Life that lives on man, cont'd

April 15, 2010 1:56 PM

For a little welcome diversion from your political, financial, climatological and other worries, how about orificial hirudiniasis? Here's a new species of nose-dwelling leech. Its ancestors may gave lived in Tyrannosaurus rex noses but our new friend here will be perfectly happy in yours. (The linked fulltext research paper is from the Public Library of Science's flagship peer-reviewed online journal PLoS ONE, but it's the Beeb's notice that has the absolutely OMG EWW pix.) Nature is so cool.
posted by jfuller (50 comments total)

I know it's a cliche and all but OMG SO DO NOT WANT.

"there are many cases of leeches infesting the eyes, urethra, vagina, or rectum...this unnerving tendency to be invasive..."

Yes, unnerving. That's what I'd call it.
posted by JoanArkham at 2:00 PM on April 15, 2010

HELLO NEW YORK WE ARE NOSE LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!

ARE YOU READY TO ROCK? I SAID, ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?
posted by vorfeed at 2:04 PM on April 15, 2010 [4 favorites]

Wired covered this too, yesterday (more OMG EWW pix)
posted by christopherious at 2:07 PM on April 15, 2010

There was an article in an old issue of Climbing or Rock and Ice about a guy who got a leech in his nose while he was in India or Pakistan or something. He first noticed something was wrong when a kid who was serving him at a restaurant became horrified and ran away after looking at his face. It turns out the leech was poking out of his nose every once in a while. He eventually got it out by having a doctor grab it with a pair of tweezers, before he found out that the leech could have been extracted by holding a cup of water up to his nose, as the local farmers did with their cows. Apparently that's why the locals cupped water in their hands when they drank out of the river, rather than dunking their face in and drinking directly.
posted by Dr. Send at 2:07 PM on April 15, 2010 [4 favorites]

PS by "the Beeb that has" I mean right out front ready to worse-than-goatse the unwary, not chastely hidden behind thumbnails as in the PLoS report. Of course PLoS has some yummies thumbnailed. Click at your own risk. You have been warned.
posted by jfuller at 2:09 PM on April 15, 2010

The leech was discovered when one was plucked from the nose of a young girl

O_o
posted by jquinby at 2:09 PM on April 15, 2010

When you watch the old nature shows, especially the old Marlin Perkins stuff, you can see echoes of the pure hatred for nature that humanity once had. For pre-technology humans, the world was a nasty, horrible place, actively trying to kill us whenever possible, often in the most painful and degrading of ways.

We get all warm and fluffy about it now, especially in America, because we've removed almost everything that's truly nasty or even terribly inconvenient. What's left is sort of a fairy-tale version of Nature, where everything is kind and gentle. Frolicking lambs and bunnies abound, possibly tended by prosperous and humble farmers.

But every once in awhile, you get little reminders like nose leeches that reality is rather different, and that there were many, many reasons to be callous and exploitative. Nature wasn't something to be managed, it was something to be feared.
posted by Malor at 2:10 PM on April 15, 2010 [8 favorites]

While the leech is omfg eek, this post has now provided me with my new favorite word.

"Why, yes, that is the orificial policy on the issue."

"Is that your orificial position on the subject?"

"I have the orificial paperwork right here."

People will think I have a speech impediment, but I'll know better.
posted by MrVisible at 2:11 PM on April 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

Don't think of the leech as a parasite, think of it as your little BioBuddy. Sticks with you through thick, through thin, and most especially through your skin!
posted by adipocere at 2:16 PM on April 15, 2010

Do not click on Figure 1. DO NOT CLICK ON FIGURE 1.
posted by brandman at 2:19 PM on April 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

I clicked on Figure 1! Noooooooo!!!
posted by Evangeline at 2:23 PM on April 15, 2010

DO NOT CLICK ON FIGURE 1.

Why? Why didn't I listen?
posted by jquinby at 2:25 PM on April 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

Filing this next to DONOTWANT and Botflies.
posted by samsara at 2:27 PM on April 15, 2010

> When you watch the old nature shows, especially the old Marlin Perkins stuff,

Oh yes, Marlin didn't take many chances with nature red in fang and claw. "While my assistant Jim wrestles the rabid alligator, I will be observing closely from the ranger tower." Times and nature show stars change, though. I heard the following from one of my daughter's middle-school friends, when Steve Irwin still had several years of taking crazy chances with dangerous creatures before one finally killed him. Don't know whether the kid made it up himself or heard it from some comic but he said it perfectly. To be spoken in broadest possible Strine accent. "This here snike's the most poisonous reptoile in the universe! It can spit poison thirty feet! If it gets on ya it eats roight through ya skin!" (Conspiratorially) "O'm gonna go poke it with a stick."
posted by jfuller at 2:34 PM on April 15, 2010 [3 favorites]

Ugh. Why do I do these things? A search for the eye-leech thing in Fig.1 only led me, further, to the loa loa eye worm. Found via a whole damn blog on parasitic larvae and worms. All this thread needs now is spiders.
posted by AzraelBrown at 2:40 PM on April 15, 2010

I WISH TO UNSUBSCRIBE THE NOSAL LEACHES
posted by everichon at 2:45 PM on April 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

leeches are too cool.
posted by mrgrimm at 2:48 PM on April 15, 2010

This is why we should all be glad we're not Tyrannosaurus Rex. Sure, it's a big powerful lizard, but its tiny arms can't reach its nostrils to extract any unwanted nasal leeches.
posted by axiom at 2:49 PM on April 15, 2010 [3 favorites]

jquinby: "Why? Why didn't I listen?"

oh, it wasn't THAT bad
posted by idiopath at 2:50 PM on April 15, 2010

by inserting my index finger into my nostril i have determined that anything longer than one inch i would consider obtrusive.

the specimen they retrieved from that little girl's nasal cavity was 70mm.

no no no no no.
posted by Hammond Rye at 2:51 PM on April 15, 2010

I clicked on Figure 1! Noooooooo!!!

I spend at least some time for my job looking over and reviewing what most people would consider very graphic images, mostly taken during surgeries or some of diseased organs / body parts. Cut downs, endoscopies, open surgeries.... stuff like that. So you would think that a leech in the eye wouldn't bug me all that much. But noooooooo...

Anything to do with eyes just freaks me out.

Amusingly enough, I sent this to my assistant with a little note that said, "it's graphic and disgusting, but you might find this pic of a leech to the eyeball cool." Several minutes later, I heard "EW! WHAT THE! EW! OH MY FUCKING HELL! GAWDAMMIT! JESUS H. CHRIST!! EW!EW!EW!EW!EW!EW!" from her office. She routinely looks at the same types of pics I do, but apparently also draws the line at an eyeball leech.
posted by zarq at 2:53 PM on April 15, 2010

I am damn proud of myself for not clicking on any link I was warned not to click on.
posted by maxwelton at 2:54 PM on April 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

Now that extreme head hardware has gone mainstream, maybe we'll start to see people sporting nose-dwelling leeches so they can boredly sell you coffee while their little buddy slowly squirms in and out of view.
posted by longsleeves at 2:55 PM on April 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

All this thread needs now is spiders.

"You laugh, but that thing does not look dissimilar to a face-hugger."
posted by zarq at 2:55 PM on April 15, 2010

I clicked + based on the phrase "nose-dwelling leech" site unseen. My favorite parasite is still demodex folliculorlum, though (HELLO NEW YORK! WE! ARE! EYELASH MIIIIIITES!).
posted by steef at 3:08 PM on April 15, 2010

Fortunately, the entirety of my nasal cavity is occupied by crayons.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 3:08 PM on April 15, 2010 [5 favorites]

Forgive me, but the leech reminds me of a very bad joke:

A fellow walks into his doctor's office, complaining that he thinks he might have a tapeworm. The doctor makes a physical examination and listens to the symptoms, and concurs with the self-diagnosis.

"I want you to come back tomorrow to start treatment. Bring a banana and a cookie with you," says the doctor. Despite the seemingly odd request, the patient complies and returns the next day with a banana and a cookie. The doctor says, "Okay, now drop your pants and bend over. This is going to hurt a bit...."

Although leery about the turn of events, the patient drops his pants and bends over. The doctor peels the banana and with one deft motion, rams it up the guy's butt. While the doctor consults his watch, the patient dances around the room shouting at the doctor. "Okay, one minute is up, and we have to complete the second part of the treatment if you truly want to get rid of this tapeworm," advises the doc.

Despite the pain, the patient does want to be cured, so complies with the order to bend over again. Again, the doctor takes the cookie and rams it up the patient's butt. "Okay, tomorrow I want to see you here at the same time, and bring another banana and a cookie," says the doctor.

The now humbled patient nods his head, with tears of pain in his eyes.

Next day, the same routine ensues. First the doctor rams a banana up the poor man's rear, waits exactly one minute, then puts in a cookie. And the next day the same thing happens. And again the next day. Every day for a week. In goes a banana. Wait one minute. In goes a cookie.

On the seventh day, the doctor says to the patient, "Well, tomorrow will be your final visit. I'd like you to bring a banana and a hammer with you tomorrow." The patient just stares at him. "A hammer?" "Yes." "Not a cookie?" "Nope. A banana and a hammer." The patient walks slowly out of his office, trying not to imagine what the hammer is going to feel like.

The next day, the patient shows up at his final appointment carrying a banana and a hammer. The doctor says, "Okay, you know the routine". So the man drops his pants and bends over.

In goes the banana. The doctor looks at his watch and picks up the hammer.

One minute passes.
Then two minutes.
Three minutes.
Four minutes.

Suddenly, a little head pokes out of the patients behind yelling, "WHERE'S MY COOKIE!!?!"

*WHAM!!!!*
posted by zarq at 3:09 PM on April 15, 2010 [3 favorites]

How is this a "welcome diversion"? It did make me forget about my financial and social worries - but for all the wrong reasons.
posted by Partario at 3:21 PM on April 15, 2010

CAN'T SLEEP NOSE-DWELLING LEACH WILL EAT ME
posted by kcds at 3:23 PM on April 15, 2010

I was having a perfectly good day earlier, too jfuller.

And now I am totally paranoid because last night I was walking with my neighbor and a bug flew right in my mouth and down my throat. Ptouieee, pthwatttt. I drank a lot to try to be sure that little fucker drown -- but what if it was carrying eggs? What if it's something related to these alien things? Arrrgh, I feel all crawly now.

Ah life, why are you so random? One moment safely walking down the street on a lovely spring evening, the next a potential nose dwelling leech host.
posted by madamjujujive at 3:23 PM on April 15, 2010

Dr. Send do you mean this story? It's the first thing I thought of as well.
posted by aspo at 3:32 PM on April 15, 2010

Earlier this month my doctor assured me there is NO SUCH THING as nose-worms.

I gleefully anticipate sharing this article with her.

She says it's just allergies.
posted by Lou Stuells at 4:10 PM on April 15, 2010

On differing occasions, professionals have opened up my eyeball and removed parts and relocated my eyeball briefly to put in some other new parts.

I'm still not clicking on Figure 1, thanks.
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 4:30 PM on April 15, 2010

Loa loa was first described in 1770 by a French surgeon, Mongin, when he unsuccessfully tried to excise a worm from the eye of a women in Santa Domingo.

Wonder how that went? "Sorry, we couldn't get the little fucker. And sorry about accidentally blinding you."

Finally, I give you eyes with botflies. Because lunch is for the weak.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:31 PM on April 15, 2010

Two thoughts. First, since I have the maturity of a 12 year old, I admit that I giggled at "one single jaw, eight very large teeth and extremely small genitalia."

Second, since karma is now out to get me for that, I am now going to go out and buy some nose plugs and goggles*

*yes, goggles. For those who were afraid to click on Figure 1, I am talking about eye protection. From leeches.
posted by exclaim at 4:38 PM on April 15, 2010

Metafilter: I WISH TO UNSUBSCRIBE THE NOSAL LEACHES

But every once in awhile, you get little reminders like nose leeches that reality is rather different, and that there were many, many reasons to be callous and exploitative. Nature wasn't something to be managed, it was something to be feared.

Well, let's keep things in perspective. RARRGH LIONS ATTACK SO CUT DOWN ALL FORESTS is not a healthy attitude either.

The real reasons for preserving nature have nothing to do with cuddly animals.

• They have to do with our uniqueness as a species. One might argue that bears don't respect life. Should we compare ourselves to bears? We're homo motherfucking sapiens. As the only creature on the planet to recognize beauty and the intricate wonder of nature, and the ultimate fragility of the environment, we are the ones with the duty not to mess it up.
• They have to do with a basic respect for life. Just because a badger living in the woods does not have the same introspective qualities as do human beings does not mean it doesn't care very much if we filled with buckshot. You do not need to romanticize animals to see that that this is still a creature that can feel pain, but it does take a shocking lack of empathy not to connect its screeching to the kind we make ourselves when hurt.
• They do eat each other often, and some would eat us if they could. Too, we have often eaten them, and I myself still do. But there is no reason to revel in this state of affairs. Neither should we be callous about them; that is how we've come to having industrialized megafarms with livestock kept in shocking conditions. For those horrors we as a species had better hope there is nothing out there like a god waiting to pass judgement on us when we are gone, because there will be a lot to answer for.

posted by JHarris at 4:40 PM on April 15, 2010

JHarris, I doubt anyone here disagrees with you. When malor said...

every once in awhile, you get little reminders like nose leeches that reality is rather different, and that there were many, many reasons to be callous and exploitative.

...I didn't read that as recommending callous exploitation, just as observing that the origin of that attitude (deep in ages when starving, dying of plague, or seeing your grandbabies eaten by wolves was a lot more common than it is now) was not arbitrary or just due to cussed homo-sap anti-nature wickedness.

It all depends whether anybody's ox is being gored. Where I live (north-east Georgia, USA-flavor) coyotes are extending their range and the leading edge is just passing over us. It's actually a bit of a thrill to see and hear these, to me, exotic predators. But as more people's shi-tzus get eaten in their back yards I expect to here an increasing number of calls to "stamp out these damn coyotes."
posted by jfuller at 5:07 PM on April 15, 2010

Dr. Send do you mean this story?

Yeah, that's it! It's one of the only stories that stands out from many years of reading Rock and Ice.
posted by Dr. Send at 5:42 PM on April 15, 2010

From the 1993 movie sniper, when they are sleeping in a river:

Thomas Beckett: "Don't take a piss. Bugs will swarm right up through your dick. Good night."

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108171/quotes

posted by nutate at 5:44 PM on April 15, 2010

Dr. Send, Aspo... The classic nose-leech tale "A True Story from the Himalayas" was written by a fellow called Broughton Coburn. About ten years ago I was editing a magazine called Crazynet and we ran a regular feature that reprinted classic stories circulating in email (the rocket-car, the guy who drank liquid nitrogen, the death of Ronald Opus, and so on) and tried to establish whether they were true or not. We featured the nose-leech story, tracked it back to Mr Coburn (who owned the nose in question), and I called him up and interviewed him about it. It was a delightful conversation, and he was charming and well-informed on the subject of nose-leeches.

(The original Crazynet article was illustrated by Gabe of Penny Arcade. Yeah, there's a Gabe pic of a horrified guy pulling a grinning leech out of his nose. No, I won't scan it for you.)
posted by Hogshead at 5:51 PM on April 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

DO NOT SEE THIS VIDEO IF YOU HAVE A WEAK HEART..... or any of the other clips in his channel.
posted by tellurian at 5:54 PM on April 15, 2010

JHarris, I wasn't saying that we should continue to be exploitative, just that it's things like nose leeches that remind of why we once were. It's also a side comment that our modern view of Nature is highly romanticized. It's certainly worth protecting, but it's often not a nice place at all.
posted by Malor at 6:05 PM on April 15, 2010

tellurian: "DO NOT SEE THIS VIDEO IF YOU HAVE A WEAK HEART"

epic

"thank you if you are alive"
posted by idiopath at 6:08 PM on April 15, 2010

> About ten years ago I was editing a magazine called Crazynet and we ran a regular feature
> that reprinted classic stories circulating in email

So (speaking of nature red in fang and claw) did you have a chance to reprint the great (and much-forwarded) spew-coffee-on-keyboard classic Dogs in elk?

AmyC - 01:19pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1321 of 1332)
Oh. My. God. What sort of carcass is big enough to hold a couple of dogs
inside?

Anne V - 01:31pm Sep 9, 1999 PDT (# 1323 of 1332)
Elk. Elk are very big this year, because of the rain and good grazing and
so forth. They aren't rolling. They are alternately napping and eating.
They each have a ribcage. Other dogs are working on them from the outside.
It's all way too primal in my yard right now.

(N.b. This saga has been linked on mefi before. But it can't be linked too many times.)
posted by jfuller at 6:56 PM on April 15, 2010 [3 favorites]

*views tellurian's video link*

Now I have the overwhelming urge to get a fiber-optic camera to check if I have maggots in my nostrils.
posted by Alnedra at 8:27 PM on April 15, 2010

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
posted by Scattercat at 8:36 PM on April 15, 2010

Oh man. I had forgotten just how screamingly funny that elk story was. Thanks for reposting it. :D

Here are some things I have learned, this Rosh Hashanah weekend:
...
3. The sight of elk ribcages hurtling over the fence really frightens the
nice deputy sheriff who lives across the street, and

I can't ever read that line without laughing until tears stream down my face. :D :D
posted by zarq at 8:48 PM on April 15, 2010

"there are many cases of leeches infesting the eyes, urethra, vagina, or rectum...this unnerving tendency to be invasive..."

...... What? How do they get in there?! How can they get in your eyes!?! This is the worst news I've ever read.
posted by Mael Oui at 9:23 PM on April 15, 2010

OH. I thought the leeches... 'introduced' themselves to a body... when that body was swimming (which is why I thought it was strange that you wouldn't... uh... notice the intrusion). But insects fly through my face ALL THE TIME!!! Daily! I don't even know what sort of doctor to call about this...
posted by Mael Oui at 9:31 PM on April 15, 2010

jfuller, we never got to Dogs in Elk. It was on the list, but our publishing company went bust. A tragedy.
posted by Hogshead at 1:05 AM on April 16, 2010