Guys should be allowed a little Centipede.

Fine, but how does that relate to the refractory period? (I admit, though, I might have been a little hasty to call the refractory period a male-only phenomenon. I don't know how the term is used technically. I am only used to it being used to refer to a male refractory period, and the article is centered on male anatomy, obviously.)
posted by Someday Bum at 12:26 AM on March 14, 2010

I never thought they'd pull this off.
posted by Abiezer at 12:28 AM on March 14, 2010 [11 favorites]

Why use your erection as a game controller?

Because it's there.
posted by dirigibleman at 12:37 AM on March 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

Combine this with Chatroulette and you'll have the world's first MMMORPG.
posted by Afroblanco at 12:47 AM on March 14, 2010 [27 favorites]

[From the clip] "Now even if you lose the game, you can still be a winner in life." Yeah, no.

"But now I can play Spanking the Monkey Island the way it was meant to be played!" Yeah, still no.
posted by Zack_Replica at 12:48 AM on March 14, 2010 [3 favorites]

something something Cock Band
posted by Rhomboid at 12:57 AM on March 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

Rock out with your haptic controller out.
posted by effugas at 1:10 AM on March 14, 2010 [3 favorites]

Hmm. Decidedly NON-FAIL. I'm comforted by the idea that any guy who'd be interested in this would also spend the bulk of his time at home. Instead of being outdoors, where I may be.
posted by heyho at 1:11 AM on March 14, 2010

I thought Nintendo had this controller already.
posted by Mikey-San at 1:28 AM on March 14, 2010

Mikey-San--

Indeed. They even had to release...umm...protection for it.
posted by effugas at 1:37 AM on March 14, 2010

Damn ... I really need to patent my "trackball pants".
posted by RavinDave at 1:50 AM on March 14, 2010

If you're looking for a suitable demo app, Japan's got you covered:

Irritating Stick, also known as Dengeki Iraira Bou (Irritating Electric Stick in Japanese), is a PlayStation video game published by Jaleco Entertainment, based on the Japanese game show, which in turn was based on a carnival game, where the player tries to maneuver a metal rod through a metal maze without touching the sides or else they would get shocked. The player would also experience hearing a loud announcer screaming to confuse them while trying to escape the maze.

You could only play up to level three, and some of the features were removed such as "multiplayer", "TV studio", "bonus", and "options".

This game was voted the worst game name of all time by gamerevolution.com.

posted by Rhaomi at 3:24 AM on March 14, 2010

Although I have practiced for many years, and I'm quite good, I still don't want to challenge the world record for masturbation.
posted by twoleftfeet at 3:46 AM on March 14, 2010

RAMIREZ! EASY ON THE VINEGAR STROKES!
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:47 AM on March 14, 2010

I don't think I can get it up for Centipede, personally.
posted by Meatbomb at 3:55 AM on March 14, 2010 [2 favorites]

Is it top-rack-dishwasher-safe?
posted by mikelieman at 3:57 AM on March 14, 2010

Amusingly enough, I've been telling my girlfriend to call it my "rumble pack" for years, so this won't change much for me.
posted by Mikey-San at 4:18 AM on March 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

No way, this guy is crazy.
posted by datta at 4:19 AM on March 14, 2010

<insert something about realized, playable version of Trucker's Delight here>
posted by floam at 4:20 AM on March 14, 2010

Boy, this is gonna make a death grip in God of War III a whole lot more terrifying.
posted by Effigy2000 at 4:22 AM on March 14, 2010

I don't think I can get it up for Centipede, personally.

Try harder.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:30 AM on March 14, 2010

Our impetus to win can be seen as a drive towards transcendence. A transcendence that is both over death and, in a sense, a metaphorical death.

Dude, you're playing with your dick. Literally. Don't overthink it.
posted by lifeless at 4:33 AM on March 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

Couple this with nethack and it'll take the coroner a week to pry the grin off of my face.
posted by vapidave at 4:40 AM on March 14, 2010 [4 favorites]

Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A NGGGHHAAAAHHHH oh god get a towel
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 4:40 AM on March 14, 2010 [2 favorites]

Of course, this assumes that wankers play video gam .... Oh, wait ;-)
posted by dg at 4:54 AM on March 14, 2010

*insert "turbo" joke here*
posted by HostBryan at 5:35 AM on March 14, 2010

Couple this with nethack and it'll take the coroner a week to pry the grin off of my face.

*wields Mjollnir*
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:50 AM on March 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

For ladies: a trackball version is in development.
posted by applemeat at 5:58 AM on March 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

Yes, yes, but does it vibrate?
posted by WolfDaddy at 6:15 AM on March 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

First person shooter?
posted by fire&wings at 6:36 AM on March 14, 2010 [3 favorites]

Release early and often.
posted by seanmpuckett at 6:52 AM on March 14, 2010

Add the ability to generate electricity and I foresee an end to the energy crisis. Though I think it might need a name change to make it on the list of alternative energy providers.

Someday "I'm freeing us from a dependency on foreign oil" could have a whole new meaning.
posted by tommasz at 7:29 AM on March 14, 2010 [3 favorites]

As a gamer who is oddly susceptible to Nintento-thumb, and in deference to my cock's tender situation, I will have to give this one a pass.
posted by carsonb at 7:54 AM on March 14, 2010

Finally I have an excuse for getting Viagra.
posted by localroger at 8:09 AM on March 14, 2010

At last, something that will encourage video-gamers to masturbate.
posted by WPW at 8:11 AM on March 14, 2010 [2 favorites]

He's shooting awfully fast in that demo video. Jesus Christ, man, slow down! Enjoy Centipede. It's not a damn race.
posted by graventy at 8:31 AM on March 14, 2010

Wouldn't this eventually rewire your brain to find 8-bit images and sound overwhelmingly arousing? This could be a problem at LAN parties - or not.
posted by tybeet at 8:54 AM on March 14, 2010 [2 favorites]

Two great things combined into one!

... that go together like chocolate and fresh oysters.
posted by markkraft at 9:21 AM on March 14, 2010

Could be useful at sperm banks...
posted by Maias at 9:52 AM on March 14, 2010

can't decide which has more wankery, the video or the writing...
posted by nathancaswell at 9:54 AM on March 14, 2010 [2 favorites]

At the end of the game, does the screen turn white?
posted by Tube at 10:03 AM on March 14, 2010

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Hairy Palms
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 10:43 AM on March 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

Videogames already have way too many quicktime events.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 11:24 AM on March 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

ypou can .type on0 one to%o
posted by crapmatic at 11:24 AM on March 14, 2010

Up up down down left right left right BA Start?
posted by yeloson at 11:56 AM on March 14, 2010

25 cents, same as in town

Well done.
posted by Adam_S at 12:39 PM on March 14, 2010

"There is now empirical evidence for the Extended Mind hypothesis."
posted by sebastienbailard at 1:21 PM on March 14, 2010 [4 favorites]

I've always been surprised that the Sinulator never seemed to catch on as widely as I thought it would. Teledildonics just doesn't seem to have much traction, though maybe I'm just running in the wrong circles...
posted by jasper411 at 2:33 PM on March 14, 2010

Seriously? No Wii jokes yet?
posted by brundlefly at 3:14 PM on March 14, 2010

brundlefly,

I think we're all very sensitive about the implications of accidentally launching the controller through a window.
posted by effugas at 4:12 PM on March 14, 2010 [2 favorites]

[From the clip] "Now even if you lose the game, you can still be a winner in life."

More like "Now even if you win the game, you can still be a loser in life."
posted by bhayes82 at 5:16 PM on March 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

"Camping on the spawn point."
posted by zippy at 8:59 PM on March 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

I can't believe I'm posting this just to say that I favorited Threetoed's comment simply for having mentioned 3rd Strike, and yet here I am, doing just that.

Mostly because it's an awesome game, and plus, hey, "epic boner" is a pretty hilarious phrase.
posted by DoctorFedora at 9:19 PM on March 14, 2010

This is the snerkiest thread that ever did snerk.
posted by effugas at 10:33 PM on March 14, 2010

jasper411: I've always been surprised that the Sinulator never seemed to catch on as widely as I thought it would. Teledildonics just doesn't seem to have much traction, though maybe I'm just running in the wrong circles...

One of us is in the wrong circles, though I'm not sure it's you.

See: Arse Elektronika (this is its fourth year) and Slashdong.org (which seems to be resting for a bit).
posted by Pronoiac at 11:34 PM on March 14, 2010 [1 favorite]