You know who else liked lightening bolts?

April 10, 2010 3:24 PM

Hey children of the 90s! Remember back when all you had to worry about was corruption by Pokemon and Harry Potter? [DLYT?]
posted by mccarty.tim (34 comments total)

Goddamn it why was I wasting my time with Dungeons & Dragons if Pokemon would have taught me real witchcraft :(
posted by idiopath at 3:28 PM on April 10, 2010 [4 favorites]

Great, now I'm going to picture a manic Jim Carrey wannabe everytime I type something into the search bar. "Hi welcome to the address bar! You're looking good tonight, what's your sign?"
posted by Solon and Thanks at 3:30 PM on April 10, 2010

Robes, wands, owls, LATIN WORDS!
posted by The White Hat at 3:37 PM on April 10, 2010 [3 favorites]

By the time I retire, I hope they have themed casinos designed to look just like 1990's era NYC, complete with clunky 90's gadgets and videos delivered to your room via VHS rentals.
posted by mccarty.tim at 3:38 PM on April 10, 2010

I particularly like how she gets mad at Schoolastic for making Books on Tape for children who are too illiterate to read Harry Potter.
posted by mccarty.tim at 3:40 PM on April 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

Only believers in some mighty strong fiction could be that afraid of fiction.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 3:42 PM on April 10, 2010 [5 favorites]

Baby Jeebus is my Pokemon Master.
posted by Edward L at 3:46 PM on April 10, 2010

When I was in high school in the 90s I created an official website for a fake parents organization that supposedly fought for "values in the media". I sent a couple of manifestos to the local (very conservative) newspaper and got them printed. Several editorial writers later used the fake website as an example of growing concern over morals in the city.
posted by Omon Ra at 3:46 PM on April 10, 2010 [4 favorites]

It's ALL TRUE! I read about it on APOCAMON!
posted by Ron Thanagar at 3:51 PM on April 10, 2010

Oh Lordy. This reminds me of when Power Rangers first came out. I was in 6th grade when and attended a very small Lutheran grade school. When the administration/church heard how popular it was they did some investigating and found some disturbing evidence of New Age Philosophies. Y'know, what with the martial arts, super powers, crystals... They immediately drafted one of the hand-wringingest memo-to-parents we had ever received, explaining the dangers to young minds that could be found within the show, and strongly advised all parents to prohibit their children from watching, lest we be given over to the occult.
posted by hegemone at 3:57 PM on April 10, 2010

So Pokemon is a game that teaches children... how to use psychic phenomena, how to use supernatural powers against their enemies. how to fantasy roleplay...

Replace the word Pokemon with religion... you know, it's entirely possible that, 2000 years from now, there'll be a serious, genuine religion based on the life of Ash Ketchum. Team Rocket would be a way cooler enemy than Satan.
posted by doublehappy at 4:12 PM on April 10, 2010 [12 favorites]

They immediately drafted one of the hand-wringingest memo-to-parents we had ever received, explaining the dangers to young minds that could be found within the show, and strongly advised all parents to prohibit their children from watching, lest we be given over to the occult.

I think that the people most interested in 'teaching' kids should be kept away somehow...
posted by empath at 4:18 PM on April 10, 2010

BTW, if I could have linked "lightening bolts" in the title, I would have linked to this site favorite.
posted by mccarty.tim at 4:22 PM on April 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

omg vigilant citizen is amazing
posted by Potomac Avenue at 4:31 PM on April 10, 2010

"Harry Potter is beautifully written..." These people are not only insane, but they have very poor taste in literature.
posted by sneebler at 4:43 PM on April 10, 2010 [3 favorites]

DLYT?

Yes.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 4:44 PM on April 10, 2010

Hey children of the 90s!
Too soon.
posted by WolfDaddy at 4:51 PM on April 10, 2010 [3 favorites]

Sorry if it was half a double. What happens now?
posted by mccarty.tim at 4:58 PM on April 10, 2010

It really is hilarious. But some people really are being conned by these ego driven bastards. Any ideas on how to break the hold of the evil over the lazy?
posted by howfar at 5:15 PM on April 10, 2010

My deepest concerns and fears about Harry Potter is [sic] the teaching of... Latin words. - Caryl Matrisciana

Don't worry Caryl, I don't think your kid was going to get into Oxford anyway.
posted by eddydamascene at 5:30 PM on April 10, 2010

Wow. Seeing those old "Internet instructional videos" really drives home how long the net has been around. The internet is like, old now.

Or perhaps those people were just anachronistically ridiculous.
posted by delmoi at 5:36 PM on April 10, 2010

Oh, I so hope that the Cthulhu Mythos one day becomes popular enough that preachers will go on TV warning about the dangers of Nyarlathotep and Yog-Sothoth. Let us work diligently to make this a reality.
posted by JHarris at 5:43 PM on April 10, 2010 [3 favorites]

Initial thoughts after watching the Pokemon video:

1) My daughter likes Pokemon.
2) Am I a bad parent?
3) No. Not because of this anyway.
4) He actually makes Pokemon sound kinda awesome.
4b) Nintendo never made Pokemon sound this interesting.
5) Maybe I should buy my own Pokemon game.
6) I wonder if there's a crazy ass church like this in town.
7) Probably.
8) I'm actually afraid of these types of people.

*Wanders off to find the DS*
posted by The Hamms Bear at 6:15 PM on April 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

See, I didn't worry about the influence of Pokemon because of MAGICS. If I'm worrying about the influence of SUPERNATURAL MAGICS THAT PEOPLE THINK ARE REAL I can think of several far more prominent influences to be disturbed by, all of whom have tax-exempt status.

What I didn't like about Pokemon was the whole "Hunt rare animals, capture them as pets, and get your pets to fight for your amusment," and the whole way the female sidekick is basically a dumb crazy bitch, neither of which seemed like great things for kids' TV.
posted by rodgerd at 6:30 PM on April 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

What I didn't like about Pokemon was the whole "Hunt rare animals, capture them as pets, and get your pets to fight for your amusment,"

Yeah, but it's not like you're fighting them to the death-- they only go at it until one of them passes out from exhaustion and/or pain.
posted by Pyry at 6:48 PM on April 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oh, well, that makes it so much better, then.
posted by rodgerd at 7:01 PM on April 10, 2010

rodgerd: What I didn't like about Pokemon was the whole "Hunt rare animals, capture them as pets, and get your pets to fight for your amusment," and the whole way the female sidekick is basically a dumb crazy bitch, neither of which seemed like great things for kids' TV.

See, what I didn't like about Pokémon was the fact that poor Bulbasaur got the shaft. All of Ash's other Pokémon were used in battle. Bulbasaur only got used as a tool:

"Pikachu, use THUNDER SHOCK!"

"Charmander, FLAMETHROWER, now!"

"Bulbasaur! Save my ass from falling off this cliff!"
posted by ShawnStruck at 8:42 PM on April 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

I put on my robe and jimmy hat.
posted by joe lisboa at 9:03 PM on April 10, 2010

Oh, I so hope that the Cthulhu Mythos one day becomes popular enough that preachers will go on TV warning about the dangers of Nyarlathotep and Yog-Sothoth. Let us work diligently to make this a reality.

I just want to see the preachers try to pronounce that shit. It'd be even better if, in saying the name, they called forth something they could not put down.

What I didn't like about Pokemon was the whole "Hunt rare animals, capture them as pets, and get your pets to fight for your amusment,"

Yeah, when I was about 14, I had a conversation with my little brother about how Pokemon is about slavery. He wasn't having it.
posted by Netzapper at 9:12 PM on April 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

And by corruption, you mean my parents getting on the internet.
posted by CG at 11:04 PM on April 10, 2010

Oh, come on, what possible harm could come from letting children command beasts that can reshape time and space?
posted by yeloson at 12:12 AM on April 11, 2010

delmoi: Wow. Seeing those old "Internet instructional videos" really drives home how long the net has been around. The internet is like, old now.

Or perhaps those people were just anachronistically ridiculous.

It's weird. I have a clear memory of what things were like before the internet, since I spent the first 20-odd years of my life without it. And I obviously know what life is like with the internet as it is now. But for some reason I have totally wiped from my mind the awkward adolescent stage of internet development showcased by that dreadful instructional video.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:24 AM on April 11, 2010 [1 favorite]

yeloson: Oh, come on, what possible harm could come from letting children command beasts that can reshape time and space?

You don't mean... Pokéthulhu? (previously)
posted by Fruny at 1:26 AM on April 11, 2010

It'd be even better if, in saying the name, they called forth something they could not put down.

Oh, I'm sure they'd guess that there was some super bad juju associated with the name. That's how these people think. They basically believe that magic is real, and horribly evil. They then go on to add that Jesus is the real power, but it doesn't change the fact that they believe in magic. In fact, the way they believe religion works is also innately magical; using the name of Jesus Christ to perform miracles, invoking the power of God in your life, yeah, that's just sorcery by another name.

And thus it is that, if they could be convinced that the Cthulhu Mythos entites are both real and incredibly horrible, they probably would not be able to bring themselves to say their names aloud. Which is exactly in keeping with the way Lovecraft's characters tend to treat them. Which is why that would be awesome.

Look at how the Necronomicon has permeated popular culture. I can guarantee that at least one preacher out there somewhere has already warned his meek and fearful congregation about the dangers of this book. We're halfway there already!
posted by JHarris at 3:08 AM on April 11, 2010