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The prettiest things in life are useless
June 17, 2010 1:34 PM   Subscribe

Stuff no one told me (but I learned anyways)

See also: Alex Noriega's sketch blog
posted by emilyd22222 (56 comments total) 53 users marked this as a favorite

 
ahem, Metafilter take note.
posted by Lutoslawski at 1:35 PM on June 17, 2010 [6 favorites]


This one is particularly apropos for mr. desjardins and me. (I'm the STFU one.)
posted by desjardins at 1:38 PM on June 17, 2010


I like these! I'm curious though why the posts are in English but the blog itself is Spanish.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 1:38 PM on June 17, 2010


No one told him to always wear clean underwear? I thought that was a pretty common piece of advice.
posted by graventy at 1:39 PM on June 17, 2010


"In Europe, people fart backwards."

Ha!
posted by lattiboy at 1:39 PM on June 17, 2010


So much this.
posted by Ratio at 1:43 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


desjardins: Nice mustache!

graventy: It says nice underwear, not clean.
posted by ODiV at 1:44 PM on June 17, 2010


17. Everyone's free to wear sunscreen?

I keed, I keed. The drawings are cute and funny. But most of these aren't exactly original thoughts.
posted by drjimmy11 at 1:44 PM on June 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


"In Europe, people fart backwards."

Curiously, this is true everywhere but France.

There was a famous French fartiste discussed here before who could fart both backwards and forwards. His name? Le Palindrome.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 1:45 PM on June 17, 2010 [22 favorites]


These are really cute and well executed. Neither the sentiments nor the art are really breaking new ground, but I did find myself surprised by a couple of the inventions. I would love them as greeting cards or something.
posted by grobstein at 1:45 PM on June 17, 2010


Nice! Thanks for sharing.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:48 PM on June 17, 2010


Ratio: So much this.

Totally...though at first I was unsure if it meant fuck in the "screw over" sense or "fuck" in a "have sex with" sense...until I remember that people who fuck anyone in the have sex with sense are some of the nicest people in the world.

Or so I've been told.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:51 PM on June 17, 2010


His name? Le Palindrome.

Short for Le Palindrome Pourri de Paris.
posted by ODiV at 1:51 PM on June 17, 2010


If people express anger because they have small dicks, then what goes on in anger management classes?
posted by Postroad at 1:52 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]



his name? le petomane
posted by kitchenrat at 1:53 PM on June 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


Probably true.
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:54 PM on June 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


Most of these are great, but #15 really drags everything down. It exerts a derivative-work field so strong that it actually sucks all the originality out of the six or seven surrounding entries.
posted by gurple at 1:58 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


explain?
posted by grobstein at 1:59 PM on June 17, 2010


I traf in your general direction.
posted by Not Supplied at 2:01 PM on June 17, 2010


gurple: For me it's the damn comma that ruins that one.
posted by ODiV at 2:07 PM on June 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


I think that's good general advice. I like the art style too. It's the kind of thing that, as a teenager, everyone tells you but doesn't really stick until you make some terrible mistake.
posted by codacorolla at 2:10 PM on June 17, 2010


If people express anger because they have small dicks, then what goes on in anger management classes?

Who do you think writes all that spam?
posted by Pope Guilty at 2:11 PM on June 17, 2010


Most of these are great, but #15 really drags everything down. It exerts a derivative-work field so strong that it actually sucks all the originality out of the six or seven surrounding entries.
posted by gurple at 4:58 PM on June 17 [+] [!]


that was actually the one I liked best ;-)

good thing there were a bunch more
posted by toodleydoodley at 2:13 PM on June 17, 2010


I want these in a calendar.
posted by slogger at 2:13 PM on June 17, 2010


Lovely stuff. Not trying too hard. Thanks for posting.
posted by therubettes at 2:15 PM on June 17, 2010


Precious MomentsĀ® for hipsters.
posted by doctor_negative at 2:21 PM on June 17, 2010 [10 favorites]


Precious Moments for Unmotivated Hipsters
posted by umberto at 2:34 PM on June 17, 2010 [6 favorites]


Fun to combine these so they contradict each other: Being successful means spreading your anger all over the internet - respect that. Some people think it's OK to judge you because you lived in Europe for 2 weeks - ignore them.
posted by AlsoMike at 2:37 PM on June 17, 2010 [9 favorites]


A lot of these are great, but you should never try to reassure someone by saying "there's no such thing as natural talent", because it is stunningly obvious that there is in fact a shitload of natural talent out there and they'll know you're full of crap, which isn't going to make them feel a whole lot better.

What you could try telling them them is that you don't need a lot of natural talent to succeed, and that natural talent alone is as likely to make you a failure as a success.
posted by George_Spiggott at 2:45 PM on June 17, 2010


I think there's a lot of meh stuff here. Some of it's terrible advice (the 'work as slowly as possible' thing.) The illustration is nice though.

There's a printout in my office called "Watermelon," where each letter in the word starts another aphorism. But these are all poorly written. Most if it's just filler, so the author could justify using "Watermelon." There's another I've been meaning to rip down for a while which works the same way, just with the word "Smart."

You know what? There are too many styles of living our lives to have many, or any universal truisms. I really, really want to end this with a universal truism now, but I just can't.
posted by boghead at 2:51 PM on June 17, 2010


> You know what? There are too many styles of living our lives to have many, or any universal truisms. I really, really want to end this with a universal truism now, but I just can't.

That's commendable. Too often, people try to wrap up otherwise decent observations with some kind of pat truism or command summary. It's perfectly okay to not do so. Synthesis isn't always warranted.

damn!
posted by Burhanistan at 3:04 PM on June 17, 2010 [4 favorites]


Some of it's terrible advice (the 'work as slowly as possible' thing.)

See, sometimes that's not great advice, like when you're doing stuff for yourself. But when doing work for others it's decent advice...others are not going to (generally speaking) reward you in any meaningful way if you get it done quicker--and they sure as shit won't pay you more for getting it done quickly.
posted by maxwelton at 3:06 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


And, the "little dick" joke is such a lazy default.
posted by Burhanistan at 3:09 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Some of it's terrible advice (the 'work as slowly as possible' thing.)

Especially if you're freelancing at home. Whaaaah!
posted by bonobothegreat at 3:40 PM on June 17, 2010


"Anyways" is not a word.
posted by L'OM at 3:41 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Just about every one of these is wrong! This is conventional wisdom at its worst.
posted by Faze at 3:51 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


This one, although offering no answers, still concisely sums up every break up I have ever had.
posted by marmaduke_yaverland at 4:23 PM on June 17, 2010


Disney + porn messed me up. I've been waiting forever for an insatiable whore to save me.
posted by basicchannel at 4:39 PM on June 17, 2010


I'll stick with Jenny Holzer, tyvm.
posted by everichon at 4:51 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Disney + porn messed me up.

I loved Disney stuff as a little kid, grew tired of it by my late teens, came to HATE it as a young adult it, but I couldn't really put my finger on why. And then I heard this amazing song by T-Bone Burnett called "Hefner + Disney" in which he basically switched their stories. Hefner became the spinner of children's fantasies. Disney became the pornographer. And thus it all made sense.
posted by philip-random at 4:51 PM on June 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


The drawings are cute. The words are smug.
posted by Diablevert at 4:58 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


This is pretty cool and full of good humor. I completely disagree that they are 'smug' words or 'convention wisdom at its worse'. This is not the Tao. It's humor. Just not maybe humor you like.
posted by Rashomon at 5:23 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


I don't spread my anger; I concentrate it all on MeFi! =D
posted by Eideteker at 6:01 PM on June 17, 2010


What the what. I admit I had a cynical moment for some of these, but then I was like "do I really want to be that person?"
posted by Solon and Thanks at 6:38 PM on June 17, 2010


I love this page. Hope it has staying power, unlike "shit my Dad says" or "boingboing".
posted by elmaddog at 8:05 PM on June 17, 2010


Most of these are great, but #15 really drags everything down. It exerts a derivative-work field so strong that it actually sucks all the originality out of the six or seven surrounding entries.

Context.

There's even an original source for that: Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young
posted by timelord at 8:54 PM on June 17, 2010


Disney + porn messed me up. I've been waiting forever for an insatiable whore to save me.

An insatiable anthropomorphic fox whore.
posted by ODiV at 10:28 PM on June 17, 2010


I liked 15 (and 9!), but... the "don't let people judge you" (3)- WTF? Especially contrasted with the "don't be a douchebag" (7), it's pretty jarring. How are you supposed to know that you're a douchebag or useless if you ignore feedback from other people?

And the "Work as slowly as possible." Without provisions? O_o?! Is this an artifact from "European socialism" or something? Sure, maybe, if you're working for someone else, paid hourly, and you don't give a crap. "I'm going to try to put this house fire out as slowly as possible."
posted by porpoise at 11:43 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


An insatiable anthropomorphic fox whore.

Ahhh, Robin Hood.
posted by Pope Guilty at 1:24 AM on June 18, 2010


But most of these aren't exactly original thoughts.

And there's only seven different plots in literature. What's your point?
posted by mippy at 5:54 AM on June 18, 2010


"Anyways" is not a word.

Irregardless, it is often used to replace "anywho."
posted by clearly at 6:44 AM on June 18, 2010 [2 favorites]


And there's only seven different plots in literature. What's your point?

I think you mean two.
posted by 256 at 7:58 AM on June 18, 2010


"Anyways" is not a word.

What? Yes it is. Or is your dialect the One True English?
posted by 256 at 7:59 AM on June 18, 2010


"Anyways" is not a word.

What? Yes it is. Or is your dialect the One True English?


I've been told by a few Brits that only reasonably well educated Canadians speak the One True English. Speaking only for myself, I do in fact sometime say "anyways", but only after about the fourth drink.
posted by philip-random at 8:37 AM on June 18, 2010


If people express anger because they have small dicks, then what goes on in anger management classes?

Cockfighting?
posted by neuron at 8:35 PM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


Suggested:
As I grow older, I realize that what I thought were adults are just children in adults' clothing.
posted by Eideteker at 8:19 AM on June 21, 2010


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