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Pretty sure this is the most horrible idea for a film ever
April 6, 2010 6:42 AM   Subscribe


 
I knew what this was before I even clicked on it.
posted by pinky at 6:43 AM on April 6, 2010 [11 favorites]


I'm at work and can't view Youtube, but if this isn't the trailer for Human Centipede, I can't imagine what would be worse.
posted by Prospero at 6:46 AM on April 6, 2010 [15 favorites]


I thought it was a joke trailer... but it's not.
posted by thylacine at 6:47 AM on April 6, 2010


Looks like it's going to suck ass.
posted by pracowity at 6:48 AM on April 6, 2010 [87 favorites]


Looks friggin hilarious!

I love the 100% medically accurate tag too.
posted by Max Power at 6:49 AM on April 6, 2010 [3 favorites]


This is the best premise for a movie in recent memory.

(didn't anyone ever teach them that you NEVER go ass to mouth?)
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 6:49 AM on April 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


ART
posted by bicyclefish at 6:50 AM on April 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


Seriously? The most horrific? How quickly people forget Biodome.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:51 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


Paging the boys at Rifftrax...
posted by mccarty.tim at 6:51 AM on April 6, 2010


Oh god.

Wow.

That. Is fucking weird.
posted by delmoi at 6:52 AM on April 6, 2010


I'm at work so I watched this with the sound off and found out that YouTube has a beta speech-to-text CC option that makes the trailer EVEN BETTER
posted by shakespeherian at 6:53 AM on April 6, 2010 [5 favorites]


All I can say is that I would rather be the one at the front of the centipede.
posted by markkraft at 6:53 AM on April 6, 2010 [25 favorites]


I have been looking forward to seeing this through to the end for some time. Can't keep my eyes off of it.

You might say I'm overly attached.
posted by adipocere at 6:54 AM on April 6, 2010 [3 favorites]


it won't be a classic unless they have a scene in which they try to play twister
posted by pyramid termite at 6:54 AM on April 6, 2010 [15 favorites]


An excellent commentary on the modern economic system.
posted by DU at 6:58 AM on April 6, 2010 [9 favorites]


Come on, who among us has not been tempted to abduct people and surgically stitch them together into a human centipede?
posted by brain_drain at 6:59 AM on April 6, 2010 [7 favorites]


This reminded me of a part in Time Trumpet where they satirized Iraqi prison torture scandals, where the US had prisoners lined up face to anus, forming a human oil pipeline that leads out of Iraq.

What's interesting is when Germans are an American's idea or caricature of a horror movie antagonist, while Americans have now become the same for the British.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:00 AM on April 6, 2010 [5 favorites]


I can't wait to see Human Centipede II: UROBOROS.
posted by dirtdirt at 7:00 AM on April 6, 2010 [14 favorites]


I liked Biodome.

I still dislike this movie.
posted by Malice at 7:01 AM on April 6, 2010


Obviously none of you have seen the trailer for Marmaduke.
posted by COBRA! at 7:01 AM on April 6, 2010 [3 favorites]


If you're wondering about logistics, here are some helpful sketches.
posted by Locative at 7:02 AM on April 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


How would this not end as a fat guy in front, trailed by lots of skinny corpses? The first digestive tract is going to do everything it can to metabolize everything.
posted by condour75 at 7:02 AM on April 6, 2010 [6 favorites]


Interview with director Tom Six . It's a metaphor for WWII, apparently.

And this is only part one...
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 7:05 AM on April 6, 2010


Worst thought I've had regarding this movie: wouldn't the second and third persons aspirate vomit and die early on?
posted by Locative at 7:06 AM on April 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


Studios are picking the wrong video games to option. I'll wait for the one where he figures out how to keep a human head alive in a maze, moving around on neck muscles to get cheerios. HUMAN PAC-MAN.
posted by condour75 at 7:08 AM on April 6, 2010 [10 favorites]


I CALL TAILS.
posted by jimmythefish at 7:09 AM on April 6, 2010 [3 favorites]




How unpleasant.

I think I'll just go and watch Bambi instead.

And shut my eyes and ears for the bit where Bambi's mother dies.
posted by idiomatika at 7:13 AM on April 6, 2010


I'm not sold on the premise of the movie. Doesn't really have legs.
posted by avoision at 7:13 AM on April 6, 2010 [4 favorites]


I don't think this is realistic at all. In real life the two women would have just changed the tire and been on their way.

Also, I stopped watching at the running-in-high-heeled-shoes part. That's just a silly caricature.

(I suck at watching movies.)
posted by fritley at 7:13 AM on April 6, 2010 [3 favorites]


This is actually LESS horrifying than I thought it would be, given the title. I was picturing something like The Fly.
posted by desjardins at 7:14 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


A human centipede is about 1/10th as creepy as a real centipede.

Gah! Eww! GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME!
posted by bondcliff at 7:14 AM on April 6, 2010 [4 favorites]


Error Flynn grew up on a farm in Tasmania and used to turn ducks and geese into an avian centipede by exploiting their inability to digest pork fat.

I first heard this story from my mom who had read his autobiography.
posted by marsha56 at 7:15 AM on April 6, 2010 [11 favorites]


But wait, that serial killer guy just told us Attack of the Clones was the worst movie ever made. And he's apparently some sort of genius love child of Roger Ebert and Pauline Kael, so this can only be the second most horrible idea for a film ever.
posted by ecurtz at 7:15 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]



This procedure will be a government mandate thanks to Obamacare.

[/hurf durf]

Seriously, I want to know who the executive producer is on this and find out how the hell he/she made his/her money. The suck-cut?
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 7:16 AM on April 6, 2010


The human centipede may seem scary, but it's really not the biggest threat. You've got plenty of warning and if you keep your cool you can set up the right chain of human mushrooms to channel it into the proper fields of fire.

The really scary thing is the human spider. The way it bounces around, especially when it starts speeding up.
posted by Drastic at 7:16 AM on April 6, 2010 [5 favorites]


Considering how much this movie has been talked about over the past few months, this is a very thin post.
posted by hermitosis at 7:17 AM on April 6, 2010


this is a very thin post

I think eating is the last thing we want to encourage at this point.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:19 AM on April 6, 2010 [3 favorites]


Is it on me?
I feel like it's on me.
posted by The Ultimate Olympian at 7:20 AM on April 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


From the Wikipedia page:
Six has said how it had always been his intention to make two Centipede films, with the first film existing to get his audience "used to the sick idea" in order that the second could be much more "nasty, with way more medical experiments" in a way that would have been "impossible" in the original, and would have "destroyed" any chance of the film being made.
Like the execrable Saw films, its just a pointless exposition of the sickest thing the director could dream up, with no depth or substance.

So in my considered opinion, the director of this film is a twunt.
posted by idiomatika at 7:20 AM on April 6, 2010 [19 favorites]


Whatever that was, lost me at vapid-people-in car-hit-something-after-dark.

Nothing ever proceeds well in a film after that.
posted by Mike Mongo at 7:20 AM on April 6, 2010


Human centipede? What's the point?
posted by stormpooper at 7:21 AM on April 6, 2010


I don't wanna know how far I've slid into the bepths of nerdom, that my first thought at seeing where this was going was, "Tzimisce?"
posted by Navelgazer at 7:21 AM on April 6, 2010 [11 favorites]


BAMBI'S MOTHER DIES?!
posted by shakespeherian at 7:24 AM on April 6, 2010 [7 favorites]


condour75: "22How would this not end as a fat guy in front, trailed by lots of skinny corpses? The first digestive tract is going to do everything it can to metabolize everything."

Yeah, it's the LOGIC that's wrong with this idea.
posted by Bonzai at 7:26 AM on April 6, 2010 [31 favorites]


Six has said how it had always been his intention to make two Centipede films

Human Centipede 2: ELECTRIC BUGALOO
posted by brain_drain at 7:27 AM on April 6, 2010 [18 favorites]


The thing that's been bugging me (uh, no pun intended) since I heard about this is: wouldn't the second and third people in the centipede choke on their own vomit and die during their first, um, "feeding"? Because I sure would. Maybe even before that.
posted by oinopaponton at 7:28 AM on April 6, 2010


I am shocked!

Director acheives goal.

Next.
posted by molecicco at 7:28 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


Well this is appropriately disturbing, so props to these guys for coming up with something original for B-grade horror. Rob Zombie is going to love it, I'm sure even he's sick of yet another "crazy genius kills people in inventive ways."

Pretty certain that I'm not going to watch it though.

Six has said how it had always been his intention to make two Centipede films

Front to back, I assume.
posted by vanar sena at 7:29 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]




Apparently, I'm the only person who thought this was the film adaptation of the Centipede video game. Since it's not, here's my adaptation:

Two girls are lost in the woods... and there's been a toxic spill of unknown origin nearby that is causing giant, chemically unstable mushrooms to cover the forest, and also giant insects that are hungry for bipeds. They meet a lone ecologist who feels compelled to help them escape, but must battle his own childhood fear of bugs (a swarm of locusts killed his dog, or maybe his entire family). The climax is a fight to the death against a boss centipede, during which our hero starts an explosive mushroom chain reaction which destroys the forest and the mutant insect inhabitants... or did it.

Come on. Sign me a deal, Hollywood. Or at least Syfy.
posted by hanoixan at 7:30 AM on April 6, 2010 [4 favorites]



I can guarantee there is a fetish site for something like this out there, but I will stab the first person to link to it.

You've been warned.
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 7:31 AM on April 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


"Damn it!"
- Guy who got Snakes on a Plane tattoo
posted by davebush at 7:31 AM on April 6, 2010 [6 favorites]


Dude. DUDE. FUCK. Don't watch this. Don't find out what they mean by "Human Centipede". FUCK. What kind of sick fat kid who spent all his time burning ants with a magnifying glass grew up to make this piece of shit? Is this a real movie or some kind of spoof? I skipped around and turned it off early.
posted by DecemberBoy at 7:31 AM on April 6, 2010 [11 favorites]


Man, remember when IFC Films was distributing things like Y Tu Mamá También and 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days?

Also: The porn version pretty much writes itself, doesn't it.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:32 AM on April 6, 2010 [6 favorites]


Winced and shut my eyes when this trailer came on at the the IFC theater. But then I laughed. Then I felt guilty about laughing, so I winced some more. But then I made a joke about how it was a biopic and people around me laughed through the wincing. Then the trailer was over. That's what I did on my summer vacation.
posted by Damn That Television at 7:34 AM on April 6, 2010 [3 favorites]


Needs more transvestites.
posted by drlith at 7:35 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


Wouldn't you need 25 people to make a centipede?
posted by Meatbomb at 7:36 AM on April 6, 2010 [4 favorites]


From the Wikipedia page: Tom Six has stated that the inspiration for the film came from a joke he always made to friends about punishing people who were "nasty or annoying or a child molester" by stitching their mouths to "the ass of a fat truck driver".



He sounds delightful.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:36 AM on April 6, 2010 [5 favorites]


Human centipede? What's the point?
posted by stormpooper at 3:21 PM


Eponysterical
posted by idiomatika at 7:37 AM on April 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


If you're not the lead segment the view ... nevermind.
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 7:39 AM on April 6, 2010


Bathtub Bobsled: Alright, so I won't link it, but I will mention it: boytaurs. Seriously. Google that. I dare you.
posted by obvious at 7:41 AM on April 6, 2010


Can't wait for the sequel - Human Centepede II - Daisy Chain
posted by Pollomacho at 7:42 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


After seeing the movie where they did this:

))<->((

I thought I'd seen everything.
posted by emelenjr at 7:43 AM on April 6, 2010 [3 favorites]


brain_drain: "Human Centipede 2: ELECTRIC BUGALOO

Human Centipede 2: The Long Tail
posted by vanar sena at 7:44 AM on April 6, 2010 [4 favorites]


The premise wouldn't even work anyway. It assumes that the first person will eat food and shit it out as still-food without ever, you know, digesting it. Unless he also alters them to somehow shit prison loaf, it's not going to work.
posted by DecemberBoy at 7:44 AM on April 6, 2010


God I hate this sort of barely disguised wankery. As if there wasn't enough horrible bullshit in the world already. I wish I could laugh at it, but it just pisses me off.
posted by lucidium at 7:45 AM on April 6, 2010 [15 favorites]


You know, with the whole making a human centipede thing, I feel like the risks kind of outweigh the benefits.
posted by anazgnos at 7:45 AM on April 6, 2010 [7 favorites]


Once again, porn is way ahead of the curve. They've been doing a2m for years.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 7:46 AM on April 6, 2010


As a lover of bad bad bad movies, I can't wait to see this stinker. It'll still be better than
posted by mrbarrett.com at 7:47 AM on April 6, 2010


Urg, that should have been: It'll still be better than ______________________ [insert name of favorite whipping post bad movie].
posted by mrbarrett.com at 7:48 AM on April 6, 2010


2girls1digestivetract
posted by shakespeherian at 7:50 AM on April 6, 2010 [7 favorites]


mrbarrett.com: As in, LISA YOU'RE TEARING THE CENTIPEDE APART!?
posted by condour75 at 7:51 AM on April 6, 2010 [8 favorites]


The premise wouldn't even work anyway. It assumes that the first person will eat food and shit it out as still-food without ever, you know, digesting it. Unless he also alters them to somehow shit prison loaf, it's not going to work.

I hate that I know this, but they're also being fed intravenously, so they get the necessary vitamins to survive.
posted by Locative at 7:55 AM on April 6, 2010


anazgnos: "You know, with the whole making a human centipede thing, I feel like the risks kind of outweigh the benefits."

Yes, and while I appreciate the effort put into the design, I'm still not certain that it fits an identifiable niche in my lifestyle.

lucidium: "God I hate this sort of barely disguised wankery. As if there wasn't enough horrible bullshit in the world already."

It's hard to disagree with this sentiment. If the urge hits for a quick recharge of despair, just visit daily rotten; if the stories don't do it, the comments will.
posted by vanar sena at 7:55 AM on April 6, 2010


Like the execrable Saw films, its just a pointless exposition of the sickest thing the director could dream up, with no depth or substance.

We were watching yet another detective show about catching a serial killer who murdered his victims in the most vile, "imaginative" way possible and I decided I am just sick of this shit. Every since Seven, writers have been trying to top themselves with the most over-the-top way to top someone. They left Realityville a long time ago (real serial murderers mostly just shoot or strangle) and have driven way down the road past Tastelessness into Revulsion Territory. I have no doubt there is an audience for this but my guess is the audience is mostly young, mostly male. In other words, not me.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:55 AM on April 6, 2010 [13 favorites]


Oops -- that last comment was supposed to be a reply to DecemberBoy's quote.
posted by Locative at 7:55 AM on April 6, 2010


I forgot about this movie and thought for the first 45 seconds that this was a remake of Manos: The Hands of Fate.
posted by jackflaps at 7:58 AM on April 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


Like the execrable Saw films, its just a pointless exposition of the sickest thing the director could dream up, with no depth or substance.

Exactly what I just said elsewhere - if this is what 20 years of moronic torture porn like the Saw series has done to horror and horror fans' expectations (if you look at the iMDB page, the modern bastard children of Fangoria nerds are comparing this piece of shit to Lynch and Cronenberg), then fuck horror, I'm done with it. I mean, yeah, Lucio Fulci would show a huge splinter of wood slowly getting pushed into a guy's eye, but you never felt like you were watching his sick fantasies.
posted by DecemberBoy at 8:02 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


Where do they get off calling this guy "demented" when he is nice enough to provide each segment with their own personal knee pads so they aren't troubled by painful rug burns?
posted by digsrus at 8:03 AM on April 6, 2010 [3 favorites]


Those aren't knee pads! Those are bandages for their removed kneecaps! Agghh!
posted by Locative at 8:04 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


I'd like to watch this movie in reverse, so that you end up with a very kind doctor who separates a bunch of horribly conjoined twins who all then go on to lead fulfilling lives.

A nice feel-good movie for the whole family.
posted by metagnathous at 8:06 AM on April 6, 2010 [32 favorites]


'Disgusting' does not equal 'funny.'
posted by SLC Mom at 8:07 AM on April 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


I hate that I know this, but they're also being fed intravenously, so they get the necessary vitamins to survive.

Still, though. So what, they're just going to crawl around Dr. Mittelschmerz or whoever's sitting room dragging three of those rolling IV-pole things? What's he going to actually DO with his human centipede once he creates it? I don't think he's thought this plan through very far. Or rather, I don't think the director thought it through very much beyond "huhhuhuhuh he sews her MOUTH to the guy's BUTT!"
posted by DecemberBoy at 8:07 AM on April 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


Wouldn't you need 25 people to make a centipede?

They were going to call it The Very Hungry Crapperpillar, but they ran into some legal issues.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:16 AM on April 6, 2010 [28 favorites]


DecemberBoy: "I mean, yeah, Lucio Fulci would show a huge splinter of wood slowly getting pushed into a guy's eye, but you never felt like you were watching his sick fantasies."

Oh, I don't know. It's just that his fantasies also involved zombies fighting sharks, making them inherently more interesting fantasies to hear about.
posted by Drastic at 8:17 AM on April 6, 2010 [4 favorites]


Nothing smart needs to be said about this.

ROFL

"Human Centipede 2: ELECTRIC BUGALOO"

brain_drain, you made my day
posted by hellslinger at 8:17 AM on April 6, 2010


from the wikipedia:

Directing

When seeking funding for the film, Tom Six did not initially let on that the victims of The Human Centipede would be joined by mouth to anus, fearing that it would put off potential investors, and his backers did not find out the exact details of the film until it had been completed. Additionally, the actors themselves were not presented with a completed script prior to signing onto the film, instead only being given an outline of the film's storyboard.


/me wipes tears from eyes
posted by hellslinger at 8:21 AM on April 6, 2010 [4 favorites]


I guess I'll be serious about this. The fictional background of the doctor is that he has spent his career separating conjoined twins and that he would like to do it the other way around. With the proper antibiotics, IV nutrition, and immunosupressants, a human centipede might last for years. This makes me wonder if he won't just go after identical quadruplets to get around the immune issues. The three-person human centipede is just for practice. For the second movie, the doctor wants to do twelve people and practice getting them to move around, perform tricks, etc.

Only on the surface would this be about subjugation or your basic Hostel tortureporn. This is aiming at the Cronenbergian "body horror" theme. Being unable to fully identify with one's own flesh is one of the oldest horrors we know, probably emerging from behavioral traits against parasitism. Even a twitch of formication will send many people itching away at things they are clearly certain are not present. To have the boundaries of your body distorted and melded, at the most ancient level — the digestive body tube plan of half a billion years or so — is to violate identity even as your blood circulates in foreign veins and another's courses through your arteries.

The concept hits at other things below memory, such as your chubby toddler arms flailing away trying to get that intrusive spoonful of applesauce out of your mouth, and the helplessness you felt when it ended up in you anyway. Wrap it up in a sense of doom ("this is how you will die, after years") and you've got yourself a complex idea of highly effective squick.
posted by adipocere at 8:21 AM on April 6, 2010 [25 favorites]


if this is what 20 years of moronic torture porn like the Saw series has done to horror and horror fans' expectations

Well, let's be clear: they were making shitty splatter flicks in the 80s, too. Effects have just gotten a lot better, and the envelope for Gross keeps getting pushed, but the Friday the 13th films were just lowbrow murderschlock too.

The only reason The Human Centipede didn't get made thirty years ago is no one managed to figure out how. Filming something that looks good (in a technical sense) is easier and cheaper now than it was in 1980.

On the bright side, the only reason it's getting so much attention is because it's so much more balls-out What? in its elevator pitch than run of the mill stuff.

Horror movies, like any kind of movie, mostly suck. Horror arguably trends toward a higher rate of suckage, for a variety of reasons, but the general shape of things is the same form genre to genre. And then there are some good ones, and a few great ones. And there's the occasional How Did This Get Greenlighted freakazoid outlier like this. Don't make too much out of the outliers.
posted by cortex at 8:25 AM on April 6, 2010 [3 favorites]


But..kneecaps...WHY?!?!?
posted by emilyd22222 at 8:29 AM on April 6, 2010


This is aiming at the Cronenbergian "body horror" theme.

Oh man, not you too! Listen. I'd be REAL surprised if this Tom Six doofus can even PRONOUNCE "Cronenberg". They're going to have to go to great lengths to prove to me that the genesis of this idea is anything more than "sew the mouth to the butt LULZ". The guy even says so - he's quoted above as saying the idea came from how he used to tell people he'd like to "sew their mouth to a fat trucker's butt". It's just sick and juvenile. It's like if a group of 8 year olds actually got financing to make "POOP: THE MOVIE".
posted by DecemberBoy at 8:30 AM on April 6, 2010 [13 favorites]


Oh look. Someone supplanted Very Bad Things as the most horrific concept of all time.
posted by cavalier at 8:30 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


Well, at least one person likes it.
posted by aldurtregi at 8:33 AM on April 6, 2010


It's like if a group of 8 year olds actually got financing to make "POOP: THE MOVIE".

Aren't you going to feel dumb when Jackass 3D comes out.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:36 AM on April 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


It's like if a group of 8 year olds actually got financing to make "POOP: THE MOVIE".


The poop sat there on Rebecca's boobs, looking like a weiner.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 8:39 AM on April 6, 2010 [9 favorites]


This just looks stupid. Alien Versus Ninja might be fun, though.
posted by homunculus at 8:45 AM on April 6, 2010


The poop sat there on Rebecca's boobs, looking like a weiner.

It's GOLD, baby! Now let's get you some financing, we've got 10 months until the festivals.
posted by contessa at 8:48 AM on April 6, 2010


I'd like to watch this movie in reverse, so that you end up with a very kind doctor who separates a bunch of horribly conjoined twins who all then go on to lead fulfilling lives.

A nice feel-good movie for the whole family.


Time's Arrow
posted by gwint at 8:56 AM on April 6, 2010


The really sad thing is, this movie would have ruled if somebody had made it in 1983.
posted by furiousthought at 8:59 AM on April 6, 2010


The only reason The Human Centipede didn't get made thirty years ago is no one managed to figure out how. Filming something that looks good (in a technical sense) is easier and cheaper now than it was in 1980.

Wait a minute. Are you suggesting they aren't really going to be sewn together and that this is going to be done with effects?!
posted by dobbs at 9:01 AM on April 6, 2010


I really want to know the answer to the question "why kneecap ligament severing", though. And I don't want to actually watch the movie to find out, but I WILL IF I HAVE TO.
posted by penduluum at 9:06 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


From what I hear, this is actually a pretty good film. More tense than extremely graphic. However, even as a die hard horror fan who can put up with just about anything, this premise might be a bit too much for me. I haven't decided whether I'm going to watch it or not.

*montage of brundlefly hurriedly doing household chores in order to distract him from the Human Centipede DVD on his coffee table*
posted by brundlefly at 9:08 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


Wait a minute. Are you suggesting they aren't really going to be sewn together and that this is going to be done with effects?!

The film, despite its indie credentials and strong ties to Lars Von Trier, will indeed be violating several tenets of the Dogme 95 manifesto, yes.
posted by cortex at 9:09 AM on April 6, 2010 [27 favorites]


Pendulum, it's probably to deprive the victims of anything that could give them the traction and resistence to forcibly detach themselves.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 9:09 AM on April 6, 2010


This reminded me of a part in Time Trumpet where they satirized Iraqi prison torture scandals, where the US had prisoners lined up face to anus, forming a human oil pipeline that leads out of Iraq.

Are we sure Armanado Iannucci isn't behind this? It's too weird to be anything but "satire".
posted by Partario at 9:15 AM on April 6, 2010


Bathtub Bobsled: Alright, so I won't link it, but I will mention it: boytaurs. Seriously. Google that. I dare you.

*Stabbity-stab*
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 9:19 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


It's too weird to be anything but "satire".

I dunno. It seems too dumb and one-note, like most horror movies, to credit to someone as intelligent as Iannucci.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:20 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


The film, despite its indie credentials and strong ties to Lars Von Trier, will indeed be violating several tenets of the Dogme 95 manifesto, yes.

I love MetaFilter because it is the only place to find Dogme 95 jokes about unreleased ass-to-mouth torture porn video game adaptations.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:22 AM on April 6, 2010 [22 favorites]


boytaurs. Seriously. Google that. I dare you.

That's effete. Google "rubber johnny".
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:22 AM on April 6, 2010


Williams actually manages to deliver a good performance despite the fact that she spends half the movie's running time naked, on all fours and crying muffled sobs into a guy's butt cheeks. She begins the film as a vapid nobody but finds a real strength that the actress manages to display with just her eyes.


No. Enough.

posted by applemeat at 9:24 AM on April 6, 2010 [5 favorites]


Pendulum, it's probably to deprive the victims of anything that could give them the traction and resistence to forcibly detach themselves.

Wait a sec. Fucking roller skates.

Suddenly I love this film idea.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:24 AM on April 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


I watched this trailer this morning and was disgusted. I wanted to tell my wife about it, but then I thought, why disgust her too? And then I went through all of the different ways I could tell someone about it: Facebook, Twitter, Livejournal. And I realized that each of those options involved telling someone about something disgusting that they didn't choose to hear about it. There's only one thing I want to talk about today, but I've sworn not to tell anyone.
posted by roll truck roll at 9:31 AM on April 6, 2010 [10 favorites]


Wait a sec. Fucking roller skates.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Experimental surgery Olympics.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:31 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


I dunno. It seems too dumb and one-note, like most horror movies, to credit to someone as intelligent as Iannucci.

What I was getting at is that the inevitable bad reaction is probably going to result in the director trotting out the satire claim. Like this is some sort of commentary on recent horror franchises like Saw and Hostel. Don't know. I'd probably puke within the first horror sequence; I ran out of Teeth and sat in the lobby till the film was over.
posted by Partario at 9:34 AM on April 6, 2010


Salopede.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 9:37 AM on April 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


Oh, and if this is "your bag," you'll probably be interested in Society. It was technically made in the 80s, but was not released until later. It's a Brian Yuzna flick, you know what that means. The special effects are by Screaming Mad George, so expect a general moistness. But no blood. The film is bloodless.

It isn't a perfect film, not even close. In a few parts, it attempts comedy to lighten the mood when the more effective approach would be to just leave that alone. It's a little short. The scenes near the end tend to shock many, not that they are gruesome, only orgiastic, featuring the kind of self-satisfied bestiality one expects of the indulged ultrarich.

And we'll all stick ... to-gether ... Society waits for you ...
posted by adipocere at 9:38 AM on April 6, 2010 [3 favorites]


And then I went through all of the different ways I could tell someone about it: Facebook, Twitter, Livejournal.

I posted it to Facebook, but with the caveat "on second thought, don't watch this". I post almost exclusively weird crap and music videos to Facebook, though, so posting a trailer about a movie where a mad doctor sews someone's mouth to someone else's ass isn't entirely out of character.
posted by DecemberBoy at 9:43 AM on April 6, 2010


Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Experimental surgery Olympics.

It's luge, it's skeleton, it's bobsled without the sled! Also makes handing off the baton in relays so much easier.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:45 AM on April 6, 2010


Redefining synchronized swimming.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:47 AM on April 6, 2010


How. Fucking. Retarded.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:49 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]



I really want to know the answer to the question "why kneecap ligament severing", though. And I don't want to actually watch the movie to find out, but I WILL IF I HAVE TO. I assume it's to do with the fact that they have to spend the rest of their lives on their hands and knees, to either make it so they cannot do anything else, or to enable that to occur. Anyway, it's 100% medically accurate so I'm sure they've thought this through.
posted by anazgnos at 9:52 AM on April 6, 2010 [3 favorites]


Anyway, it's 100% medically accurate so I'm sure they've thought this through.

Well then if it's accurate - its a fine idea. Carry on.
posted by rough ashlar at 9:59 AM on April 6, 2010


What I was getting at is that the inevitable bad reaction is probably going to result in the director trotting out the satire claim.

Or taking the Verhoeven/Showgirls route and advertising it as camp.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:59 AM on April 6, 2010


I find this movie kind of inspiring: how did they ever manage to get financing with such a revolting, puerile, idiotic premise? There are a lot of lessons to be learned here.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:04 AM on April 6, 2010


But I said Salopede and thought it was clever and....and......nothing?

sniff

:(
posted by Senor Cardgage at 10:05 AM on April 6, 2010


Am I the only person here who found this thing completely hilarious? There are so many tired cliches, beginning with the fetching young lasses with becomingly streaked eye makeup stumbling on the Eurotrash doctor in the middle of nowhere with the elegantly appointed home and the really creepy face... and then it goes from there.

About the only thing I found scary was the actor playing the doctor. The rest was, well, hilarious.

For some reason I keep hearing the voice of Genevieve Bujold intoning "they did it with... carbon monoxide!

This thing should go straight to DVD. As a comedy.
posted by kinnakeet at 10:10 AM on April 6, 2010


It's like if a group of 8 year olds actually got financing to make "POOP: THE MOVIE".

Specifically, the kids from Me and You and Everyone we Know.

)) <> :o forever.
posted by condour75 at 10:13 AM on April 6, 2010


It bothers me that he's essentially reprocessing waste in the second two. He should connect the stomach of the first one to the lower intestines of the second one, and connect that to the colon of the third one, so it's one big digestive system. I'm thinking through a series of NG tubes. Butt to nose. It's really that simple.
posted by emilyd22222 at 10:16 AM on April 6, 2010


You know, I like extreme movies. Of course, the original masterpiece Texas Chainsaw Massacre. But, you know, it's gotta be competent filmmaking. I'm not even saying Audition - merely minimally competent, like Hostel (the first one) - and actually Saw (the first) also has some originality. But this??

I don't find this idea particularly disgusting - just juvenile "ass-mouth whoa!". Lame cliches (car-woods-unknown house w/ maniac) is bad enough, but I cannot believe that people are not remarking on just how bad the trailer looks from a technical point of view. Or take the acting - so, so, poor. The lines the girls spout just fall to the floor, clanging. The villain's idea of "acting" is straight out of 1888 vaudeville. The flat horrible lighting. It just looks really, really, really bad - not menacing, not disgusting, just lame. This is not even the kind of bad one can watch stoned for laughs. It's just dreary. And yes, I've watched hundreds and hundreds of reels submitted by amateurs - this is below in the middle of the pack of lamo shit that gets turned off and thrown out after about 2 minutes.
posted by VikingSword at 10:17 AM on April 6, 2010 [3 favorites]


Or taking the Verhoeven/Showgirls route and advertising it as camp.

How DARE you suggest that Verhoeven's work might NOT actually be brilliant satire/camp! I mean, what, do you think that he's just some hack who accidentally managed to make good satire once (RoboCop), and has been convincing people that his bad films are actually satire and you're just too dumb to see it ever since?
posted by DecemberBoy at 10:18 AM on April 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


I'm mostly excited about how this paves the way for my upcoming "Centipede Human" feature, in which a sick, brilliant-but-evil doctor removes all but four of a centipede's limbs, and then trains it to drive a Chevy, read Jane Austen novels, and put files in alphabetical order.
posted by Greg Nog at 10:20 AM on April 6, 2010 [22 favorites]


You know, I hate the Saw movies and have never had any interest in seeing the Hostel films -- the whole "torture porn" scene just seems dull, stupid, exploitative, and boring to me. But for some reason, I want to see this piece of garbage.
posted by Saxon Kane at 10:22 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


oh god I need to unsee this
posted by emeiji at 10:46 AM on April 6, 2010 [4 favorites]


I've never seen any of the Saw or Hostel films and don't want to. House of 1000 Corpses was enough for me.

However, this seems creative! But there must be a cabaret scene.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 10:56 AM on April 6, 2010


Or take the acting - so, so, poor.

Well, to be fair, it must be demoralizing to spend 10 hours a day on set with your face glued to another actor's backside.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:58 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


Six legs does not a centipede make.
posted by Joey Michaels at 10:58 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


I wonder if any of the actors accidentally farted in another actor's face.
posted by oinopaponton at 11:00 AM on April 6, 2010 [3 favorites]


This falls into a new category for art for me. I can get the fun of well-intentioned amateur failures like Manos and Plan 9. I can see the craft behind the emotional sadism of some filmmakers and say, "that's cool, but it's not my thing." But so far I've been fairly lucky not to encounter something that's ugly, badly-done, and mean-spirited in such disturbing combination. And that's on top of discovering that this kind of medical horror is profoundly not my thing.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 11:10 AM on April 6, 2010


emilyd22222: "It bothers me that he's essentially reprocessing waste in the second two. He should connect the stomach of the first one to the lower intestines of the second one, and connect that to the colon of the third one, so it's one big digestive system. I'm thinking through a series of NG tubes. Butt to nose. It's really that simple."

Now that sounds at least 200% medically accurate.
posted by Drastic at 11:11 AM on April 6, 2010 [8 favorites]


Give them credit for having a little taste. I mean, they could have titled it Eat Shit and Die.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:12 AM on April 6, 2010 [9 favorites]


Eh. I'll see it. Probably better than Avatar.
posted by naju at 11:15 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


"Wait a sec. Fucking roller skates.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Experimental surgery Olympics."


Actually, I went the other way. Picture this:

Xanadudu.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 11:17 AM on April 6, 2010 [10 favorites]



I wonder if any of the actors accidentally farted in another actor's face.


This likely makes you the target demographic for this film.
posted by availablelight at 11:18 AM on April 6, 2010 [17 favorites]


Well, to be fair, it must be demoralizing to spend 10 hours a day on set with your face glued to another actor's backside.

Sounds like being on a set where Justin Timberlake is the star and you are the character actor hired to play opposite him.
posted by rough ashlar at 11:23 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


I ❤ poop jokes.
posted by contessa at 11:28 AM on April 6, 2010


I dunno, when I first heard about this and saw the trailer, like 6 months ago, I was horrified and felt sick for days when I thought about it. I got over it, but was mildly fascinated with how repulsed it made me feel so scoured the internet looking for spoilers and reviews since there's no way I'm going to actually watch it.

The storyline is terrible. Read it on Wikipedia if you want. The guy literally started with his premise of ass-to-mouth and then had to think of a story around it, and it's the most clichéd, stupid, waste of time story ever, with people doing things only because that's what they'd do in a "real" horror movie. I kept reading about how "appropriately bleak" the ending is, but it's not. It's just a stupid "I'm sick of writing now so everyone dies" ending, like I used to write when I was 8 and wanted to play outside instead of finishing my story.
posted by Silentgoldfish at 11:30 AM on April 6, 2010 [4 favorites]


Damn, I had almost managed to forget Society by now. Curse you, MetaFilter, curse you!
posted by Iosephus at 11:32 AM on April 6, 2010


It's a Brian Yuzna flick, you know what that means.

As an aside, I just took a gander at Yunza's Wikipedia article and discovered that he and Stuart Gordon wrote Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. How on Earth did I not know that? So bizarre.
posted by brundlefly at 11:41 AM on April 6, 2010


Silentgoldfish: The ending is the final insult to the intelligence of the viewer, involving cartoon police in a cartoon shootout.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 11:42 AM on April 6, 2010


Wouldn't it more correctly be a human millipede since there are two pairs of 'legs' for each body segment?
posted by Phantomx at 11:48 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


I actually vomited... :( why is everyone so desensitized, this is horrible...
posted by ACair at 11:48 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


Actually, I went the other way. Picture this:

Xanadudu.


*chokes on coffee*
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 11:50 AM on April 6, 2010


You know, I special ordered that freaking soundtrack. On vinyl. And now I want a Kelly-ONJ-throngofflesh version of "Whenver you're away from me".

...bonus points for an ELO-creature doing "I'm Alive"

posted by Durn Bronzefist at 11:53 AM on April 6, 2010


Directors who only rely on one simple, gory premise to tell a story are just bottom feeders.
posted by coolxcool=rad at 11:58 AM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


Brian Yuzna. Man. The ending to his first film as a director, Society, ranks among the most disturbing things I have ever seen. That being said, it's rooted in actual satire, so there may be some intelligence behind this.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:59 AM on April 6, 2010


I mean, they could have titled it Eat Shit and Die.

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!
posted by whatzit at 12:05 PM on April 6, 2010 [3 favorites]


I view this film as a direct question to the viewing public: Are we willing to eat whatever shit they put out?
posted by never used baby shoes at 12:07 PM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


I actually vomited... :( why is everyone so desensitized, this is horrible...

Oh, I dunno. Could it be that we're aware that this is a make-believe movie, and that things like the Wikileaks video are actual real-life, really-happened shit?
posted by five fresh fish at 12:22 PM on April 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


@adipocere

I'm sorry, but bollocks is this body horror. Body horror is about the betrayal of the self, the breaking down of identity, squeamishness, confusion, seduction. Body horror is the degradation that Gregor Samsa faces in The Metamorphosis, or the absorption of the gun in Videodrome. It is not someone sewing your mouth to a guy's arse.

This is a trailer whose "horror" derives from the fear of someone inflicting violence upon you. Getting kneecapped in and of itself isn't body-horror, it's torture. A guy appearing from behind a curtain with a weapon isn't chilling or unsettling, it's a crappy shock tactic. I really don't imagine Cronenberg and Tsukamoto shaking in their boots. The fear of violence is natural and normal and easy to exploit.

If you want torture as body horror then try Kafka again, "In the Penal Colony". Even here though, the seductiveness of the act, the secret appeal of submission and not just its horror, is vital. This is the key to body-horror, and it is something that this film plainly does not have.
posted by howfar at 12:25 PM on April 6, 2010 [7 favorites]


Somehow this reminds me of The Men Behind the Sun.
posted by doctorschlock at 12:37 PM on April 6, 2010


So, in my brain, ATM means "Automatic Teller Machine." So when I see that acronym in any other context, particular the "Ass To Mouth" context, it always creates a moment of cognitive dissonance.

Also, I have a friend named Sanchez who really is pretty dirty, so there you go.
posted by Joey Michaels at 12:53 PM on April 6, 2010 [4 favorites]


No disrespect intended to the OP, but I would have appreciated a bit of context about this before deciding whether to watch. Others may have been familiar with the premise going in, but I can't have been the only one who was not, and so far we've had one poster mention vomiting after watching, and at least a couple others saying it strongly coloured their moods afterward.

I think letting this stand as a SLYT, with no more specific description than that it's "horrific", is not really enough to set up the post, nor is it best practice for the metafilter front page. Mods, can we maybe put any kind of indication in the post itself that the linked video is not horrible in a "wow, what an awful, stupid, corny movie" way but in a "this may make you feel ill for the rest of the evening" way? Even a cheap link to wikipedia would have helped.

Apologies if this should have gone straight to metatalk. Didn't want to stir up more interest than needed. So as not to derail entirely, though, here's my contribution to the topic at hand: blargh, but YMMV.
posted by roombythelake at 12:58 PM on April 6, 2010 [7 favorites]


If you aren't the lead 'pede, the view never changes...
posted by mosk at 1:09 PM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


If there is not a scene in this film where the Evil Doctor feeds his helpless victims communion wafers and holy water and has a long ranty monologue about the symbolism therein then I refuse to watch.

No, I take that back. I just flat-out refuse to watch, because this is the dumbest idea ever.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 1:21 PM on April 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


Okay first of all, they show the whole plot in the trailer. So why watch it? Oh, I guess we pretty much know the plot anyway.

But they have the giveaway, they show the thing completed at the end.

Also, for those wondering about how the secondary links would survive, if you look at the diagram, it's clear he's doing something to the digestive track, probably pulling out a lot of the digestive, uh, stuff.

It's quite gross and I don't really want to think about it that much, but that was shown in some diagrams in the trailer.
posted by delmoi at 1:34 PM on April 6, 2010


Okay first of all, they show the whole plot in the trailer. So why watch it?

The twist is the one on the end. She's not really sewn on, she's just a poseur.

Well now I've ruined it.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 1:39 PM on April 6, 2010


"Their flesh, his fantasy"

Well maybe Mr. Doctor should use his inside voice to keep those fantasies in check.

Friggen weirdo.
posted by stormpooper at 1:41 PM on April 6, 2010



If you aren't the lead 'pede, the view meal never changes...
posted by anazgnos at 1:43 PM on April 6, 2010


Well maybe Mr. Doctor should use his inside voice to keep those fantasies in check.

Friggen weirdo.


Let's not bring Kuato into this.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 1:44 PM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


delmoi: "Okay first of all, they show the whole plot in the trailer. So why watch it?"

[Spoiler alert. I can't believe I'm typing "spoiler alert" about this movie.]

According to Wikipedia, the big kicker at the end is that everyone dies except the girl in the middle. So, sucks to be the girl in the middle.
posted by roll truck roll at 1:45 PM on April 6, 2010


What's with the knee portion of the surgery? I don't understand why they'd need to cut a ligament in the knee...
posted by toekneebullard at 2:00 PM on April 6, 2010


@toekneebullard

Because kneecapping is horrible and scary and BUGUGUGUGULLOOGGAAAOLOOGGGGAAA I'M A KERAZZZZYY DOCTOR FEAR ME BE SCARED PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.
posted by howfar at 2:06 PM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


So, sucks to be the girl in the middle.

Brother, you just said a mouthful.

sorry
posted by shakespeherian at 2:21 PM on April 6, 2010


they are connected via the butt!
posted by chunking express at 2:59 PM on April 6, 2010


I first saw this come across Pajiba around a week ago, and ugh - it has stuck with me ever since. It'll just pop into my head, and leave me with a queasy feeling. I'm not even that easy to shake up - I've seen enough internet to be relatively desensitized, but this... this... just, no. I can't explain it.

As a result, I read the entire comment thread on Pajiba, I read the entire thread here, hoping that seeing people discuss the thing and make light of it would help soften whatever impact it has. But, then I went to go read the Wikipedia article to see how it ends, and there's a still from the movie... and there are the creeps again. Ugh.
posted by mdaugherty82 at 3:03 PM on April 6, 2010 [3 favorites]


Dude. DUDE. FUCK. Don't watch this. Don't find out what they mean by "Human Centipede". FUCK. What kind of sick fat kid who spent all his time burning ants with a magnifying glass grew up to make this piece of shit? Is this a real movie or some kind of spoof? I skipped around and turned it off early.
posted by DecemberBoy at 10:31 AM on April 6


I posted it to Facebook, posted by DecemberBoy at 12:43 PM on April 6

Advantage: Tom Six
posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:07 PM on April 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


they are connected via the butt!

The call is coming from inside the house?
posted by naju at 3:09 PM on April 6, 2010


The call is coming from inside the butt!
posted by Senor Cardgage at 3:22 PM on April 6, 2010


"I made a pigeon-rat!"
posted by infinitywaltz at 3:26 PM on April 6, 2010


The midget's the baby's daaAAaaaaAAAaaaddy.
posted by applemeat at 3:28 PM on April 6, 2010


Two legs good. Six legs better!
posted by The Bellman at 3:28 PM on April 6, 2010


there's a sucker born every minute.

(silence)

sorry.
posted by Hammond Rye at 3:30 PM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


I must admit, I'm surprised by how much people in the thread are revolted by the film/trailer. The whole thing seems ridiculous to me. Yes, it's gross, definitely, but it's such a fucking stupid idea that I can't help but crack up when I think about it -- and again, I am NOT a fan of "torture porn" in the slightest. I mean, the idea of a surgeon wanting to combine people and make his own conjoined twins is not that dumb in and of itself for the horror genre, but a "human centipede"? What kind of moron would even come up with that idea? Oh, and I know, I'll sew everyone together butthole to mouth, yeah, that makes sense. It's like the mad scientist from South Park who was making animals with multiple assess; it's just so damn dumb and implausible that it cracks me up. The Saw franchise et al bother me because they are ridiculous and stupid and implausible and pornographic in their violence for absolutely no need, but this takes it to the next level of idiocy. Not saying that the director meant it as a satire, but it's like it is so moronic that it can't help but be a self-parody.

Also, as I was writing this, I think the comparisons to Cronenberg (which are totally unwarranted in terms of quality) probably come from the "crazy doctor" angle -- I can see how someone could find this movie similar (in a very superficial way) to something like Dead Ringers.
posted by Saxon Kane at 3:36 PM on April 6, 2010


Yes, it's gross, definitely, but it's such a fucking stupid idea that I can't help but crack up when I think about it

I'm thinking it'd work pretty well as an Axe Cop crossover.
posted by cortex at 3:45 PM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


First of all, this really is a pretty weak post for this subject -- this movie has been getting talked up for around a year now, and a quick googling around will bring a metric fuckton of reviews, commentary, interviews with the filmmakers, etc.

Second, while I too was pretty much knocked over by the premise (when I heard about this movie several months back), there isn't much in the trailer to generate the extreme visceral reaction I'm seeing here. I'm pretty sure the film itself is much more graphic. To me, it's a trailer that plays fair -- there really isn't a lot of ambiguity vis a vis what happens, but you're also shown just about nothing, so you're left with a solid idea of how nasty it is without getting exposed to any unwanted nastiness. As mentioned above, I wish the trailer for Marmaduke had been so kind; I'm pretty sure I could have figured out it was a piece of shit without having to see the CGIed line-dancing dogs and hear the voice of Fergie.

Anyhow, I have not seen this movie, but I probably will. I mean, if it works -- if it's actually scary and not unintentionally hilarious -- I dunno, I consider that pretty impressive, and a sign that Six has some chops as a director. I am sorry, but many very talented people could try to make such a film and end up with an Ed Wood movie. Think of something like The Exorcist, which is about the scariest movie I can think of, and just how easily it could have been...well...Exorcist II. The chief enemy of really transgressive horror is not good taste (yeah, yeah), but accidental absurdity. Because seriously, The Human Centipede is a pretty fucking ridiculous idea in a lot of ways, and getting an audience to buy it for 90 minutes? Say what you want, but to me that takes real talent.

As a sidenote, it seems that IFC has done technical work to the film, or at least paid for it -- compare that slick trailer to this clip (NSFW), dating back to before IFC picked it up. Mind you, the actual film may still look this VHS-y, but still -- I get the impression they think there's money in this, and given their recent adoption of Antichrist, it kinda makes me wonder whether they don't see art house fare isn't trending ickier in general. Or maybe someone at IFC is just a horror fan, I dunno.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 3:54 PM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


kfb: Maybe they are trying to compete with Palisades/Tartan, which releases all the crazy Asian horror/creepo films.
posted by Saxon Kane at 3:57 PM on April 6, 2010


Did anyone else notice the acting is horrible?
posted by localroger at 3:58 PM on April 6, 2010


Everything I've read about this movie suggests that any and all capacity to shock or captivate is contained in the premise and the trailer, and that the actual film is simply poorly directed, badly acted, and boring.
posted by anazgnos at 4:12 PM on April 6, 2010


Did anyone else notice the acting is horrible?

Shitty acting, or method acting?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:13 PM on April 6, 2010


In all seriousness, I've actually written some pretty fucked up shit where I was really trying to squick the reader, and I'm with Saxon Kane that, had I thought of this, I wouldn't have written it, not because it is too horrible but because it's too stupid.
posted by localroger at 4:34 PM on April 6, 2010


Oh, and if this is "your bag," you'll probably be interested in Society.

If this is "your bag," you've probably left society far behind.
posted by decagon at 4:44 PM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


Saxon Kane: A few hours later, I can agree that the whole idea is such a crock of stupid that I don't fully understand my initial gut reaction. But if there's one thing I learned, it's that triggers and phobias are still powerful, even if they are understood as completely irrational and crazy when you're 5 hours or 10 feet away.

Regardless, it struck a nerve that I didn't know I had, one that isn't at all hit by clips from Society or The Stuff. It's not so much the centipede as the medical sadism involved. Now that I think about it, Brazil freaks me out for the implication that medical torture is routine, as does the torture scene in one of the earlier Aliens comics. But on the other hand coprophagia likely triggers a deeply visceral reaction in other people, so I suspect that the movie is trying to shotgun multiple buttons.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 5:09 PM on April 6, 2010 [2 favorites]


Christ, what a bunch of assholes.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:09 PM on April 6, 2010


Regardless, it struck a nerve that I didn't know I had, one that isn't at all hit by clips from Society or The Stuff.

Well, to be fair, The Stuff is a comedy, and Society...there's some interesting FX work in it, but it's not a real good movie, I'm afraid.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 5:23 PM on April 6, 2010


Based on the link text, I thought this was a post about Hot Tub Time Machine.

Note to self - read comments before clicking links.
posted by jeoc at 5:45 PM on April 6, 2010


Also, I agree with the person above who noted this post could use a bit more context. Usually I read the comments first, but I would have avoided the thread altogether if the post had been more clear.

ARGG! Maybe not. I have a moth to the flame thing with teh gross.
posted by jeoc at 5:48 PM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


And I actually want to see Hot Tub Time Machine, so no disrespect intended.
posted by jeoc at 5:48 PM on April 6, 2010


KJS: I agree -- Brazil is a movie that I love, but I find parts of it profoundly disturbing; same thing with Dead Ringers, another movie involving a lot of medical sadism. I guess it's just the context of "a movie where a guy wants to create a human centipede" that makes me crack up. Especially the way he says... "Human centipede... First Sequence!" Like it's this diabolical plan he's been working on for years. And then when I read on the wikipedia page that...

SPOILER ALERT!

The doctor dies, but there's going to be a sequel in which someone creates a 12 person centipede, well it's even more stupid and hilarious to me. As though some copycat is just so enthralled by the idea of a human centipede that he is all like "YEAH but I'm going to beat that dude by 400% of MOUTH-BUTTS!!!"

Perhaps the funniest part, though, is that in the wiki it says that the crazed doctor tries to teach the centipede to do tricks. Uh... what? What the fuck do you expect 3 people without their knees and who are glued face to ass to do exactly? Jump through hoops of fire?

Anyway, LEXX fans will be happy to know that the doctor is played by none other than Mantrid.
posted by Saxon Kane at 5:50 PM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


Kittens: and Society...there's some interesting FX work in it, but it's not a real good movie, I'm afraid

I am certain enough to bet a very large amount of money if offered the opportunity that Human Centipede isn't a very good movie, either.
posted by localroger at 5:52 PM on April 6, 2010


"YEAH but I'm going to beat that dude by 400% of MOUTH-BUTTS!!!"

Actually, it's even better, as it'd be eleven mouthbutts to the original's two. Don't forget to account for the bookends.

So: 550%!!!
posted by cortex at 5:57 PM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


WTH?
posted by abbat at 5:58 PM on April 6, 2010


I am certain enough to bet a very large amount of money if offered the opportunity that Human Centipede isn't a very good movie, either.

Dude? It might be terrible, but I HAVE TO KNOW.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 5:59 PM on April 6, 2010


Based on the link text, I thought this was a post about Hot Tub Time Machine.

Tub Girl time machine?
posted by delmoi at 6:20 PM on April 6, 2010


Tub Girl time machine?

I've seen that.

It's a splatter film.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 7:10 PM on April 6, 2010 [3 favorites]


Ok, I've been thinking about this quite a bit (as it seems I've written an essay), as I like horror movies, but don't like this, and I want to know why. All my links below are SFW, and are mostly Wiki links for reference and minimal objectionable content.

I think the first "horror" movie I'd ever stopped watching was "Bloodsucking Freaks". We'd gone with a B-Movie-night theme, and had thought that it might work well with "Spider Baby." It didn't. The film followed the same path that the trailer and clips for this thing did - prolonged shots of meaningless torture which just seem to project a hatred of all the characters involved. Who am I supposed to identify with? The madman who does the act, or the dehumanised victim? "Look at them suffer. And continue looking: aren't our effects so real that you can't tell where the makeup ends and the human begins?" Roger Ebert wrote, in a review of "Wolf Creek" (itself a "torture porn" movie), "There is a line and this movie crosses it. I don't know where the line is, but it's way north of "Wolf Creek." There is a role for violence in film, but what the hell is the purpose of this sadistic celebration of pain and cruelty?"

I'm wrestling with this, as I've seen "Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer", and that was a hellride as well, but with "Henry" we're dealing with two (Henry Lee Lucas and Ottis Toole) people so broken that I would think that only the equally-as-broken could possibly identify with them. The murder of Ottis' sister, Becky, allows a slight understanding into the minds of the deranged. And yes they kill people, but they don't torture them. And then find new ways of torturing them.

Zombies and gore. Romero's "Night of the Living Dead" and "Dawn of the Dead." The first is a character study of normal people thrust into an abnormal situation and the ways each deals with this. Trust, and it's betrayal. "Normal" people aren't supposed to kill and eat the flesh of the living, and the dead are supposed to stay that way. Romero never seemed to hate his characters (note that I'm leaving "Day of the Dead out of this), be they zombies or people - they were all victims and identifying with any of them wasn't difficult. Romero even said, "I don’t get the torture porn films [...] they're lacking metaphor."
"Saw" et. al., and now this film seem to deal with people in an impossible situation and who've been beaten to a point that they have little or no hope left whatsoever.

de Sade's "The 120 Days of Sodom" is vile (when viewed in this light) and, in my opinion, all but unreadable - like trying to pull a plot out of reading an instruction manual. The novel taken as a whole, however, does have meaning in light of the time that it was written and has produced no small amount of discourse about the effects of de Sade's writings that put the relation to that, and other, overarching meaning(s) in context. Perhaps this may be the only way to understand something like "The Human Centipede" or "Hostel" or the "Saw" series.
These days though, the only thing that I can see when looking at something like this are the pictures from Abu Ghraib and the prisoners savaged by dogs and piled up and humiliated and tortured all under the same uncompromising lighting conditions that this film uses, and it's really getting to be too much. There are no shadows, nothing is suggested, everything is shown, both the text and subtext are one word: Hate, and no quarter is given to either the viewer or the victim.
posted by Zack_Replica at 9:27 PM on April 6, 2010 [8 favorites]


So I expected to be way more disturbed by this trailer than I actually was. I guess it's party because I'd first seen (a more tasteful and metaphorical version of) the concept in an art piece in a Seattle gothic coffee shop (Coffee Messiah) many years ago. Some artistically-rendered chain of human silhouettes connected ass-to-mouth. The concept disturbed me, but the artistic rendering invited metaphorical interpretations, and I took it as a some kind of commentary on capitalism and/or the way we hear news/gossip from one another, then pass it on to another person, who passes it on, etc. Basically language and/or money as both food and excrement.

So, watching this trailer, the shock value was a bit diminished, and I was just left with a feeling of "this is really silly and campy" (over the top visuals and bad acting, etc). And I'm a big fan of camp, but I'm not sure whether or not the film is actually going for camp laughs as much as it's going for shock. So I'm not sure whether to think of this as "horror camp" or "torture porn."

That said, nothing in the trailer or this thread makes me interested enough to find out.
posted by treepour at 9:48 PM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


The film, despite its indie credentials and strong ties to Lars Von Trier, will indeed be violating several tenets of the Dogme 95 manifesto, yes.

There can be no extraneous elements. The film will only use surgical instruments that would logically be found in the hidden surgery within the suburban house of a mad doctor. To fulfill this purpose, the film will be produced on location in the suburban house of an actual mad doctor with a hidden torture chamber.
posted by dhartung at 10:00 PM on April 6, 2010 [5 favorites]


Just to add one small clarification . . . Coffee Messiah was a fabulous place and I had no intention of associating it with this likely reprehensible film. They made the best Mexican Mocha coffee drinks, and their lovely queer, punk-ish, tranny, and and cross-dressing Midnight Cabarets were full of unparalleled wonderfulness.
posted by treepour at 10:05 PM on April 6, 2010


Okay first of all, they show the whole plot in the trailer. So why watch it?

It turns out they were just connected by Velcro the entire time!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:10 PM on April 6, 2010 [1 favorite]


So, watching this trailer, the shock value was a bit diminished, and I was just left with a feeling of "this is really silly and campy" (over the top visuals and bad acting, etc). And I'm a big fan of camp, but I'm not sure whether or not the film is actually going for camp laughs as much as it's going for shock. So I'm not sure whether to think of this as "horror camp" or "torture porn."

Well, the question is what does the actual film look like. In the trailer, we don't see anything gruesome. But it's a trailer. Maybe the film is full of bloody dismemberment.
posted by delmoi at 12:11 AM on April 7, 2010


Starts out like Rocky Horror.
posted by telstar at 12:36 AM on April 7, 2010 [2 favorites]


I was going to mention how it looks like this film touches upon the horror of being forced into doing things automaton-like and perhaps there was some connection to the centipede being the most robotic moving life form.
But that's probably giving it waaaay to much credit, and what it really looks like is the most expensive scheisse film ever made. I also don't think it's coincidence that this was made after the 'two girls one cup video' had such a huge impact.

The worst part is that it probably will make enough money for a sequel.
posted by P.o.B. at 3:23 AM on April 7, 2010




I think the first "horror" movie I'd ever stopped watching was "Bloodsucking Freaks".

Man, for those of you that haven't seen it, "Bloodsucking Freaks" is far, FAR worse than any modern torture-porn Saw flick. It is, actually, no-fooling-no-metaphors torture porn. It could not be made today and I'm not sure how it even got made in the 70s. Troma distributes it or at least used to, and there would always be some sort of warning like "if you think our OTHER movies are bad, stay FAR away from this". I think it's worth watching just to see how depraved a series of images can be, but it's not for the squeamish.
posted by DecemberBoy at 5:48 AM on April 7, 2010


I think "Human Scat-erpillar" would have been a better name. Maybe if there is a prequel where they all urinated on each other they can call it "Human Centi-Peed" or something.

And that's me done for the day.
posted by longbaugh at 6:30 AM on April 7, 2010 [3 favorites]


Wow adipocere, Yuzna's Society is exactly what this made me think of too. I remember when it came out, thinking "well, I guess that's about it for gore, I can't see anything going much beyond this".

But yeah, Human Centipede. That's fresh. And they say there are no new stories.
posted by stinkycheese at 8:09 AM on April 7, 2010


I remember when it came out, thinking "well, I guess that's about it for gore, I can't see anything going much beyond this".

Lord, what fools these mortals be.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:35 AM on April 7, 2010


Just looked at the Wiki entry for Blood Sucking Freaks and this little factoid made me laugh:

"A section of the film is used in the Grindcore band Torsofuck's song 'Pussy Mutilation'."
posted by brundlefly at 9:57 AM on April 7, 2010


I am just going to imagine that in the end they all wind up finding a true happiness in their new form as the human centipede that they couldn't have achieved alone, and they live as part of a happy household with the mad doctor. They eat dinner together, go for walks in the park, wave hello to passers-by.
posted by buriednexttoyou at 11:13 AM on April 7, 2010 [8 favorites]


Now every time I poop I can't help but think about this movie. Thanks, Metafilter!
posted by Nothing... and like it at 11:15 AM on April 7, 2010


I don't think it's so much gross as amusing, as it's just so ridiculously stupid. Does this mean I've spent too much time online? Personally, I like to imagine the centipede escapes from the doctor, and all three of them become medical ethics experts in their new form. They procede to do TED talks on the deep and controversial issues of consent.

Anyone actually seen this POS? It looks like it came out last year.
posted by mccarty.tim at 11:42 AM on April 7, 2010


I like to imagine what the aliens from Darmok of TNG would use this as a metaphor for.
posted by mccarty.tim at 11:54 AM on April 7, 2010


Anyone actually seen this POS? It looks like it came out last year.

It came out last year and was played at a few festivals looking to get picked up by a distributor. IFC Films picked it up so now it will (presumably) go to theaters where the general public can see it.
posted by shakespeherian at 11:57 AM on April 7, 2010


CHUD.com liked it.
posted by brundlefly at 12:02 PM on April 7, 2010


I'm trying to turn human centipede into a catchphrase, such that I can walk into a room and go "what in the human centipede is going on around here?!"
posted by anazgnos at 1:10 PM on April 7, 2010 [5 favorites]


I'm with the freaked out camp.
I read a six-line the synopsis of this film a few months ago and couldn't stop thinking about it all day. I ain't watching no trailer.
posted by greytape at 2:09 PM on April 7, 2010


It occurs to me that this movie is a version of Snakes on a Plane from an alternate, more angry universe.
posted by brundlefly at 2:21 PM on April 7, 2010 [3 favorites]


Human centipedes, shmumancentipedes. I think that THIS is probably the most horrific premise for a film in recent memory.

(Possible Trigger Advisory: Link is to a trans activist's forceful takedown of the vile Ticked-Off Trannies With Knives. The author links to a Queerty interview with the director, Israel Luna. The Queerty article does a decent job of comparing TOTWK to the also-vile I Spit On Your Grave, but be warned, it also includes not only descriptions of a 45-minute rape scene, but also STILL PHOTOS from I Spit On Your Grave. But the comparison is valid: both movies are piece-of-shit exercises in degradation, made by venal nematodes who tell us that we would totally get how empowering their movies REALLY are if only we weren't so goddamn sensitive.)

Not to put too fine a point on it or anything.
posted by bakerina at 10:55 AM on April 8, 2010


I have to admit I'm STILL haunted by the trailer to this movie, even though I'm not sure why. I've watched some pretty insane stuff without flinching. I even watched a movie that made me gag, but I finished it and pretty much forgot about it. Somehow this is something I really really really wish I could unsee.

As for the ridiculousness of the premise-fear isn't reasonable. Crickey some people are afraid of clowns, my mother is scared of bridges, and a kid I used to know was scared of turtlenecks. So saying it's ridiculous doesn't necessarily eliminate the fear factor. We can be afraid of something we rationally know is ridiculous.

(or at least I can)
posted by miss-lapin at 4:35 PM on April 9, 2010 [1 favorite]


Fear of clowns is perfectly rational.
posted by shakespeherian at 4:41 PM on April 9, 2010


As is fear of turtlenecks.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:39 PM on April 10, 2010


So having been all loud and snotty and I'm Too Sexy For Our Fear Of Human Centipede, I went to Facebook for some reason or other, only to find a cameraphone photo from one of my classmates, who had been driving through East San Jose with his roommate, when they drove past a car that was covered in bees. Not big friendly bumblebees, either, but mean little yellowjacket bees, the kind that would sting you out of sheer spite, and then sting you one more time if they happened to notice that you were depressed before they started stinging you. There must have been at least 5,000 bees on this car.

Now all the news stories and horror movies about killer bees that scarred me as a small child in the 70s -- they're back in my head, and I'm hunched up on my living room floor muttering "can't sleep. bees'll eat me." Even though I know it's ridiculous.

Stupid hubris.
posted by bakerina at 2:28 PM on April 10, 2010 [1 favorite]


Re: fear of clowns.
posted by shakespeherian at 6:38 AM on April 15, 2010


every time i see the word "queerty" i think of a really really gay keyboard.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 10:15 PM on April 15, 2010 [1 favorite]


The movie is out in NYC.

How to watch it without barfing.
posted by availablelight at 3:45 AM on May 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


NYC meetup? (vomit)
posted by availablelight at 3:48 AM on May 3, 2010


dhartung: “To fulfill this purpose, the film will be produced on location in the suburban house of an actual mad doctor with a hidden torture chamber.

Would this do? It's tough to find a good suburban torture chamber these days.
posted by Kadin2048 at 4:34 PM on May 5, 2010


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