Highly Unlikely Subway Maps

April 5, 2010 11:37 AM

Transit Authority Figures. "A fanciful sendup of traditional subway maps takes locations that will never have a subway and imagines what the map would look like if they did."
posted by rouftop (46 comments total)

I guess it'll take them a while to work their way out to Michigan. . . . But in the meantime, the Fire Island one is great!
posted by FelliniBlank at 11:41 AM on April 5, 2010

The Northampton/Amherst one made me nostalgic for all of those times I was stuck in bridge traffic, wishing there was another way.
posted by dinty_moore at 11:43 AM on April 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

Yeah, but these are all places that are, at least, frequented by folks who live in cities with subways.

I've enjoyed printing out a map of my midwestern hometown and plotting a subway/light rail system there. Naming the lines after friends of mine, making sure the art museum gets a stop, etc.
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 11:48 AM on April 5, 2010

I bet these will sell like hotcakes due to their intense awesomeness.

SeattleGYOBFilter: a couple years ago, a tiny little streetcar was built in Seattle's South Lake Union neighborhood, and it's commonly referred to as the South Lake Union Trolley (SLUT). I ran across a hypothetical map for a network of streetcars in Seattle that will never happen, and had some acronym fun on CafePress with the Connected Urban Network of Trolleys for Seattle.
posted by gurple at 11:48 AM on April 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Ha, I once had to do some set directions for a Steampunkish thing. First thing I thought of where big-ass "Metropolitan Transit System" service advisories saying that Westminster Station connection to Potzdamer Platz is closed, please use Louvre or Centraal-Amsterdam detour, etc etc.
posted by The Whelk at 11:52 AM on April 5, 2010

I grew up in the Pioneer Valley, so the Northampton/Amherst one is amazingly wonderful wishful thinking. The Route 9 corridor would've been awesome.

But no native would ever dare call it Noho. It was always "Hamp", dammit.
posted by Spatch at 11:56 AM on April 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

A tube map for the real Northampton would have to have a stop called "Wizards Cottage".
posted by Artw at 12:02 PM on April 5, 2010

Pepsi Neat But Very, Very Blue
posted by DU at 12:09 PM on April 5, 2010

Neat-o. I'm trying to imagine one for Iowa City but can't; there's hardly anything of interest outside of the downtown.
posted by LSK at 12:16 PM on April 5, 2010

Yeah, but these are all places that are, at least, frequented by folks who live in cities with subways.

And enjoy musical theater.
posted by 445supermag at 12:20 PM on April 5, 2010

Is this something I'd have to be someone who "summers" in the northeast U.S. to understand?
posted by grouse at 12:21 PM on April 5, 2010

Man, I was kind of hoping there would be subway maps of fictional locations, like Middle-Earth. (One does not simply take the Green Line into Mordor.)
posted by Metroid Baby at 12:24 PM on April 5, 2010 [21 favorites]

But no native would ever dare call it Noho. It was always "Hamp", dammit.

As a redblooded Western Mass native, I have to call this out. I hear this all the time, but I never met one person who said "Hamp" in my entire life. They all live on the Internet. Am I really old or something?
posted by zvs at 12:51 PM on April 5, 2010

If they ever do New Orleans I will totally buy it.
posted by localroger at 12:54 PM on April 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Seconding the use of Noho by real live people. "Hamp" sounds like the sidekick in a Bogart movie.

I love subway maps, real and imagined, although I do think grouse has a point...
posted by mykescipark at 12:59 PM on April 5, 2010

One does not simply take the Green Line into Mordor.

At least not while all this track work is going on. What you have to do, see, is take the Gondor-bound B, get off at Rohan, and transfer to the 6 to Orodruin. Make sure you don't take the 5 though, since that runs as an express to Barad-dûr.
posted by strangely stunted trees at 1:01 PM on April 5, 2010 [14 favorites]

gurple: I bet these will sell like hotcakes due to their intense awesomeness.

SeattleGYOBFilter: a couple years ago, a tiny little streetcar was built in Seattle's South Lake Union neighborhood, and it's commonly referred to as the South Lake Union Trolley (SLUT). I ran across a hypothetical map for a network of streetcars in Seattle that will never happen, and had some acronym fun on CafePress with the Connected Urban Network of Trolleys for Seattle.

That's only fitting to call it the Connected Urban Network of Trolleys for Seattle. See, I've long felt that Seattle's map looked kind of like a woman: Magnolia/Ballard and Madrona/UW/Sandpoint are like the hips, Lake Union is like a uterus, the two locks are like the fallopian tubes, Green Lake is like the navel...

I can't be the only person who sees this!!!
posted by hincandenza at 1:02 PM on April 5, 2010

These are pretty neat, I suppose (and my folks live just outside Manchester, so it's swell to see the weird little locales in their neighborhood getting recognition), but is there any reason we can't see the whole thing at once instead of having to look at a wee pinhole of it at a time? Aren't the point of maps usually to see how things relate to one another spatially? I don't want to buy the poster if I don't know that you've rendered Wilcox Flats in the proper general direction from Malfunction Junction, dammit.
posted by GodricVT at 1:04 PM on April 5, 2010

I can't be the only person who sees this!!!

No, some of my friends regularly refer to Lake Union as "Lake Uterus."
posted by grouse at 1:07 PM on April 5, 2010

very surprised there wasn't one for los angeles...then rememebered, oh yeah, there already is a subway...

also, as cute as these look on the innernets, if you saw them in the real world, say, hanging on the wall of one of the charming little cottages that populate these locales, you would be throwing up in your mouth, and not just a little...
posted by sexyrobot at 1:08 PM on April 5, 2010

but is there any reason we can't see the whole thing at once instead of having to look at a wee pinhole of it at a time?

So you'll buy the poster? If you hover over the small image, you'll see the url for the full image in the status bar.
posted by Combustible Edison Lighthouse at 1:19 PM on April 5, 2010

One of these is going up next to my Ork neighborhood poster.
posted by djb at 1:20 PM on April 5, 2010

GodricVT: These are pretty neat, I suppose (and my folks live just outside Manchester, so it's swell to see the weird little locales in their neighborhood getting recognition), but is there any reason we can't see the whole thing at once instead of having to look at a wee pinhole of it at a time? Aren't the point of maps usually to see how things relate to one another spatially? I don't want to buy the poster if I don't know that you've rendered Wilcox Flats in the proper general direction from Malfunction Junction, dammit.

I should think the reason is to avoid easily copying a high-res image, expanding it out, and printing your own copy.

Which is silly, of course, since you can just hover over the small image (or copy/paste the link from the Media section under Firefox's "View Page Info") and find this. But then, people are still using the no-right-click javascript in 2010.
posted by hincandenza at 1:21 PM on April 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

See also the Cincinnati transit map, which maintains the whimsy for those of us who can't hear the word Nantucket without visibly cringing.
posted by Copronymus at 1:26 PM on April 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

This is awesome; too bad I know nothing of their current New England-centric locations.
posted by reductiondesign at 1:29 PM on April 5, 2010

if you saw them in the real world, say, hanging on the wall of one of the charming little cottages that populate these locales, you would be throwing up in your mouth, and not just a little...

That's why I'm hoping they start doing the second cities of MA, like Worcester. I'd buy one for home and one for work.
posted by rollbiz at 1:30 PM on April 5, 2010

So you'll buy the poster? If you hover over the small image, you'll see the url for the full image in the status bar.

Well, yes, of course. I guess I'm not saying that they don't have their reasons, or that there aren't workarounds. I'm saying that this design choice is annoying and counterproductive (if it's supposed to be getting me excited enough about this to buy a poster). Lots of sites on the internet sell printed images (I do this myself, actually) without worrying about people stealing them by putting up only mid-res but still legible images, images with watermarks, etc. This thing is just an irritating geegaw for the sake of geegawery.
posted by GodricVT at 1:44 PM on April 5, 2010

Gosh, how awesome is this???

I love public transportation. I'm just bummed that ours is so limited and has such prozaic names for the stops. (City Center!)
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 1:48 PM on April 5, 2010

Man, I was kind of hoping there would be subway maps of fictional locations, like Middle-Earth.

Oh god. I didn't realize there was a hole in my soul shaped like a fictional subway map of Middle-Earth. I can't believe this hasn't been done.
posted by marxchivist at 1:54 PM on April 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

I didn't realize there was a hole in my soul shaped like a fictional subway map of Middle-Earth.

First Google hit for [middle earth tube map]. Could be better.
posted by grouse at 2:06 PM on April 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

I wish Las Vegas had a subway... a nice air-conditioned one.
posted by Jacqueline at 2:17 PM on April 5, 2010

Do the monorails not leave the theme park bits?
posted by Artw at 2:20 PM on April 5, 2010

charming little cottages that populate these locales

You sir, have clearly never been to Ocean City, MD. Unless you consider a shop selling t-shirts about beer bongs and Calvin peeing on things to be a "charming little cottage."
posted by drjimmy11 at 2:23 PM on April 5, 2010

Sure, people say "Noho", but they're the outsiders. Maybe it's a Hilltowns thing. Who knows?
posted by Spatch at 2:26 PM on April 5, 2010

It is true, I have only met a few "old-timers" who call Northampton "Hamp," and they're mainly people who don't like how "liberal" the town has become. Nobody I know calls it "NoHo" either, unless they're rolling their eyes while doing so. Mostly residents call it, shockingly, Northampton.
posted by chowflap at 2:28 PM on April 5, 2010

(Also, I never thought I'd see the NoHo/Hamp debate on MetaFilter. I guess this is what happens if you have 100,000 users.)
posted by chowflap at 2:29 PM on April 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

Okay, I concede that Hamp wasn't exactly widespread. It was said more by the folks who called Williamsburg "Burgy". An old, old contingent. But still! I always heard "NoHo" from the same people who'd pronounce the H in "Amherst."
posted by Spatch at 2:37 PM on April 5, 2010

First Google hit for [middle earth tube map]

Thank you. Yeah, it could be better.

Now, about the hole in my soul shaped like a heap of chicken fried rice...
posted by marxchivist at 2:48 PM on April 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

I want one of these for Houston and another for Austin pretty badly, just for the what-if factor. We all have our fantasies; mass transit apparently figures in mine.
posted by immlass at 3:12 PM on April 5, 2010

Yeah, gotta weigh in for Noho. Folks I know who still live there don't call it Hamp.

Although on campus we often just said "downtown." When I was in college there were two places that made up Northampton: campus and "downtown." I know, I know.
posted by liketitanic at 3:19 PM on April 5, 2010

I want one of these for Houston

Here you go. But it's not a total fantasy, since there is $900 million in federal funding for it, and an alleged opening in 2012.
posted by grouse at 3:24 PM on April 5, 2010

I hadn't seen the full map, so thanks, grouse. But the fantasy map I really want is the organic one that replaces all the freeways that were never built because Houston sensibly had mass transit instead. I realize that would be the Earth-n map and not our Earth's map, but I fantasize about it nonetheless.
posted by immlass at 3:29 PM on April 5, 2010

Los Angeles
posted by lathrop at 8:24 PM on April 5, 2010

Oof, lathrop, that LA map pains me. If only.
posted by little light-giver at 12:02 AM on April 6, 2010

This reminds me of the "If There Is No Corruption" Bangkok mass transport system map. It was created in 2003 based on existing, promised and some imagined lines. Seven years after it was created, only about 10% of the stations exist.
posted by CaveFrog at 6:41 AM on April 6, 2010

"Yeah, gotta weigh in for Noho. Folks I know who still live there don't call it Hamp. "

Both are on the map; either a nod to the competing factions or cause for war I guess.
posted by Mitheral at 11:59 AM on April 6, 2010