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Warning: Contents May Wipe Out Civilization (Again)
May 7, 2010 9:41 AM   Subscribe

For the first time ever, a look inside the most secure room in the world. Not Disney's Club 33. Not the White House Situation Room or the Gold Vault at Fort Knox. Welcome to the OT VIII Course Room aboard the Church of Scientology's flagship MV Freewinds. This room is the only place (on this planet at least) where you can read an authorized copy of Scientology's highest level.
posted by scalefree (62 comments total) 17 users marked this as a favorite

 
Can anyone say lawsuit? Scientologists are going to totally lose what little is left of their minds over this news.

Also, Scientologists refusing to remove asbestos from their boat because they have faith it doesn't cause mesothelioma seems like a neatly self-correcting problem to me.
posted by zarq at 9:48 AM on May 7, 2010


Anyone know what those bubble-switch keyboard things were?
posted by kuujjuarapik at 9:49 AM on May 7, 2010


...not that I'm wishing cancer on anyone, of course. But when someone holds their religious fanaticism above extensively documented scientific research findings, I do tend to think they're idiots.
posted by zarq at 9:50 AM on May 7, 2010


Imagine I linked to the Mission Impossible "dropping from the ceiling" scene here.

I love how the phrase "truth revealed" in inside an ultrasecure room that only N people may enter.
posted by DU at 9:51 AM on May 7, 2010


They're E-meter "read simulators". You hook one up to an E-meter & push the buttons to simulate various dial readings you'll see while using an E-meter.
posted by scalefree at 9:53 AM on May 7, 2010


MISUSING AO MATERIALS, ANY SUPPRESSIVE GROUP COULD AGAIN WIPE OUT CIVILIZATION SCIENTOLOGY.

FTFY, L. Ron.
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:53 AM on May 7, 2010


Hmm, for some reason seeing fire extinguishers on the wall ruins the whole mystique for me.

Scientologists, you've just lost another convert by giving into base firecodes.
posted by Think_Long at 9:55 AM on May 7, 2010


Ouch. It's not so much that anything was revealed, as it is the security was breached, with other potential breaches.

Some poor fucker will serve in the RPF for this.
posted by Xoebe at 9:59 AM on May 7, 2010


Hmm, for some reason seeing fire extinguishers on the wall ruins the whole mystique for me.

Those aren't fire extinguishers. They're advanced combustion element suppressors (ACES).
posted by yoyoceramic at 9:59 AM on May 7, 2010 [4 favorites]


If it was really the most secure, then they wouldn't have gotten this video. So obviously, it's not.
posted by delmoi at 10:02 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


I think they could have chosen something better than Beethoven's 5th.
posted by Kabanos at 10:06 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


Wow, that was really unimpressive. Looked like a conference room you'd see at a cheapo business park.
posted by delmoi at 10:07 AM on May 7, 2010 [5 favorites]


Off topic 8?

What's the highest level? Clearing out those cardboard boxes? I'm totally unimpressed. They could have at least dramatically lit the place.
posted by fuq at 10:07 AM on May 7, 2010


The idea of the 'most secure room' is like the 'least interesting integer.' In either case, if we become aware of it, then it isn't true.
posted by zippy at 10:07 AM on May 7, 2010 [6 favorites]


Oh man, i so want to see this before they take down the video (you know they will). I hate when (non-CoS) people try and defend CoS like it's something to defend. Hating an evil orginzation is not religous intolerance or bigotry.
posted by djduckie at 10:07 AM on May 7, 2010




Ouch. It's not so much that anything was revealed, as it is the security was breached, with other potential breaches.

As far as I can tell there's no copyright or trademark violations in the video, which is why I felt comfortable in posting it. The notable thing about it is that it was made in the place the cult protects the most (except maybe the computers holding its enemies database in LA).
posted by scalefree at 10:08 AM on May 7, 2010


I am pretty sure this video was taken by a mouse droid. If Scientologists would just allow wookies into their religion, this leak could have been avoided.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:08 AM on May 7, 2010


Are you kidding, Kabanos? Ludwig Van and brainwashing go together like moloko and ultraviolence.
posted by condour75 at 10:10 AM on May 7, 2010 [12 favorites]


> I love how the phrase "truth revealed" in inside an ultrasecure room that only N people may enter.

Who cleans the room?
posted by ardgedee at 10:12 AM on May 7, 2010


Who cleans the room?

Tom Cruise, in a button-down shirt, white socks, and jockeys.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:12 AM on May 7, 2010 [2 favorites]


kuujjuarapik: Anyone know what those bubble-switch keyboard things were?

Cash registers?
posted by chavenet at 10:17 AM on May 7, 2010 [5 favorites]


Having been in the Situation Room, I can attest that it is pretty damn secure.
posted by joe lisboa at 10:22 AM on May 7, 2010




(or not, since they did let my pinko-commie ass in for a look-see.)
posted by joe lisboa at 10:23 AM on May 7, 2010


kuujjuarapik: Anyone know what those bubble-switch keyboard things were?

A modern day Speak-n-Spell used to phone home.
posted by Tavern at 10:26 AM on May 7, 2010


Much like the soundtrack to a Sophia Coppola movie, the music made me feel that I was witnessing something much more resonant and profound than what the actual banal content of the images would otherwise indicate.
posted by Atom Eyes at 10:28 AM on May 7, 2010 [4 favorites]


Not that into religion, but I'll take what the Catholics have to offer over a shitty bobbing conference room with low ceilings any day - that ship didn't even have a clerestory or budding acolytes.
posted by CaptApollo at 10:31 AM on May 7, 2010


I've never wanted to do a level map for an FPS until now. Too bad this didn't cover the whole ship.
posted by BrotherCaine at 10:33 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


Make up any details you want and wait for somebody to correct you.
posted by ardgedee at 10:34 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


Judging by the above comments, there isn't anybody here who needs to do the OT VIII course in order to have the truth revealed to them. But from my own studies I can tell you that there actually is one, and only one OT ability, which is the power of self-deception. Nobody lies to themselves like OTs, they are absolute wizards at it.
posted by grizzled at 10:37 AM on May 7, 2010


2D doesn't do it justice. Hell, standing there you only get the sensation you're missing something. It takes a 5-D-coder to truly appreciate the size and majesty of the place. The mountain range is a nice touch. And the tentacles, oh, the tentacles.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 10:39 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


If it was really the most secure, then they wouldn't have gotten this video.

There are at least two videos of every other room on Earth, so this room, having only one video, is the most secure.

The idea of the 'most secure room' is like the 'least interesting integer.' In either case, if we become aware of it, then it isn't true.

You are thinking of the most secret room, which doesn't exist. As far as you know.
posted by DU at 10:43 AM on May 7, 2010 [2 favorites]


I was waiting for the audio to become A plus D's "Beethoven's Fifth Gold Digger," with Kanye West vs Beethoven vs Walter Murphy.
posted by zippy at 10:43 AM on May 7, 2010 [2 favorites]


Above link somewhat NSFW: gold diggers in lingerie.
posted by zippy at 10:44 AM on May 7, 2010


You are thinking of the most secret room

True, I was using a bit of shorthand for "if we've seen video of the inside, it can not be the most secure" (because, for all rooms, there exists, or it is trivial to create, at least one such room where there is no video of it).
posted by zippy at 10:52 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


Black socks and shoes with shorts? I was appalled in the first few frames.
posted by Cranberry at 11:05 AM on May 7, 2010


The most secure room is the one with no entrance. Obviously, this isn't it.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 11:06 AM on May 7, 2010


Who cleans the room?

John Travolta. But only once a year in special pants with bells on the cuffs. And there's a rope tied around his legs. If he dies, they can pull him out.
posted by jefficator at 11:14 AM on May 7, 2010 [4 favorites]


There are at least two videos of every other room on Earth, so this room, having only one video, is the most secure.


There is supposed to be a vault behind the Pope's throne in the Vatican that is off limits to photgraphy and non-believers, but I'm having trouble finding non-Italian sites aboout it.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 11:17 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


*about it
typing too close to Canada.

posted by kuujjuarapik at 11:21 AM on May 7, 2010 [9 favorites]


That OT VIII is the highest level course in Scientology is, of course, the party line, which is only believed by complete idiots.
posted by tigrrrlily at 11:25 AM on May 7, 2010


How disappointing. I was expecting a lot of pageantry and pomp, or some steampunk-styled faux machinery, or at least a really good logo, but instead it's all white filing cabinets and drop ceilings. It's oddly sad to me that the most sacred/secret/tightly-held room in this organization looks like a classroom in a third-rate community college.
posted by xingcat at 11:28 AM on May 7, 2010 [3 favorites]


It's oddly sadperfectly appropriate to me that the most sacred/secret/tightly-held room in this third-rate fake religious organization looks like a classroom in a third-rate community college.

FTFY
posted by DU at 11:33 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


Who cleans the room?

Russel's barber, after he's done shaving himself.
posted by Dr Dracator at 11:45 AM on May 7, 2010


The best response to Scientology is also a short and sweet response to Scientology. Namely:

Fuck Scientology.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:51 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


Also, A Piece of Blue Sky. An insider's tale of the corruption, cruelty, insanity, and ruthlessness of this despicable organization. Before you hold any opinions about Scientology, you need to be informed. Well worth the read (and possibly available at your library, if the fuckers haven't stolen it.)
posted by five fresh fish at 11:53 AM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


MetaFilter: Before you hold any opinions you need to be informed.

(For use on April Fool's Day)
posted by DU at 11:59 AM on May 7, 2010


Just watched a bunch of this interview with actor and former Sci member Jason Beghe--really really informative about the how and why it works. Best pull quote: "It's a fucking scam!"
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:28 PM on May 7, 2010




I got to translucent but then I ran out of money.
posted by Babblesort at 12:55 PM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


There is supposed to be a vault behind the Pope's throne in the Vatican that is off limits to photgraphy and non-believers, but I'm having trouble finding non-Italian sites aboout it.

Actually, it's in the Sistine Chapel. And in Assassin's Creed 2
*SPOILER ALERT*





I got to kill the pope in it. It's pretty badass.
posted by rbf1138 at 1:31 PM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


Yeah. Scientologists. I could give a shit- one more excuse for people to be self-indulgent, self-righteous and generally fucked in the head.
posted by PuppyCat at 1:37 PM on May 7, 2010


OT VII is as high as they go?
You mean my OT MCMLXVI certification is a fake.

Well, I did think it was awfully cheap at $7.35, so I'm really only out the price of a pretty good hero sandwich.
posted by hexatron at 1:39 PM on May 7, 2010 [1 favorite]


As far as I know, no one besides me ever saw the secret porn stash I had in my twenties, much less filmed it, but that doesn't make it the most secure room in the world. Even if the Situation Room (or, as if it needs to be said, what the White House says is the Sit Room) was allowed to be filmed, that doesn't mean that someone could have snuck a camera in. Ditto for the gold vault at Fort Knox. And what about Dick Cheney's infamous "undisclosed location" on 9/11, or whatever he subsequently had built beneath the Naval Observatory?
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:47 PM on May 7, 2010


I know this is MetaFilter & all, but some people are way overthinking this. It was just a setup for the punchline, not a rigorous structural vulnerability analysis. It's just very very funny to me that someone snuck a camera into the cult's holy of holies & got out with the video intact.
posted by scalefree at 4:04 PM on May 7, 2010


...not that I'm wishing cancer on anyone, of course. But when someone holds their religious fanaticism above extensively documented scientific research findings, I do tend to think they're idiots.

Listen—you don't know the history of oncology. I do.
posted by one more dead town's last parade at 4:13 PM on May 7, 2010


So as long as we're here, apparently the head clam regularly recorded and ridiculed Tom Cruise's confessionals at parties.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:15 PM on May 7, 2010


Who cleans the room?

Kirstie Alley wipes it clean every day with a hand crafted dust absorbing pizza. Then eats the pizza so nothing is taken out of the room
posted by Poet_Lariat at 7:59 PM on May 7, 2010 [4 favorites]


My first question is, doesn't this grant us all points to our Scientology Mythos skill? And my second question is, doesn't this lower our Intelligence characteristic?
posted by JHarris at 12:40 PM on May 8, 2010 [1 favorite]


tj: thanks to Splunge for the awesome toccata and fugue link with the neat graphical representation. (Bach reprazent!!)

had to pump up the voume for this one.
posted by marienbad at 11:43 AM on May 12, 2010


edit: dang - i knew someone would bennyhillify this! too quick to post sometimes
posted by marienbad at 11:44 AM on May 12, 2010


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