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Re-Versed Christian Lyrics
July 24, 2001 10:21 AM   Subscribe

Re-Versed Christian Lyrics supplies alternative Christian lyrics to the rock songs you know and love. Be sure to check out "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and "Hell's Bells" while you're there. As a Christian, sites like this usually just make me cringe. I got a pretty good laugh out of this one, though, so I thought I'd share. [Link borrowed from Memepool.]
posted by Reggie452 (63 comments total)

 
That's comedy gold, baby.
posted by greensweater at 10:32 AM on July 24, 2001


I think the creators of this site are missing one important fact -- to sing these new "Christian" lyrics, one must first know how the original lyrics are sung. This usually means listening to a song numerous times. So, in a way, they are encouraging kids to memorize songs like "Hell's Bells" in order to sing those new Christian lyrics.
posted by Reggie452 at 10:35 AM on July 24, 2001


Freddy Mercury must be laughing his ass off from Hell right now:

"Buddy y'were a man part of His plan
Livin' in His world walkin' with the Big Man each day
You got sin on yo' race You fell from grace
Eatin' your apples all over the place

Singin'
Jesus, He will rock you. Jesus, He will rock you ....."
posted by kristin at 10:39 AM on July 24, 2001


Interestingly, the authors do seem to have a bit of a sense of humour.
posted by Marquis at 10:39 AM on July 24, 2001


This is damn funny, but unfortunately, it's also a rerun.
posted by Skot at 10:45 AM on July 24, 2001


I´m inspired, I´ve aflatus
Two thousand years; that´s some hiatus
Evolutionary theorists, come debate us
God´s the Man, He...did create us
We´re His fish - watch Him come bait us

---------

"I've aflatus"? what the heck does that mean. I guess he might mean "afflatus - A strong creative impulse, especially as a result of divine inspiration."

More and more, the Christian tactics to grab young impressionable minds seem pathetic and cheap. I mean "God's the Man"? Isn't that the kind of talk that usually angers these guys?

These are most reminiscent of those Mad Magazine "sung to the tune of" things. And I am personally very upset that any attempt I could make at mocking these lyrics would fall far short of how ridiculous they already sound.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:47 AM on July 24, 2001


Sorry about the double-post. I did a search for "Christian lyrics" that came up empty, so I thought I was safe.
posted by Reggie452 at 10:52 AM on July 24, 2001


What is "Particle Man"? Never heard of it.

For a minute there I thought it was going to be "Family Man" by Black Flag. Like to hear 'em do that one.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:53 AM on July 24, 2001


Of course, this concept is really nothing new. Martin Luther set many of his hymns in the 16th century to tunes from barroom drinking songs of the day. Although, some of these are pretty cringe-inducing. ("Lifesaver Man"???)
posted by ChrisTN at 10:55 AM on July 24, 2001


There's a local bar here in Seattle that features "Rockaroake" -- that is, karaoke with a live band. It's really quite awsome.

They have "Smells Like Teen Spirit" in the songbook.

I´m inspired, I´ve aflatus
Two thousand years; that´s some hiatus
Evolutionary theorists, come debate us
God´s the Man, He...did create us
We´re His fish - watch Him come bait us


How many MeFi'ers would come watch me do it?
posted by Shadowkeeper at 10:55 AM on July 24, 2001


What is "Particle Man"? Never heard of it.

Particle Man is a They Might Be Giants song.
posted by witchstone at 10:56 AM on July 24, 2001


Since this is a double-post, maybe we should put a new spin on it. I wonder which MeFi'er would be able to write the best re-versed lyric of their own? I'll give bonus points if you send in your lyrics and get them posted on the site.
posted by Reggie452 at 11:00 AM on July 24, 2001


Yeah. Particle Man is a fun song, featuring the classic line:

Universe Man, Universe Man,
Size of the entire universe man.


Now is that a cool super-hero or what?
posted by Marquis at 11:02 AM on July 24, 2001


Can I mention that I think the worst Christian lyrics I've ever seen are "We're gonna rock rock rock rock rock with the ROCK!"
posted by transient at 11:05 AM on July 24, 2001


Or better yet, re-verse some Christian hymns?
posted by solistrato at 11:06 AM on July 24, 2001


I'll give bonus points if you send in your lyrics and get them posted on the site.

And super double bonus if it's a GG Allin song.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:07 AM on July 24, 2001


I'm re-versing the metafilter comments:

That's comedy gold, baby.

That's comedy frankincense, baby Jesus.
posted by lawtalkinguy at 11:09 AM on July 24, 2001


Transient

I have that comic book! I used to have a little collection of them. My personal favorite was one with the Grim Reaper on the cover, simply entitled "Hi There!"

it...was...the Salmon....Mousse....
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:11 AM on July 24, 2001


"Flood", the TMBG album that includes Particle Man, is a great album. The opening theme is great:

Why is the world in love again?
Why are we marching hand in hand?
Why are the ocean waters rising up?
It's a brand new album for 1990-
They Might Be Giants' brand new album "Flood!"

posted by dogwelder at 11:13 AM on July 24, 2001


Muh-muh-muh myyyy Jehovah!

to the tune of My Sharona, naturally.
posted by MonkeyMeat at 11:16 AM on July 24, 2001


Yes, let's re-do hymns. My favorite trick is one my mom taught me during church -- add "between the sheets" to the the end of each hymn title. Thus, "He leadeth me between the sheets" and "Have thine own way between the sheets" &c. Although Have Thine Own Way is pretty dirty anyway.

Have thine own way Lord
Have thine own way
You are the potter
I am the clay
Mold me and make me
after thine will
while I am waiting
yielded and still


I mean, eww.

Also, will someone do something about the last verse of Amazing Grace?

When we've been here ten thousand years
bright shining as the sun
there's no less days to sing his praise
than when we'd first begun

I mean, can't we agree on the difference between less and fewer?

(any mistakes recounting lyrics are mine, as they are solely from memory)
posted by norm at 11:27 AM on July 24, 2001


you're mom taught you that? Rock-on.

i like the talking 'bout his ressurection version of My Generation. But i think changing hymns to rock lyrics would be more entertaining.
posted by th3ph17 at 11:39 AM on July 24, 2001


there i go slipping into elementary school style use of "you're" *sigh*
posted by th3ph17 at 11:41 AM on July 24, 2001


new christian rock songs
born again heathen fodder
praise the lord jesus
posted by dogmatic at 11:46 AM on July 24, 2001


All things vile and horrible
Diseases great and small
Paedophiles and murderers
The Lord God made them all

He gave us floods and earthquakes
He gave us famine too
We watch His starving millions
We serve His favoured few.

But we don't like to ponder that
he made these just the same.
So we invented Satan.
Yeah, let him take the blame.

posted by Grangousier at 11:52 AM on July 24, 2001


Now, Norm, the "between the sheets" game is fun, but the metaphor of a potter and clay is a perfectly respectable one. Unless you were thinking about Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore in that scene from "Ghost."
posted by jdbanks at 11:54 AM on July 24, 2001


Shlockrock parodies are the Jewish equivalent. I don't get how setting new lyrics to music is anything other than shamefully embarrassing.
posted by ParisParamus at 12:00 PM on July 24, 2001


*hums*
posted by baby jesus at 12:03 PM on July 24, 2001


We plough the fields and scatter
The poison on the land.
As long as we tithe regularly
God will understand.
And while it brings us money
We'll never call a halt
Until we've made a desert here
Then it's the scientists' fault.


Probably the same gag as last time, but I'm quite enjoying this.
posted by Grangousier at 12:06 PM on July 24, 2001


And now, for your entertainment, a sampler from the Re-Versed Britney Spears compilation CD, coming soon from GodRock!

(Crazy)

You make me zealous
I just can't sleep,
I'm so excited, 'cause Jesus loves me
Oh, zealous, but it feels all right
Jesus, thinking of you keeps me up all night

(Baby One More Time)

Tell me, how you want it to be
tell me Jesus, 'cause I need to know now
oh, because!
My priest is telling me (telling me)
I must confess and still believe (still believe)
That wine is blood and bread is flesh
tell me it's fine,
Jesus, give me just one sign

(Oops! I did it Again)

Oops!...I did it again
I think that I sinned, forgot my Lord's way
Oh baby, baby
Oops!... I need to repent
And seek out God's love
I want to be innocent
posted by headspace at 12:12 PM on July 24, 2001


Can you imagine (as I can) a congregation singing these in that vague everybody-in-their-own-key-and time-signature way that congregations have?
posted by Grangousier at 12:17 PM on July 24, 2001


the ultimate annoying song:

A little bit of Moses in my life
A little bit of Jesus by my side
A little bit of Matthew is all I need
A little bit of Ezekiel is what I see
A little bit of Gabriel in the sun
A little bit of Mary all night long
A little bit of Pharisees here I am
A little bit of God makes me your man

Worship no. 5!

Play that trumpet Gabriel! woo woo!

:)

Somebody stop me! I've got happy feet!!!!!

Sold my soul to Christian rock'n'roll!
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:31 PM on July 24, 2001


the metaphor of a potter and clay is a perfectly respectable one.

Ok, sure, as long as you're into that submissive role playing and stuff.

"While I am waiting/ yielded and still" doesn't raise any questions for you?

And then there's the lovely "Let Him have his way with you" which doesn't even need comment.
posted by norm at 12:34 PM on July 24, 2001


Okay, here we go:

Baby Got Book
(to the tune of Baby Got Back, by Sir Mix-a-Lot)

I like Jee-zuss and I can not lie
Franciscan brothers can't deny
That when the Savior walks in with that divine face
And you hear Amazing Grace
You get saved
Wanna kneel and pray
Cuz you notice God's Son's the Stuff
Deeper than those stigmata
You know that I just gotta
Oh, Jesus I wanna get witcha
And read some scripture
My pastor tried to warn me
But with that Word you got
Make me re-born-y!
Ooh, all of those Romans
You say you wanna die for my sins
Well harder, harder cuz you aint that average martyr

I've seen them dancin'
The hell with romancin'
Sweat, sweat, gotta go on and repent

I'm tired of magazines
Saying decadence is the thing
Take the average Christian and ask him that
You gotta look the Book

Brothers (yeah) Sisters(yeah)
Has your household got the Book? (hell yeah)
Well read it, read it, read it, read it, read that wholesome Book
Baby got Book
posted by MonkeyMeat at 12:34 PM on July 24, 2001


And someone get a hose for Kafkaesque.
posted by norm at 12:37 PM on July 24, 2001


This past weekend, my girlfriend's brother taught me something pretty damn cool: We sang the lyrics to Amazing Grace to the tune of The House of the Rising Sun

Gospel and rock have always had a lot in common (they are both descendants of reels .. an early form of blues.) Listen to Mississippi Fred McDowell for proof.

Contemporary Christian music, on the other hand, is devoid of soul.
posted by Chief Typist at 1:20 PM on July 24, 2001


To the tune of "Personal Jesus"

....

Never mind.
posted by witchstone at 1:23 PM on July 24, 2001


MonkeyMeat - is that your original creation? I don't see it on the site. If so, "Make me re-born-y" is about the damn funniest thing I've ever seen.
posted by lawtalkinguy at 1:30 PM on July 24, 2001


You can also sing Amazing Grace to the tune of the Gilligan's Isle theme (and vice versa).
posted by starvingartist at 1:30 PM on July 24, 2001


MonkeyMeat, did you just make that up, or did you get that from somewhere? 'Cause that's freakin awesome!
posted by starvingartist at 1:31 PM on July 24, 2001


OK, they re-versed "Michael Rowed the Boat Ashore"... wtf? Isn't that already a spiritual song? What's wrong, is it not spiritual enough?
posted by starvingartist at 1:34 PM on July 24, 2001


Another fun pastime, similar to the "between the sheets" game, is to add "in bed" to the end of your fortune cookie fortune.

"You will be popular and successful...in bed"
posted by jpoulos at 1:37 PM on July 24, 2001


Oh, and MonkeyMeat's "Baby Got Book" totally rocks.

"Jesus I wanna get witcha/and read some Scripture" = The funniest thing I've heard in weeks.
posted by jpoulos at 1:50 PM on July 24, 2001


I think they watch too much Simpsons...

In the Garden of Eden honey,
don't you know that I love you.
In the Garden of Eden baby,
don't you know that I will always be true.
posted by Tenuki at 2:03 PM on July 24, 2001


The only thing I'd nit-pick on "Baby Got Book" is "hell yeah." Should be "oh yeah" or something if you're trying to totally remove everything interesting about that song and make it Christian.
posted by kindall at 2:06 PM on July 24, 2001


I think they watch too much Simpsons...

Actually, those are pretty much the actual lyrics to the song. "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" is just a mumbled "In the Garden of Eden".
posted by jpoulos at 2:14 PM on July 24, 2001


I think there may be some sort of peculiar Ocean-Spray conspiracy behind all this. Witness, if you will, Fruit Juice Diet:

http://www.ultranet.com/~mari/fruitjuice.htm

That's right, friends and neighbors, you too can be guaranteed eternal salvation with just three proof-of-purchases from Ocean-Spray's new Cran-Jesus blend.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:19 PM on July 24, 2001


You people are amazing. 4 hour song machine. Where was I when this all started? Lemme go get my hymn book...
posted by daver at 2:20 PM on July 24, 2001


Anybody have the address to the NWA lyrics site?
posted by daver at 2:22 PM on July 24, 2001


ha! I didn't know there actually WAS a Mambo no. 5 on the site.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:24 PM on July 24, 2001


Daver: here you go.
posted by modofo at 2:34 PM on July 24, 2001


"some say they end is near
some say we'll see armageddon soon
I certainly hope we will
I sure could use a vacation from this
silly stuff. silly stuff" (repeat)

-'tool' as sung by pat boone.
posted by clavdivs at 2:38 PM on July 24, 2001


This whole thread gives me the willies.
posted by dong_resin at 2:56 PM on July 24, 2001


oh damn, monkeymeat.. i'm printing that one out.
posted by lotsofno at 4:44 PM on July 24, 2001


If this is a contest, I vote for MonkeyMeat. Thank god I wasn't drinking anything when I read it.
posted by jennaratrix at 5:38 PM on July 24, 2001


I second that jennaratrix. MonkeyMeat gets my vote paws down.
posted by Kafkaesque at 6:22 PM on July 24, 2001


Sorry about the double-post. I did a search for "Christian lyrics" that came up empty, so I thought I was safe.

We should make it a habit to search for both content keywords and the URL...
posted by fooljay at 6:25 PM on July 24, 2001


hmmm....don't think I will be standing next to most of y'all when the next thunderstorm comes along.......

if you heard our worship band(I'm a member) you all would freak. We even have an awesome electric guitar soloist.......and yes, he wails in church, wawa pedal and all.....Jack Chick would have a coronary. And we don't have an organ-unless you count the organ patch on the synthesizer..........
posted by bunnyfire at 8:21 PM on July 24, 2001


Haha- I'm glad to see that people seemed to enjoy "Baby Got Book" as much as I enjoyed writing it. Yes, it IS original, and what I find the funniest about it is that I'm Jewish! I guess I'd feel too guilty about that little piece of blasphemy if I were Christian...
posted by MonkeyMeat at 9:39 PM on July 24, 2001


MonkeyMeat so wins. I take back my weak Britney and toss rosepetals down for "Baby Got Book." So... are you going to submit it for the brownie points?
posted by headspace at 10:00 PM on July 24, 2001


I'd love to hear someone try to sing Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation. Just because. And it wouldn't be a proper fundie site without attacking Catholics.
posted by dagnyscott at 7:42 AM on July 25, 2001


Alright Monkeymeat, now do the other verses! Please!
posted by lawtalkinguy at 8:24 AM on July 25, 2001


Isn't this just like filking? (I haven't even bothered to see if that was a real link -- I'm just assuming that it exists, and is dorky.)
posted by tweebiscuit at 1:05 PM on July 26, 2001


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