Portrait of the Addict As a Young Man
June 18, 2010 12:24 PM   Subscribe

An excerpt from Portrait of the Addict As a Young Man: A Memoir by Bill Clegg.
posted by puny human (49 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
 
Portrait of the (white, upper middle class with unusually high social capital) addict as a young man. For once I'd like to see one of these juxtaposed with the narrative of your typical addict, who doesn't get to treat it like a colorful detour but whose life is totally ruined beyond repair. Like when they contrast OMG MISSING WHITE GIRL press/policework with the case of a minority child from a crappy neighborhood who's been endangered-missing for twice as long.

(Yes, I read the link--and other excerpts/reviews online--earlier this month.)
posted by availablelight at 12:35 PM on June 18, 2010 [7 favorites]


I suppose a certain amount of compassion is called for when considering the life of someone so addicted. But this man has the sort of life that millions of people will only ever dream about -- dining at some of the finest restaurants in the world, leading a brilliantly successful literary agency in Manhattan, jetting about in Europe. And look at him, he's an A&F model. He has 70,000 dollars to fuck away with on crack and 4-star hotel rooms, for god's sake. I just can't even begin to feel sympathy. Why do people publish things like this? Do they believe they deserve pity, or commendation for bravery? To prove that, yes, even the upper class is prey to depredations normally associated with poor folk, because they are people too after all?
posted by clockzero at 12:47 PM on June 18, 2010 [3 favorites]


who doesn't get to treat it like a colorful detour but whose life is totally ruined beyond repair.

Don't you read Ellis? When it is white people they are lost in existential angst, "they are afraid to merge." When it is black people, they're lazy addicts who would rather get high than work. When it is a writer, they're doing research for their memoir.
posted by geoff. at 12:48 PM on June 18, 2010 [4 favorites]


Warren Ellis said that?
posted by Mister_A at 12:49 PM on June 18, 2010


Also, I was reminded of "Orange is the New Black", only without the consequences/jail time.
posted by availablelight at 12:50 PM on June 18, 2010


Is this the man that gave Helen DeWitt such a hard time?
posted by Nomyte at 12:52 PM on June 18, 2010 [2 favorites]


Also, I was reminded of "Orange is the New Black", only without the consequences/jail time.

And maybe not long-term consequences: that author didn't have to worry about "Ban The Box" initiatives, but went right back to high-level white collar work after serving time for her drug felony, with added bonus of NPR interviews and book tour. To her credit, she acknowledges her luck, compared to her fellow inmates.
posted by availablelight at 12:53 PM on June 18, 2010


its kind of hilarious that he cooked his own crack... like, he probably had a upscale coke dealer and wanted to mess around with crack but didn't want to go to the hood to get it so he just cooked his own... i wonder if he used a J.A. Henckels frying pan...
posted by nathancaswell at 12:54 PM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


... i wonder if he used a J.A. Henckels frying pan...

Please. How very Brooklyn. In Manhattan, it's sous vide all the way. Takes a little longer, but there's a tenderness to the rock you just can't get any other way.
posted by gompa at 12:58 PM on June 18, 2010 [4 favorites]


sous vide, nice
posted by nathancaswell at 12:59 PM on June 18, 2010


Also, at least David Carr's memoir was a meta-narrative (reporter reports, a new twist beyond the standard lost-then-found trope).
posted by availablelight at 1:02 PM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


Jeez, people -- before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes.

Then, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.
posted by Devils Rancher at 1:10 PM on June 18, 2010 [6 favorites]


It's a false syllogism to say because it's unfair that we don't treat poor black addicts the same way as we treat privileged white addicts, that the privileged white addicts don't have anything interesting or wothwhile. By that reasoning, NO memoirs at all should be interesting or worthwhile, because they're all probably written by relatively privileged people. Anyway,
I'm sure that Clegg realizes how lucky he is to have the resources to stay off the street and (apparently) recover, and I in fact do think he deserves sympathy. Sympathy isn't a zero-sum game.
posted by yarly at 1:12 PM on June 18, 2010 [5 favorites]


before you criticize a man, walk smoke a mile vial of his shoes crack.
posted by nathancaswell at 1:13 PM on June 18, 2010


Fuck! Toke! TOKE! TOKE A VIAL. Goddamnit.
posted by nathancaswell at 1:13 PM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


I'm sure that Clegg realizes how lucky he is to have the resources to stay off the street and (apparently) recover, and I in fact do think he deserves sympathy. Sympathy isn't a zero-sum game.

Sympathy, yes. Finding his narrative fascinating, full of tension and human triumph, no. It's like reading about a guy bragging about his big game hunt victories. On a wildlife preserve. From a truck. Flanked by armed guards.
posted by availablelight at 1:16 PM on June 18, 2010 [3 favorites]


Exactly. Jesus. I'm sure being a White crack addict sucks too.
posted by chunking express at 1:17 PM on June 18, 2010


...on a high priced gap year, like every other prep school bad boy seems to do these days.
posted by availablelight at 1:18 PM on June 18, 2010


i wonder if he used a J.A. Henckels frying pan...

"I retrieve the copy of Vice that lies in front of my door in the hallway and bring it with me into the kitchen where I take two Advil, a multivitamin and a potassium tablet, washing them down with a large bottle of Trader Joe’s Natural Mountain Spring Water since the maid, an elderly Hispanic woman, forgot to turn the dishwasher on when she left yesterday and then I have to pour the grapefruit-lemon juice into a Vina wine glass I got from Fishs Eddy. I check my iPhone clock to make sure I have enough time to make crack unhurriedly. I mix the cocaine and the Trader Joe's baking soda with some water in the J.A. Henckel's frying pan and turn up my Viking rangetop ..."
posted by geoff. at 1:19 PM on June 18, 2010 [4 favorites]


I enjoyed the excerpt and will read this, as part of the it-could-be-worse addiction porn market demographic. Do I have addiction issues I should address? Yes. But reading this allows me to think "I'm fine. I'm not blowing through $70,000 on a binge."

This market is larger than might be supposed.
posted by rainbaby at 1:32 PM on June 18, 2010 [3 favorites]


Thanks for posting this. I saw the book at the library a few days ago and was wondering about it.
posted by something something at 1:34 PM on June 18, 2010


"Portrait of the (white, upper middle class with unusually high social capital) addict as a young man."

Same could be said of the immortal de Quincey. I guess you should scratch him off of your politically correct reading list too. And don't even think about reading jerry Stahl's Permament Midnight -- one of the best/funniest of the genre -- because that guy was a tv writer (alf, twin peaks, moonlighting) making 5,000 a week.
posted by puny human at 1:38 PM on June 18, 2010


But this man has the sort of life that millions of people will only ever dream about...I just can't even begin to feel sympathy. Why do people publish things like this?

This man appears to have the sort of life millions of people dream about. This man is also a crack addict. I wouldn't trade places with him.

Why does it matter why he published his book? Money? Fame? Ego? Because he feels like telling his story? Because he likes getting paid to do something he loves? It's not like Nabakov published out of altruism.

I do agree that the idea of yet another addiction memoir written by an upper middle class white person is annoying in the abstract, but I think it's hasty to slam a book based on the demographic cohort of the author. The excerpt didn't blow me away--but it could have, no matter what the author photo looked like. A great writer can make a tired story new--a man goes on a journey, a stranger comes to town, etc.
posted by sallybrown at 1:45 PM on June 18, 2010


Same could be said of the immortal de Quincey. I guess you should scratch him off of your politically correct reading list too. And don't even think about reading jerry Stahl's Permament Midnight -- one of the best/funniest of the genre -- because that guy was a tv writer (alf, twin peaks, moonlighting) making 5,000 a week.

Actually (as with David Carr, as I mentioned above), you can get away with anything as an extraordinary writer. Ordinary writer with this kind of story, where the appeal is supposed to be in the OMG details? Not so much, for me at least.
posted by availablelight at 1:46 PM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


"I retrieve the copy of Vice that lies in front of my door in the hallway and bring it with me into the kitchen where I take two Advil, a multivitamin and a potassium tablet, washing them down with a large bottle of Trader Joe’s Natural Mountain Spring Water since the maid, an elderly Hispanic woman, forgot to turn the dishwasher on when she left yesterday and then I have to pour the grapefruit-lemon juice into a Vina wine glass I got from Fishs Eddy. I check my iPhone clock to make sure I have enough time to make crack unhurriedly. I mix the cocaine and the Trader Joe's baking soda with some water in the J.A. Henckel's frying pan and turn up my Viking rangetop ..."

Starting to read like American Psycho.
posted by nathancaswell at 1:49 PM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


I would hope so.
posted by geoff. at 1:59 PM on June 18, 2010


By that reasoning, NO memoirs at all should be interesting or worthwhile, because they're all probably written by relatively privileged people.

Based on the typical internet reaction to most memoirs, I'd say that's a pretty accurate reflection of how the average person on the internet feels about memoirs.*

I don't really get the rage about this book. OK, so you're not interested in the experiences of upper-class drug addicts? That's totally valid - we all have our likes and dislikes. But it doesn't make the author a bad person for writing it.



*This reached fairly epic proportions in the popular reaction to Eat, Pray, Love. I saw so many responses from people basically saying "Oh, that's so nice she got to travel around the world. I can't do that!" Which just seemed so bizarre to me, since it wasn't a freaking self-help book! It wasn't supposed to be prescriptive!
posted by lunasol at 2:06 PM on June 18, 2010


Needs more Phil Collins.
posted by Mister_A at 2:06 PM on June 18, 2010


I read these memoirs of the addict and really, DeQuincy and his Confessions of an Opium Eater, haunts better. One of the more interesting passages, besides the one dismantling Coleridge's denial of opium use, was DeQuincy's friendship with Ann, a fifteen year old prostitute. Those passages haunt because her memory haunted him of kindness amongst the wretched. She disappeared.
posted by jadepearl at 2:07 PM on June 18, 2010


I feel a ton of sympathy for this man. His life was miserable and broken and, book deal or no, I doubt he'll ever fully get it back together. I also have empathy for the starving addict under the Manhattan bridge who will never get a second chance because he never really had a first one.

The great thing about compassion is that I don't have to choose between them.
posted by 256 at 2:10 PM on June 18, 2010 [6 favorites]


I need to ditch the drugs and the pipe. I see a bathroom and make a beeline there. It’s empty. Two stalls and three urinals. I go to a stall with the intention of flushing the bag and the pipe, but when I get in, I see the toilet has only a trickle of water and seems to be running without stop. And somewhere in the distance, a dog is barking.
posted by Ratio at 2:19 PM on June 18, 2010 [5 favorites]


Metafilter: haunts better.
posted by chavenet at 2:22 PM on June 18, 2010


For once I'd like to see one of these juxtaposed with the narrative of your typical addict, who doesn't get to treat it like a colorful detour but whose life is totally ruined beyond repair.


Depends also on what you mean by "totally ruined beyond repair". Plenty of one time high fliers out there who kicked it and are bagging groceries, taking it one day at a time. Compared to death or total physical breakdown, is that success or total ruination? Do you really want to hear their stories?

Assuming the person isn't dead, the only difference in most addict stories is the ending.
posted by IndigoJones at 2:33 PM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


Oh boy. Another drug addict who thinks drug addiction is interesting. Yaaaaawn.
posted by xmutex at 2:46 PM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


availablelight: "For once I'd like to see one of these juxtaposed with the narrative of your typical addict, who doesn't get to treat it like a colorful detour but whose life is totally ruined beyond repair. "

What makes you think that this isn't a typical addict, aside from the fact that the typical addict doesn't usually write a book about it? Problematic drug use reaches into all races and classes. The "typical addict" isn't necessarily a homeless African American man in a doorway. The majority of crack smokers are white, for example. African Americans have lower rates of substance use than whites. Neither media portrayals nor criminal justice convictions reflect the actual distribution of drug use and problematic drug use in the US.
posted by gingerbeer at 2:58 PM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


You could argue that addiction destroyed Janet Cooke's life....

(Then again, she sold the movie rights for nearly 900k, so that's a plus. On the other hand, that's before taxes and it's a one time deal, so, probably not so great.)
posted by IndigoJones at 3:14 PM on June 18, 2010


Is this the man that gave Helen DeWitt such a hard time?

Believe it or not, that gave me more sympathy for Clegg. Who actually talks about creating new paradigms of [fill in your pet genre here]? I'd be an addict, too, if I had to deal with BS like that.
posted by maxwelton at 3:25 PM on June 18, 2010 [2 favorites]


I was 100% up for this during the split second in which I misread the author as "Nick Clegg".
posted by stuck on an island at 3:37 PM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


Cliched title, cliched story, nothing new at all in this from what I can see. Yet another 12-step abstinence middle class/upper class recovery.

Btw, if you cook your own "crack," that's freebase: crack is defined as ready-made freebase for sale. When crack first made the news it used to drive me crazy because I was like, that's freebase, people had made freebase from baking soda rather than ether for decades and so the key distinction is not in the manufacturing but in the marketing. So, if you aren't buying it ready made, you're freebasing.

In order to write a fresh addiction memoir these days, you'd have to recover in a different way (or not recover), use in a different way or write about the larger issues.
posted by Maias at 4:16 PM on June 18, 2010


Please. How very Brooklyn. In Manhattan, it's sous vide all the way.

In Queens, we just use the microwave.
posted by jonmc at 4:57 PM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


Not too many people are able to experience the full-on crack-induced paranoia (yes, I've been there) and have either the recollection or the inclination or the descriptive skills to write about it in such a thorough manner. Make no mistake, he completely believed his delusions while they were occurring. I found his narrative engrossing and will be looking for his book. I hope he does explore some larger issues, because among the committed addicts, crack is very deeply entrenched and their commitment needs to be juxtaposed against the equally committed negative view that the overall society has on use of crack. Makes for a lot of drama.

Also, not everyone uses crack as compulsively as Clegg. There are plenty of users who occasionally score a rock and that's the end of it. Analogous to the horrors of alcohol addiction, with the difference being that there is no cultural support for any crack use whatsoever.

Full disclosure: I eventually stopped using crack because, at base (heh), crack is boring. Also full of nasty impurities. Other reasons too. And, like a lot of vices I had to experience for myself, I tend to snort derisively at the portrayals of crack addicts in popular media. Clegg does a service to his readers by showing them that sometimes it is people who are well liked, successful and very busy living and working in the glamor capitals of the world who get drawn in the deepest.
posted by telstar at 6:14 PM on June 18, 2010 [3 favorites]


*This reached fairly epic proportions in the popular reaction to Eat, Pray, Love. I saw so many responses from people basically saying "Oh, that's so nice she got to travel around the world. I can't do that!" Which just seemed so bizarre to me, since it wasn't a freaking self-help book! It wasn't supposed to be prescriptive!

I felt that way too. Then I got off my high horse and actually read the book and damn if I didn't get a lot out of it. It wasn't really about traveling the world, it was about making drastic and painful changes in your life and in how you dealt with people and it was interesting and honest and it made me think. It actually made me thing a lot about stuff i hadn't really thought about too much. I can't say that about too many books.
posted by fshgrl at 12:22 AM on June 19, 2010


I'm sure that Clegg realizes how lucky he is to have the resources to stay off the street

Yeah maybe. Based on the excerpts linked to, he doesn't seem to. This just read like American Psycho. Like, I know the upper class can fuck up. Do you want a medal?

Carr's work is better (at least based on what I'm reading here) because he brings the concept of journalism about the autobio to it. He actually asks other people who were there. Makes it seem a lot less narcissistic. And that's the problem with the addiction autobio. Writing a biography about yourself is automatically narcissistic. So when you write it from the perspective of leaving a lifestyle that's inherently all about yourself and nobody else, there's a much larger mountain to climb.

Doesn't feel like he addresses it.
posted by lumpenprole at 12:41 AM on June 19, 2010


Portrait of the (white, upper middle class with unusually high social capital) addict as a young man. For once I'd like to see one of these juxtaposed with the narrative of your typical addict, who doesn't get to treat it like a colorful detour but whose life is totally ruined beyond repair.

If you haven't already, I can strongly recommend (to everyone here) the quasi-autobiographical Dopefiend by Donald Goines. It's relentlessly bleak and nauseating, but does a tremendous job of telling the story from the other end of the social spectrum.
posted by Ljubljana at 7:56 AM on June 19, 2010


Not to downgrade the value of his work (Can't. Haven't read it.), but "other end of the social spectrum"?

I'm thinking ghetto or Appalachia, but the link says "Born in Detroit, Michigan, to a middle-class black family, Donald Goines was addicted to heroin at various points in his life. Goines accomplished an amazing feat by churning out 16 books in just five years."

Books which sound like his detour was the making of his literary career.

Still, on the list, and thank you for pointing it out.
posted by IndigoJones at 10:36 AM on June 19, 2010


"other end of the social spectrum"?

And to clear things up for those turning up their nose at this memoir because they think Clegg is just some Dash Snow type trustafarian having a binge 'til daddy's money runs out, that isn't correct either. His father was an airline pilot. That seems pretty middle class to me. More here -- "His meteoric rise is, of course, the stuff of New York dreams. After taking a Radcliffe Publishing Course in 1993, he took an entry-level job at the Robbins Office, which represented many writers from The New Yorker including David Remnick, and moved to New York City. “When I started, I didn’t know the difference between New York magazine and The New Yorker,” he said.

But he proved to be a natural and was soon promoted to full-fledged agent. He stayed until 2001, when he left to start a small agency at the tender age of 31 with Sarah Burnes, a friend he met through publishing circles."

here is another excerpt from The Guardian, My life on crack, which seems to be the chapter just before the one linked in the fpp.
posted by puny human at 12:13 PM on June 19, 2010


I suspect the grar in this thread is more about the adulation clegg receives for writing this, than about him writing this at all.
Anyway, I think it sounds interesting.
posted by Omnomnom at 12:34 PM on June 19, 2010


If he's a literary agent, he should know the best addiction stories are fiction. You don't have to deal with any annoying detours from the narrative on behalf of truth.
posted by Michael Pemulis at 6:25 PM on June 19, 2010


Yeah, the thing is, you can hate on Clegg for popping out of rehab and picking up where he left off (which isn't quite what happened), but to my knowledge (he's my sister's and her husband's agent, and lives across the street from me) his clients went back to him because he's just a fucking great agent. Selling book proposals is one of those jobs (like writing) at which character and honesty and even reliability aren't principally important; closing deals takes charisma and brinksmanship and a sensitivity to the shifting tastes not so much of the market but of the marketers. Clegg has these and makes handsome deals for first books without hooks as well as for established writers.
posted by nicwolff at 5:46 PM on June 20, 2010


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