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Odd, yet funny drawings
March 19, 2010 8:36 AM   Subscribe

Tell that optimist, if he touches my glass again I'll knock his block off!
posted by Brandon Blatcher (48 comments total) 23 users marked this as a favorite

 
The wit, she is dry!
posted by grubi at 8:40 AM on March 19, 2010


The New Yorker, she is hiring!
posted by The White Hat at 8:41 AM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]


Fancy pants with a belt? Absolutely a poor excuse for fancy pants.
posted by sallybrown at 8:42 AM on March 19, 2010


Direct link to the subject post, which I misread the line as referring to an optometrist, and was expecting a story about a rise in attacks on eye-care professionals. I was happily surprised.
posted by filthy light thief at 8:49 AM on March 19, 2010


Have a look at these magnificent sausages.
posted by tastybrains at 8:52 AM on March 19, 2010


I was hoping this was a post about Dorothy Parker. Alas ..... I do like these charming drawings, though.
posted by blucevalo at 8:58 AM on March 19, 2010


Optimists make great pets.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:11 AM on March 19, 2010


I misread the line as referring to an optometrist.

Who might prevent this from happening in the future.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:16 AM on March 19, 2010 [4 favorites]


Optimists see the glass as half full.
Pessimists see the glass as half empty.
Engineers see the glass as twice as big as it needs to be.
posted by Babblesort at 9:16 AM on March 19, 2010 [9 favorites]


Tell that optometrist if he touches my glasses again I'll knock his block off.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:18 AM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]


Thanks for posting this! I'm not sure how I feel about a lot of these, which is generally a sensation that makes my life better.
posted by Greg Nog at 9:22 AM on March 19, 2010


Optimists see the glass as half full.
Pessimists see the glass as half empty.
Engineers see the glass as twice as big as it needs to be.

Optometrists make sure everyone can see the glass.
posted by i_cola at 9:26 AM on March 19, 2010 [2 favorites]


I like this.
posted by The Whelk at 9:28 AM on March 19, 2010


The glass bowl is half full, the glass bowl is half empty. Either way your goldfish is dead.
posted by Elmore at 9:35 AM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]


Optimists see the glass as half full.
Pessimists see the glass as half empty.
Engineers see the glass as twice as big as it needs to be.
Optometrists make sure everyone can see the glass.


We should feel lucky there's a glass at all...
posted by chavenet at 9:39 AM on March 19, 2010


Economist: Assume a glass.
posted by Babblesort at 9:40 AM on March 19, 2010 [2 favorites]


Q: What do you get if you hit an optimist?
A: A Soroptimist.

(sor-y)

p.s. I like these cartoons and their wry animal spirits.
posted by chavenet at 9:42 AM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]


Optimists see the glass as half full.
Pessimists see the glass as half empty.
Engineers see the glass as twice as big as it needs to be.
Optometrists make sure everyone can see the glass.

Linguists see four subjects orienting to a metaphor for optimism.
posted by iamkimiam at 9:50 AM on March 19, 2010 [2 favorites]


Optimists see the glass as half full.
Pessimists see the glass as half empty.
Engineers see the glass as twice as big as it needs to be.
Optometrists make sure everyone can see the glass.
Linguists see four subjects orienting to a metaphor for optimism.
Economist: Assume a glass.


Lawyers see a challenging battle to define the glass's level of fullness; in other words, $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.
posted by sallybrown at 9:54 AM on March 19, 2010


Entrepreneur: It's a miracle only half of it's gone. Ma'am, have you tried this water?
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:27 AM on March 19, 2010


Ecologists see the glass as half full - of poison!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:00 AM on March 19, 2010


Says the rabbit to the tortise: "He needs a bomb up his arse, that one."

The drawings are funny, but the one liners are gold.
posted by three blind mice at 11:29 AM on March 19, 2010


There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!

Terry Pratchett, The Truth
posted by misha at 11:49 AM on March 19, 2010


This is a link I desperately needed. My one New Yorker cartoon a day calendar is not enough to meet my demand for sardonic wryness.
posted by bearwife at 11:55 AM on March 19, 2010


Optimists see the glass as half full.
Pessimists see the glass as half empty.
Engineers see the glass as twice as big as it needs to be.
Optometrists make sure everyone can see the glass.
Linguists see four subjects orienting to a metaphor for optimism.


Waiters see the glass and say, "Can I get you anything to drink besides water?"
posted by msalt at 12:03 PM on March 19, 2010


The optimist says the glass is half full.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty.

The project manager/engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

The realist says the glass contains half the required amount of liquid for it to overflow.

And the cynic... wonders who drank the other half.

The school teacher says it's not about whether the glass is half empty or half full, it's whether there is something in the glass at all.

Anyway... attitude is not about whether the glass is half full or half empty, it's about who is paying for the next round.

The professional trainer does not care if the glass is half full or half empty, he just knows that starting the discussion will give him ten minutes to figure out why his powerpoint presentation is not working.

The ground-down mother of a persistently demanding five-year-old says "sweetheart it's whatever you want it to be, just please let mummy have five minutes peace and quiet."

The consultant says "let's examine the question, prepare a strategy for an answer, and all for a daily rate of..."

The inquisitive troublemaker wants to know what's in the glass anyhow... and wants the rest of it.

The homebuilder sees the dirty glass, washes and dries it, then puts it away in a custom oak and etched glass cabinet that he built himself using only hand tools.

The worrier frets that the remaining half will evaporate by next morning.

The fanatic thinks the glass is completely full, even though it isn't.

The entrepreneur sees the glass as undervalued by half its potential.

The computer specialist says that next year the glass capacity will double, be half the price, but cost you 50% more for me to give you the answer.

The engineer says (when the half is tainted) he's glad he put the other half in a redundant glass. (Based on a Dilbert cartoon by Scott Adams)

The computer programmer says the glass is full-empty.

The Buddhist says don't worry, remember the glass is already broken.

The logician says that where the glass is in process of being filled then it is half full; where it is in the process of being emptied then it is half empty; and where its status in terms of being filled or emptied is unknown then the glass is one in which a boundary between liquid and gas lies exactly midway between the inside bottom and the upper rim, assuming that the glass has parallel sides and rests on a level surface, and where it does not then the liquid/gas boundary lies exactly midway between the upper and lower equal halves of the available total volume of said glass.

The scientist says a guess based on a visual cue is inaccurate, so mark the glass at the bottom of the meniscus of the content, pour the content into a bigger glass; fill the empty glass with fresh content up to the mark; add the original content back in; if the combined content overflows the lip, the glass was more than half full; if it doesn't reach the top, the glass was more than half empty; if it neither overflows nor fails to reach the top then it was either half-full or half-empty. Now what was the question again?

The Dutchman would suggest to both pay for the glass and share the content. Then tells you he will have the bottom half.

The personal coach knows that the glass goes from full to empty depending on the circumstances, and reminds the drinker that he can always fill the glass when he wishes.

The grammarian says that while the terms half-full and half-empty are colloquially acceptable the glass can technically be neither since both full and empty are absolute states and therefore are incapable of being halved or modified in any way.

The auditor first checks whether the empty half is material and then designs the audit procedures to obtain sufficient evidence to conclude that the glass is indeed empty.

The waiter will hurry to replace it with a full one. For him there are no doubts: the glass was empty when he took it away; it is full in the bill that he brings you.

The magician will show you the glass with the full half at the top.

The physician says that the glass is not empty at all - it is half-filled with water and half-filled with air - hence, fully filled on the whole!

posted by zarq at 12:24 PM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]


Only try to remember... there is no glass.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:41 PM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]


The historian wants to know how the glass got here. And why half-filled?
posted by grubi at 1:20 PM on March 19, 2010


The cartoonist knows you have to draw it half-full otherwise it look empty.
posted by The Whelk at 1:27 PM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]


MeFites see a glass of water as a means to wash down all their euphemistic food memes.
posted by iamkimiam at 1:35 PM on March 19, 2010


MeFites see a glass of water as a means to wash down all their euphemistic food memes.

I, for one, welcome the glass half full of water as the perfect means with which to soak a plateful of beans about which to ruminate at excessive length.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:47 PM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]


Fancy pants with a belt? Absolutely a poor excuse for fancy pants.


Wait. Wait. Wait. This implies that to British people the phrase fancy pants means fancy underwear which implies over-reaching in a sexual arena rather than a ridiculous arena. THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.
posted by edbles at 1:52 PM on March 19, 2010


If your over-reaching in the sexual arena isn't ridiculous then you're probably doing it wrong.
posted by Babblesort at 1:56 PM on March 19, 2010


This implies that to British people the phrase fancy pants means fancy underwear

I was abroad once in England and a British professor was taking a group of us US-ians to visit a British prison. There were rules for this field trip, obviously, one being that we had to dress appropriately, so as not to "rile the prisoners up."

One of us asked, "Do we have to wear pants?"
The professor said, "JESUS CHRIST, of course you must wear PANTS!"
Another asked, "So skirts aren't allowed?"
The professor said, "FOR GOD'S SAKE IF YOU'RE GOING TO WEAR A SKIRT WEAR SOME PANTS WITH IT!"

It was all very confusing until we figured out "pants" = underwear.
posted by sallybrown at 2:02 PM on March 19, 2010 [6 favorites]


This post is either half full of comments I haven't read yet, or half full of promise.
posted by Elmore at 4:16 PM on March 19, 2010


Sorry, I meant to say half assed comments.
posted by Elmore at 4:17 PM on March 19, 2010


I was using my whole ass.
posted by The Whelk at 4:31 PM on March 19, 2010


I was an ass.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:47 PM on March 19, 2010


I AM ASS
posted by The Whelk at 5:53 PM on March 19, 2010


I ASS
posted by en forme de poire at 7:58 PM on March 19, 2010 [1 favorite]


IANAA
posted by msalt at 8:44 PM on March 19, 2010


A MAN A PLAN AN ASS PANAMA
posted by The Whelk at 9:41 PM on March 19, 2010 [2 favorites]


Ass you were.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:45 PM on March 19, 2010


Shaka, when the ass fell.
posted by The Whelk at 9:47 PM on March 19, 2010


I am as Siam.
posted by iamkimiam at 11:41 PM on March 19, 2010


ASSBURGER: Men on The Spectrum!

I am such a bad person for liking that joke as much as I do
posted by The Whelk at 12:02 AM on March 20, 2010


I'm so proud of all of you, it brings half a tear to my eye.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:26 AM on March 20, 2010


Mefites see the glass as a plate of beans.
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:01 PM on March 20, 2010


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