Warning: if you read this you'll probably never be able to truly enjoy an extraordinary cat video again.
March 31, 2010 11:02 AM   Subscribe

Don't say "poor wittle jaw." It's probably BROKEN. The Shocking Truth About 'OMG Cat' theorizes that a lot of cute cat videos might actually be painful for the cat (posted at The Awl).

The healthiest cute cat on the internet? Probably Maru. (YouTube Channel, previously)
posted by The Devil Tesla (81 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
 
Maru's owner said on his blog that he's not actually obese, but instead just has really puffy fur. So, healthy, playful cat.
posted by mccarty.tim at 11:07 AM on March 31, 2010


Holy crap that Lindsay is insufferable in her IM conversations.
posted by graventy at 11:09 AM on March 31, 2010 [8 favorites]


This is why we can't have nice cats.
posted by The Whelk at 11:09 AM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]


Lindsay: Feline AIDS was actually originally called "Kitty Adowableness Syndwome."

Shut up and turn off your computer.
posted by jbickers at 11:10 AM on March 31, 2010 [3 favorites]




Not that I don't sympathize and think that the criticism is more-or-less well aimed, but shouldn't the interview be with a VMD or vet tech and not a meme artist?
posted by The White Hat at 11:11 AM on March 31, 2010 [6 favorites]


"Shocking truths" are not "theories" but this does justify my feelings: LOLcats are bad and you should feel bad.
posted by m0nm0n at 11:13 AM on March 31, 2010


Not that I don't sympathize and think that the criticism is more-or-less well aimed, but shouldn't the interview be with a VMD or vet tech and not a meme artist?

Partially because it's supposed to be a little silly, this one guy saying terrible things to Lindsay (who everyone is annoyed about :p) to get her to react.
posted by The Devil Tesla at 11:13 AM on March 31, 2010


LOLcats are bad and you should feel bad.

If only for the rather thorough and horrifying explanation of how we have those original early LOLcats. Oh my God.
posted by joyceanmachine at 11:14 AM on March 31, 2010


PS: This is Maru's blog, bilingual in Japanese and English. So is his book, if you feel like funding the Internet-Industrial meme complex.
posted by mccarty.tim at 11:16 AM on March 31, 2010


Maru's obsessive compulsive desire to be inside things masks a crippling agoraphobia and need for security. Have some compassion people!
posted by The Whelk at 11:18 AM on March 31, 2010 [12 favorites]


I love The Awl. Lindsay may be insufferable, but Brad is such an incredible downer that I think their dynamic works.
Brad: There was this whole industry in the late 1800s of making post cards with cats on them.

Lindsay: Yes.

Brad: People don't realize though that cameras had really bad shutter speeds at the time.

Brad: So those cats were dead.

Lindsay: Oh my God.

Brad: They were stuffed and posed to look cute. And then people bought them because they were cute, even though you could pretty easily deduce that these were pictures of dead cats. And not even cats that had a full life–kittens specifically killed to be posed.
posted by eggplantplacebo at 11:22 AM on March 31, 2010 [11 favorites]


Huh. Sort of fits with my theory that most "meme" subjects are retarded.

Sorry, 'differently intelligent.'
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 11:23 AM on March 31, 2010


The tone of this is so jokey it's hard to tell how seriously we're meant to take this.
posted by infinitywaltz at 11:23 AM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]


Brad: They were stuffed and posed to look cute. And then people bought them because they were cute, even though you could pretty easily deduce that these were pictures of dead cats. And not even cats that had a full life–kittens specifically killed to be posed.

I CAN HAZ FULL, REWARDING LI...
posted by DU at 11:25 AM on March 31, 2010 [7 favorites]


Really didn't need to know about the "early LOLcats." Ugh.
posted by brundlefly at 11:25 AM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]


Imagine if this was a baby!

No. Imagine your pork sandwich as a baby. That's just as stupid.

If only for the rather thorough and horrifying explanation of how we have those original early LOLcats.

I'd like to see a trusted source for the "kittens specifically killed to be posed" claim. This article was the only one I could find (after an extremely cursory search).

Brad O'Farrell, who in addition to writing the blogs Snuzzy (about cute animals) and Moar Rawr (about evil animals) and a Tumblr entirely devoted to Cats + LOLing is also the loving co-parent of a cat named Amex. And if that isn't enough expert-ness for ya, Brad is also the original creator of the Keyboard Cat video.

That's not enough "expert-ness" for me. Though I'm guessing the whole thing is rather unfunny satire on political correctness? I dunno ...
posted by mrgrimm at 11:26 AM on March 31, 2010


Brad's allegations about the dead cat postcards are illustrated by a photo by Harry Whittier Frees, who claimed it was "patient, unfailing kindness on the part of the photographer at all times" that allowed him to get his photos, rather than death.

So which was it? Is there any evidence to substantiate Brad's claim? Or is he just winding Lindsay up?

And me. He is also winding me up.
posted by motty at 11:28 AM on March 31, 2010 [5 favorites]


The Shocking Truth About 'OMG Cat' theorizes that a lot of cute cat videos might actually be painful for the cat

A lot? The only examples given in the interview are the aforementioned OMG Cat and hundred-year-old photos. As far as I can tell, the average LOLcat image or funny cat video does not have a sick or distressed cat in it.

The only thing I've seen in a few YouTube cat videos that I don't like is cats that make the classic "I'm really pissed off" noise. It's kind of a long growly noise that's different from an "I'm in pain" yowl or a "Get away from me" hiss, and apparently some people just think it's funny sound that cats make rather than a sign that they are distressed.
posted by burnmp3s at 11:32 AM on March 31, 2010


You know what I don't get? This.
posted by tommasz at 11:32 AM on March 31, 2010


It's kind of a long growly noise that's different from an "I'm in pain" yowl or a "Get away from me" hiss, and apparently some people just think it's funny sound that cats make rather than a sign that they are distressed.

I like the sounds the cat is making in this video.
posted by infinitywaltz at 11:35 AM on March 31, 2010 [8 favorites]


Come on. You take a picture of a dog, it's always blind luck that you caught it the second before it looked away, because dogs are idiots.

Cats, in the meanwhile, are super boring UNTIL you get a camera out. Then suddenly they're ninjas, or doing their own version of that scene in Paranormal Activity where the girlfriend stares at the boyfriend for hours while he sleep, or they try to climb in toilet paper tubes, or they scamper up walls, or they glare at you in an entertaining way. They're all little Norma Desmonds, going mad waiting for their close ups.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:36 AM on March 31, 2010 [3 favorites]


Brad: People don't realize though that cameras had really bad shutter speeds at the time.

Brad: So those cats were dead.

Lindsay: Oh my God.


In Japan, every single souvenir shop (and there are a lot of them) sells all kinds of crap, most of it aimed a junior and senior high school students on some sort of excursion (company employees generally save their money for cigarettes and booze) with money to burn.

I took my parents to these shops to get some quintessential Japanese kitsch, and my mom noticed furry little cat dolls, which are sold at souvenir shops no matter what, presumably catering to the little old lady market.

"My goodness," my mom said, "these are made out of real cat fur."
posted by KokuRyu at 11:40 AM on March 31, 2010


You know what pisses me off? Oh come on, I know you do! I hate assholes who think they can raise a wild animal like a pet and then post videos like OMG my pet lynx is like major unhappy!! Who the hell are these dickmunches? DEAD MEAT, that's who, if I ever find 'em.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 11:43 AM on March 31, 2010 [10 favorites]


From the looks of it they'll be dead meat long before you get to them.
posted by The Whelk at 11:45 AM on March 31, 2010


Let's hope so! Go lynx!
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 11:45 AM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]


A friend's cat, whom I privately think of as Mr. Gentle and Dr. Bitey, will come running up as soon as I appear for a visit, bumping for petting. As soon as petting begins, he will roll over and that's when he gets bitey. If he is upright, no biting. If I ignore him, he will go retrieve the battered leather glove I left over (named "The Glove of Love") and drag it up to me so I can put it on and he can go into full attack mode. This is proceeded by the long, low paingrowl and some tail lashing.

He then leaps forward to attack my right hand (ignoring the left, always) and attempts to wrestle it. I will sometimes make accompanying music, dun-nah, dun-nah dun-nah! dun dat dun dun dun dun dun duh dah dun dun ... dun dat dun dun dun dun DUN DUN DAT DUN DUN!, because, well, he fights like Shatner, with maybe more biting. Fights will go on as long as they have to. After a while, he's had enough and will break it off, then appear much more friendly.

Cats don't need reasons to do anything. He, on the other hand, is the reason why I am looking for a lightweight falconing glove.
posted by adipocere at 11:47 AM on March 31, 2010 [24 favorites]


This dubious does not lend credence to its premise!
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 11:48 AM on March 31, 2010


"Brad's allegations about the dead cat postcards are illustrated by a photo by Harry Whittier Frees, who claimed it was "patient, unfailing kindness on the part of the photographer at all times" that allowed him to get his photos, rather than death."

Good catch, motty! In one of the links from that post it says that Frees often used his own cats, Rags and Fluff, in different photographs. (Which would be hard to do if they were dead and stuffed in a single position.) So while this may (or may not) be true in some cases, I don't think it was so for the photo used by the Awl.
posted by Kevin Street at 11:48 AM on March 31, 2010 [3 favorites]


Surely there is a veterinarian among our number who can knowledgeably comment.
posted by joeclark at 11:49 AM on March 31, 2010


...is also the loving co-parent of a cat named Amex.

An amusing image, if biologically implausible.
posted by atrazine at 11:52 AM on March 31, 2010


Some cats are just naturally chill. See: my boy Spike in a photo that got picked up by ICHC. That's a teddy bear sweater from a craft store. He was all "oh, whatevs." But he posed, and then his papa made me take it off him because it "was hurting his dignity."

His biological brother, on the other hand, would've torn my hand off for such a thing. Spike doesn't care. He's crazy human-like because he was a bottle baby and he'll go along with just about anything because he is a weirdo.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 11:53 AM on March 31, 2010 [4 favorites]


I'm with DU and brundlefly... learning about those dead Victorian kittens sucks!
posted by Mister_A at 11:54 AM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]


Ceiling cat is watching you partake in the oppression of his working class brethren for the cheap thrills of a jaded bourgeoisie. Power comes from the end of a catnip mouse on a stick. Pew Pew!
posted by Babblesort at 11:54 AM on March 31, 2010 [5 favorites]


That's your cat bitter-girl? I love that photo!
posted by Mister_A at 11:55 AM on March 31, 2010


I think it was meant as a joke.
posted by mr_roboto at 11:55 AM on March 31, 2010


Iz not joke. Iz serious bizness.
posted by Babblesort at 11:56 AM on March 31, 2010


People think the OMG Cat video is cute??

*shudders*
posted by Atom Eyes at 11:57 AM on March 31, 2010


Serious as a cold, dead plate of beans.
posted by Kevin Street at 11:57 AM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]


theorizes that a lot of cute cat videos might actually be painful for the cat

This has to be theorized about? Seems like it should be pretty fucking obvious to anyone with at least one eye and a partially intact brain. "Putting creatures in uncomfortable, frightening, dangerous or painful situations for one's amusement" is probably the lowest-level entry on my personal Scale of Reasons I Would Ruin My Pretty Good Life to Assault or Murder Someone If They Did Them Around Me and Refused to Stop.

...what, I'm the only one with one of these?
posted by Makoto at 12:01 PM on March 31, 2010


Yes, Mister_A -- his name is Spike. He was abandoned and left to die with his biological brother Milkshake (who is all white, and FULL OF EVIL) at the tender age of 2 wks. They were bottle babies -- Milkshake lives with our best friends -- and Spike pretty much got carried around in my shirt for the first 6 wks we had him. So he acts like a dog, taking after his sister the dachshund. LOVES the car, loves people, loves playing (he stands up on his back paws to box with my dad...and only my dad)... putting clothes on him is child's play, let alone getting him to pose.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 12:02 PM on March 31, 2010


Lindsay: That kind of sounds like cat propaganda.

Brad: Because if everyone's cat did that then we'd all have viral videos.

Lindsay: We kind of all do!


Lindsay is such an idiot, obviously having never seen a real cat in her life. Everyone knows that all healthy cats are perfectly predictable and dignified at all times.
posted by tastybrains at 12:02 PM on March 31, 2010


The Shocking TruthSpeculations or Just Plain Made-Up Bullshit About 'OMG Cat'
posted by Halloween Jack at 12:06 PM on March 31, 2010 [2 favorites]


Why's everyone got to be such downers? Maybe they just drugged the cats to keep them still.
posted by smackfu at 12:07 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]




Is there any evidence to substantiate Brad's claim?

I call photoshop taxidermy?

I'll bet my spiffing new pennyfarthing that the Frees ones are not are stuffed, or even dead. Too much Vital Magnetism. Compare and contrast with Walter Potter (no relation to Beatrix I hope) who had a creepy line in kitten dioramas, if you want to see the unmistakable deformed, glassy-eyed look.
posted by Erasmouse at 12:12 PM on March 31, 2010 [3 favorites]


"Check out OMG Baby, LOL, it doesn't close its mouth, it just looks at the camera in a fixed-scream!"

The whole Lindsay-IM-ridiculousness is almost too much, but this line is hilarious.
posted by punchdrunkhistory at 12:12 PM on March 31, 2010


I guess I'm confusing 'shocking' truth with 'boring' truth.

"A cat acting not normally might be less normal than a cat acting normally."

We're right at the cutting edge of science here, eh? Also, after watching my cat toy with an injured bird it had no intention of eating; slowly and pleasurably shredding and disemboweling it, I see no karmic problem with chuckling at this cat. Or any cat, really.

I also had no problem chuckling with people laughing at me when I had a very comical injury that hurt like hell and involved a contraption that looked pretty funny. Why shouldn't people have laughed at me? I looked ridiculous. I don't get the problem. What the hell is a pratfall? Laughing at something in pain. Almost all humor is laughing at some other thing in pain. We laugh cause it's not us. And if we are sufficiently advanced, we laugh cause it IS us.
posted by umberto at 12:16 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]


Speculation in the comments there that the cat has brown fur on his chin and throat, creating an optical illusion. Kinda makes sense when you watch how the video starts from above.
posted by Iteki at 12:25 PM on March 31, 2010


will come running up as soon as I appear for a visit, bumping for petting. As soon as petting begins, he will roll over and that's when he gets bitey.

As a general rule, cats don't like having their bellies touched unless it's someone they're really close to and they're feeling particularly relaxed/lazy. When a cat rolls over for you, it probably isn't asking for a rub, but just assuming a vulnerable position to show that it trusts you. But it probably doesn't trust you enough for a belly scratch - especially if you're always trying to give it one :)
posted by regicide is good for you at 12:38 PM on March 31, 2010


My late cat, Rabbit, was a fat tuxedo Manx with a fluffy white belly which she used as bait. She'd lie on her back, looking all eager for a belly rub, but as soon as you put your hand too close she'd attack.

I miss her very much.
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:46 PM on March 31, 2010 [2 favorites]


Flehmen response?

Solved.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:48 PM on March 31, 2010


Oh, I know about bellyrubs and cats vs. dogs. I'm good with cats. This behavior occurs if I pat him on the head or cheek or belly or back or anywhere. He gets on his side, he wants to bite. You do not have to be touching him. If your hand is within grabbing-pull-down-bite range, that is what will happen. If he is held upright, you can pet him anywhere you please. It does not matter who attempts to pet him when he is on his side. The time of day, weather, what you're wearing, which side he falls upon, none of these matter. Kitty treat in hand? Irrelevant. Your biological tissues will be assimilated in my jaws. Are you the dog, some ten times in mass, walking harmlessly by? Bite.

As far as I can tell, there's a little mercury switch in his head connected directly to his limbic system. That's cats for you. They may have rules, but the origin of those is utterly mysterious and their enforcement may range from completely random to approaching the certainty one might have for basic laws of physics.
posted by adipocere at 12:55 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]




Oops. Even Cats.
posted by condour75 at 12:56 PM on March 31, 2010


No cat is normal. I've lived with too many in the last 20 years to think otherwise. My current cat, a black Manx named Simon, is nutsoid. He's passive-aggressive sometimes, playful a lot, eats almost *any food you can imagine* (including tomatoes, lettuce, and asparagus), follows me everywhere, can't meow properly, can magically detect when I have a bag of beef jerky (even when I'm being quiet and haven't opened it yet), loves to snuggle on my neck, plays fetch, chews rawhide, as a yearning to climb into any empty box nearby, cleans any surface that resembles fur (including my arm hair, chair upholstery), loves water, can fall asleep in my arms, and is needy as can be.

I love the hell out of him.
posted by grubi at 1:10 PM on March 31, 2010 [6 favorites]




You know, it doesn't seem inconceivable to me that out of the hundreds of millions of cats people have owned, one would be born that holds its jaw in a funny way. Also, the idea that you can't train cats is a myth. If a cat can hold its jaw that way without pain (and they certainly yawn wider than that) they can probably be trained to do it on command.

That being said, it probably is more likely that the cat either went off and broke its jaw, or had a toothache, and the owner just didn't know. However, it's not the only possibility by any means.
posted by Mitrovarr at 1:12 PM on March 31, 2010


I never really understood the LOLCat thing....so I'm just distressed by The Awl conversation.
posted by zizzle at 1:13 PM on March 31, 2010


It might just be me, but the fact that those old lolcats are not taxidermy and that The Awl is wrong kind of makes me enjoy this more.
posted by The Devil Tesla at 1:14 PM on March 31, 2010


I hope a veterinarian weighs in.
posted by morganannie at 1:19 PM on March 31, 2010


Maru is awesome. Maru should be packaged as an alternative to Zoloft.
posted by jrochest at 1:32 PM on March 31, 2010


Maru could totally fit into a pill bottle if he wanted to.
posted by The Whelk at 1:43 PM on March 31, 2010 [6 favorites]


Maru could kick Chuck Norris up and down the block.
posted by Babblesort at 1:50 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]


Judging solely from Wikipedia articles, it seems that focal length was pretty quickly shortened, and by the 1870s was what I would classify as "fast enough so the cat is probably alive". So you can probably rest easy.

(Note: I know nothing about cameras)
posted by graventy at 1:52 PM on March 31, 2010


I took my parents to these shops to get some quintessential Japanese kitsch, and my mom noticed furry little cat dolls, which are sold at souvenir shops no matter what, presumably catering to the little old lady market.

"My goodness," my mom said, "these are made out of real cat fur."


There's a real "Pickman's Model" dynamic here.
posted by Pope Guilty at 2:05 PM on March 31, 2010 [2 favorites]


Maru is my favorite internet cat EVER.
posted by radiosilents at 2:30 PM on March 31, 2010


Gotta add my props to Maru. Instantly pwned, as they say.
posted by umberto at 3:02 PM on March 31, 2010


This is our cat Yorvit. We're pretty sure he has cerebellar hypoplasia, just like Charley. Yorvit's awesome. He's wobbly and runs funny and can't jump up or down very well, and has no idea that he's got any difficulties. He likes to wrestle with his (not related by blood but we adopted them together) brother Roswell. photos by mefi's own mrzarquon
posted by rtha at 3:17 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]


As a general rule, cats don't like having their bellies touched unless it's someone they're really close to and they're feeling particularly relaxed/lazy. When a cat rolls over for you, it probably isn't asking for a rub, but just assuming a vulnerable position to show that it trusts you. But it probably doesn't trust you enough for a belly scratch - especially if you're always trying to give it one

My cat (who now lives with my sister in Australia) likes having his belly scratched, at least by me. When I'm stroking the side of his neck, he gradually tilts down against my hand until he reaches a tipping point and enters a controlled fall, exposing his belly. Then he looks at me, as if to say "well, what are you waiting for?"

I imagine that if you're a cat and have someone whom you can trust who has fingers, having your belly scratched is probably quite pleasant.
posted by acb at 3:20 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]


I have no idea how to take this except it makes me angry and confused.
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:22 PM on March 31, 2010




In the good old days, my friends had an old, large, ill-tempered, long-haired Angora named Syd.

(puts on welder's gloves) "Let's play with Syd".
posted by ovvl at 4:43 PM on March 31, 2010


... and he'll go along with just about anything because he is a weirdo.

They're all weirdos. We've established that with science.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 6:14 PM on March 31, 2010 [1 favorite]


My cat for some reason occasionally runs upstairs, picks up a shoe, and then carries it downstairs meowing the whole time. When I call him he drops the shoe and runs to me. If no one's home he drops it at the bottom of the stairs. If we're gone for a day we come home to a pile of shoes at the bottom of the stairs.

He's also an unpredictable, violent prick, and I love him.
posted by Huck500 at 7:18 PM on March 31, 2010 [4 favorites]


The Devil Tesla: "Don't say "poor wittle jaw." It's probably BROKEN."

Aw, man... I had thought OMG Cat was an optical illusion, that the open mouth was really just a spot under its chin. Now it's creepy.

Sys Rq: "Determined or not, that cat must be long dead."

Inspirational Poster Kitten Falls To Death After 17 Years
posted by Rhaomi at 8:09 PM on March 31, 2010


They say* Harry Whittier Frees used a painted backdroppy-thing, and poked the animal's head through a hole. If that's true, then yay. No dead kittehs, no wires holding their little limbs in unnatural poses.

*Those people who say these things.
posted by merelyglib at 9:23 PM on March 31, 2010


My cat for some reason occasionally runs upstairs, picks up a shoe, and then carries it downstairs meowing the whole time.

Mine does this, most frequently with boxer shorts, towels or anything else that smells like my boyfriend. Sometimes he sits on it triumphantly: "HA! you're at work and I've got your boxer shorts and the whole house is MINE!"
posted by bitter-girl.com at 5:56 AM on April 1, 2010


Flehmen response?
Flehmen response.
Flehmen response.
posted by Grimgrin at 3:08 PM on March 31


Thank you so much for that! My cat does this and I just thought he was breathing through his mouth when he smelled something bad!
posted by orme at 8:55 AM on April 1, 2010


I hope a veterinarian weighs in.

I asked a frend of mine who is a vet and she wrote the following:
I looked at the video a few times, and it looks to me as though the cat has its mouth closed at the beginning, although it could be the camera angle. I choose to believe the cat is actually just horrified about the camera and making the same crazy cat yowling that I have seen numerous cats make when faced with another cat on the other side of the sliding glass door. So the mouth is a bit more open than most. I don't think it necessarily points to a pathology. I would have to examine to know for certain, but I've seen a great many cats with broken jaws and a few with tongue infections and electrical burns on their tongue and have never seen one look like that.
So, there you are.
posted by moonbiter at 12:46 PM on April 1, 2010 [1 favorite]


Pet parents? You meant these people had sex with their pets' mommies/daddies?

Eww.
posted by Eideteker at 12:24 PM on April 2, 2010


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