Han. We've been in touch with your stepfather.

May 30, 2010 2:16 AM

Leigh Brackett's original script for Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back was leaked online some time in the past couple of months. This isn't the more widely circulated Kasdan treatment, but apparently the original, original draft submitted to George Lucas. Brackett died of cancer shortly thereafter. Ice castles, Wampa raids, transport guilds, Lando clones, Minch the Jedi master, a disturbing lack of incest and no, that's not your father, why do you ask?

The script

Alternative link (direct, ~6mb PDF)

Audio interview with Brackett, 1975

Scriptshadow overview

posted by obiwanwasabi (51 comments total)

Haven't read it yet (but I will, and thanks for the link) but the script as filmed resulted in what is widely considered to be the best film of the whole lot of `em, so I' not sure if what I'm about to read can be an improvement or not.
posted by Effigy2000 at 2:22 AM on May 30, 2010 [1 favorite]

Why do people insist on using those horrific Mediafire-style download sites, complete with countdown timers and obnoxious pop-up ads, when sites like drop.io are free and non-annoying? It drives me mad.
posted by chorltonmeateater at 2:49 AM on May 30, 2010 [9 favorites]

From the overview article.

"The script starts deviating from the film almost immediately"... "Han Solo goes in search of his Father-In-Law, Ovan Marekal, who has political ties with Darth Vader..."

Hmmmm... ok. Han's married. Kinda lame opening idea. But fair enough. This is a first draft script. I suppose I can overlo-"

"The Imperial Walker sequence is also not here."

BLASPHEMY!

"Instead, after they recover Luke and hear his story about the Wampa, they determine that these creatures are a huge threat to the base. And indeed, almost right away, they begin infiltrating and killing the Rebels group by group (kinda like Aliens)."

OK, on reflection that would have been kind of cool, but I prefer Imperial Walkers overall, I think.

"When we meet Darth Vader, we meet him in a castle on the planet of Ton Muund..."

Ton Muund? And a castle? Really? Wow, this really sucks in comparison, don't it?

"We meet the Emperor here for the first time, and he’s wearing a golden robe."

Oh.... kay. So what, Vader's iconic line would have been "How ostentatious of you, my master."

"So Han, Leia, Threepio, and Chewie head off in search of Marekal, and Luke ends up flying to the “Bog Planet.” Since Ben doesn’t tell him to go here in this version, I’m confused as to how he knew to go."

You and me both, buddy.

"Once there, he immediately meets a frog-like creature named “Minch.”

Oh god.

"When Minch/Yoda is explaining the ways of jedi swordfighting, he calls on Obi-Wan, who appears, and then Obi-Wan and Minch/Yoda have a lightsaber battle."

Oh god...

"And then, before Luke is to leave, Ben’s ghost tells him he wants Luke to meet someone. A second later, a man appears next to Ben. It’s LUKE’S FATHER! Right. Not Vader! But his real father! Or at least, his real father in this version. Luke’s father tells him about his sister, warns him about the dark side, and then lets Luke go on his merry way."

That's it, I'm out.
posted by Effigy2000 at 2:53 AM on May 30, 2010 [2 favorites]

"Alternate Ending: Luke's Father is Chewbacca."
-CBG
posted by chrisulonic at 3:06 AM on May 30, 2010 [3 favorites]

Well, come on if this version had been filmed you would all be like "Vader is Luke's FATHER!?!?" Some of this stuff sounds kind of lame, though.

But realistically, why would they have these walkers just walk up in a big line like that? Why not just drop a nuke on it from orbit? I suppose they wanted to capture Luke alive, but they didn't seem to be taking too much effort to reduce casualties. If the Death Star can blow up a whole planet, then those imperial cruisers ought to be able to do a lot of damage to a single base.
posted by delmoi at 3:32 AM on May 30, 2010

delmoi: Random - post facto justifying guess: The cruisers could not get a decent shot in because they were avoiding the shots from that heavy ion cannon that could knock out a cruiser with a single shot, and was used to clear a path for the escaping ships...
posted by nielm at 4:07 AM on May 30, 2010 [2 favorites]

But realistically, why would they have these walkers just walk up in a big line like that? Why not just drop a nuke on it from orbit?

This may be the nerdest response I have written on the internet, but the Empire couldn't just nuke the Rebel base, because the fleet came out of lightspeed to close to the system and was detected. The rebel's put up their shields preventing an orbital bombardment, so the Empire had to drop the walkers to take out the Rebel shield generator. This also lead Vader to choke Admiral Ozzel, promoting Captain Piett to Admiral. By the time the shield generator is destroyed, the Imperial forces were so close to the base that an area effect weapon would have destroyed their own troops.
posted by chrisulonic at 4:07 AM on May 30, 2010 [36 favorites]

I really liked some of the ideas in that script (or rather, in the summary), particularly C3P0 making fun of Chewbacca's jealousy; both characters are so shallow in the final films any semblance of personality is an improvement.
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 4:55 AM on May 30, 2010

You know, I kinda think "Epony" sounds like a nice name for a girl. "Eponysterical", not so much.
posted by Alnedra at 5:15 AM on May 30, 2010

If only someone in the Star Wars universe had figured out how to create shield generators that could be inside the shields. The base on Hoth would be fine, and there would be no need to go to the forest moon, and no Ewoks.
posted by snofoam at 5:42 AM on May 30, 2010

Yoda could be replaced by a god damned teletubby and the whole movie filled in my backyard and it would still be better than episode one.
posted by milarepa at 5:46 AM on May 30, 2010 [6 favorites]

The film is fine as is. I have no desire to re-write history in a series of what-ifs.
posted by Fizz at 5:49 AM on May 30, 2010

If only someone in the Star Wars universe had figured out how to create shield generators that could be inside the shields. The base on Hoth would be fine, and there would be no need to go to the forest moon, and no Ewoks.

Uh...isn't this exactly how shield generators did work? That's why they had to go after the generators on Hoth and Endor with ground forces, because orbital strikes couldn't hit the generators through the shields they were generating.
posted by AdamCSnider at 6:07 AM on May 30, 2010 [2 favorites]

I don't know exactly how they are supposed to work, but if the shield generators were inside the shield, I would guess there would be no point in going after them at all, since the shield would protect them. At any rate, if the shield generator for the Death Star was on the Death Star, you still wouldn't have to go to see the Ewoks.
posted by snofoam at 6:23 AM on May 30, 2010

I'm not into "what-if" scenarios either, really. But what was filmed is awesome. And if that film began with this script, then (1) kudos to Brackett for his role in the whole thing, and (2) it's kind of neat to see this glimpse into the revision/development process. Good post.
posted by cribcage at 6:25 AM on May 30, 2010

I downloaded the script, but after Effigy2000's comment, I'm afraid to read it.
posted by immlass at 6:33 AM on May 30, 2010

"Her" cribcage, he was a she.
posted by Pendragon at 6:34 AM on May 30, 2010

what vader wasn't always luke's father come on what kind of fool to you take me for sir i mean really
posted by Legomancer at 6:36 AM on May 30, 2010 [1 favorite]

I don't know exactly how they are supposed to work, but if the shield generators were inside the shield, I would guess there would be no point in going after them at all, since the shield would protect them. At any rate, if the shield generator for the Death Star was on the Death Star, you still wouldn't have to go to see the Ewoks.

The shield generator was on the moon, rather then the death star itself because the death star wasn't finished.
posted by delmoi at 6:39 AM on May 30, 2010

Uh...isn't this exactly how shield generators did work?

Yeah (nerd alert) -- the Rebels used a stolen Imperial shuttle and old access codes to be granted permission to get through the shields and down to the planet.


Writer's notes: the Scriptshadow's points about "don't start showing adventures during their planning stages" is some advice I'm going to tuck away for later; If I only saw the first draft, I probably would have detected the slowness but not caught on to the difference the same way I can when comparing to the final product. Castles, clones, and a non-Vader Anakin are window dressing compared to the fact that in nearly every scene in the final movie, we meet the band of heroes right before something big happens, no exposition to set things up. The prequels definitely would have improved if this had been taken into consideration by Lucas.
posted by AzraelBrown at 6:41 AM on May 30, 2010 [5 favorites]

Is this the only Star Wars film to have had a second draft?
posted by mazola at 6:53 AM on May 30, 2010 [9 favorites]

I've heard the name "Minch" in connection with Yoda before, specifically I'd read that Yoda was originally supposed to be named "Minch Yoda", i.e. Yoda was just his last name. So maybe the name Minch stuck around past this draft?
posted by DecemberBoy at 7:17 AM on May 30, 2010 [1 favorite]

"because the death star wasn't finished."

IT'S A TRAP!

"Now witness the power of this fully operational battlestation!"
posted by yeti at 7:20 AM on May 30, 2010 [2 favorites]

correction: ""Now witness the power of this fully ARMED and operational battlestation!"

-2 points.
posted by yeti at 7:33 AM on May 30, 2010 [6 favorites]

Looks like a Minch, one of four known members of Yoda's species, appeared in one of the books, and then in the Star Wars Encyclopedia.
posted by box at 7:37 AM on May 30, 2010

I wonder what she had to work with from Lucas originally.
Leigh Bracket is an interesting screenwriter. If you look at her resume, all of the movies she worked on were great adventure movies, including the best Howard Hawks/John Wayne westerns, The Big Sleep and The Empire Strikes Back.

Has anyone given her short stories a try?
posted by demiurge at 7:53 AM on May 30, 2010

How timely- I just re-watched Empire Strikes Back earlier this week to get more inspiration and visuals for the Star Wars rpg I'm running using Primetime Adventures.

So far we've got battles for Wookie independence, Clone rights issues, and rocky romance.

Good times.
posted by yeloson at 8:03 AM on May 30, 2010

That's it, I'm out.

You know, I'm only on page 6 of the script, but I really do suggest you read this actual piece of Star Wars story process and not some anonymous internet snarkster's filky "heh heh" review.
posted by fleacircus at 8:25 AM on May 30, 2010 [2 favorites]

I suppose I meant fisky, not filky.
posted by fleacircus at 8:27 AM on May 30, 2010

I think this post might be missing a few tags.
posted by pineapple at 8:42 AM on May 30, 2010

filky "heh heh" review.

I would read ( sing ) that...
posted by mikelieman at 9:52 AM on May 30, 2010 [1 favorite]

It's also interesting to note that in this early version, the Jedi Master Minch/Yoda wasn't yet supposed to have the voice of Grover; instead, the script dictated that he should have the voice of Cookie Monster.

“Me Jedi Master! Me use Force! Force taste like... cookies!”
posted by koeselitz at 9:55 AM on May 30, 2010 [2 favorites]

Leigh Bracket is an interesting screenwriter.

I'll love her forever for The Long Goodbye.

There's a good interview with her in Backstory 2.
posted by dobbs at 11:04 AM on May 30, 2010

vader wasn't always luke's father

Folks forget this but *after* the first movie came out, Lucas made it clear in a Rolling Stone interview that he wasn't thinking of Luke's father as Vader. That came later.
posted by mediareport at 11:39 AM on May 30, 2010

I wonder what she had to work with from Lucas originally.

Nothing. He never intended to write it.
posted by P.o.B. at 11:51 AM on May 30, 2010

dobbs: “I'll love her forever for The Long Goodbye.”

Holy crap, wow. She was on the writing staff for The Big Sleep too, now that I look at it! Amazing.

Now I'm going to actually read the script. I'm betting it's better than the movie was. It would be hard not to improve on the dialogue in those movies.
posted by koeselitz at 12:07 PM on May 30, 2010

b-b-but Vader is Dutch for "father!"
posted by infinitewindow at 12:13 PM on May 30, 2010

vader wasn't always luke's father

Before having children he had a life too!
posted by mazola at 12:26 PM on May 30, 2010 [3 favorites]

nobody cares that han solo's dad-in-law is named, 'Oven Miracle?'

really?
posted by artof.mulata at 1:48 PM on May 30, 2010

nobody cares that han solo's dad-in-law is named, 'Oven Miracle?'

How do you get "Oven Miracle" out of "Bail Organa" or "Anakin Skywalker"?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:35 PM on May 30, 2010

(well, I'm sure the actual answer is $20SAIT)
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:36 PM on May 30, 2010

OK, now I've read it. I appreciate Effigy2000's comments even more now, because my expectations were set to a really low hurdle and the script easily overcame them. What we got was much better than the script, but a movie that came from that script would still have been much better than most of what we got in the prequels.
posted by immlass at 3:02 PM on May 30, 2010

What we got was [...] much better than most of what we got in the prequels.

So, is this where the Leigh Brackett Episode V campaign begins? Is someone going to start an online petition to DEMAND that Lucas remake the original trilogy with the Brackett screenplay and younger actors?

Why? Because he'd probably be willing to do it, you know... For the money, you know, and the opportunity to do it in 3D!!!
posted by vhsiv at 6:17 PM on May 30, 2010

Apropos of nothing, some guy over at the OriginalTrilogy.Com forums completely went over A New Hope with a fine toothed comb over three years, making over 150 changes and improving the overall visual and aural quality of the film (the 2004 DVD release was of appalling quality). The massive thread is here; you can acquire the final version from fanedits.info. If you're a huge SW fan, and the sort of fan who was always disgruntled with George Lucas' constant changes, this is probably for you. I'm only halfway through but it looks fantastic.

He's also doing the same thing for Empire, with an expected release date of December 2010.
posted by armage at 7:41 PM on May 30, 2010 [6 favorites]

Does she (or anyone) explain the Hanged Man symbolism of Empire? It seems obvious to me; on Hoth, on Degoba and under Bespin, Luke is most aligned with the Force when he's upside down and surrendering himself to a higher power. No else seems to see this, however.
posted by SPrintF at 8:17 PM on May 30, 2010 [6 favorites]

Oh, cool! A different script for Empire! Maybe this time I won't have the key revelation spoiled for me by some jerk while waiting in the ticket line.

and no, that's not your father, why do you ask?

DAMN YOU!
posted by dhartung at 8:44 PM on May 30, 2010

I am actually far more familiar with her short fiction than her movies. If you like pulp science fiction, you will like them -- she wrote a fair number of pulp SF classics. Somewhat similar in style and feel to C. L. Moore (they were apparently friends, as it happens.) If you don't like pulp SF, you won't like her stuff.

Bear in mind I do mean *pulp* -- Burroughs-style Martian-adventure plots, albeit with a bit of a Hammett/Chandler feel to them. But for those of us what likes that sort of thing, she's a giant.
posted by kyrademon at 3:54 AM on May 31, 2010 [1 favorite]

Leigh Brackett was featured in many golden age sci fi magazines alongside such luminaries as Asimov and Heinlein. You may find scans of covers online with her name upon them.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 7:45 AM on May 31, 2010

I'm late to the party, but box's link says grandpa-Yoda was "initially considered S-canon until referenced in a non-Tales source, at which point the subject matter was elevated to C-canon." There are five rigorously defined levels of canon with the little letters aah Star Wars geeks are adorable.
posted by ormondsacker at 9:43 AM on June 1, 2010

yo ROU Xenophobe: from the overview: "Premise: While Han Solo goes in search of his Father-In-Law, Ovan Marekal, who has political ties with Darth Vader..."

just say it outloud.
posted by artof.mulata at 10:43 AM on June 1, 2010

There are five rigorously defined levels of canon with the little letters aah Star Wars geeks are adorable.

Actually, that article says that Lucas Licensing (the company that manages licensing of all Lucasfilm books, toys, games, etc.) specifically commissioned the database, I assume in order to keep track of the hundreds of different sources to prevent contradictions within the Star Wars "universe" of products.

That those designations have been adopted by SW fans is interesting, though I've never heard of them before. Must be a relatively recent thing.
posted by armage at 10:42 PM on June 1, 2010