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May 5, 2010 7:26 AM   Subscribe

Cupidtino is a "new social dating website exclusively for Apple fans" which launches in June. If your Cupidtino Appleationship works out, you could have a magical Apple Store Wedding! Via "Oh God No."

You can sign up for their beta here, or follow them on Twitter, where they've said it's not a joke.

And of course, "Cupidtino" is a mashup of Cupid+Cupertino, home to....
posted by zarq (51 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

 
"One or more of the links you entered were found in 224 previous threads." :D
posted by zarq at 7:28 AM on May 5, 2010


Are there any guidelines this *doesn't* break?
posted by DU at 7:29 AM on May 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


Ah, what a relief. If I met a person who I clicked with on many levels and was really having a great time with, feeling relaxed and at ease yet inspired, and really just wanted to jump their bones all the time but then suddenly found out that they didn't care for Apple I would be totally crushed. Knowing that they are Apple devotees up front is the only way I can ensure happiness.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:30 AM on May 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


Oh God! I can see forever!
posted by four panels at 7:30 AM on May 5, 2010 [5 favorites]


Of course Flash is always stopping weddings .
posted by Artw at 7:31 AM on May 5, 2010


This is kind of hilarious and kind of terrifying.
posted by Rory Marinich at 7:31 AM on May 5, 2010


Are there any guidelines this *doesn't* break?

Yes. Self-linking. I am not affiliated, etc., etc. :)
posted by zarq at 7:32 AM on May 5, 2010


Ah, what a relief. If I met a person who I clicked with on many levels and was really having a great time with, feeling relaxed and at ease yet inspired, and really just wanted to jump their bones all the time but then suddenly found out that they didn't care for Apple I would be totally crushed. Knowing that they are Apple devotees up front is the only way I can ensure happiness.

Heh. There are Apple fans out there who are actually like that. I guess this could work as something similar to dating sites for Evangelical Christians who want to make absolutely sure their future spouse shares their exact brand of crazy. Has someone already made one for hardcore Whedonites and mined that goldmine?
posted by Artw at 7:34 AM on May 5, 2010 [3 favorites]


Are there any guidelines this *doesn't* break?

It really hits the bingo card of "doomed" [I kid because I love!] but I don't think it breaks a single guideline.
posted by jessamyn at 7:34 AM on May 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


Has someone already made one for hardcore Whedonites and mined that goldmine?

It's called Livejournal.

(I should know, I met my wife via Firefly chat/LJ.)
posted by kmz at 7:39 AM on May 5, 2010 [5 favorites]


It's called Livejournal.

Heh.
posted by Artw at 7:39 AM on May 5, 2010


I must admit, my "here's some Pepsi Green for Pepsi Blue fans" meter is more sensitive than average.
posted by DU at 7:40 AM on May 5, 2010


Juggalos "think different" too.
posted by davebush at 7:41 AM on May 5, 2010


Yeah, like I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who thinks pushing one of my buttons is enough.
posted by bondcliff at 7:44 AM on May 5, 2010 [9 favorites]


...but I don't think it breaks a single guideline.

Thank you. :)
posted by zarq at 7:44 AM on May 5, 2010


davebush: "Juggalos "think different" too."

That's why we have J-date.
posted by The White Hat at 7:45 AM on May 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


But what if I don't have an Intel processor?!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:47 AM on May 5, 2010


Listen.

I know we're gonna get all LOLApplenerds up in this thread, because that is how these things go. But if you were unlucky enough to be both a Mac user and a computer nerd and going to high school in the early to mid 90's, you were gonna be dealing with some shit, is all I'm saying. You would be a joke to your computer nerd friends, and the company you defended would be in a death spiral.

And if you had to construct some kind of narrative in your life that let you keep using the computers that you loved even when it frequently made no logical sense to do so, then—listen, brother, that kind of rationalization leaves a mark on you that don't wash out.

I'll lay you diamonds to doughnuts whoever made this site went through that particular crucible, and they came out a little worse for wear.
posted by pts at 7:51 AM on May 5, 2010 [7 favorites]


Never buy date the first generation of any Apple product fanboy/girl.
posted by backseatpilot at 7:52 AM on May 5, 2010


Does it come with the Apple Guarantee? Will the wedding get repair advice at the Genius Bar, or can we trade in for new marriages if it doesn't work?

(Saddened Apple fan who's watched the quick slide from quality computers to trendy disposable electronics... )
posted by yeloson at 7:56 AM on May 5, 2010


Meg: We met at Starbucks. Not at the same Starbucks but we saw each other at different Starbucks across the street from each other. And… Hamilton got up the courage to walk across the street one day and… approached me.
Hamilton: Yeah. I'd seen you at law school before…
Meg: Yeah…
Hamilton: And I know that, sometimes I'd be in one Starbucks, and then, you'd be in the other Starbucks, and then I'd think, maybe, you know, I should go over to that Starbucks the next weekend, and then you'd be over at the other Starbucks… so we kind-of, crossed…
Meg: (laughs)
Hamilton: I remember what I was drinking when I met you. It was a grande espresso.
Meg: That's right. And I thought that was really sexy. I was drinking cappuccinos.
Hamilton: I remember…
Meg: And then I went to lattes, and then, now I'm double-espresso, Macchiato
Hamilton: Right… and I'm now a big 'ol chai tea latte soy milk kind-of guy because of the lactose.
Meg: You're lactose-intolerant now.
Hamilton: And I walked across the street, and there you were…
Meg: …working on my Mac…
Hamilton: and I had my Mac! and then, I looked over and she's reading… J.Crew! Which is so weird, because I was such a huge J.Crew person then, too. Still am. We sometimes like to just go to Starbucks on weekends and take an L.L.Bean catalog, and I'll say, "Honey, what's new?" and she'll has five minutes to look through…
Meg: …they've been around forever and we are so lucky! So lucky to have been raised… amongst… catalogs.
Hamilton: Oh, it's so much easier. Because, especially, you don't have to deal with people as much. You can just talk on the phone…
Meg: …or not…
Hamilton: Yeah.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 7:57 AM on May 5, 2010 [19 favorites]


It's called a portmanteau, not a mashup.
posted by mkb at 8:18 AM on May 5, 2010 [5 favorites]


I assume Jobs has to approve all sign-ups.
posted by rfs at 8:19 AM on May 5, 2010 [8 favorites]


There are plenty of specialty dating sites out there, including 420Dating (obvious), and The Atlasphere (Connecting Admirers of The Fountain Head and Atlas Shrugged). I don't really find it odd that there's one for Apple.
posted by Hoenikker at 8:22 AM on May 5, 2010


This is at least a sure sign you won't have your potential partner ask you nicely to pretty please spend half a day salvaging her PC from under a pile of malware. That should be their biggest selling point.
posted by Space Coyote at 8:31 AM on May 5, 2010 [4 favorites]


It's called a portmanteau, not a mashup.

Thanks. :) For the life of me, I couldn't think of the word.
posted by zarq at 8:40 AM on May 5, 2010


Apple's marketing strategy has always been to equate your choice of computing platform with what kind of person you (think you) are. It makes perfect sense that adherents would apply the same thinking to other people's computer choices.
posted by rocket88 at 8:44 AM on May 5, 2010 [2 favorites]


See...this is the kind of crap that makes a lot of us Mac users cringe.
posted by Thorzdad at 8:46 AM on May 5, 2010 [5 favorites]


All male users will be required to purchase a special dongle in order to have sex and you'll have to wait till version 4.0 of the site if you want to 69 because Apple considers that multitasking.
posted by Nyarlathotep at 8:49 AM on May 5, 2010 [8 favorites]


Well, that does it for dating sites for specialized demographics. Only place to go from here is a dating site for people who feel strongly about two or more unrelated things: A partisan position or belief set combined with a brand identification or pastime.

I'm throwing these dating site ideas out into the ether for any of you guys to make your millions on. Just keep me in mind when you issue your IPO.posted by ardgedee at 8:50 AM on May 5, 2010 [4 favorites]


make absolutely sure their future spouse shares their exact brand of crazy

For that matter. Previously on MeFi.
posted by magnificent frigatebird at 9:04 AM on May 5, 2010


Nyarlathotep: "All male users will be required to purchase a special dongle in order to have sex and you'll have to wait till version 4.0 of the site if you want to 69 because Apple considers that multitasking."

And if he loses his erection their only supported option will be getting a new one from the factory.
posted by idiopath at 9:33 AM on May 5, 2010


Great. Now Apple is going to re-invent relationships and marriage.

I'd hate to see what the contractual arrangements look like.
posted by purephase at 9:39 AM on May 5, 2010


I'd hate to see what the contractual arrangements look like.

Click my EULA. Lower....that's it.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:43 AM on May 5, 2010 [2 favorites]


internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 is about three weeks ahead of her time.
posted by Zed at 9:47 AM on May 5, 2010


I think this is a good thing, since it will reduce the number of Apple iNerds mixing their DNA with those of us outside Jobs' walled garden. Just like the XTIAN-only dating services, but with less likelihood of turning the female members into high-quantity baby-making machines. Next up, the Bill Hicks Memorial Dating Service, for Marketing/Advertising people only, with meetups serving poisoned kool-aid.

yes, I know, snarky AND unoriginal, but I need to indulge myself occasionally, sorry.
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:48 AM on May 5, 2010


It figures that Mac users would only be compatible with other Mac users. PC users may be deadbeats but at least they're promiscuous open-hearted.
posted by WPW at 9:50 AM on May 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


I assume Jobs has to approve all sign-ups.

And he always has the option to claim droit du seigneur.
posted by homunculus at 9:58 AM on May 5, 2010 [5 favorites]


Cupidtino sounds like a pink drink I'd be confused by.
posted by redsparkler at 10:06 AM on May 5, 2010


Is the web site trying to be ironically ugly or something?
posted by ignignokt at 10:20 AM on May 5, 2010


503 Error
Resource limit exceeded


*sigh*

Story of my life.
posted by Danf at 10:29 AM on May 5, 2010


no, redsparkler, that's a Cupidtini (served at OKCupid meetups). In Cupertino, they serve Cupertinis, or just iTinis.
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:31 AM on May 5, 2010


Speaking as an all-Apple household, I can tell you it makes things a lot easier when you do settle into a long-term relationship. Printer sharing! Someone from whom to steal spare cables when you cannot find a Firewire-to-USB, or your iPod charger! Wacom tablets and scanners and spare FireWire external hard drives. A nicer color laser than you could have afforded alone!

I'm 35 damn years old. I don't need silverware or plates or matching sheets. When we do finally get married, though, I wouldn't mind a nice RAID for storage...or a better media solution for all the Dr. Who movies on the one old PowerBook.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 10:36 AM on May 5, 2010


in Redmond they serve Devicedrivers, in Mountain View they serve Alexandroids and wherever eBay is they serve Bloody Megs
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:39 AM on May 5, 2010


SWM 45 with delusions of hipness, seeks discreet genius barista to help with dongle problems, including treatment of firewire port at tip of dongle, and premature multitasking.
posted by BrotherCaine at 11:46 AM on May 5, 2010


All male users will be required to purchase a special dongle in order to have sex and you'll have to wait till version 4.0 of the site if you want to 69 because Apple considers that multitasking.


But we'll put up with it because it'll be AWESOME!

I've got a special dongle, just for you, babe...
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 1:01 PM on May 5, 2010


So, what kind of person do I want to date? Do I want to date the sort of douchebag depicted in the current Windows commercials, the sort who runs around claiming credit for the software and who appear to have an IQ hovering around 70? Or do I want to date the hipster douchebag that Apple targets in their marketing? I guess if I have to choose, I'll take the later, but what I really want is a computer and software that isn't geared towards douchebags.
posted by 1-2punch at 1:30 PM on May 5, 2010


This is wrong on so many levels, but I also know that there are some conversations I can only have with other Apple owners.
posted by mecran01 at 2:27 PM on May 5, 2010


It's like an evolutionary experiment to select for insufferability.
posted by bicyclefish at 3:24 PM on May 5, 2010 [3 favorites]


...but what I really want is a computer and software that isn't geared towards douchebags.


Hrm. We don't get many requests for non-human computing needs.


Let me check the back.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 8:04 PM on May 5, 2010


Are there any guidelines this *doesn't* break?

It really hits the bingo card of "doomed" [I kid because I love!] but I don't think it breaks a single guideline.
posted by jessamyn at 7:34 AM on May 5 [2 favorites +] [!]


I think DU was talking about decency guidelines.
posted by MikeKD at 10:12 PM on May 5, 2010


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