You can never win a game of slaps with a squid

April 5, 2010 4:08 PM

I am a giant squid. I swam up from the briny ocean depths. I have a computer, with a specially-modified tentacle-friendly interface. I have a fast internet connection. I seek to learn about humans and about the world. I have read much on the internet. Yet still, I have many unanswered questions. And you must have questions of me. We have much to learn from one another. To this end, I have developed the assortment of quizzes, games and activities you find before you. They form part of my ongoing campaign to facilitate improved human-squid relations. Try them out, you will most certainly learn something about squid.
posted by Rhaomi (42 comments total)

Oh. My. God. They've gone so far past elbows. They can photoshop and make websites, and give us cheerful lists of why to be afraid of them.

RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
posted by WolfDaddy at 4:13 PM on April 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

Puh. I knew The Squid before he was cool.
posted by The Whelk at 4:14 PM on April 5, 2010

I think I could spend all day clicking the squid, watching it swim away, then come back, and then clicking the squid, watching it swim away...
posted by reductiondesign at 4:15 PM on April 5, 2010

No! Don't help them! That's exactly what they want, how they find out our weaknesses, before they start the land assault with their octopus legions and supermersible overland craft! Before you know it, they'll have signed a non-aggression pact with the cats and be well on the way to world domination!
posted by Electric Dragon at 4:15 PM on April 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Scott Cassell loves you!
posted by Busithoth at 4:16 PM on April 5, 2010

The best part of giant squid? They have huge amounts of ammonia in their bodies. So they taste like bathroom cleaner. At last, one marine species that we won't fish to extinction!

Sadly, we seem to have hit on a plan to destroy them with the internet.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:17 PM on April 5, 2010

I'll wait for the cephalopodcast.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 4:24 PM on April 5, 2010 [9 favorites]

YES YES FUCK YES
posted by The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew at 4:26 PM on April 5, 2010

Meh. They'll be on the menu in German McDonald's soon. Squids are played out.
posted by GuyZero at 4:27 PM on April 5, 2010

Thank you for your contribution, GuySpermZeroWhale.
posted by Busithoth at 4:29 PM on April 5, 2010

Squid is delicious. That is all.
posted by polymodus at 4:30 PM on April 5, 2010

Squid is delicious. That is all.

Oh am going to IM the giant squid and tell him you said that and I just hope you don't live near the coast.
posted by The Whelk at 4:33 PM on April 5, 2010 [4 favorites]

mr_crash_davis, I present the CephalopodCast. It is a good podcast too.
posted by strixus at 4:34 PM on April 5, 2010

Suckers.
posted by benzenedream at 4:44 PM on April 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Squid is delicious. That is all.

Shoelaces are delicious if you batter and deep-fry them. Jeez.
posted by Busithoth at 4:46 PM on April 5, 2010

RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

But where? If they have technology to get online, then they can use Google maps and whatnot, and figure out where humans might hide. They'll collaborate with lobsters and crabs, to get us back for devouring so many of their delicious brethren, especially after they search for squid recipes. We'll be over-run faster than we can eat them!

It's time we made peace, and agreed to eat some seals. They might be cute, but they lack the prehensile appendages we humans should fear.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:52 PM on April 5, 2010

Finally, an ambassador that can make up for the last time squid attempted to contact us and instead won the Japanese pro wrestling belt.
posted by scodger at 4:54 PM on April 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Demonstrating once again the old adage: once you've been squid, you've been did.
posted by darkstar at 4:55 PM on April 5, 2010

Soundtrack?
posted by Monsieur Caution at 4:57 PM on April 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Yikes.

http_access deny all
posted by Threeway Handshake at 5:05 PM on April 5, 2010

RELEASE THE KRAK-

what?

Someone already did?

well, uh, then, er that is
posted by mwhybark at 5:12 PM on April 5, 2010

Aioli or remoulade?
posted by briank at 5:26 PM on April 5, 2010

Oh am going to IM the giant squid and tell him you said that and I just hope you don't live near the coast.
posted by The Whelk

Bioeponylarious
posted by DU at 5:27 PM on April 5, 2010

Squid spelled backward is DIUQS - Dead In Under Quarter Second.
posted by darkstar at 5:28 PM on April 5, 2010

laksa
posted by infini at 5:34 PM on April 5, 2010

In my mind, SEO now stands for Squid Engine Optimization.

Also noteworthy: for all the squidiness of that first site, I had to visit another site to find out the Squid's family name (Architeuthidae.) So this site really hasn't taught me anything about squid.
posted by davejay at 5:52 PM on April 5, 2010

RELEASE THE KRAK-

what?

Someone already did?

well, uh, then, er that is,

Saw it Saturday night. Was laughably bad. I did, however, enjoy the FONT OF THE TITANS used throughout.
posted by davejay at 5:53 PM on April 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

No, no, this is the soundtrack.
posted by greatgefilte at 6:31 PM on April 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

My squid name is squiris the briny sea-beast.
posted by irisclara at 6:37 PM on April 5, 2010

Where did a giant squid get $5 for a Mefi account?
posted by PlusDistance at 6:39 PM on April 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Sand dollars?
posted by darkstar at 6:53 PM on April 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

Where did a giant squid get $5 for a Mefi account?

Sell a few legs to a restaurant and grow them back?

I don't know. If a squid managed to actually log on and communicate with written words I think they'd get a free account.
posted by loquacious at 6:55 PM on April 5, 2010

I'll ask me at the next undersea Mixer, but he's usually all "Oh they're so snarky and pedantic wah wah wah" Guy's got thin skin.
posted by The Whelk at 6:57 PM on April 5, 2010

Squid. That's all.
posted by New England Cultist at 7:04 PM on April 5, 2010

All very interesting. Of course, none of this explains Mr. Squid's continued evasiveness when confronted with questions about the Nautilus incident.
posted by total warfare frown at 8:05 PM on April 5, 2010

Shoelaces are delicious if you batter and deep-fry them. Jeez.

Americans. If the only way you've ever eaten squid is deep fried and battered, u r doin it rong.
posted by Kirk Grim at 8:15 PM on April 5, 2010

Metafilter: "Your prehensile spermatophore-depositing tube looks short."
posted by johnj at 8:42 PM on April 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

When will they reach outer space? (and start talking?)
posted by lnc at 11:49 PM on April 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Well, now that you're here, squid, can you please explain WTF is up with Japanese tentacle porn?
posted by Jacqueline at 1:49 AM on April 6, 2010

Don't knock it until you try it, Jacqueline. Once you've felt tentacles penetrating you in places you didn't realize you had, while being stroked all over, it's hard to go back to just two arms and two legs.
posted by egypturnash at 8:42 AM on April 6, 2010

This site was very squidish.
posted by Mastercheddaar at 8:52 AM on April 6, 2010

YummyY!!!!!
posted by polymodus at 7:04 PM on April 6, 2010