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Not the bees!
June 24, 2010 4:58 PM   Subscribe

People make maps in Team Fortress 2 specifically for grinding achievements. Bleak, joyless rooms of endlessly spawning bots and resupply crates, where people don’t play the game, they game it. But in one of these, achievement_all_v4, the author’s added a surprise. A violent, horrific, hilarious surprise of biblical proportions.
posted by Artw (79 comments total) 63 users marked this as a favorite

 
I was afraid to click the link (the last time I clicked on a video labeled "horrific" on the blue I found myself wishing I had a three-minute edit window for my brain). But it is a kitteh of awesomeness! Click with abandon!
posted by jeoc at 5:03 PM on June 24, 2010


This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang or a whimper but a yowl. And laser beams.
posted by Artw at 5:06 PM on June 24, 2010 [8 favorites]


That's how I'd like to go out.
posted by The Card Cheat at 5:06 PM on June 24, 2010 [10 favorites]


there are no words
posted by eyeballkid at 5:06 PM on June 24, 2010


and then THE BEES
posted by Ron Thanagar at 5:08 PM on June 24, 2010 [6 favorites]


Beads?
posted by griphus at 5:09 PM on June 24, 2010 [17 favorites]


and then THE BEES

Weird seeing those in a Half Life dervived game without someone saying "WTF you n00b - SPAM CANNON!"
posted by Artw at 5:10 PM on June 24, 2010


Not the bees!
posted by mhum at 5:11 PM on June 24, 2010 [1 favorite]


I was thinking, yeah, that's pretty clever.

And then there were bees.

A+
posted by lekvar at 5:12 PM on June 24, 2010 [1 favorite]


So it's a cat with frikken laser beams that shout out of its head? And then it opens its mouth and bees fly out?

Internet memes + Dr. Evil + Simpsons + video game = the awesome.
posted by never used baby shoes at 5:13 PM on June 24, 2010 [1 favorite]


that should be shoot out, obviously.
posted by never used baby shoes at 5:14 PM on June 24, 2010


My cat is just sitting here, watching the video, wide-eyed and purring.

Wait a second. I don't have a cat!
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 5:18 PM on June 24, 2010 [29 favorites]


Yes.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 5:18 PM on June 24, 2010 [5 favorites]


Game over, apparently.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:19 PM on June 24, 2010


Holy good sweet lord that is wonderful.
posted by haveanicesummer at 5:24 PM on June 24, 2010


That was great. I'm glad you posted this.
posted by 517 at 5:25 PM on June 24, 2010


That was catastroph....no wait that was cataclysm...no wait CATTACK....no wait CATARACT LAZERS...no wait...I CAN HAS BIZE...no wait...*whoomp*
posted by jimmythefish at 5:25 PM on June 24, 2010 [2 favorites]


It's hilarious how much those those screenshots look like something that's been hastily 'shopped together.
posted by juv3nal at 5:27 PM on June 24, 2010


Can we implement something along these lines for "has favourites"?
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 5:29 PM on June 24, 2010


Meeeeddddiiiiccccccccc!
posted by kid ichorous at 5:29 PM on June 24, 2010 [1 favorite]


Triggering kittygeddon should be harder and be an achievement unto itself.
posted by infinitewindow at 5:32 PM on June 24, 2010


BEES!
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 5:33 PM on June 24, 2010


What was that Half Life single player level where you could whack a button and kill everybody that didn't manage to get to the bunker in time? I always liked that one.
posted by Artw at 5:34 PM on June 24, 2010


Ceiling cat suddenly became much more terrifying, heh.


Look out! BEHIND Y...
posted by pedmands at 5:41 PM on June 24, 2010 [1 favorite]


This is the best thing I've seen all week! Thank you. I just peed myself a teeny bit from laughing so hard!
posted by white_devil at 5:41 PM on June 24, 2010


Can Mac users please play soon? please?


please?
posted by tuck_nroll at 5:49 PM on June 24, 2010


If World of Warcraft doesn't immediately put a laser shooting cat in every zone, I'm canceling my subscription.

Which would be a fine idea, come to think of it.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:49 PM on June 24, 2010


wow. just ... wow.
posted by rmd1023 at 5:50 PM on June 24, 2010


Purr-fection.
posted by ovvl at 5:51 PM on June 24, 2010


I now have a new profile pic. Thank you our laser beam eyed, bee spewing, cat overlord!
posted by white_devil at 5:56 PM on June 24, 2010


Can Mac users please play soon? please?

Well, as a matter of fact...
posted by stresstwig at 5:57 PM on June 24, 2010


Wait a minute, so you say it's the cats who meow and shoot bees out of their mouths? My world has turned upside down.
posted by rhizome at 5:58 PM on June 24, 2010


This is the best thing ever.
posted by naju at 5:58 PM on June 24, 2010


Kitty is unkillable. There's a video of a someone using the Valve Rocket Launcher (a developer-only item that does incredible damage) on teh kitteh.
posted by zippy at 6:02 PM on June 24, 2010


I was playing a while ago and trying to get one of the medic achievement so I was playing a little weird (ie. trying to kill a lot, while healing, or something like that). Some kid (he sounded quite young) asks why I was doing that and when I told him I was trying to earn an achievement he tells me to go to one of those grinding servers. He starts to berate me for being so stupid and not grinding it out for the bonus weapon. When I say I actually want to earn it he literally does not understand no matter how many times I try to explain it to him.

face palm.
posted by Midnight Rambler at 6:03 PM on June 24, 2010 [16 favorites]


Just to warn you all, this will be occuring randonly at meetups from now on.
posted by Artw at 6:04 PM on June 24, 2010 [13 favorites]


What the heck do achievements get you anyhow?
posted by floam at 6:05 PM on June 24, 2010


Can Mac users please play soon?

Yes, but only if you're on OS X 10.6.3. The most recent OS X update, 10.6.4, has serious video issues with TF2 on some computers that results in TF2 glitching, stuttering, and occasionally locking up even on the lowest resolution and wimpiest graphics settings. Something to do with newly broken nVidia drivers from Apple.

posted by zippy at 6:07 PM on June 24, 2010


What the heck do achievements get you anyhow?

Better weapons and rare hats.

Metafilter: better ...
posted by zippy at 6:08 PM on June 24, 2010


I can't believe the epicness of Monster Hunter monsters in Metal Gear Solid Peace Walker has been superseded so quickly. This is brilliant.
posted by Quantum's Deadly Fist at 6:09 PM on June 24, 2010


This is the opposite of my cat.

My cat eats bugs, and he chases the laser pointer.

I call bullshit.
posted by jabberjaw at 6:12 PM on June 24, 2010 [7 favorites]


my sides hurt so much from laughing. i cant stop.
posted by Heliochrome85 at 6:16 PM on June 24, 2010


That's not ceiling cat. That cat isn't coming out of the ceiling, it's coming up from the floor. You know what's under the floor, don't you? You know what cat lives there, right?
posted by localroger at 6:20 PM on June 24, 2010 [2 favorites]


A CHALLENGER APPEARS.
posted by subbes at 6:26 PM on June 24, 2010 [1 favorite]


They stab with their steely knives rocket launchers, but they just can't kill the beast.
posted by SPrintF at 6:30 PM on June 24, 2010


stab it, rather.
posted by SPrintF at 6:31 PM on June 24, 2010


When I say I actually want to earn it he literally does not understand no matter how many times I try to explain it to him.

I'm with you on this, although I can see the motivation. There's a purpose to the achievements beyond beyond the challenge itself. I haven't picked up TF2 in a while, but last time I did there were a lot of new gadgets flying around, and considering how well (in my cannon fodder opinion) the classes were balanced in the original release, I'm betting the new weapons are at the very least potentially useful. It's not like the people who used to endlessly SCV rush in Starcraft to drive up their rank, which only meant something if they actually earned it.


And I guess I can see the frustration, especially if you're really close to that next level. If I remember correctly, a lot of those TF2 achievements were specific and original, which is good. Not a lot of "You started a new game!" or "It's Tuesday!" trophies. But those qualities also made them really fucking tough, and basically impossible to get accidentally.

The Spy Who Axed Me: From Pyro With Glove- As a pyro, kill ten enemy spies with an axe who are disguised as pyros and have been punched by a Heavy within the last ten seconds.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 6:33 PM on June 24, 2010 [3 favorites]


Best new kitty video in a long time! Hilarious.
posted by Xoebe at 6:39 PM on June 24, 2010


Stuff like this makes me wish I was still a gamer.

And the reason for stuff like this is why I'm not.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 6:41 PM on June 24, 2010 [5 favorites]


And to think that Roger Ebert would say this isn't art.
posted by OolooKitty at 6:52 PM on June 24, 2010 [36 favorites]


Pretty sure this was an installation at Burning Man 2009.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 7:09 PM on June 24, 2010 [1 favorite]


Can we somehow combine this with this?
posted by davejay at 7:10 PM on June 24, 2010


Thanks for the heads up on the mac version of TF2 stresstwig. Looks like I'm in the clear with my OS version as well.

welp. Looks like I'm outta here for the night.
posted by tuck_nroll at 7:28 PM on June 24, 2010


Internet touchdown!
posted by chairface at 8:21 PM on June 24, 2010


It reminds me of some of the big bastard creatures that pop up in the Serious Sam games. Only, you have to then kill them. With a cannon (yes, like a pirate ship cannon. Handheld. No, I'm not joking).
posted by Nice Guy Mike at 8:30 PM on June 24, 2010 [1 favorite]


whoa. catnarok.
posted by zarq at 8:31 PM on June 24, 2010


Dwarf Fortress, it ain't.
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:35 PM on June 24, 2010


Dwarf Fortress, it ain't.

Clearly you've never mined down past the demons. Nothin' but cats from layer 90 down.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 9:05 PM on June 24, 2010 [2 favorites]


Let me just say how happy I am to live in a universe where any mention of bees will instantly result in a Gob Bluth quote and Nicolas Cage screaming.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:25 PM on June 24, 2010


O brave new world etc.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 10:01 PM on June 24, 2010


The video begins sort of abruptly. It is, in fact, footage of what happened shortly after this.
posted by Anything at 10:27 PM on June 24, 2010


This is what cats see when they dream.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 10:44 PM on June 24, 2010 [4 favorites]


Dr Ray Stantz: I tried to think of the most harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never ever possibly destroy us.
posted by The Whelk at 11:21 PM on June 24, 2010 [9 favorites]


This is a thing of beauty.
posted by homunculus at 11:26 PM on June 24, 2010


Ground Cat is displeased with you and staring with its laser eyes.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 12:59 AM on June 25, 2010


Dr. Peter Venkman: This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Mayor: What do you mean, "biblical"?
Dr Ray Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath of God type stuff.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Exactly.
Dr Ray Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!
Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes...
Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!
posted by pyrex at 2:12 AM on June 25, 2010 [4 favorites]


I played this map tonight, and it's a nice balance of frustrating and silly. I especially like the spring-loaded cats at each point where the wall projects out. I'd take the shortest path and MEEORWWW! Darn it. And then I'd forget and do it again.

The map also has a feature where you start out blind, and I think you have to catch on fire or be healed by a medic to see again.
posted by zippy at 3:21 AM on June 25, 2010


Heh, I was going to post this and didn't think it was general interest enough for metafilter.

I also thought that metafilter would uncontroversially like a humorous story about making a lost poster for a missing cat.

I think metafilter and I are growing apart.
posted by empath at 5:13 AM on June 25, 2010


He starts to berate me for being so stupid and not grinding it out for the bonus weapon.

Was it a competitive server and was your team losing? There's a 'right' way to play medic in serious-business TF2 and I can see getting annoyed if someone was playing badly just to get an achievement when you're trying to win.
posted by empath at 5:16 AM on June 25, 2010


Possibly related video: real life bionic cat.
posted by jabberjaw at 10:39 AM on June 25, 2010


Favorite thing I've seen this week. <3
posted by citywolf at 12:02 PM on June 25, 2010


"That's a big kitty."
posted by phaedon at 12:09 PM on June 25, 2010


Beads?

Gob's not on board.
posted by neuromodulator at 1:02 PM on June 25, 2010 [1 favorite]


Best thing all day.
posted by stoneweaver at 1:28 PM on June 25, 2010


As a youtuber commented...turning on the vuvuzelas 57 seconds in = win!
posted by samsara at 6:55 PM on June 25, 2010


This forced me to re-install TF2 -- it's such a great map! And my gods, they added a bunch of bells and whistles to what was already a fun game. 800 achievments, random cosmetics (top hats and bunny ears), and specialized weapons?! GG, GG indeed.

p.s. where is the mefight club 0/24 :(
posted by cavalier at 7:06 PM on June 26, 2010


Was it a competitive server and was your team losing? There's a 'right' way to play medic in serious-business TF2 and I can see getting annoyed if someone was playing badly just to get an achievement when you're trying to win.

Yeah, this is why playing video games online isn't really that fun. Since when are video game supposed to be a chore?
posted by jabberjaw at 10:52 AM on July 5, 2010


It's only a chore if you don't like playing competitively. Some people bowl in leagues, some people just like to drink beers and play duckpins.

Imagine if your were playing a baseball game and one of the players was trying to steal constantly just to up his stolen base stats without any concern for the game situation.

If you're playing a game called TEAM Fortress, you should probably assume that teamwork is important.

If you want to fuck around, find players that play casually. Otherwise, you're probably gonna just annoy your teammates.
posted by empath at 11:40 AM on July 5, 2010


Why Team Fortress 2 needs a /dance command
posted by homunculus at 7:45 PM on July 8, 2010


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