Sassifire

May 2, 2010 3:16 PM

What happens to celebrities we forget about? They make terrible commercials for beer, candy, and Man Dom.
posted by stoneweaver (79 comments total)

Your terrible commercial example is actually awesome.
posted by HopperFan at 3:20 PM on May 2, 2010 [8 favorites]

I thought Charisma Carpenter had like a bunch of kids and then some medical problems and a messy divorce and that's why we don't see more of her?

Also most of these ads are trading in on the "Hey, Remember X! They're back, in ad form." which is too wink wink haha I'm hilariously washed up and cheesy to be taken seriously as "oh look what they've been reduced too!"

Like, aside from Harrison Ford. Like I know we probably never has to work ever again but man, he retired pretty hard.
posted by The Whelk at 3:21 PM on May 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

My Butterfinger is fun-sized.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 3:22 PM on May 2, 2010

Also I like big Butterfingers is makes me laugh.
posted by The Whelk at 3:22 PM on May 2, 2010

This is terrible.
posted by HopperFan at 3:22 PM on May 2, 2010

The Man Dom commercial was directed by Nobuhiko Obayashi (Hausu)
posted by puny human at 3:23 PM on May 2, 2010

Sorry, the Betty White commercial is about as good as it gets.
posted by Huck500 at 3:27 PM on May 2, 2010 [6 favorites]

Man Dom is pure machismo! It makes those Axe and Old Spice commercials look contrived.

Gads I got a hard on just WATCHING it. Imagine USING it!
posted by Max Power at 3:30 PM on May 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

You leave Betty White out of this, stoneweaver. That woman is a god damned treasure and everything she touches is better than deep-fried gold.
posted by Help, I can't stop talking! at 3:30 PM on May 2, 2010 [26 favorites]

1. The Betty White commercial was awesome.

2. If enduring that commercial is what it takes to keep Charisma Carpenter fed, I'm willing to make that sacrifice; she was pretty awesome in Buffy and Angel... and before you accuse me of anything gender-discriminatory, I'd have done the same for Andy Hallet or Tom Lenk.

3. I just recently learned that Charisma had a more recent role on Legend of the Seeker, which has apparently been canceled. Since I've never read Terry Goodkind, and therefore have no special qualms about seeing his work butchered (as I expect it will be) for the small screen, I'm considering iTunesing the series.
posted by The Confessor at 3:33 PM on May 2, 2010

I submit that we have not exactly forgotten about Harrison Ford, and when this commerical came out in 1984, he was not precisely obscure.

You are trying to wrap two dissimilar things into one big package: American celebrities past their best-before date and American celebrities shilling things overseas away from their usual western fanbase. Of course there is some overlap: when I was last in the Netherlands a year or two ago, Mr. T and his tank were ubiquitous in Snickers promotion.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 3:39 PM on May 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

That Man Dom commericial has always been amazing. I've been showing it to people for years. Everyone seems to just remeber the Death Wish series and the over the top Golan-Globus films of the 80's, but forget he kicked as much ass as Lee Marvin, Coburn, and Eastwood bask in the 60's and 70's. There is no shame here for Bronson in this commercial.

I believe this was the only time after shave could be considered cinematic.
posted by chambers at 3:39 PM on May 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

Legend of the Seeker is pretty good in a syndicated low-budget fantasy sense... the only way to make fantasy filmed entertainment, imo, because it's the only format that allows the time and freedom necessary to the genre. Sorry to hear it's cancelled.

Edit: Actually, looking at the wiki page for it, it isn't low budget at all... 1.5 million per ep.
posted by Huck500 at 3:46 PM on May 2, 2010

Legend of the Seeker is on Netflix instant watch, btw.
posted by Huck500 at 3:47 PM on May 2, 2010

Say what you will about the man's dignity or lack thereof, but I am convinced Sir Mixalot is the shrewdest entertainer who has ever been in show business. The music business is full of one-hit wonders. Nothing special about finding the right beat to rock a particular summer, especially if you only manage to catch that lightning in a bottle once; somehow you managed to stumble upon, beg, borrow or steal just the right sequence of notes at the right time, and subsequent failure to duplicate that feat just makes it all the more obvious it was plain old dumb luck that you caught the wave and no one else did. "Baby Got Back" was such an event. A lesser man would simply have faded into obscurity, but Sir Mixalot -- a musical mediocrity save one bright spot, one notable celebration of the human buttocks -- managed somehow to turn this one novelty song into a career nearly in its third decade as of this writing. If he turned his mind for business to Wall Street, Sir Mixalot would own us all.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 4:04 PM on May 2, 2010 [18 favorites]

Sir Mix-a-Lot had platinum and gold records before the record that spawned "Baby Got Back". Apparently, the Lambo he posed with for the cover of Mack Daddy was actually his.
posted by Mikey-San at 4:21 PM on May 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

I will stop replaying the Betty White ad (the "commercials" link) when it stops making me laugh. I'll let you know; this may take a while. You are so awesome, Betty.
posted by Morrigan at 4:22 PM on May 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

No one has ever forgotten about Charles Bronson, my friend.
posted by mr_roboto at 4:23 PM on May 2, 2010 [3 favorites]

What's a Charisma Carpenter?
posted by longsleeves at 4:25 PM on May 2, 2010

The only people that need money more than I need money are the people that used to have a some and don't any more. Or at least there agents act like they need it more.)
posted by Some1 at 4:27 PM on May 2, 2010

Sir Mix-a-Lot had platinum and gold records before the record that spawned "Baby Got Back". Apparently, the Lambo he posed with for the cover of Mack Daddy was actually his.

Oh God. I completely forgot, until this comment prompted me to look it up, about the cover of "Iron Man" that he did with Metal Church in the late '80s. I'm...not sure this changes my assessment.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 4:34 PM on May 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

kittens for breakfast: Nothing special about finding the right beat to rock a particular summer, especially if you only manage to catch that lightning in a bottle once

Mix-a-Lot was also credited as a co-writer of Dontcha, along with Cee-Lo Green and Busta Rhymes (the beat was taken from a Mix-a-Lot track, remixed by Cee-Lo with a rap section by Busta added - then they shopped it around for a girl group). Dontcha was ridden up the charts by the Pussycat Dolls (after being rejected by Paris Hilton), hitting number one in many countries, and peaking at number 2 in the US.
posted by idiopath at 4:34 PM on May 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

too wink wink haha I'm hilariously washed up and cheesy to be taken seriously as "oh look what they've been reduced too!"

You want some seriously pathetic "look what I, god's sparkling irreplaceable gift to the world, have been reduced to?" Here you go.
posted by FelliniBlank at 4:36 PM on May 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

I have no great antipathy for Mix-a-Lot -- quite the opposite! -- but I would suggest that "Dontcha" was not successful on the basis of anything related to the way it sounds.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 4:37 PM on May 2, 2010

Charisma Carpenter is in the upcoming Stallone action-y smorgasbord.
posted by leotrotsky at 4:37 PM on May 2, 2010

You want some seriously pathetic "look what I, god's sparkling irreplaceable gift to the world, have been reduced to?" Here you go.

and here's another example.
posted by gman at 4:38 PM on May 2, 2010

> You want some seriously pathetic "look what I, god's sparkling irreplaceable gift to the world, have been reduced to?" Here you go.

No, there HE goes.
posted by ardgedee at 4:40 PM on May 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

Charles Bronson is practically taking a bath in Man Dom.

Which explains why he has 80 bottles of it in his bedroom.
posted by bwg at 4:48 PM on May 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

I went about 40% gay for Charles Bronson just now. Possibly higher and I'm in denial.
posted by fleetmouse at 4:50 PM on May 2, 2010 [3 favorites]

Pack up the kids; we're going to Bronson, MO now.
posted by kittyprecious at 4:59 PM on May 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

I HATE butterfingers.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 5:05 PM on May 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

Man, Betty White and Abe Vigoda are hardly in the "celebrities we forgot about" category with Sir Mix-A-Lot and Lou Ferrigno. Come on.
posted by DecemberBoy at 5:11 PM on May 2, 2010

What's a Charisma Carpenter?

My Boss Is A Charisma Carpenter
posted by codswallop at 5:20 PM on May 2, 2010 [7 favorites]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. WHO forgot about Mr T?
posted by Wataki at 5:21 PM on May 2, 2010 [4 favorites]

I just recently learned that Charisma had a more recent role on Legend of the Seeker, which has apparently been canceled. Since I've never read Terry Goodkind, and therefore have no special qualms about seeing his work butchered (as I expect it will be) for the small screen, I'm considering iTunesing the series.

Wait, does that mean she's over here in New Zealand?

Why was I not informed?
posted by Wataki at 5:26 PM on May 2, 2010

Charisma, go to your agent, kick him in the nads, and then yell in his ear, "I AM NOT LADY GAGA!" over and over again until he gets the point.
posted by WCityMike at 5:27 PM on May 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

As for the Betty White/Abe Vigoda commercial, said it when it came out, I'll say it now: that needs to be reversed (and would've been funnier, too). Bite the Snickers, then you're Betty White. Seriously, Betty White kicks ass.
posted by WCityMike at 5:31 PM on May 2, 2010 [3 favorites]

You want some seriously pathetic "look what I, god's sparkling irreplaceable gift to the world, have been reduced to?" Here you go.

and here's another example.

When was Kevin Costner god's sparkling anything to anyone?
posted by DU at 5:38 PM on May 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

Seriously, Betty White kicks ass.

That's not what your girlfriend says.
posted by DU at 5:39 PM on May 2, 2010

I am publicly on the record that Betty White is AWESOME. (yeah, self-linky)
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:43 PM on May 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

Charisma Carpenter was in one episode of Legend of the Seeker at the beginning of the season. She might have come back in season 3, but since the show's been cancelled...

Also, Legend of the Seeker is awesome. And Butterfingers are awesome.

You want some seriously pathetic "look what I, god's sparkling irreplaceable gift to the world, have been reduced to?" Here you go

I do not understand why you linked to the 30 sec clip instead of the 2 minute "Official Music Video", which is hilariously horrible. Vicki Sue Robinson is turning over in her grave.
posted by nooneyouknow at 5:54 PM on May 2, 2010

And yes, Betty White is awesome. This video from Funny or Die with 'behind the scenes footage from The Proposal' is one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
posted by nooneyouknow at 6:01 PM on May 2, 2010

Sir-Mix-Alot is a Seattle native and as long I've been listening to hip-hop one of his tapes or CDs could always be found in my, or one of my friends, collections. He also lived in the area I grew up in, and anytime I ran into him or heard a story about him he's always come off as a nice guy.

Also, Betty White on Craig Ferguson
posted by P.o.B. at 6:06 PM on May 2, 2010

Wow. That "Proposal" promo clip was so funny it almost compeled me to stream the movie on Netflix. Almost.
posted by lucasks at 6:09 PM on May 2, 2010

I like crap, but even I'm repulsed by these commercials. So, great post?
posted by mccarty.tim at 6:32 PM on May 2, 2010

I knew I'd seen that Butterfingers commercial before. Burger King did it earlier -- and much funnier.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 6:38 PM on May 2, 2010 [4 favorites]

Betty White is better than kitten giggles.

Also, this is an excuse to bring out one of my fave pics of her; what a dish!
posted by Windigo at 6:44 PM on May 2, 2010 [5 favorites]

There are four kinds of Celebrity Commercials: (1) the subtle endorsement* (hey, is that David Duchovney?), (2) the not-so-subtle endorsement (Japanese ads so perfectly depicted in "Lost In Translation"), (3) playing well off a celebrity's image (the Betty White/Abe Vigoda Snickers ad), (4) playing badly off a celebrity's image (classic example: EVERYTHING for Miller Lite)

*controversial mostly for putting 80% of the full-time voice-over artists out of work
posted by oneswellfoop at 6:46 PM on May 2, 2010 [3 favorites]

Sir Mixalot -- a musical mediocrity save one bright spot

I kinda dug "My Posse's on Broadway"
posted by Slothrup at 6:52 PM on May 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

"My Hooptie" was pretty good too.
posted by jonmc at 7:08 PM on May 2, 2010

Cake Boy is a classic too.
posted by electroboy at 7:15 PM on May 2, 2010

Another hamburger chain avoided using Sir Mixalot in a rap-style spot, but his influence was obvious.
posted by oneswellfoop at 7:17 PM on May 2, 2010

the confessor: legend of the seekers is free on hulu and netflix streaming.
posted by djduckie at 7:29 PM on May 2, 2010

Georgia Coffee. (David Lynch/Twin Peaks)
posted by Balisong at 7:30 PM on May 2, 2010

Okay,
A: the commercial in the first link was horrifying.
B: has anyone else seen the Japanese ad from the eighties David Byrne did for instant coffee? That Harrison Ford one reminded me of it, what with the earnest drinking and dramatic savoring.
posted by Red Loop at 7:38 PM on May 2, 2010

No love for Gary Coleman?
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 7:43 PM on May 2, 2010

When was Kevin Costner god's sparkling anything to anyone?

Never, except in his own pea brain, and it's that sort of talentless yet egomaniacal person in particular whose pathetic commercials crack me up the most.
posted by FelliniBlank at 7:49 PM on May 2, 2010

This thread is way better than my original post. I also hereby fully renounce any aspersions I cast on the awesomeness of Betty White. I was wrong. She's also hosting SNL on Saturday. Here's the promo.
posted by stoneweaver at 7:51 PM on May 2, 2010

OMG look at Hulk Baby. Great stuff.
posted by rahnefan at 8:36 PM on May 2, 2010

craziest japanese celebrity commercials
posted by ofthestrait at 8:46 PM on May 2, 2010

According to this wfmu page, Betty White is more interesting than we know -- "During that first decade of television she was often dismissed as too perky, too saccharine - even vacant.
In real life she was anything but. Those critics would have been shocked to learn that she was closest of friends with John Steinbeck. Betty White was more than just a sitcom star, singer, game show panelist and television producer. She was the first woman to host a daytime talk show. She helped a struggling film student, the very un-saccharine Sam Peckinpah, obtain his first job. Twenty years later she discovered a small town weatherman she thought had potential named David Letterman. With a starring role on a program that aired five and a half-hours a day, six days a week, for four consecutive years, and all that has come since, it is arguable that she has spent more time on television than anyone else alive."
posted by puny human at 9:27 PM on May 2, 2010 [10 favorites]

Charles Bronson was pretty ripped back then.
I always remember him as the old dude from a million Death Wish movies.

But, seriously, dude, how much of that stuff do you need? You probably smelled him half a block before he got there.
posted by madajb at 9:39 PM on May 2, 2010

Speak for yourself, sir. I haven't forgotten about Betty White or any of her fellow Golden Girls.

RIP Estelle Getty
posted by cgomez at 10:44 PM on May 2, 2010

Yeah he pretty much took a shower in that stuff. I kept imagining the Japanese director telling him to pour more and more on.

But I'll always remember him as Harmonica
posted by P.o.B. at 10:48 PM on May 2, 2010

I've always loved Betty White but I had no idea she did so much. What a great article, puny human.
posted by Tacodog at 11:42 PM on May 2, 2010

Anyone remember Johnny Rotten?
posted by Omnomnom at 1:46 AM on May 3, 2010

Has nobody posted the drunken Orson Welles ad?
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:07 AM on May 3, 2010

I don't know why anyone thinks John MacEnroe was a good choice to shill for rental cars. I can't even watch that commercial in its entirety.
posted by jfwlucy at 3:55 AM on May 3, 2010

_{RIP Estelle Getty
Don't forget about Bea Arthur!}
posted by bitteroldman at 5:54 AM on May 3, 2010

How many times have you wanted to pack it all in and take off?

See also.
posted by Pollomacho at 6:36 AM on May 3, 2010

cgomez: you forgot to pour one out for Bea Arthur as well.
posted by djduckie at 7:00 AM on May 3, 2010

The Mr T one is awesome, not terrible. For the simple reason that it has Mr T in it. I know that it shows laziness on the part of the agency to simply hire a name like Mr T who will spark our nostalgia for the 80s and therefore take away any necessity for creativity, but I'm fine with that. Because it has Mr T in it! Seriously, I just giggled like a kid whenever that advert came on the telly.
posted by jonnyploy at 7:01 AM on May 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

What's a Charisma Carpenter?

I have a great fondness for celebrities whose names are composed entirely of common nouns. Faith Hill, Holly Hunter... Heath Ledger was another great one: it always called to mind an accountant working feverishly out on the moors, pages of his ledger riffling in the wind.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:35 AM on May 3, 2010 [3 favorites]

Curious if there are any other film clips out there featuring Charles Bronson ripping his shirt off and flinging it away with careless abandon? I mean, you know, I'm interested from a purely post-feminist deconstructionist intellectual hipster-ironic kind of way.

Could someone research that and get back to me today?

OK?
posted by missmobtown at 8:57 AM on May 3, 2010

In case anyone was wondering, yes, Charles Bronson was a Tatar.
posted by Pollomacho at 9:34 AM on May 3, 2010

Charisma Carpenter was in eleven (I had to look it up, I swear!) episodes of Veronica Mars as Kendall Casablancas.
posted by jvilter at 10:07 AM on May 3, 2010

The Mr T one is awesome, not terrible. For the simple reason that it has Mr T in it. I know that it shows laziness on the part of the agency to simply hire a name like Mr T who will spark our nostalgia for the 80s and therefore take away any necessity for creativity, but I'm fine with that. Because it has Mr T in it!

It's interesting how committed he is to the character he created decades ago. I've never seen him break character, come to think of it. But he's still working, so why not?
posted by krinklyfig at 2:07 PM on May 3, 2010

It's interesting how committed he is to the character he created decades ago. I've never seen him break character, come to think of it.

Well, you see, the truth is that never mind
posted by kittens for breakfast at 3:40 PM on May 3, 2010

Is this something I'd need a supernatural detective agency that's based in an improbably large hotel in Los Angeles to understand?
posted by NoraReed at 5:17 PM on May 3, 2010