Be Excellent to Each Other
June 11, 2010 12:09 PM   Subscribe

Last week, a photo of Keanu Reeves looking dejected appeared on Reddit. Predictably, the image inspired a variety of photoshops. Somewhat less predictably, as various details about Keanu's past hardships came to light, many began sharing their personal stories about what a damn nice guy he is. In the interest of raising his spirits, June 15 has been declared Cheer Up Keanu Day. Let's all take a moment to say "Thank you, Keanu."
posted by almostmanda (134 comments total) 66 users marked this as a favorite
 
Oh, reddit. School wraps up and now you've all got nothing to do.
posted by GuyZero at 12:13 PM on June 11, 2010 [13 favorites]


Party on dudes!
posted by Artw at 12:14 PM on June 11, 2010


I AM AN FBI AGENT!
posted by Bookhouse at 12:15 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Whoa.
posted by ignignokt at 12:18 PM on June 11, 2010 [14 favorites]


But seriously: I really like Keanu Reeves when he's in the right role. I love him in Parenthood and Bill & Ted's and The Matrix (Johnny Depp passed on that role. While Depp is the more versatile and charismatic actor, I'm glad he did as I think Keanu's blankness serves him well.) I like Keanu in Point Break and Speed. When he's out of his depth, like Bram Stoker's Dracula, hoo boy it's a stink. Some people are only good at playing one type of character, but that's one more type of character than most people can play.
posted by Bookhouse at 12:20 PM on June 11, 2010 [19 favorites]


facebook is never going to go away, is it?
posted by heyho at 12:21 PM on June 11, 2010 [14 favorites]


I fucking love you, internets.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 12:21 PM on June 11, 2010


I still think he was brilliantly cast in Much Ado About Nothing.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:24 PM on June 11, 2010 [3 favorites]


in those photos it looks like he just took a bite out of some bad food.

What troubles me about this is that if I was bummin I srsly would not want some internet campaign started to cheer me up. srsly.
posted by angrycat at 12:24 PM on June 11, 2010


i read all that reddit stuff last week and it made me so happy.

my friends and i had an 'i heart keanu' party on the street.

that guy really knows how to be a dude's dude.

("there is no hamburger.")
posted by artof.mulata at 12:25 PM on June 11, 2010 [2 favorites]


And we have a winner!
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 12:26 PM on June 11, 2010 [13 favorites]


I love Keanu and I have never been ashamed of it.
posted by yarly at 12:27 PM on June 11, 2010 [13 favorites]




My Keanu story...

Keanu is having his face scanned, for the creation of a 3D model for CGI and games. There's a little downtime, and ubiquitous production assistants are quietly losing their shit because they're not sure what to do. One of them asks Keanu if he needs anything.

Keanu says, "Well, I could use a margarita."

OK, this is a JOKE. Everyone there takes it as it is intended. Just an off-hand jokey comment.

Everyone, that is, except the production assistant, who apparently teleports off to whereabouts unknown, without anyone seeing him go.

We do several passes on the scan, which involves Keanu sitting still, expressionless (it's easy for him, ha-ha) in what looks like a dentist's X-ray machine for a few minutes.

We're done, wrapping up, "thanks very much, Keanu," "no problem, thanks," and then the production assistant materializes with a styrofoam cup, with a lime floating on top of icy, yellowy liquid.

"What's this?" Keanu asks.

"Your margarita."

Nice guy. Good professional. Slightly bewildered by all the attention.

I thought the margarita was tasty, in case you wondered.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:30 PM on June 11, 2010 [42 favorites]


To me it just looks like he's lost in thought. I might be autistic though.
posted by naju at 12:30 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Love that "why Keanu is great" thread. I read through it the other day and it made me think about a lot of things.

He seems like a genuinely wonderful person. It made me consider how others would talk about me if I were a celebrity, and what kind of standards I hold others to. I also regret making him the butt of so many jokes. Someone posted "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." I think I'm going to try harder not to be someone who mocks others.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 12:31 PM on June 11, 2010 [49 favorites]


So apparently he's a genuinely nice, decent, kind person. That's good. The world needs more people like that.

He still shouldn't be playing the title roles in the upcoming Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde movie.
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:31 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


I really like Keanu Reeves when he's in the right role. I love him in Parenthood and Bill & Ted's and The Matrix (Johnny Depp passed on that role. While Depp is the more versatile and charismatic actor, I'm glad he did as I think Keanu's blankness serves him well.) I like Keanu in Point Break and Speed. When he's out of his depth, like Bram Stoker's Dracula, hoo boy it's a stink.

Jesus. Johnny Depp? No, I don't want to imagine him in that role.

Is Bram Stoker really Keanu's fault? That was a terrible, terrible part. It never occurred to me for a minute that someone else could have transformed it into something worthwhile.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 12:31 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Me too! Plus, I feel a special affinity for him and River Phoenix as fellow members of the hippie-kid-names club.
posted by small_ruminant at 12:32 PM on June 11, 2010 [3 favorites]


Where's the Cheer Up Lady Gaga Day? Where's the humanity?
posted by blucevalo at 12:32 PM on June 11, 2010


I thought the margarita was tasty, in case you wondered.

Cool Papa Bell is Keanu Reeves!
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 12:34 PM on June 11, 2010 [37 favorites]


Lady Gaga is beyond your human emotions, mortal.
posted by The Whelk at 12:34 PM on June 11, 2010 [13 favorites]


I still think he was brilliantly cast in Much Ado About Nothing.

His tight leather pants did most of the acting.
posted by Think_Long at 12:40 PM on June 11, 2010 [6 favorites]


When he's out of his depth, like Bram Stoker's Dracula, hoo boy it's a stink.

I'm pretty sure Keanu can't be blamed for the travesty of Bram Stoker's Dracula...
posted by ecurtz at 12:45 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Strange things are afoot on the internet.
posted by brandman at 12:46 PM on June 11, 2010 [6 favorites]


First on "River's Edge." Amazing.
posted by No Robots at 12:46 PM on June 11, 2010 [6 favorites]


The Winsome Parker Lewis: "Cool Papa Bell is Keanu Reeves!"

This explains so much. But outside the Metarix, is he still Keanu?
posted by mwhybark at 12:46 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Really, though. Don John is the sort of idiotic villain who comes across more as whiny than truly evil, and casting the affectless Keanu Reeves really, I thought, highlighted the absurdity of all the chaos caused in the play by Claudio being naive enough to believe the obviously ill-willed Don John.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:46 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]




(Ah, you beat me to it No Robots.) I first saw him years ago starring in The River's Edge with Dennis Hopper, Crispin Glover and Ione Skye. He played a troubled 16 year old. He was really good. I like him.
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 12:48 PM on June 11, 2010 [3 favorites]


Where's the Cheer Up Lady Gaga Day?

How would we know how she's feeling? We'd need someone who can read her her her her her her her her poker face.
posted by weston at 12:49 PM on June 11, 2010 [32 favorites]


Anyone know anything about the, "I'm a meathead, man," quote in the various link?
posted by neuromodulator at 12:49 PM on June 11, 2010


I would just like to say that my emotional biorhythm is 100% in sync with Keanu's. Whatever that means.

Plus I've always liked the dude and he seems like a cool person.
posted by maxwelton at 12:50 PM on June 11, 2010


It seems like he picks his roles in some of his worst films based on an abundance of geek enthusiasm, and I'm sure if we ever actually hung out together it would be a ridiculous interplace of cyberpunk and comic book references. He's not just a nerd, he's a nerd that's into the same nerdy stuff that I'm into!

Anyone ever actually heard his band? Are they awful? I like Keanu, and I like music, for whatever that's worth.
posted by infinitywaltz at 12:52 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Dogstar makes anyone sad
posted by stormpooper at 12:53 PM on June 11, 2010


That was a pretty neat thread. :)
posted by zarq at 12:53 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Keanu Reeves is immortal.

It all makes sense. If I were doomed to spend eternity walking the earth, sure, in the beginning I'd probably be kind of an asshole. But after a couple millenia of seeing people I know inevitably age and die, I'd probably avoid personal relationships, spend a lot of time looking dejected, and also be super-nice to the mortals who were still alive.

It. All. Fits.
posted by logicpunk at 12:57 PM on June 11, 2010 [27 favorites]


I bet Keanu's having one of those days that isn't exactly great, but things are okay, and so he's just minding his own business eating a sandwich and taking a break, but people keep coming up to him asking "Are you okay? What's wrong?" And nothing really is wrong, so he mumbles that he's okay and tries to get back to his sandwich, but everyone's all like "You're sure? You look down. Are you all right? What happened? Do you want to talk about it?" and they just won't let it go and it's starting to get irritating. And someone's all like "seriously, you look like you're in a bad mood," and he turns and snaps, "WELL, I AM NOW!"

Sometimes you just want to slouch on a bench and eat a sandwich in peace. Leave Keanu alone!
posted by Metroid Baby at 12:59 PM on June 11, 2010 [17 favorites]


So his sister was diagnosed with leukemia and they make a site called "Cheer Up Bro"

Christ, what assholes.
posted by stormpooper at 12:59 PM on June 11, 2010 [3 favorites]


To me it just looks like he's lost in thought

He's thinking, "Bun. I'm eating this bun. One bite left. Almost finished this bun. Bun."
posted by chococat at 1:00 PM on June 11, 2010 [17 favorites]


Are you all right? What happened? Do you want to talk about it?" and they just won't let it go and it's starting to get irritating.

All Keanu wanted was a Pepsi. JUST A PEPSI!
posted by bondcliff at 1:02 PM on June 11, 2010 [24 favorites]


"Cool Papa Bell is Keanu Reeves!"

No, but he has a very lucrative career as Keanu's Food and Drink Taster.
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:04 PM on June 11, 2010 [4 favorites]


I admit it, I love Keanu. I have loved him lo these many years. Not only do I own The Replacements, I make *other people* watch it with me. This, my friends, is true (imaginary internet boyfriend) love.

Do you know why he's sad? He's sad because he knows that somewhere out there...there I am...and yet our paths are never destined to cross. Oh, unrequited unknown love, how melancholy without me you must be.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 1:06 PM on June 11, 2010 [12 favorites]


Why is there no Sad Keanu In Snow pictures??
posted by The otter lady at 1:13 PM on June 11, 2010 [3 favorites]


Metafilter: DAMN YOU BONDCLIFF
posted by Joey Michaels at 1:15 PM on June 11, 2010


I heard an interview with him a few years ago on the CBC where somebody asked him about the parts he plays and he said [paraphrasing] "well, I'm not a very smart guy, so I try to choose parts where I don't play people that are particularly intelligent. There are lots of fun, interesting parts out there playing guys that aren't that smart."

That impressed the hell out of me; both his self-awareness of his flaws, and his total comfort in saying it. I've cut him a lot more slack since then.
posted by Shepherd at 1:17 PM on June 11, 2010 [23 favorites]


I never understood the hate for Keanu Reeves.
posted by grouse at 1:20 PM on June 11, 2010 [4 favorites]


Bob Arctor from A Scanner Darkly recently nudged Ted out of my "top keanu role" spot.

I sort of love Keanu when the role is right. I mean, he's cute and earnest and you gotta love that. But God help us when the role is wrong--like anything Shakespearean or pseudo-Shakespearean (I'm thinking My Own Private Idaho). Ick.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 1:21 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Wow. Lady Gaga has luminously beautiful skin.

I figured it would be all snarky in here, and it's not really. Thanks, that's kind of excellent. Though the day is young as is the thread. Keanu is candy, loved him in Parenthood and the Matrices. When the Diane Keaton character chose the nasty old Jack Nicholson character over the Keanu character in whatever that movie was, I though she was nuts, in an alarming way. And he was good at being a red-neck bad guy in that other movie, with Cate Blanchett.
posted by theora55 at 1:23 PM on June 11, 2010


"Not only do I own The Replacements, I make *other people* watch it with me."

Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory lasts forever.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 1:25 PM on June 11, 2010 [4 favorites]


Metafilter: DAMN YOU BONDCLIFF

I endorse this product and/or service.
posted by bondcliff at 1:31 PM on June 11, 2010


It's great to hear he's such a nice guy, and that being a huge celebrity hasn't corrupted him.

I'm not a huge fan, but there are little moments in his performances that have always stood out to me, like this one, from Parenthood:
Tod (Keanu): Can I speak frankly, no holds barred? That is one messed up little dude. We can talk straight? Um, a few months ago, Garry got his first... boner. You know what that is?

Helen (Dianne Wiest): If memory serves.

Tod: Aw, great! Anyway, since then, he's been... uh... slappin' the salami. No offense.

Helen: No.

Tod: Apparently, he's goin' for a world record. Anyway, he was afraid there was something wrong with him, you know? Like he was a pervert or something. I told him that's what little dudes do - we've all done it. It made him happy.

Helen: Garry was happy?

Tod: He even smiled! I never even knew he had teeth!
Loved that scene. :)
posted by zarq at 1:34 PM on June 11, 2010 [9 favorites]


I never understood the hate for Keanu Reeves.

You must not have seen A Walk in the Clouds. Still, it was a great time at the movies! Until we learned that the people in the row behind ours were really enjoying it!?!?
posted by Chuckles at 1:44 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Man, if Keanu were a Juggalo who liked Lady Gaga the MeFi love would never stop.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 1:49 PM on June 11, 2010 [5 favorites]


I've never taken this much interest in a movie star before, but those anecdotes are just so nice.

I lived in Alberta for about a year and a half, spent some time in Calgary and some more time in places like Brooks and Drumheller. Keanu strikes me as a near-perfect embodiment of everything I associate with Canada: not too exciting (but not boring either), but really pleasant and civil, and much more interesting when you get up close to it than when judged from afar.

That's the only opportunity most of us have with actors. We judge from afar, we infer character based on how they perform in films. Keanu Reeves is often a target of the Greater Internet Snark Vortex(TM), but as many people have shared, if we could actually get to know him we'd find that he's a really pleasant guy and much more interesting than the parts he plays in movies.

And on that picture of him on the bench, he looked exactly how I feel when it's a gray/overcast day out like that one.

I'm reminded of a lyric from another wonderful Canadian artist, Sarah Harmer:

It's perfectly suited
This uniform grey
There are no bearings
To the day

posted by jnrussell at 1:50 PM on June 11, 2010 [2 favorites]


man, i don't even think he looks particulary sad.

Yeah. I have a face that just looks sad if I'm not consciously smiling. I get super sick of people being like "why are you sad? aren't you having fun? are you bored?" etc. So I'm on your side with this one.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 1:55 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Bob Arctor from A Scanner Darkly recently nudged Ted out of my "top keanu role" spot.

Also true. He is ace in that film.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:56 PM on June 11, 2010 [2 favorites]


I love Keanu, the most successful hapa actor in the world! And I also like to blame the claims of "woodenness" on cryptoracism toward his "Asian inscrutability" to us idiot roundeyes. For fun.

He's also perfectly cast in Dangerous Liaisons. Which I shall watch right this minute.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 1:57 PM on June 11, 2010 [7 favorites]


Keanu Reeves does two things well - certain types of comedy and certain types of action. That is rare and admirable. He does more than one thing well. Yes, when poorly cast, he is terrible. But think about actors of that (my) generation. River Phoenix is gone. Crispin Glover is mad talented, but also, seemingly, mad. Leonardo DiCaprio has some chops but his face is not aging well - he looks odd now. Johnny Depp is fabulous, but is always Johnny Depp. Will Smith can do anything and is A God. Keanu stacks up pretty well. Don't be sad, Keanu! Be proud.
posted by rainbaby at 1:58 PM on June 11, 2010 [4 favorites]


why is the background totally different in the two photos of him on the bench?
posted by A189Nut at 1:58 PM on June 11, 2010


I've always liked him, and had trouble defending him to far too many people. For a while my go-to line was, "You know how you know that Keanu Reeves is quality? Because Freddy Prinz Jr. is able to thrive as the poor man's Keanu Reeves." Except Prinz isn't really in anything anymore.

But yeah, his turn as the wife-beater in The Gift was scary and disturbing as all hell.
posted by Navelgazer at 2:00 PM on June 11, 2010


Johnny Depp is fabulous, but is always Johnny Depp.

I liked Johnny Depp a lot more when he was a character actor rather than Johnny Depp, Wacky Guy.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:02 PM on June 11, 2010 [5 favorites]


I enjoyed the hell out of Constantine.
posted by Alex404 at 2:04 PM on June 11, 2010 [3 favorites]


Because Freddy Prinz Jr. is able to thrive as the poor man's Keanu Reeves.

Upon seeing him in the last season of 24, I was heard to remark, "What's with this guy? He's like Keanu Reeves, only worse!"

Poor Keanu. Poor Freddy Prinz, Jr.
posted by infinitywaltz at 2:04 PM on June 11, 2010


I enjoyed the hell out of Constantine.

what
posted by infinitywaltz at 2:05 PM on June 11, 2010 [3 favorites]


posted by A189Nut why is the background totally different in the two photos of him on the bench?

Looks to me like a combination of change of camera angle + compression from the telephoto lens zooming in closer + passing car.
posted by jnrussell at 2:11 PM on June 11, 2010


Oh, yes, The Gift is one of my favorite movies of all time. If you haven't seen it, please do. Just don't forget that it's A SAM RAIMI FILM, people. Have a laugh for heaven's sake.

UNGH sadly that's Giovanni's film to me, *siiigh* my hero... but the whole cast really brings it. Katie Holmes brings the bosoms and Keanu the bearded "Bitch" rants. ...And a Danny Elfman cameo!
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:11 PM on June 11, 2010


what

what yourself. I met Keanu in a bar once and he said he liked my puns.
posted by Alex404 at 2:12 PM on June 11, 2010 [3 favorites]


Never met the man myself, but from first-hand reports he is indeed a genuinely good guy.

Which seems really, really rare in Hollywood. Keanu Reeves, Craig Ferguson, Steve Martin and... um.... and...

That's all I got.
posted by rokusan at 2:12 PM on June 11, 2010


Kinda-sorta-related, self-linked AskMe question.
posted by joe lisboa at 2:12 PM on June 11, 2010


I met Keanu in a bar once and he said he liked my puns.

Are you sure you heard that right?
posted by rokusan at 2:12 PM on June 11, 2010 [4 favorites]


I enjoyed the hell out of Constantine.

That's pretty impressive, considering how much hell there was depicted in that movie.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:15 PM on June 11, 2010 [5 favorites]


I have a vague memory of him being really good in My Own Private Idaho (1991). I remember him being the the son of a mayor, and (friend of) a gay street hustler. It was hazy until I searched for that movie description today. Thanks, MetaFilter (and possibly sad Keanu Reeves).
posted by filthy light thief at 2:15 PM on June 11, 2010


He was actually kind of awkward in My Own Private Idaho, flt. It's conceptually a great movie, but he does the added Shakespearean dialog really poorly, and he's pretty stiff (no pun intended) through the whole thing. Great River Phoenix flick, though.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 2:17 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Constantine was a Thing That Should Not Be - not really his fault. And, TBH, it'd be an okay time filler if not for being a terrible adaptation, and there were even some bits that would be neat in an actual Hellblazer movie.

I actually thought The Gift was pretty good, and he was good in it too. No Drag Me To Hell though.
posted by Artw at 2:19 PM on June 11, 2010


He still shouldn't be playing the title roles in the upcoming Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde movie.

Oh dear. No. What a bad idea. I'm sure you meant Robert Downey, Jr., right? 'Cause he'd be great.
posted by kirkaracha at 2:21 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


This is weirdly starting to turn into an obit thread.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:21 PM on June 11, 2010 [4 favorites]


.
posted by ericb at 2:22 PM on June 11, 2010 [7 favorites]


Mystery guest 1: I AM AN FBI AGENT!
Mystery guest 2: I AM. AN F.B.I - AGENT!
Mystery guest 3: AYE M’N F.B.EYE ASIANT! brah

He’s got some good shoes on in the photo. That’s something to be happy about.
*releases hounds *

Keanu is not a smart guy? Maybe not an intelligent guy, but smart enough to have a successful career doing stuff he likes doing.
You can make fun of him. Doesn't mean you hate him.
Y'know though, I can’t explain the dislike some folks have for certain actors. I don’t like Ben Affleck. I have no idea why.
Everyone I’ve met who has met him says he’s a nice guy. A guy I know pretty well knows him and says we’d get along great. He's apparently kind. In earnest about serious issues. Good sense of humor. All that. I dunno, he just rubs me the wrong way for some reason.
“Hi, Smedleyman? You know Bob? I saw him the other day and he said to say hello.”
“Yeah? Fuck you.”
“…uh, what?”
"Sorry. Nice, uh, work there, supporting the biomedical research. Helps a lot of people."
"Oh, thanks, I.."
"Prick."
"What?"
"Sorry, sorry, it's me. I've got sort of a problem...uh, with you. Let's just walk away from each other ok?"
"I..."
"Yeah, bye short-ass."

I suppose acrimony can be a sort of consolation in some cases. What do you talk to a movie star about? On the other hand, I suppose it would be nice to just relate to someone if you're a big name actor.
Can't imagine what I'd say to Keanu. I'd probably just listen.
(I'd blow off Affleck though. For absolutely no reason I can discern).
posted by Smedleyman at 2:25 PM on June 11, 2010 [3 favorites]


Long, long ago, he took acting classes at the place where I worked. He was indeed very nice.
posted by dobbs at 2:28 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


I met Keanu in a bar once and he said he liked my puns.

Oh wait, I just got it!
posted by infinitywaltz at 2:34 PM on June 11, 2010


shakespeherian: "This is weirdly starting to turn into an obit thread."

Ok, so it's not just me.

I honestly never knew all this stuff. I like him in the right roles, myself. I hope he can keep on keeping on.
posted by lysdexic at 2:41 PM on June 11, 2010


Keanu is my favorite actor, hands down. They should put him in at least one scene in every movie ever.

Also, somebody needs to get those Bill and Ted movies out on bluray already. Johnny Mnemonic, too.
posted by dogwalker at 2:48 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


And Hardball.
posted by dogwalker at 2:50 PM on June 11, 2010


I think there is no one else that could have been Bob Arctor in A Scanner Darkly. I always enjoy Richard Linklater films, I loved Waking Life. I also love Phillip k Dick novels. So when that trailer came out, with my favorite M83 song dubbed in, I was counting the days until the movie's release.

Bob Arctor is a character, whose job has become investigating himself. His mind has been shattered by the drug he's investigating, as well as the loss of his former self consumed by the same. He'd have to be an almost emotionless blank slate, stuck in a suit that further obscures his real identity already in crisis. A man with a tortured past unable to share genuine closeness with those around him because of a wall of suspicion, paranoia, and fear.

I'm gonna watch it again.
posted by ninjew at 3:12 PM on June 11, 2010 [7 favorites]


But yeah, his turn as the wife-beater in The Gift was scary and disturbing as all hell.

Yeah, I saw that recently and was amazed at how creepy he was. Well done.
posted by homunculus at 3:21 PM on June 11, 2010


I lived in LA for five years and saw celebrities all the time, and Keanu Reeves was the only one who sort of blew me away. Usually famous people are somewhat unimpressive in person, but that dude is really, really striking. At that moment I really understood how he ended up a star. Because, nice or not, it surely is not for his talent.
posted by something something at 3:22 PM on June 11, 2010


First on "River's Edge." Amazing.

"Matt: The only reason you stay here is so you can fuck my mother and eat her food. MOTHERFUCKER. FOOD EATER."

I love that line.
posted by khaibit at 3:28 PM on June 11, 2010 [2 favorites]


All Keanu wanted was a Pepsi. JUST A PEPSI!

HE WANTS ROOM SERVICE!!!!!!

I always loved this sketch with Keanu and Tracy Ullmann. SO freaking adorable. Keanu4Life.
posted by emeiji at 3:37 PM on June 11, 2010 [2 favorites]


sounds like somebody has a Magnificent Obsession


i smell remake get me Joel Silver on the phone
posted by Hammond Rye at 3:54 PM on June 11, 2010


Oh, has no one mentioned his turn as the dentist in Thumbsucker?! That, my friends, is Keanu at his most amazing best. I felt that movie was so-so, but that character was well worth the price of admission.
posted by neuromodulator at 4:00 PM on June 11, 2010 [2 favorites]


I have heard it said that so many actors are primadonna douchebags, that when one comes along who is genuinely a nice guy who's pleasant to work with, he will tend to get a lot of job offers for that reason alone, regardless of how much talent he may or may not have... and that this, basically, explains Keanu's career.
posted by rifflesby at 4:04 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


I enjoyed the hell out of Constantine.

I did, too.

But only because Peter Stormare fucking STOLE the entire movie in the last five minutes.

I mean, DUDE. Did he get everyone's wallets, too?
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:08 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Another thumbs-up for Constantine -- not just for Peter Stormare but Tilda Swinton as well.

Love Keanu but not for this one
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 4:14 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


I always liked his small role in Youngblood as the goalie, where he plays up a sort-of French-Canadian accent for his one line, said in reference to a goon on the other team:

Dat man is fucking an animal!
posted by bwg at 4:16 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Tilda Swinton is awesome in Constantine. I just wish she could have done the exact same thing but in a better movie.
posted by Artw at 4:19 PM on June 11, 2010 [5 favorites]


(and yes, Peter Stormare was pretty damn good as well)
posted by Artw at 4:20 PM on June 11, 2010


Aw. I've always kinda wanted to give Keanu Reeves a hug, a pat on the head, and a nice hot sticky bun. Although it's a bit weird to feel maternal towards someone 15 years my senior.

Off to lovefilm to add all his movies to my list!
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 4:55 PM on June 11, 2010


I met Keanu in a bar once and he said he liked my puns.

I met him and did that thing where you point at someone's shirt and they look and you flick their nose. That was funny. And he said something about my having dirty plaster.
Which is weird, 'cos we have drywall.
posted by Smedleyman at 4:58 PM on June 11, 2010


Er I too have Shook hands with Mr. Reeves by accident once? He seems nice?
posted by The Whelk at 5:16 PM on June 11, 2010


If by some crazy set of circumstances I was only allowed to watch two movies for the rest of my life, one of them would be Constantine. Not because it's a good movie by any means, but because it always cheers me up immensely and I'd never get tired of it.

Oh, also, one of the first movies I remember seeing in theaters was Johnny Mnemonic. Because I was too young to understand what a good movie was, I actually enjoyed it. Saw it later (repeatedly) and now I have a different opinion, but still.
posted by hopeless romantique at 5:17 PM on June 11, 2010


I'd participate but I still remember Point Break.

("The gift of blankness."!?)
posted by DU at 5:50 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


That's dejected-looking? Most people I know, that's their happy face.
posted by jonmc at 6:40 PM on June 11, 2010


I actually thought The Gift was pretty good, and he was good in it too.

I was going to mention that. Interesting that he says he plays characters that are not smart. His character in that film certainly was not smart. But it was a good role for him.
posted by krinklyfig at 6:59 PM on June 11, 2010


But only because Peter Stormare fucking STOLE the entire movie in the last five minutes.

Yeah but that middle finger as he ascended to heaven reminded me how cool Keanu can be. I totally cheered.
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 7:06 PM on June 11, 2010


The Winsome Parker Lewis: "Cool Papa Bell is Keanu Reeves!"

Can't be-Cool Papa Bell died in 1991.
posted by Chrysostom at 7:09 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


He will always be sweet, sad Chris from Permanent Record for me.

*le sigh*
posted by contessa at 7:17 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


I want to say nothing other than I love Keanu Reeves and all of his movies.

The end.
posted by Malice at 7:17 PM on June 11, 2010


Chrysostom: "Can't be-Cool Papa Bell died in 1991."

wait, so there's a glitch in the Metarix?
posted by mwhybark at 7:21 PM on June 11, 2010


I have heard it said that so many actors are primadonna douchebags, that when one comes along who is genuinely a nice guy who's pleasant to work with, he will tend to get a lot of job offers for that reason alone, regardless of how much talent he may or may not have... and that this, basically, explains Keanu's career.

And Sandra Bullock's. Speed must have been the nicest movie to work on in the whole history of movies.
posted by tzikeh at 7:52 PM on June 11, 2010 [6 favorites]


Probably a glitch in the Matrix.
posted by mattdidthat at 3:01 PM on June 11 [6 favorites +] [!]


wait, so there's a glitch in the Metarix?
posted by mwhybark at 8:21 PM on June 11 [+] [!]


Woah. Deja vu.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 7:56 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Woah. Deja vu.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis 13 minutes ago [+]
posted by The Whelk at 8:10 PM on June 11, 2010


It is interesting reading your reactions. Your five predecessors were by design based on a similar predication, a contingent affirmation that was meant to create a profound attachment to the rest of your species, facilitating the function of the one. While the others experienced this in a very general way, your experience is far more specific. Vis-a-vis, love.
posted by Artw at 8:41 PM on June 11, 2010


Cool Papa Bell is Keanu Reeves!

Actually, I've long suspected this, but I didn't want to blow his cover.
posted by MexicanYenta at 9:01 PM on June 11, 2010


Whoa.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:15 PM on June 11, 2010


Your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of the matrix. You are the eventuality of an anomaly, which despite my sincerest efforts I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. While it remains a burden to sedulously avoid it, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably, here.
posted by Artw at 9:19 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Yeah just chiming in to say I really like Keaneu. Genuinely, not ironically. And yet I've snarked about him ("whoa" etc.). I'm not sure what's up with that but I'm going to try and knock that off. Not for his sake, just because it's kinda lame.

FWIW, I don't think he's sad in that picture. No more sad than anyone else would be having paparazzi them around 24/7. It's a credit to his character he's just "sad" instead of violent, which is how I'd respond to some asshole stalking me, publishing photos of me eating lunch, and speculating about my emotional state.
posted by cj_ at 9:56 PM on June 11, 2010


The Prince of Pennsylvania.
posted by ovvl at 10:07 PM on June 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


Cool Papa Bell: "Whoa."

EVIDENCE!
posted by mwhybark at 10:10 PM on June 11, 2010


i'd hit it ... you know, just to make him smile
posted by liza at 10:13 PM on June 11, 2010


Also, despite the hater's comments, I thought that Bram Stoker's Dracula was a swell movie, with excellent visual montage sequences. Yes, Keanu's performance is understated, but he does allow the other cast members to emote beautifully.

I could also venture to say that every Vampire-Themed Movie made in my lifetime is oppressively dull, with the exception of Bram Stoker's Dracula. The Hunger is a possible exception, but I am wavering.
posted by ovvl at 10:23 PM on June 11, 2010


Keanu and I have the same hiking boots!
posted by trbrts at 5:14 AM on June 12, 2010


Utah! TWO!
posted by slimepuppy at 6:54 AM on June 12, 2010 [1 favorite]


Also, despite the hater's comments, I thought that Bram Stoker's Dracula was a swell movie, with excellent visual montage sequences. Yes, Keanu's performance is understated, but he does allow the other cast members to emote beautifully.

The Sucessionist-inspired visual design pretty much makes that movie for me. It's better with the sound off.
posted by The Whelk at 6:59 AM on June 12, 2010


He's done some movies where he was out of his league or not right for the part, yeah, but he's also done more awesome movies than the majority of his peers have, or that the current crop of male starlets will ever do. So, you know, the haters can pound sand up their asses.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:49 AM on June 12, 2010


Is anybody else so deeply cynical that they think this is some kind of viral reputation building campaign cooked up by some various reputation and viral marketing professionals?
posted by SomeOneElse at 10:58 AM on June 12, 2010


Sad Walrus
posted by homunculus at 11:37 AM on June 12, 2010


All I wanted was a Pepsi...
posted by Area Control at 12:00 PM on June 12, 2010


I wasn't allowed to see R-rated movies before I went to college. (Yes, I was sheltered.) After I saw Bill and Ted, I found out that Keanu was in Prince of Pennsylvania (I have no idea how, as that was pre-rampant-internet) and managed to rent it, sneak it into the house, watch it, and sneak it back to the video store. Given my mom's tendency to pop in on me unexpectedly while I watched TV, I can't believe I was successful.

I wasn't thrilled with the movie so much, but I was in love with Keanu. And since my love tends to express itself by tying up my love objects, PoP was a net win.
posted by cereselle at 5:51 PM on June 12, 2010


I never will understand the nerd penchant for projecting human emotions on pictures of animals-- or even doing it in real life ("My dog gets embarrassed when... ").

This is just an offshoot of that. You don't really know what's going on in that picture.

In the interest of raising his spirits, June 15 has been declared Cheer Up Keanu Day.

And now a whole fantasy story has been concocted by people with nothing better to do with their time.
posted by L'OM at 2:25 PM on June 13, 2010


Keanu Reeves is on my "Celebrities I Would Like to Marry One Day" list.

(Also on that list is Mark Hamill and Danny Elfman.)
posted by zizzle at 3:01 PM on June 13, 2010


Keanu Reeves is on my "Celebrities I Would Like to Marry One Day" list.

I'm taken.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:18 PM on June 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


L'OM: "And now a whole fantasy story has been concocted by people with nothing better to do with their time."

FIRST of all, Cool Papa Bell is Keanu!

SECOND, there's LOTS of things I could be better investing my time on than propagating this story! HA! Double-HA!
posted by mwhybark at 11:01 PM on June 14, 2010




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