Cross-eye protection not included

April 20, 2010 2:33 PM

It's a hummingbird feeder that you wear on your face.
posted by mudpuppie (67 comments total)

Hummingbirds feeding on my face. Thanks, Metafilter, for nightmares I never even knew I had.
posted by rusty at 2:36 PM on April 20, 2010 [19 favorites]

This guy needs to watch The Jerk.
posted by leetheflea at 2:38 PM on April 20, 2010

Heh. I just saw the first hummingbird of the year yesterday. I...will continue to fill the regular feeder and watch them from the patio.
posted by Burhanistan at 2:39 PM on April 20, 2010

80 bucks?!!!
posted by Daddy-O at 2:40 PM on April 20, 2010

That's hideously brilliant.

You don't really need the mask, though. You can hand-feed hummingbirds.

It needs about thirty more feeding stations so you can have a hummingbird swarm around your head. A humming bird helmet.
posted by loquacious at 2:43 PM on April 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

Happy 4/20?
posted by applemeat at 2:45 PM on April 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

Their tiny tongues are like knives!
posted by johnnybeggs at 2:49 PM on April 20, 2010 [2 favorites]

It's for a mannequin? I have to breath.
posted by Some1 at 2:50 PM on April 20, 2010

and you thought I was weird ;p
posted by infini at 2:50 PM on April 20, 2010 [3 favorites]

so it is.
posted by The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew at 2:55 PM on April 20, 2010

Invented in Humboldt County? You don't say!
posted by vorfeed at 2:56 PM on April 20, 2010 [6 favorites]

A small bird enters stage left, pecks at mask prop three times.

Narrator: "Dave's not here man."
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 2:56 PM on April 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

If you are serious about hummingbirds this feeder will take your relationship with your hummingbirds to a whole new level.

We're still just talking about feeding them, right?
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 2:56 PM on April 20, 2010 [7 favorites]

Room 101
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:57 PM on April 20, 2010

Slow Motion Hummingbirds in HD 720p. Fascinating.
posted by netbros at 3:01 PM on April 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

Excellent Hi-Impact Polycarbonate means it also works with turkey vultures.
posted by applemeat at 3:02 PM on April 20, 2010 [8 favorites]

Scientifically, hummingbirds are the world's cutest animals. I mean, they're so small, they have tiny beaks and they only eat sugar water. I mean, what beats that? Come on. Baby monkeys in diapers? Yeah, they do. Baby monkeys in diapers are cutest.
posted by zoomorphic at 3:04 PM on April 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

I thought the picture of the guy in the unicorn costume was bad. This is way, way worse.
posted by Kimberly at 3:06 PM on April 20, 2010

Also: DO IT TO JULIA!!!
posted by Kimberly at 3:06 PM on April 20, 2010 [10 favorites]

Hello? I need the biggest bird seed bell you have!


No, that's too big.
posted by Atom Eyes at 3:07 PM on April 20, 2010

Hmmmmmmm...
posted by Splunge at 3:10 PM on April 20, 2010

Is it just me, or does the mask look like it should belong to Mecha-Luchador?

( Mecha-Luchador would totally kick Iron Man's ass...)
posted by yeloson at 3:10 PM on April 20, 2010 [2 favorites]

Scientifically, hummingbirds are the world's cutest animals. I mean, they're so small, they have tiny beaks and they only eat sugar water. I mean, what beats that? Come on. Baby monkeys in diapers? Yeah, they do. Baby monkeys in diapers are cutest. -zoomorphic

I see your baby monkeys in diapers and raise you hedgehogs grinning while eating lunch. Hah!
posted by ifjuly at 3:10 PM on April 20, 2010 [2 favorites]

This is even better than getting my cat to eat cat food out of my mouth!
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 3:13 PM on April 20, 2010

but seriously, this is best of the web?
posted by infini at 3:18 PM on April 20, 2010

I will wear this mask to greet trick-r-treaters this year.

And hand out clean pairs of underwear.
posted by everichon at 3:22 PM on April 20, 2010 [2 favorites]

but seriously, this is best of the web?

Yes. [This is good].
posted by loquacious at 3:23 PM on April 20, 2010 [3 favorites]

I'm waiting until they come out with a hawk feeder.
posted by snofoam at 3:25 PM on April 20, 2010

In my unhappy experience, a hummingbird feeder is mainly a yellow-jacket feeder.
posted by Crabby Appleton at 3:29 PM on April 20, 2010

i'll take your word for it since you're loquacious

*eyes the fpp suspiciously*
posted by infini at 3:31 PM on April 20, 2010

Dang. Something tells me this is gonna be one of the first things 23rd-century archaeologists dig up. Then we'll ALL have a really weird rep for a while. Argh.
posted by circular at 3:41 PM on April 20, 2010 [2 favorites]

This would be strange. I love hummingbirds but up close they sound like the world's most gigantic mosquito.
posted by bearwife at 3:42 PM on April 20, 2010

Okay, nobody else thought of Coupland's creepy hummingbird story in "Generation X"? *Shiver.* I like my eyes. Where they are.
posted by MonkeyToes at 3:58 PM on April 20, 2010

The missus is afraid of birds. This is implosion therapy at its finest.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:07 PM on April 20, 2010

Metafilter: Also - DO IT TO JULIA!

ref
posted by lalochezia at 4:24 PM on April 20, 2010

No, THIS is the cutest animal on the whole internet! And the whole world! Universe, even!
posted by Windigo at 4:26 PM on April 20, 2010

Last month I made the decision not to set out feeders this year. Why? Well first of all, I got tired of hosing hummingbird poop off my deck. It may be tiny, but if your feeders are as popular as mine were, those teeny tiny poops build up fast.

But the real catalyst was an incident late last August. I was standing there minding my own business, watching them zip and cheepita-cheepita-cheepita at each other.

One hummingbird came in and banked on his approach. He managed to time the physics just right such that he pooped right in my face.

IN. MY. FACE.

So it's good that this hummingbird feeder includes a lexan face shield.
posted by ErikaB at 4:28 PM on April 20, 2010 [3 favorites]

Oh look! A beautiful humm...HOLY JESUS H FUCK MY EYE!!
posted by jimmythefish at 4:30 PM on April 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

My brain has a hard time distinguishing Really Small Bird from Really Big Bug, so there's always a moment of panic whenever I see a hummingbird.
posted by jrossi4r at 4:44 PM on April 20, 2010 [2 favorites]

hummingbird swarm

...

I like hummingbirds, really. But, apparently, only in doses of 4 or less at a time. Those videos make me want to fail around in an "OHSHITBEES!!" way.
posted by CKmtl at 4:46 PM on April 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

If you turned that whole thing inside out, it could be like the penultimate scene in Nicholas Cage's version of The Wicker Man! Only more colorful! "Not the Hummingbirds! Not the Hummingbirds! Ahhh! They're in my eyes!" Now that I think of that, I might pay to see Cage eaten by hummingbirds. It would be pretty. And satisfying.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:58 PM on April 20, 2010

I'm wondering whether we're witnessing the birth of a replacement to hoppitamoppita?

cheepita-cheepita-cheepita
posted by infini at 5:02 PM on April 20, 2010

Hopefully it won't attract woodpeckers.
posted by superquail at 5:12 PM on April 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

Dang. Something tells me this is gonna be one of the first things 23rd-century archaeologists dig up. Then we'll ALL have a really weird rep for a while. Argh.

Only after they dig up my hummingbird costume.
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:25 PM on April 20, 2010

Hummingbirds feeding on my face. Thanks, Metafilter, for nightmares I never even knew I had.

Okay, nobody else thought of Coupland's creepy hummingbird story in "Generation X"? *Shiver.* I like my eyes. Where they are.

Wasn't there a chapter in Catch-22 about the man with the cornflower-blue eyes? And the hummingbirds?

*shivers*

Yeah, um, no thanks.
posted by lekvar at 6:20 PM on April 20, 2010

A hummingbird fell to the pavement practically at my feet Sunday afternoon. I tried to do what I could, including feeding it, but it was too badly injured and died in my hands. Not sure what happened, but it may have been hurt fighting with another hummingbird that has been very aggressive in the area and then critically injured by the fall. Either that, or it had avian flu. Come to think of it, I did stay home with a stomach bug today...
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 6:24 PM on April 20, 2010

So this face hummingbird feeder... it vibrates?
posted by docjohn at 7:09 PM on April 20, 2010

Also: DO IT TO JULIA!!!

Hee hee. Well played.
posted by danb at 7:24 PM on April 20, 2010

Do they have a model that attaches in the crotch area?
posted by digsrus at 7:24 PM on April 20, 2010

One hummingbird came in and banked on his approach. He managed to time the physics just right such that he pooped right in my face.

You and Tobias... was kind of surprised when they read that story in Church one weekday.
posted by Jahaza at 7:46 PM on April 20, 2010

My eyes! The hummingbird goggles do nothing!
posted by phirleh at 8:04 PM on April 20, 2010

last spring i was sitting in my yard, watching the river flow by when a hummingbird landed on the back of my hand. he only stood there a couple of seconds, but i could tell he was thinking "WOW! WHAT THE FUCK I CAN'T KEEP THIS SHIT UP JESUS CHRIST THIS IS GONNA FUCKING GIVE ME A FUCKIN HEART ATTACK WELL,I'M OUTTA HERE!"
posted by kitchenrat at 8:05 PM on April 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

I think I'm going to buy a few of these and then train my reflexes to catch the little bastards. I will then roast them whole and sell them to the general public. Hipsters will totally eat that up from my bicycle roastery
posted by Senator Howell Tankerbell at 8:42 PM on April 20, 2010

Hummingbirds are rare and magical around here... if you are sitting near the flowers they visit, they like to fly up and hover a foot or so away from you and stare at your face for a few seconds while you stare back, and then they're gone. No face feeder necessary.
posted by serena15221 at 8:48 PM on April 20, 2010

Their tiny tongues are like knives!

Do they have a model that attaches in the crotch area?

No accounting for taste, I guess.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 9:29 PM on April 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

It puts the sweet sweet nectar on its skin, or else it gets the hose again!
posted by awenner at 10:48 PM on April 20, 2010

All the hummingbirds I've ever met were more than willing to fly directly at your eyes even if you weren't wearing a sugar-dispensing face shield.

We had a nest outside our door one summer and we had to stop using that door because it became too unnerving being dive bombed by a tweaked out tiny bird every time you wanted to go outside.
posted by fshgrl at 11:41 PM on April 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

I mean, they're so small, they have tiny beaks and they only eat sugar water.

And insects! Nom nom.
posted by hattifattener at 12:31 AM on April 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

No accounting for taste, I guess.

The iridescent speedos for my costume were $33.00, the little 'winglets' glued to the earpieces of my glasses I made from found materials, and the total experience ... no one can put a price on.
posted by sebastienbailard at 1:00 AM on April 21, 2010

So, ah, anyone else buy one?
posted by orthogonality at 1:49 AM on April 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

"People trying to describe hummingbirds always find themselves stuck with the phrase "living jewels." Rather than succumb to unoriginality, I proffer the alternate descriptions--they're like hyperactive Jolly Ranchers with wings. They are small oil-slick-rainbows with eyes. They're what would happen if you asked Salvador Dali to design a rhinoceros. Screw it, they're like hummingbirds. There's nothing else quite like 'em. They are also completely insane, being size sixteen spirits stuffed into size .0005 bodies. A hummingbird, in its own mind, is ten stories tall with grendade launchers and gunports. A hummingbird knows, down in the hollow toothpicks of its bones, that it can kick your ass."
-Ursula Vernon
posted by The otter lady at 7:10 AM on April 21, 2010 [9 favorites]

My brother and sister team of cats took down a ruby-throat a couple of years ago; fortunately I interceded before they could find it in the dewy plants below where it was uttering a surprisingly loud alarm call. It was sodden and obviously stressed, but after a brief rest amid a towel and some greens it got up, vibrated its wings once or twice, and was off, buzzing like a huge bee. The entire time I had it in my hands I felt like kitchenrat above. Did you know that when they're wet they lose all color, becoming a drab grey-green? The jewel colors are all about reflection.

Hummers are ubercute, but the males can be aggressive. Every year they stage wild dogfights over our yard, males violently attacking males for territory. More scary than cute. Not sure about having one feed on my face.
posted by kinnakeet at 8:22 AM on April 21, 2010

Hummers are ubercute, but the males can be aggressive. Every year they stage wild dogfights over our yard, males violently attacking males for territory. More scary than cute.

I grew up watching ruby throated and rufus hummingbirds fighting, and never once saw any actual carnage. They are serious about establishing pecking (slurping) orders, but on many occasions saw them chill out after long battles and just let each other drink in peace. It's quite entertaining to watch, and for such small creatures they seemed to have a larger repertoire of maneuvers and tactics. But again, it's not a hummer deathmatch, they are just establishing hierarchical dominance because that's what most animals do.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:35 AM on April 21, 2010

What could possibly go wrong?
posted by The Lurkers Support Me in Email at 10:41 AM on April 21, 2010

I remember hearing an ornithologist interviewed on NPR about hummingbirds. "If hummingbirds could speak, 90% of what they say would be expletives. Maybe 95%."

No, sorry, beautiful little swoopy thing, you may have a massively oversized attitude in that tiny little body, but you can't drive me away from the feeder. Besides, I'm refilling it, you little idiot!
posted by Lexica at 1:57 PM on April 21, 2010 [3 favorites]

Lexica: ""If hummingbirds could speak, 90% of what they say would be expletives. Maybe 95%.""

Give the neighbourhood kids enough sugar and they'll prove that true for humans too.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 7:13 PM on April 21, 2010

I see your baby monkeys in diapers and raise you hedgehogs grinning while eating lunch. Hah!

I counter with Charlotte the Hedgehog loves cilantro!

Mmmmm ... cilantro.
posted by sebastienbailard at 8:51 PM on April 21, 2010