Join 3,512 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)


"This sure is a fat weeny doggy"
June 25, 2010 12:43 PM   Subscribe

Fat dogs, with educational captions.
posted by Greg Nog (65 comments total) 9 users marked this as a favorite

 
This made me sad.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 12:46 PM on June 25, 2010


There's something really unnerving about those captions. I can't put my finger on it.
posted by brundlefly at 12:47 PM on June 25, 2010


It's because those captions sound like they were written by a very excited dog.
posted by exhilaration at 12:48 PM on June 25, 2010 [20 favorites]


No party hats?
posted by bondcliff at 12:50 PM on June 25, 2010 [2 favorites]


There's a sort of cloying, repetitive sincerity to the captions that causes me to suspect exhilaration is right.
posted by a small part of the world at 12:50 PM on June 25, 2010


This site needs to lose about 50% of its captions.
posted by barrett caulk at 12:51 PM on June 25, 2010 [11 favorites]


You tryin' to tell us somethin', Greg?








*Hugs her mutt, who is not fat.*
posted by functionequalsform at 12:52 PM on June 25, 2010 [1 favorite]


There's a sort of cloying, repetitive sincerity to the captions

It definitely reminds me of Dug from Up. Just looking at things and immediately talking. It's sort of hypnotizing.
posted by Greg Nog at 12:52 PM on June 25, 2010 [1 favorite]


There's something really unnerving about those captions

It read to me like the results of Dr. Doolittle's Rorschach test on a Labrador, except he displayed these pictures instead of ink blots and asked the Lab to limit his comments to each dog's fatness.
posted by sallybrown at 12:54 PM on June 25, 2010 [2 favorites]


Those captions are so awful that they're AWESEOM!!1!
posted by slogger at 12:56 PM on June 25, 2010


From the about page:

My name is Eirene Gonzalez and I like dogs.

Three of my best friends go to my school. I am 7 years old and I go to 2nd grade in Austin, TX.

I am making this blog as a project to make $30 a month for 6 months. When I do that, my dad will let me get a dog.
posted by punchtothehead at 12:56 PM on June 25, 2010 [7 favorites]


I am making this blog as a project to make $30 a month for 6 months. When I do that, my dad will let me get a dog.

That's a great way to make a kid take responsibility, but how will a blog make $30 a month?
posted by shinybaum at 12:57 PM on June 25, 2010


Man. I have a chubby cat so I probably shouldn't talk, but those dogs break my heart.
posted by something something at 12:58 PM on June 25, 2010


This post needs to lose about 50% of it's captions.
posted by parallax7d at 1:00 PM on June 25, 2010


That's a great way to make a kid take responsibility, but how will a blog make $30 a month?

Fat dogs meet Rule 34. I'm glad it got linked before the Wegman-style glamour shots went up.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 1:00 PM on June 25, 2010


It breaks my heart to see those pictures. Glad my dog isn't like that.
posted by jdfan at 1:02 PM on June 25, 2010


I want a fat bulldog. That is all.
posted by fermezporte at 1:02 PM on June 25, 2010


I kind of just want to send the kid $180 and be done with it. Puppy extortion hurts everyone.
posted by elizardbits at 1:02 PM on June 25, 2010 [1 favorite]


this is the most discracfull thing ive ever seen
posted by Avenger at 1:02 PM on June 25, 2010 [9 favorites]


This site needs to lose about 50% of its captions.
and
This post needs to lose about 50% of it's captions.

This thread needs to lose about 50% of the comments suggesting that this FPP needs to lose about 50% of its captions.
posted by davejay at 1:07 PM on June 25, 2010 [8 favorites]


That's a great way to make a kid take responsibility, but how will a blog make $30 a month?

Look at this fucking book deal.
posted by Ufez Jones at 1:07 PM on June 25, 2010 [3 favorites]


Time to introduce the "yo dawg so fat" jokes?
posted by Iosephus at 1:09 PM on June 25, 2010


I was hoping for more like:

FATMOUSE TAKES UMBRAGE AT THE SIGHT OF YOUR SMALL TORSO AND WEAK FLACCID LIMBS. FATMOUSE DOES NOT SWIM. SWIMMING DESTROYS PRECIOUS CALORIES. LIFE IS NOT IMPORTANT. ONLY CALORIES ARE IMPORTANT.
posted by adipocere at 1:14 PM on June 25, 2010 [3 favorites]


DOGS ARE THE COOLEST!! indeed.
posted by Put the kettle on at 1:17 PM on June 25, 2010


I think fat dogs seem so funny because no matter how fat their bodies get, their heads seem to stay the exact same size.
posted by mannequito at 1:24 PM on June 25, 2010 [3 favorites]


The captions, they do nothing!
posted by tommasz at 1:25 PM on June 25, 2010


IANAParent, but is this a joke you'd tell a 7 year old?

#5 Two Scottish nuns

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs."

"That’s odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one.

The vendor is pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil, and hands them over the counter. Excitedly, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to un-wrap their ‘dogs’.

The mother superior begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part… did you get…?"

posted by desjardins at 1:25 PM on June 25, 2010 [5 favorites]


I am making this blog as a project to make $30 a month for 6 months. When I do that, my dad will let me get a dog.

She's not getting any dog. I just know it.

I HATE YOU, HER DAD!
posted by orme at 1:27 PM on June 25, 2010 [1 favorite]


I have to say, I'd pay $30 for the publishing rights for 3 months of these blog posts. People love to buy books based on blogs they can read online for free, right?
posted by mccarty.tim at 1:29 PM on June 25, 2010


This dog looks surprised… “How did I get so fat!?”

I hear you fat dog.
posted by ND¢ at 1:32 PM on June 25, 2010 [1 favorite]


Your dog is so fat he can fetch by just rolling over.
posted by Babblesort at 1:42 PM on June 25, 2010 [5 favorites]


And my vet gives me a hard time because one of my senior Portuguese Water Dogs, who has always been on the sedentary side, is usually five to 10 pounds overweight. The dogs on that site are the Wal-Mart mobility scooter riders of the canine world, though.

There are certain breeds that seem to have bottomless stomachs, though. I've never known a Lab that will isn't food-crazed.
posted by elmwood at 1:45 PM on June 25, 2010


Remember that time we all told Yoda's momma jokes?
posted by ND¢ at 1:45 PM on June 25, 2010 [2 favorites]


Weird, I didn't even see most of the captions because I was horror-struck looking at those poor dogs, my eyes just kept flicking from picture to picture with no pause to even recognize that there was text present.

Then I had to close the tab because I didn't want to think about it anymore.

There comes a point where a fat dog stops being cute, stops being funny, and even stops being cautionary, and moves into "seriously, you're killing this animal" territory.

That rat terrier captioned "This dog is cute but it needs to lose some weight!" comes to mind.
posted by quin at 1:49 PM on June 25, 2010 [5 favorites]


As horrified as I am about their obesity, I admit I laughed my ass off at most of the photos.
posted by The ____ of Justice at 1:52 PM on June 25, 2010


IANAParent, but is this a joke you'd tell a 7 year old?
posted by desjardins at 3:25 PM on June 25


I am not a parent, but yes.
posted by fiercecupcake at 1:59 PM on June 25, 2010


I would like to see a fat greyhound or whippet.
posted by cazoo at 2:05 PM on June 25, 2010


I've never known a Lab that will isn't food-crazed.

You'll have to meet mine, who is a fussier eater than my cats. He refuses to eat anything other than one brand of food, largely shuns all dog treats and table scraps. He's whippet thin and I'm forever trying to tempt him with treats to get some meat on him but usually fail, like the time I gave him a peeled hard-boiled egg in the morning only to discover at 6 pm he still had the whole egg, unmarked, in his mouth.
posted by jamaro at 2:06 PM on June 25, 2010 [3 favorites]


IANAParent, but is this a joke you'd tell a 7 year old?
posted by desjardins at 3:25 PM on June 25

I am not a parent, but yes.


Agreed. This is a really low-level sex joke, that has nothing to do with function and just riffs on privacy / embarrassment stuff that little kids are already socialized into.
posted by grobstein at 2:14 PM on June 25, 2010


I could imagine Phillipe from Achewood writing a lot of those captions, but then apologizing at the end.
posted by redsparkler at 2:22 PM on June 25, 2010 [3 favorites]


Liebot, what's the saddest thing?

The saddest thing is when owner feed dog to be nice to creature, for creature gets much comforts from satisfaction of chewing and swallowing. But then owner goes too far- animal beg for treat with such consistency that it pull the heartstring to not feed it. One day owner asleep while smoking a cigarette, and the ash fall to cheap thrift store recliner, lighting it like bonfire on night of equinox. The dog by this poit is to the fatness that it can but lazilly bark and huff as it struggles to drag its master out the door, but it cannot. It cannot even drag itself out the door
posted by codacorolla at 2:32 PM on June 25, 2010 [10 favorites]


You mixed up Liebot and Vlad, codocorolla!
posted by mr_roboto at 2:48 PM on June 25, 2010


Vlad's the one with the accent.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 2:54 PM on June 25, 2010 [1 favorite]


Sorry, codacorolla. I had to take away the favorite i gave you because you mixed up the actors from that comic and I didn't want to not be fair to people who have the actors not mixed up. It's not your fault I mix things up all the time but we shouldn't reward mix ups too much. Maybe i can give everyone else a favorite and then come back and give you that favorite again. See you tomorrow! XO
posted by orme at 3:06 PM on June 25, 2010 [3 favorites]


Apocraphylally, my great-uncle always had a weiner dog. The dog's name was Pete if he was a boy and Gretchen if she was a girl. There was only ever one dog at a time, but many, many individual Petes and Gretchens. Pete (or Gretchen) was fed table scraps and inevitably became so fat that his (or her) tiny legs could barely carry it and it sort of waddled/rolled across the floor.

Man, just thinking about that as a kid was enough to send me into hysterics. Said great-uncle passed away when I was very young and I never met any Petes or Gretchens, but still - FAT WEINER DOGS. ROLLING ON THE FLOOR.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 3:38 PM on June 25, 2010 [3 favorites]


Gonna go out on a limb and suggest that maybe this web site isn't fully sincere about who it is made by!
posted by DoctorFedora at 3:39 PM on June 25, 2010 [2 favorites]


Your dog's so fat, that I got depressed and didn't want to crack dumb jokes for the rest of the day.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:18 PM on June 25, 2010


posted by exhilaration It's because those captions sound like they were written by a very excited dog.

On the Internet, no one knows you're a fat dog.
posted by mattdidthat at 4:27 PM on June 25, 2010


Boxers should not be fat.
posted by everichon at 4:33 PM on June 25, 2010 [1 favorite]


Also paging languagefat amirite
posted by everichon at 4:33 PM on June 25, 2010 [1 favorite]


Cats are way cuter when they're fat. I won't even bother linking, as tabloids freak out whenever someone finds a huge cat. Although to be fair, there's nothing cute about making an animal so fat it dies young.
posted by mccarty.tim at 4:56 PM on June 25, 2010


Wow...my buddy had a Lab-terrier mix, Dexter, who was a little pudgy, and when he went overseas, he left Dexter with a family friend. She fed Dexter with no restraint, and in the end he died of it.

He never got as big as those dogs, though.
posted by Jimmy Havok at 5:13 PM on June 25, 2010


I'm pretty sure a few of those dogs are full of puppies.

And I'm pretty sure a few of those dogs are full of puppies because puppies are delicious.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:34 PM on June 25, 2010 [12 favorites]


I bet 100% of those dogs are surgically altered.
posted by Malice at 6:23 PM on June 25, 2010


I feel rather conflicted finding these dogs cute, because it is sad that they are so overweight and unhealthy. But, I love dogs so much, I just can't help wanting to give those chubbies a hug and rub their big bellies then take them for a brisk walk around the block to help them burn some calories.
posted by Saxon Kane at 6:50 PM on June 25, 2010


I'm depressed by people becoming depressed by looking at pictures of fat dogs on the internet.

I wonder how many people become reflexively depressed whenever I walk past, and wonder why my husband feeds me so much?
posted by Ouisch at 8:12 PM on June 25, 2010 [1 favorite]


a lot of those dogs looked really unhappy.
posted by liza at 8:54 PM on June 25, 2010


On the other hand, a lot of those dogs looked really happy.
posted by davejay at 9:32 PM on June 25, 2010


As the uh partner (owner? cohabitant?) of two erm zaftig kitties I find this awfully insensitive. Long-ass MeTa rife with autoflagellation will ensue, I assure you.
posted by everichon at 9:58 PM on June 25, 2010


my dog almost had to be put down for being fat :| He tore his two hind tendons, and we weren't sure at first if we could afford to have them fixed to give him a decent quality of life. (we ended up getting surgery on one, and he seems to be doing fine) His weight is still an issue. It's kinda amusing; the vet diagnosed him with the same thyroid problem my aunt has xD

There is a mildly horrifying but intensely hilarious story about Mussie "butt-trundling" through the snow when he couldn't figure out what door we were at to ask back in.
posted by rubah at 10:12 PM on June 25, 2010


I always wonder about these weird little posts that don't seem to fit in on the blue, but after read the comments, and the stories that people have about pets, for me the post is totally redeemed. I love the stories that people share about anything and everything. And of course, the (weird, internet-y) humor.

Anyway. The pictures make me sad, though some of the captions made me laugh with their obviousness. "Fat dog hanging out on the beach." And the family picture on the about page is cute. I went to the actual blog itself and really like the coffee mug with a pooping dog, haha.
posted by one teak forest at 10:51 PM on June 25, 2010


I had Maltese Dogs and you could not overfeed them unless you used a funnel and shoved it down their throats. When they got fed, they would often take the dry food nuggets in their mouth and then leave them on the floor next to the bowl. If you offered them a scrap of meat they would sniff it for a long time before deciding whether or not to eat it; chicken, roast beef, hamburger, it didn't matter. They never showed any enthusiasm for food.

Now I have a bulldog (1/4 boxer) who is an eating machine-- anything, anytime, anywhere. We do have to watch her weight and recently she lost that extra 5 lbs but I hate not being able to give her treats; she does take such pleasure in eating. I've told this story on MetaFilter before but it's pretty appropos:

When she was about 5 months old we left her and the old Basset Hound home alone for a few hours. When I got back, I filled their food bowls and called them for lunch. Fanny, the puppy, came into the kitchen but not with her usual speed and alacrity. She didn't immediately snork up all the foodl, but she did start eating. The Basset Hound didn't respond at all, just laid there in the living room. Perplexed, I called to my husband, "Honey, I think Otis is going deaf."

We both checked on the Basset Hound but he seemed to be fine, just lethargic which we attributed to the summer heat. However, a short time later I went into the pantry for something and discovered that the new, unopened 50 lb bag of dog food had a gaping hole in the side and a enormous depression where the two dogs must have happily grazed at will. I checked Fanny, who by now had finished her lunch, and sure enough-- her stomach was grossly distended. She had eaten until she was beyond full, then came when I called her for lunch to eat some more. We withheld food for two days and the two of them laid around, drunk on food, farting to beat the band.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:59 AM on June 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


It's part of a fictional story arc where Liebot and Vlad had their processing chips crossed in an electrical jolt caused by the juicer on Pat's new eco-friendly freegan dumpster repurposing juice bar.
posted by codacorolla at 7:39 AM on June 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


A story in the Toronto Star this weekend alerted me to a weight-loss group for dogs call Woof Watchers. I couldn't believe that a dog would need a weight-loss group until I read that some owners were feeding their dogs Coca-Cola. Coke. TO YOUR DOG.

Now I will believe pretty much anything.
posted by kate blank at 12:19 PM on June 26, 2010


They remind me of this dogloaf.
posted by TochterAusElysium at 7:56 PM on June 26, 2010


« Older Nichibunken Databases...  |  Cheats may or may not prosper,... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments