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Stop overthinking that pan of beans
April 30, 2010 4:27 PM   Subscribe

The Adventist-Style Vegan Dinner Loaf calculator. For all your Adventist-style vegan dinner loaf calculating needs.
posted by The corpse in the library (34 comments total) 28 users marked this as a favorite

 
i had it make me a recipe, but what is an adventist-style vegan?
posted by djduckie at 4:35 PM on April 30, 2010


what is an adventist-style vegan?

Lack of flavor but full of guilt.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:38 PM on April 30, 2010 [6 favorites]


I love this, thanks for posting. I grew up with an adventist nanny, an amazing older woman. She and her husband had the most beautiful garden full of vegetables, apricot trees and berries. At my house she ate cereal with apple juice on it instead of milk - as non-dairy milk wasn't available in those rural parts back then and as a kid I always thought it was so strange.

She would make the most delicious BLT (minus the B) sandwiches with tomatoes from her garden, they were so red and flavorful. I didn't like tomato until I had one of those.

They were country folk who were vegan because of their religious beliefs with a great respect for life, something I can always admire whether it's a Buddhist monk or an adventist nanny.

There's lots about why seventh day adventists are vegetarian online, start here.
posted by jardinier at 4:42 PM on April 30, 2010 [4 favorites]


what is an adventist-style vegan

They travel the world handing out little calendars with 24 doors. Behind each is a "chocolate" candy made of carob and guaranteed to make your kids angry.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 4:44 PM on April 30, 2010 [13 favorites]


This is neato, thank you.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 4:48 PM on April 30, 2010


Behind each is a "chocolate" candy made of carob and guaranteed to make your kids angry.

Vegans can eat chocolate. Carob's nasty.
posted by Malice at 4:50 PM on April 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


Honestly, this will satisfy all my vegan loaf needs. Well, except those that require Seitan and the Great Becoming, which is just fun to type.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:59 PM on April 30, 2010


Damn, I was thinking an adventist advent calendar would be awesome -- endless -- since they don't celebrate Christmas, but that's the witnesses. I fail at minor Christianities.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 5:00 PM on April 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


Cool link, thank you! I made myself a recipe and am curious to try it out. I like her disclaimer: "I have not personally tried every possible combination of ingredients and therefore cannot vouch for the tastiness or efficacy of every Dinner Loaf creation. Happy eating!"

The other day I was trying to describe the nut loaves I used to make. I had found the basic recipe and its variants in Rose Elliot's giant compendium of 1970s vegetarian cookery. The loaves usually turned out very nicely; most of my dinner guests liked them, even the carnivores.

The exception was, of course, the time I was trying to impress a new boyfriend with my mad vegan cooking skillz. For some reason the loaf turned out very dry and the binding agent didn't, well, bind, and the poor fellow ended up gamely making his way through a plateful of dry lentil/nut/spice pellets. Disastrous. I think he ended up having a coughing fit at one point.

Later, when our relationship was on firmer ground, he would affectionately refer to it as my "dust loaf."
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 5:02 PM on April 30, 2010 [2 favorites]


I wanted to mock this and say "this makes vegans look like all they eat is weird flavorless food" but then I started playing with it and thought "hey, this actually sounds like something I'd want to make." I think it's getting bookmarked.

Since I'm a vegan ... well, I'm not sure if this will or won't make vegans look bad.
posted by darksong at 5:04 PM on April 30, 2010


I'd love to play around with this, but can someone post a recipe to a "canonical" vegan loaf they really love?

I fail at minor Christianities.
I believe they prefer the term "artisanal Christianities."
posted by Ian A.T. at 5:05 PM on April 30, 2010 [8 favorites]


Man, I am gonna loaf shit UP.
posted by padraigin at 5:05 PM on April 30, 2010 [3 favorites]


I stayed in an Adventist hospital and the food was above par from the normal Sysco crap, generally whole food non-processed, much better than Johns Hopkins for example. Not restaurant quality but solid real food you could eat without causing new problems. Each lunch/dinner had a vegetarian option often Indian food.
posted by stbalbach at 5:05 PM on April 30, 2010


Also, I like all the foods on this list, but I'm not sure about the tastiness possible for an almond-jalapeño-seitan loaf. I just don't see why I would need those foods to be enloafened.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 5:06 PM on April 30, 2010 [2 favorites]


You know, in prisons they feed people this stuff as punishment.
posted by mccarty.tim at 5:15 PM on April 30, 2010 [2 favorites]


jardinier: "At my house she ate cereal with apple juice on it instead of milk - as non-dairy milk wasn't available in those rural parts back then and as a kid I always thought it was so strange."

I learned to eat cereal with orange juice or apple juice from my seventh day adventist grandfather. This only works with some cereals: check the ingredient list, many cereals include powdered milk in order to thicken your skim or 2% into something more like whole milk and you definitely don't want juice on that. But orange juice on grape-nuts, while an acquired taste, is something I enjoy quite a bit.
posted by idiopath at 5:22 PM on April 30, 2010 [2 favorites]


mccarty.tim: You know, in prisons they feed people this stuff as punishment.

From the article you link to:
"In some institutions it has no fixed recipe but is simply the regular prison meal (including drink) blended together. In one common version, it is made from a mixture of wheat bread, non-dairy cheese, various vegetables, and mixed with vegetable oil, tomato paste, powdered milk and dehydrated potato flakes."

So, not really.
posted by jardinier at 5:24 PM on April 30, 2010


> I'm not sure about the tastiness possible for an almond-jalapeño-seitan loaf

There's only one way to find out, AV.
posted by The corpse in the library at 5:30 PM on April 30, 2010


AV: "Damn, I was thinking an adventist advent calendar would be awesome -- endless -- since they don't celebrate Christmas, but that's the witnesses. I fail at minor Christianities."

Hm, I was raised by Adventists and I'm pretty sure I'm not imagining all the Christmas celebrations we had. Maybe you're thinking of Jehovah's Witnesses?
posted by mullingitover at 5:33 PM on April 30, 2010


This thread needs more Turkey Volume Guessing Man!
posted by chambers at 5:36 PM on April 30, 2010


Bork Bork Bork

Ingredients:

1/2 cup walnuts
2 TB olive oil
One onion, diced
One large garlic clove, minced
One large carrot, peeled and grated
Two celery ribs, diced
2 cups vegetarian burger or sausage crumbles
1 cup dry whole wheat bread crumbs
1/4 to 1/2 cup vegetable broth, as needed
3 TB potato flour
1/4 tsp. dried thyme
1/2 tsp. dried sage
1 tsp. dried basil
1/4 cup minced fresh parsley
2 TB ketchup
Several dashes vegetarian Worcestershire Sauce
Freshly ground black pepper, to taste
2 TB soy sauce

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350º. Spray a loaf pan or 8x8 square baking pan with nonstick spray and set aside (an 8x8 pan makes a crisper loaf).

Grind the walnuts into a coarse meal using a food processor or spice/coffee grinder. Place in a large mixing bowl and set aside.

Sauté any vegetables you've chosen in the olive oil until soft. Add to the large mixing bowl along with all the remaining ingredients. Mix and mash together well, adding only as much liquid as needed to create a soft, moist loaf that holds together and is not runny (you may not need to add any liquid if the grains and protein are very moist). Add more binder/carbohydrate as needed if the loaf seems too wet.

Press mixture into the prepared pan and bake for 45 minutes to 1 hour, or until cooked through.

Let the loaf cool in the pan for 10 to 15 minutes, then turn out onto a plate or platter and slice. Serve with potatoes, vegetables, and vegetarian gravy, if desired.

Cold leftover slices of Bork Bork Bork make a great sandwich filling.

Enjoy!
posted by Splunge at 5:57 PM on April 30, 2010


is it arTIZinul or is it artiZAHNul?
posted by DU at 6:01 PM on April 30, 2010


Hereabouts, I've actually heard people say "artesian bread." I am not making that up.
posted by FelliniBlank at 6:12 PM on April 30, 2010


My gf and I have been making loaves off of this page for years now, and they generally really are damn tasty, believe it or not. Awesome meat-loaf substitute when a vegan is craving that sort of texture and flavor. Easy to make too.
posted by Aversion Therapy at 6:12 PM on April 30, 2010


FelliniBlank: "artesian bread."

That's when you keep your dough mother in a naturally occurring underground reservoir and it spills up to the surface from the natural pressure of expansion as it rises.
posted by idiopath at 6:17 PM on April 30, 2010 [4 favorites]


Ambrosia Voyeur: I like all the foods on this list, but I'm not sure about the tastiness possible for an almond-jalapeño-seitan loaf. I just don't see why I would need those foods to be enloafened.

Spawn of Seitan: The Enloafening
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 6:45 PM on April 30, 2010 [4 favorites]


mullingitover,

[insert joke about picking and choosing relevant texts as critical to the practice of adventism here?]
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 7:16 PM on April 30, 2010


Reminds me of a twenty-four hour Thanksgiving meditation which ended in the feast, the centerpiece of which was one of these "loaves" molded in the shape of a turkey. Lentils, brown rice and walnuts were the key ingredients, as I remember.

Hey, it was the Seventies. You had to be there.
posted by kozad at 8:10 PM on April 30, 2010


I was raised a Sevvie, or Seventh Day Adventist to those outside the cult. (I kid, it's not a cult, just a bunch of sad weird misguided types feeling smug about their diet choices.) And anyways, this vegan revelation is new to me. I don't know a single one that was vegan. Vegetarian yes but vegan? Milk and eggs were on the menu at church run camps. Even vegetarian was pretty optional among adherents, I doubt there was a single one in my parents church social circle. Then again it was the seventies and things were swinging and liberal.

My mom would occasionally make Kellogs K loaf, which I recently made for a friend and my family. It's surprisingly good, hell even my kids dug it. Kellogs K, cottage cheese, eggs, walnuts, onion and soy for flavour. It's surprisingly umami rich and satisfying.
posted by Keith Talent at 7:29 AM on May 1, 2010


I'll admit, as I was pulling my TVP-walnut-carrot-onion-oatmeal-soy-flour-and-nutritional-yeast … thing out of the oven last night, my initial response was "Oh, Jesus. What manner of hippie bullshit have i just made?" It looked like something out of those 1974 Weight Watchers recipe cards.

But it was delicious. I increased the seasonings considerably, but I would totally use that weird generator again the next time I find myself with random pantry-contents and zero volition.
posted by wreckingball at 7:59 AM on May 1, 2010 [1 favorite]


a bunch of sad weird misguided types feeling smug about their diet choices.

I thought the SDAs felt smug about their calendrical choices. I didn't know they were also besmuggened in re: diet.
posted by DU at 8:33 AM on May 1, 2010


"just a bunch of sad weird misguided types feeling smug about their diet choices"

They have a good reason to be smug, too... They outlive the rest of the country by about ten years.
posted by markkraft at 4:51 PM on May 1, 2010


Here's mine - I worked it up after eating something similar at a restaurant. It tastes like Thanksgiving. I recently reworked it with Indian spices and made it into veggie burgers. The original recipe is the best thing ever with mashed potatoes and gravy.

Veggie Loaf

1 tablespoon olive oil
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 stalks celery, finely diced
1 cup diced onion, about ½ an onion
1/2 cup lentils
1/2 cup brown rice
2 cups mushroom broth or vegetable broth
2 tablespoons flax seeds
1/3 cup walnuts
2/3 cup quick oatmeal
1 teaspoon sage
1/2 teaspoon marjoram or oregano
1/4 teaspoon thyme
2 tablespoons soy sauce


Heat olive oil in a pot. Sauté garlic, celery and onion until tender. Stir in lentils, rice and broth and bring to a low boil. Reduce heat to a simmer, cover, and cook for 45 minutes or until broth is absorbed. Remove from heat and partially mash with a fork or a potato masher.

Preheat oven to 350. Place flaxseeds in a blender and grind to a powder. Add walnuts and pulse blender to mince. Stir flaxseed mixture into lentil and rice mixture, along with oatmeal, sage, basil, thyme and soy sauce. Spoon mixture into a well-oiled 8 x 4-inch loaf pan and press top of loaf with the back of a spoon to remove air pockets.

Bake for 40 minutes. Run a knife around edge of loaf and turn upside-down on a cutting board and slice to serve.

About 5 servings

Note: You can freeze slices of veggie loaf between wax paper and make sandwiches later.
posted by zinfandel at 8:57 PM on May 1, 2010


Haha, yeah this brings back memories of many church potlucks. I can definitely fault the church for wacky stuff like having a very literal interpretation of scripture and being big on young-earth creationism, but they can make a mean casserole.
posted by mullingitover at 5:09 PM on May 2, 2010


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