I'd Hit That With A Ballot

June 14, 2010 3:33 PM

Sexual Congress is the cleverly titled site which tries to find the most attractive members of the U.S. Congress by having you choose between two official portraits, in the proud tradition (and methodology) of KittenWar * (and PuppyWar *) and Randall Munroe's late lamented Best, Fairest and Funniest Ever sites. For non-USians, there's a similar, more subtle, British site.
posted by oneswellfoop (47 comments total)

This is like that PickOne thing, except you have to choose between Cancer and Fascism every single time.
posted by elizardbits at 3:37 PM on June 14, 2010 [13 favorites]

But(t), when others think you're a "gay" attractive congressman (aka a 'confirmed bachelor') and you want to disavow such (ongoing) speculation, be sure to burn your belt!
posted by ericb at 3:41 PM on June 14, 2010 [2 favorites]

I'd offer to light Russ Feingold's cigarette.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:41 PM on June 14, 2010

Sexual Congress is the cleverly titled site....

I reject this premise.

Also, Patty Murrray is getting robbed.
posted by gurple at 3:43 PM on June 14, 2010

Wow...politics is Hollywood for ugly people.
posted by The Card Cheat at 3:49 PM on June 14, 2010 [5 favorites]

Henry Waxman wins 13% of his matches.

Rosa DeLauro looks like Abe Vigoda.
posted by Hiker at 3:50 PM on June 14, 2010

  W
SI^LF
posted by hincandenza at 3:53 PM on June 14, 2010 [2 favorites]

Also, Patty Murray is getting robbed.

As is Eleanor Holmes Norton.
posted by evidenceofabsence at 3:58 PM on June 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

yeah, democrazy really needs some brainz.


*watching from overseas how the great union collapses*
posted by Substrata at 4:01 PM on June 14, 2010

But the Tea Party told me that Michelle Bachman was the most beautiful woman in congress!
posted by mccarty.tim at 4:04 PM on June 14, 2010

I'm not sure that sexual preference vis-a-vis congresspersons is transitive, as this site assumes.
posted by painquale at 4:06 PM on June 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

elizardbits: "This is like that PickOne thing, except you have to choose between Cancer and Fascism every single time."

PickOne just had me pick between Vodka and Christmas. Easy.

The next one was George W. Bush vs. James Joyce. Super easy.
posted by brundlefly at 4:15 PM on June 14, 2010

Interesting to note that Democrats and Republicans are equally ugly.
posted by desjardins at 4:17 PM on June 14, 2010

Having to choose between Boehner and Kit Bond was the equivalent of cake or death, but with no cake.
posted by maudlin at 4:29 PM on June 14, 2010 [3 favorites]

I'm surprised the MetaFilter Hive Mind hasn't found a lot more similarly formatted sites. Such an obvious premise. (I'm also still pissed that the xkcd guy shut his down)

I'm also disappointed in the performance of my local congresswoman (35%) but her picture makes her look anorexic, and she's much nicer looking when not forcing a smile. I didn't vote for her for her looks, but the sad fact is, a lot of people do, and we've known that fact since Dan Quayle.
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:30 PM on June 14, 2010

I only got three clicks in, and I'm still damn proud of myself.

Damn proud.
posted by Halloween Jack at 4:30 PM on June 14, 2010

As is Eleanor Holmes Norton.

Man, that woman has presence. I shared an elevator once with her, and if dignity could be measured, she would be off the freakin' charts
posted by angrycat at 4:32 PM on June 14, 2010 [2 favorites]

Mary Landrieu was kinda hot in her pic, but then I googled her...
posted by coolguymichael at 4:35 PM on June 14, 2010

maudlin: Having to choose between Boehner and Kit Bond was the equivalent of cake or death, but with no cake.

So the choice is "... or death?"
posted by hincandenza at 4:36 PM on June 14, 2010

I'm not saying anothing cause I don't know anything about the man but Martin Heinrich looks like man who may have beat someone to death with a stripper's shoe at one point.
posted by The Whelk at 4:42 PM on June 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

This is hard (not the quiz). YOWZA!
posted by battleshipkropotkin at 4:49 PM on June 14, 2010

This is like that PickOne thing

Oh MAN, spiders vs. capitalism! Aaaaaargh.

Well, spiders are actually beneficial.
posted by FelliniBlank at 4:53 PM on June 14, 2010

I quit upon being forced to choose between Sarah Palin and AIDS.
posted by elizardbits at 4:56 PM on June 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

The one that had me staring at the screen in indecision the longest was Fascism vs. Facebook.
posted by FelliniBlank at 5:02 PM on June 14, 2010

We need to cross-reference this with Grindr.
posted by The Whelk at 5:05 PM on June 14, 2010

It took quite a bit of clicking before I saw somebody who wasn't a middle-aged white man standing in front of either a flag or a blue background.
posted by box at 5:09 PM on June 14, 2010

Jared Polis is totally rocking the gay pride trinkets, lookin foxy and natural while representing the fine denizens of the People's Republic of Boulder.
posted by jeoc at 5:16 PM on June 14, 2010 [2 favorites]

A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. How about a nice game of chess?
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:22 PM on June 14, 2010 [3 favorites]

Eni Fa'aua'a Hunkin Faleomavaega, Jr., of American Samoa, appears to be wearing some kind of lei.
posted by box at 5:22 PM on June 14, 2010

But(t), when others think you're a "gay" attractive congressman (aka a 'confirmed bachelor') and you want to disavow such (ongoing) speculation, be sure to burn your belt!

I clicked that picture thinking "how can a belt make you look gay?" I guess you learn something everyday.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 5:43 PM on June 14, 2010 [3 favorites]

I'm a little tiny bit proud that my local Congresscritter, Martin Heinrich is leading the results for males with 91%.
posted by signalnine at 6:10 PM on June 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

You voted for Donna Edwards. The world disagrees!
Donna Edwards wins 46% of their matches, while Blanche Lincoln wins 72%.

IN WHAT WORLD MOTHERFUCKERS!?
posted by [expletive deleted] at 6:37 PM on June 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

The British version is basically Spot the Tory (and assorted bogies) and is HARROWING if you grew up being told "you can just Tell".
posted by runincircles at 6:55 PM on June 14, 2010

Michelle Bachman was the most beautiful woman in congress!

Being the most beautiful woman in congress is akin to being the most sane Baldwin.
posted by Joey Michaels at 7:17 PM on June 14, 2010 [2 favorites]

If you copy/paste the following into the address bar now and hit Enter you will never look at Metafilter the same way again: javascript:document.body.style.background='url(http://www.tomscott.com/congress/photos/02cq89g.jpg)';void(null)
posted by twoleftfeet at 7:57 PM on June 14, 2010

^
nah... I'll stick with the blue and calmly send a contract killer to gut you with a corkscrew.
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 8:11 PM on June 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

I clicked that picture thinking "how can a belt make you look gay?" I guess you learn something everyday.

After some eye-opening experiences with the Girdle of Femininity/Masculinity, I can say with confidence that's not the most dramatic thing that wearing an unidentified belt can do.
posted by Copronymus at 8:55 PM on June 14, 2010 [2 favorites]

Is Dennis Kucinich's wife included?
posted by elder18 at 8:59 PM on June 14, 2010

This is kind of mean. I feel sorry for the ones who end up voted the ugliest, just like I feel sorry for the pets voted "least cute".
posted by Jess the Mess at 9:56 PM on June 14, 2010

A lot of these pictures are really old and/or unflattering - I wonder where he got them, since they're clearly not all the official photos of these folks. I also felt like I kept seeing the same people over and over again - with 500somethingsomething(I can't never remember how many including DC, Puerto Rico, Guam, etc.) of them, you'd think you wouldn't have to keep looking at Howard Coble's ugly mug. Other observations: Jared Polis is adorable, and Rosa DeLauro may be terrifying-looking but I love her to bits regardless.
posted by naoko at 12:11 AM on June 15, 2010

Hey, this site is educational! It led me to learn that Mary Bono Mack (R) - California 44th is now married to Connie Mack IV (R) - Florida 14th.

It seems like that should be conflict of interest or some such. At least they're from the same party.....
posted by anastasiav at 4:26 AM on June 15, 2010

twoleftfeet: "javascript:document.body.style.background='url(http://www.tomscott.com/congress/photos/02cq89g.jpg)';void(null)"

That is beautifully evil. Thank you very much!
posted by Xoder at 6:19 AM on June 15, 2010

We need the same thing, but for metafilter users.
posted by mecran01 at 6:58 AM on June 15, 2010

Ladies of the the Capitol - what is with all those JC Penny piped jackets? Also, the '70s called; they want those tacky pantsuits back.

I blame Hilary.
posted by Artful Codger at 7:07 AM on June 15, 2010

We need the same thing, but for metafilter users.

No need. I would win, what with my lovely grey fur, my nicely formed muzzle, my ears sucked back all nice and friendly...
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:00 AM on June 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

I came in here to brag about being in Martin Heinrich's district but signalnine beat me to it.
posted by NoraReed at 11:44 AM on June 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick looks like she wants to mate with me then bite my head off.
posted by MikeMc at 4:54 PM on June 15, 2010