Chinese Military Shovel WJQ-308

May 7, 2010 6:38 AM

"The multifunction folded shovle (sic) boasting a happy combination of a spade, pickax, trowel, hewing, knife, saw, scissors, hammer, operner (sic), shield, anchor, and oar is perfect design and refined making, making a pioneer in tools family!" I can guarantee you that never before (or, likely, again) will you be so inspired by a multifunction shovel commercial. The music is exhilarating! (PS: This shovel does freaking everything.) (SLYT)

Just in case you haven't already gotten your nine minute fix of Chinese soldiers digging, pickaxing, sawing, scissoring, etc. to thrilling patriotic music today ...

posted by GatorDavid (78 comments total)

Anything other than a YuToob link available for this ?
posted by infini at 6:44 AM on May 7, 2010

Perhaps a link where I can purchase one? I have never wanted a shovel so badly.
posted by Loto at 6:45 AM on May 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

I'm at work too. here
posted by Rubbstone at 6:45 AM on May 7, 2010

The US is so fucked.
posted by Aizkolari at 6:46 AM on May 7, 2010 [15 favorites]

At 2:17 it makes Julienne fries.
posted by molecicco at 6:51 AM on May 7, 2010 [4 favorites]

When it faded to blue, I was really hoping for a 1-800 number. It also needed more Billy Mays Narration.
posted by mccarty.tim at 6:51 AM on May 7, 2010

If China doesn't sell these, we should go to war with them. Just on the off chance their soldiers would drop a few for us to share. I figure if I got to use one once a month, I would never need another tool.
posted by mccarty.tim at 6:52 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

thanks Rubbstone, I do wonder who came up with this idea though
posted by infini at 6:53 AM on May 7, 2010

Infini: From Rubbstone's link: It was invented, designed and manufactured by Army Man. This thing even reflects humanity:

Product name: Multifunctional shovel
Model: WJQ-308
Weight: max 0.85kg
Hardness (working part): HRC47-51
Length (mm): folding length: 400mm
Unfolding length: 590mm

Product Introduction:
1. Invented, designed and manufactured by army man. Combine 18 functions which makes a real miracle.
2. Combine the functions of digging, sawing, chopping, cutting, picking, prying, hammering and measuring perfectly.
3. More functions, less weight. Save your strength and time which reflects humanity.
4. Fine materials and good craft, further more, 268 process procedures and 48 inspections, make a perfect quality.
5. This product is widely used for single soldier, auto equipment, driving and camping.
6. Accompanied portable bag, which makes it portable to carry.
posted by eatyourlunch at 6:55 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

I checked eBay. They're not for sale there. I'm guessing the Chinese military is tightly regulating the sale of this powerful weapon if Hong Kong warehouses aren't selling them for a song yet.
posted by mccarty.tim at 6:56 AM on May 7, 2010

6. Accompanied portable bag, which makes it portable to carry.

Thank God!
posted by odinsdream at 6:59 AM on May 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

It was pretty impressing watching the shovel set up a tent.
posted by klue at 6:59 AM on May 7, 2010

ja, sorry I didn't realize Army Man was the designer/design studio/development house in question
posted by infini at 7:00 AM on May 7, 2010

At 2:17 it makes Julienne fries.

But can you fry up a gross of sausages on it?
posted by ennui.bz at 7:01 AM on May 7, 2010 [3 favorites]

you can always find a million
and a shovel load of coal
clap hands
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:02 AM on May 7, 2010 [6 favorites]

ennui.bz you just made my day, thanks! love the braai in a shovel
posted by infini at 7:02 AM on May 7, 2010

How long does it take to dig a hole to America?
posted by kuujjuarapik at 7:04 AM on May 7, 2010 [3 favorites]

This makes me sad it's near impossible to buy in the US. I was looking for a portable bottle opener that was somehow over-engineered, and this shovel looked like it would be better than some dumb key chain. Although I couldn't really take it on the plane...
posted by mccarty.tim at 7:04 AM on May 7, 2010

How long does it take to dig a hole to America?

Doesn't matter. When they come out, they'll be upside down, therefore disoriented and easily overtaken.

Haven't you ever watched Bugs Bunny?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:05 AM on May 7, 2010 [6 favorites]

But can you fry up a gross of sausages on it?

Now this is something I covet.
posted by Forktine at 7:07 AM on May 7, 2010

Come to think of it, once you hit the exact center of Earth's mass, you'd have nothing to stand on as you just dug up the dirt you could stand on. You'd just float. This assumes you're going straight down and not doing a weirdo curved trajectory where you find yourself slowly digging sideways. Real men deal with the magma!
posted by mccarty.tim at 7:09 AM on May 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

Hmm..that sound track sounds so familiar. I can almost place the western movie involved....How the West was Won? Man, not a good sign...
posted by jadepearl at 7:10 AM on May 7, 2010

You had me at "dig".
posted by Trochanter at 7:11 AM on May 7, 2010

Real men deal with the magma!

Oh, god, no.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:12 AM on May 7, 2010

Hm, the U.S. version doesn't appear to have a bottle opener. This is a serious deficiency.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:12 AM on May 7, 2010

Even Russia has better shovels than us Norte Americanos, at least this one has an American knock-off. Just seeing the guy slap the watermelon with the flat of the blade makes me happy. It also has an optional carrying case.
posted by LD Feral at 7:16 AM on May 7, 2010

Well, America just lost a sale. Although I guess I could chop off the top.
posted by mccarty.tim at 7:16 AM on May 7, 2010

Do they show it rendering web pages faster than Chrome?
posted by ardgedee at 7:17 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Want, want so bad. This would be amazing for fieldwork.

Bonus for me: soon I may have to be chopping holes in a thick deposits of Chinese loess! Handily enough, that's what all that crap was that they were climbing up and whatnot. Best demo tape ever.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 7:18 AM on May 7, 2010

I'm guessing the Chinese military is tightly regulating the sale of this powerful weapon

Thank god then that the West has stepped up to provide for you. I present you the Cold Steel Shovel, perfect for digging holes, cutting large pieces of meat in half, and throwing at distant targets.
posted by quin at 7:19 AM on May 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

I had a US version of one of these when I was a child and I can confirm that these things are totally awesome.

My grandfather who was in the Navy has the shot-down-pilot self-defense kin of these things : a foldup shotgun/pistol/knife deal which raises the awesomeness to basically over 9000.
posted by Threeway Handshake at 7:21 AM on May 7, 2010 [3 favorites]

an American knock-off

That video... wow. Whatever these guys are missing in their lives, I sincerely hope this shovel does the trick. Because wow.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:22 AM on May 7, 2010

中继器评论 metafilter comment
功能演示 function show
posted by All Out of Lulz at 7:23 AM on May 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

Oddly enough, it just posts "Christ, what an asshole." However, it works for any thread.
posted by mccarty.tim at 7:24 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Wow, and I thought the Lobo from World War Z was cool. The US is so fucked.
posted by The Lurkers Support Me in Email at 7:26 AM on May 7, 2010

My dad had a trenching shovel he brought back from the Army. I grew to hate that thing. Every time we went camping, Dad made us dig shallow trenches around our tents, "for drainage." Guess it's something he learned in the service, but it didn't make much sense in the NC mountains. "Leave no trace"? Nah, "Leave freakin' earthworks" was his motto.
posted by MrMoonPie at 7:28 AM on May 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

Pretty dazzling, although I'm still unclear on the "isoltion belt" function. Also, When the guy falls into the river at 5:40, was that handy dandy raft also packed into the shovel?

At 7:01, we get a glimpse of what appears to be a shovel hall of fame (oooh chrome!).

In the end, you just have to call a spade a spade.
posted by kinnakeet at 7:28 AM on May 7, 2010

Meh. No compass.
posted by SLC Mom at 7:29 AM on May 7, 2010

I guess an isoltion belt is a fire break.

I wanted to see it cut all the way through one of those metal pipes. I don't think it could, without a couple of resharpenings. The wire-cutter looks good, though.

You can buy it here. (Minimum order 10,000 pieces.)

This is somewhat similar, but doesn't have the wire-cutter. It does have the bottle opener, though, and you can buy only one, if you aren't outfitting an army.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 7:30 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

My wife left me for that shovel.
posted by underthehat at 7:32 AM on May 7, 2010

I'm guessing we're just minutes away from people claiming THEIR survival shovel is longer than the other guys...
posted by HuronBob at 7:36 AM on May 7, 2010

Can't help but think that the blade would be mighty damn dull after a few shoveling uses. Not that you couldn't sharpen it, I guess, but I didn't see a RASP FUNCTION SHOW.

(The whole time, every time the "Function Show" popped up, all I could think of was HomeStarRunner.com - "Secret get!")
posted by caution live frogs at 7:38 AM on May 7, 2010

Wow. I had no idea Chinese shovel technology was so far advanced. Obama must organize a presedential task force at once, maybe create a cabinet-level Department of Multi-Function Tools. Mr. President, we cannot afford a shovel gap.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:42 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Right. If this were a north American promo film, it'd come with a "Not shown in order tested" disclaimer, 'cause I'll bet it wouldn't julienne an onion after hacking out a tunnel entrance in a sandstone wall.

Also I was confused about what the heck Chinese canned "WAH" is until I realized I was reading the can's label upside down.
posted by Mike D at 7:42 AM on May 7, 2010 [5 favorites]

A REAL MAN uses his bare hands.
A REAL GENTLEMAN uses a Pulaski.
posted by Smart Dalek at 7:44 AM on May 7, 2010

I'll wait until its in a new gaga video "Dig me a new hole, Army Man, Army Man"
posted by infini at 7:45 AM on May 7, 2010

I had a US version of one of these when I was a child and I can confirm that these things are totally awesome.

Oh yeah, kidding aside, e-tools are fucking awesome. Every car I own has one in the trunk because Wisconsin winters can be really rough, and between the small blade size and the fact that you can switch between shovel and pick, they are perfect for digging out behind snow packed tires. And cheap ones can be picked up for something like $10 at most army surplus stores.

Love 'em.
posted by quin at 7:45 AM on May 7, 2010

GOP can run on "the shovel gap".
posted by Trochanter at 7:49 AM on May 7, 2010

I was given this model multi-tool shovel when I graduated from middle school, by my grandmother. Neither she nor I were "live off the land by our wits" type folk. Even though I did go back packing with my Boy Scout troop, I felt like she was saying "good luck out there kid, you can only trust yourself from here on out."
posted by filthy light thief at 7:50 AM on May 7, 2010

You can buy it here. (Minimum order 10,000 pieces.)

Group buy?

The US is so fucked.

One of my thoughts watching this was "I am not going to war if it means facing a billion people with these shovels".
posted by nTeleKy at 7:50 AM on May 7, 2010

I shat when I saw that guy in the car fending off lethal blows with his other hand still on the steering wheel.
posted by digsrus at 7:51 AM on May 7, 2010

How long does it take to dig a hole to America?

Don't know how long it would take to dig, but actual travel time: 42 minutes
posted by newpotato at 8:10 AM on May 7, 2010

BRAND NEW SHOVEL!!!
posted by blue_beetle at 8:11 AM on May 7, 2010

I can see the call now:

"Hi Switzerland? Hi this is the rest of the world... You know your knife that used to do everything and was the standard everything was compared to for so long? Well.... since an an army of 8.7 million (from wiki) has adopted these shovels as general issue, we have had to demote your knife... We now refer to your knife as the chinese shovel of knives. The good news is, we're still giving you guys a lot of credit for the watches - but not for long!"
posted by Nanukthedog at 8:12 AM on May 7, 2010

I like how at the end, it takes its proper place of honor in the Museum of Trenching Shovel Technology.
posted by drlith at 9:17 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Sold! And I'll take one People's Liberation Army, please.
posted by rhombus at 9:24 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Re: the "thrilling patriotic music", am I the only one that thinks it sounds more like it should be part of a spaghetti western?
posted by MILNEWSca at 9:30 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oy, ...my back.
posted by bonobothegreat at 9:39 AM on May 7, 2010

In the spirit of calling a spade a spade, this should technically be called an entrenching tool.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 9:41 AM on May 7, 2010

So is this so the Spets can backflip thow it over barbed wire, or is more for the zombie apocalypse?
posted by Smedleyman at 10:02 AM on May 7, 2010

I can totally see a film based on Mystery Men's "The Shoveler" where he uses this thing, Batman-like, to kick ass.

He could totally be on Axe Cop's super team, I bet. Tryouts!
posted by The otter lady at 10:08 AM on May 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

If you have a hammer, every problem looks like a nail, but I don't know what problems look like with one of these.
posted by fuq at 10:15 AM on May 7, 2010 [3 favorites]

Hah, your technique is weak! See how you do against my shovle-style kung-fu!"
posted by zippy at 10:17 AM on May 7, 2010

I totally want to trust a somewhat heavy, razor-edged shovel, as a climbing anchor. I can see no possible bad outcome from throwing one of those straight up in the air.

Once worked on an army base. My building's fire escapes were made of wood. "Acceptable losses" comes to mind.
posted by zippy at 10:27 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

quin: "the Cold Steel Shovel , perfect for digging holes, cutting large pieces of meat in half, and throwing at distant targets"

It really pales next to their greatsword demo, which has at least 900% as much pork carcass chopping, a popped balloon, and a simulated toe removal to boot.
posted by idiopath at 11:03 AM on May 7, 2010

My dad had a trenching shovel he brought back from the Army. I grew to hate that thing. Every time we went camping, Dad made us dig shallow trenches around our tents, "for drainage."

I'm not alone! After all these years, I know I'm not alone!
posted by feckless at 11:07 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

(I wish I still had one, though.)
posted by feckless at 11:08 AM on May 7, 2010

If you have a hammer, every problem looks like a nail

Hell, what do you need a hammer for if you've got an old fashioned entrenching tool?

(Seconding the virtues of entrenching tools for northern climes. I've used mine to hack out ice or packed snow more times than i can recall. And i once put in a whole garden with it. And buried my cat. Not on the same day.)
posted by lodurr at 11:17 AM on May 7, 2010

... 'cause I'll bet it wouldn't julienne an onion after hacking out a tunnel entrance in a sandstone wall.

That was unconsolidated (un-cemented), fine-grained stuff called loess. The shovel is impressive, but not that impressive.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 12:26 PM on May 7, 2010

Re: MILNEWSca's comment, I can confirm that the music playing at the end in the entrenching tool hall of fame is indeed from Silverado. Can't say for sure if the rest of the music is also from there, but I recognize that theme anywhere. This surely means the Chinese are appropriating our culture as a prelude to their shovel-based invasion.
posted by dellsolace at 1:35 PM on May 7, 2010

There's no RAM on this thing.
posted by storybored at 1:56 PM on May 7, 2010

Try digging a trench with your iPad, hipsters!
posted by Artw at 4:02 PM on May 7, 2010

In the spirit of calling a spade a spade, this should technically be called an entrenching tool.

Unless I'm twelve and my brother is eight and we're playing Scrabble. In that case, it's a ZELPSPADE. I can be pretty convincing.

We don't play Scrabble very often, but when we do, that word still gets a pass.
posted by tangerine at 4:32 PM on May 7, 2010

I was hoping to see someone using the tool as a spare bike spoke, a hot cake griddle, and a bunion remover by the end of that video.

My favorite part? Using it as a shield, because we all know that, when you're sitting in the driver's seat of a truck, the best defense from a pole-wielding attacker is your folded entrenching tool that you carry in the center console.
posted by zippy at 4:35 PM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Not worth a damn for measuring things, though--I think it's in that communist metric.
posted by leftcoastbob at 8:23 PM on May 7, 2010

Will it blend?
posted by bonehead at 8:55 PM on May 7, 2010

I hear you can get Linux to run on it.
posted by Ritchie at 6:23 AM on May 8, 2010

The shovel that won the west!

I'm pretty sure the music is from Erich Kunzel and Cincinnati Pops Orchestra's CD of music from westerns, probably Round Up because I think that's the one my folks have.
posted by wobh at 7:13 AM on May 8, 2010