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One Whole Roasted Chicken for Steve to use as a puppet...
June 26, 2010 9:27 PM   Subscribe

Steve Martin's Tour Rider Leaked!
posted by dobbs (78 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite

 
This is exactly what I expected from Steve Martin-writing-his-own-fake-rider. Meh.
posted by disillusioned at 9:39 PM on June 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


This is exactly what I expected from Steve Martin-writing-his-own-fake-rider. Meh.
posted by disillusioned at 12:39 AM on June 27 [+] [!]


A: eponysterical? Or am I beating a dead meme?

B: That was my reaction, too.
posted by not that girl at 9:43 PM on June 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


A: eponysterical? Or am I beating a dead meme?

Nope, but your mixer for your metaphor is flat.
posted by Back to you, Jim. at 9:46 PM on June 26, 2010 [3 favorites]


Wow that's tiny print. If only I knew how to use my computer to make the words bigger, then I could laugh and smile too.
posted by nola at 9:48 PM on June 26, 2010


Well, he does say right at the top, "Cutting edge of technology and boredeom." So as advertised.

although generally I am a fan
posted by davejay at 9:52 PM on June 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


nola: Ctrl+[plus sign]

I liked the broken spotlight thing. I thought, "oh, this could be funny!" But yeah...meh. Too bad.
posted by phunniemee at 9:56 PM on June 26, 2010


I enjoyed. Though I persist that Zepplin's famous "brown M&M" clause was for a good purpose. The things the show required were potentially very dangerous and the rider was long and complicated. Checking the M&M's bowl in the dressing room was the easy way for them to see if the rest of the rider had been carried through, which would have been very difficult and time-consuming to check up on otherwise.
posted by Navelgazer at 10:00 PM on June 26, 2010 [13 favorites]


This is exactly what I expected from Steve Martin-writing-his-own-fake-rider.

Okay, sure, everything he writes these days is essentially the same. But you know what? So is every Little Richard song. So is every sip of cold water on a hot day.

You know what you're getting when you read a Steve Martin piece, and I love him for it. (Though I wish he'd given up on movies about thirty years ago.)
posted by decagon at 10:01 PM on June 26, 2010 [8 favorites]


I liked the assortment of trophies.
posted by frenetic at 10:03 PM on June 26, 2010


I can't look at his face since he got that weird eyelift surgery.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:04 PM on June 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Zepplin's famous "brown M&M" clause

Van Halen's
posted by msbrauer at 10:06 PM on June 26, 2010 [8 favorites]


This is funnier than any movie he's made since 1988. And that ain't saying much.
posted by total warfare frown at 10:07 PM on June 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


It wasn't zepplin it was Van Halen.

And if this is a reference to that it's only 30 years too late.
posted by djduckie at 10:07 PM on June 26, 2010


phunniemee, you get a gold star for helping an old man across the street today.
posted by nola at 10:08 PM on June 26, 2010


"to ensure Steve has dogs to pet if Wally, Steve's dog, is busy"

You know he only wrote that because Wally wanted to see his name on the site.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 10:11 PM on June 26, 2010


Steve's tour is coming to my town. While I understand that he is quite serious about the banjo playing, I would like a rider on my ticket requiring that his performance include a minimum of seven jokes, one anecdote about Saturday Night Live when it was good, and a bluegrass interpretation of "King Tut".
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:28 PM on June 26, 2010 [4 favorites]


This is funny, but not funny in a "HEY EVERYONE, look what Steve Martin just posted!" sense. It's low-key funny. There is still room for that kind of funny in the world.
posted by JHarris at 10:37 PM on June 26, 2010 [10 favorites]


Aw, I like it, in an "I sure am glad Steve Martin is still in the world being Steve Martin, because he almost always makes me snort a little" sort of way.

My best friend's 8-year-old son has recently discovered Steve Martin for himself -- he was shocked by the fact that his mom and I were both alive and cool enough to have watched him perform "King Tut" on SNL when it was originally broadcast -- so I think I will pass this on to him, as it will pretty much make me a hero around their house.
posted by scody at 10:56 PM on June 26, 2010 [8 favorites]


I enjoyed the "thoughtful assortment of meads and bendy straws." This whole thing made me smile. I don't think that's a bad thing.
posted by gc at 11:13 PM on June 26, 2010


Bluegrass King Tut guaranteed.
posted by Pants! at 11:19 PM on June 26, 2010


Though I wish he'd given up on movies about thirty years ago.

I really enjoyed LA Story. Did I miss the memo that this sucked?
posted by cj_ at 11:35 PM on June 26, 2010


"soft cushions for yelling into."

Ha! Worth it for that.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 11:46 PM on June 26, 2010 [1 favorite]


Pretty weak. Sounds like some PR firm imitating him.


ObMartin: Never understood why "Dead Men Don 't Wear Plaid" never got more respect. Hysterical stuff. Granted, me and Steve Martin's mom are probably the only ones who enjoyed "Pennies From Heaven".
posted by RavinDave at 1:15 AM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Oh, and "The Lonely Guy" is another gem everyone has inexplicably forgotten.

"Although you're sad, remember that...
Now G-d is petting your pussycat. "

posted by RavinDave at 1:21 AM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


O pointy birds, pointy, pointy.
Annoint my head. Anointy-nointy.
posted by JHarris at 2:00 AM on June 27, 2010 [8 favorites]


I love Steve, but this was pretty uninspired, I thought.

One thing you can say about Woody Allen, his short stories were truly funny (I say "were" because I think they were all published 30 or more years ago, eh?).
posted by maxwelton at 2:36 AM on June 27, 2010


C'mon, Steve 1, Bluegrass 0 is hilarious.
posted by Joey Michaels at 2:44 AM on June 27, 2010


A mlld and lazy guy.
posted by hal9k at 3:09 AM on June 27, 2010 [5 favorites]


Okay, so we've heard about Steve Martin and Woody Allen. Who'll be the first to chime in about Steve Allen?
posted by JHarris at 3:33 AM on June 27, 2010


This guy seems pretty funny.
posted by umberto at 4:04 AM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


This guy seems pretty funny.

That is absolutely frightening.
posted by notreally at 5:05 AM on June 27, 2010


Iggy Pop's rider is the funniest eva.
posted by hoskala at 5:17 AM on June 27, 2010 [6 favorites]


I don't believe Steve Martin's attention span is long enough to generate more than a page of this kind of drivel, let alone two. I doubt that he wrote this.
posted by birdwatcher at 5:22 AM on June 27, 2010


I always hate liking something when MetaFilter has decided it's old and broken.
posted by Michael Roberts at 5:24 AM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


If this were coming from Steven Colbert, I somehow think I'd find it funnier than it is. But I'm curious if Steve actually plays World of Warcraft now.
posted by crunchland at 5:27 AM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


This young lady had eye problems but also 'Turrets' syndrome. The Lord performed a 'right now' miracle on this dear soul who was at our 35th Anniversary Service!

Oh, my. I really have no idea where to go with that one.
posted by DNye at 5:39 AM on June 27, 2010


(Though I wish he'd given up on movies about thirty years ago.)

You shut your blaspheming mouth. Parenthood? That movie whose name I can't remember where he's a suicide counsellor with a truly stunning ensemble cast? Leap of motherfucking Faith?
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 6:19 AM on June 27, 2010


One thing you can say about Woody Allen, his short stories were truly funny

Both of them still write satire and parody for the Shouts & Murmurs column for the New Yorker occasionally. I still love Steve Martin's, but I can barely get through Woody Allen's, even though I love his films.
posted by Miko at 7:04 AM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


I personally think it's funny, but not as funny as this from the 80s, which is among the funniest things ever (especially the PS).
posted by The Bellman at 7:06 AM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Please...

Steve Martin was funny for about 38 stoned minutes 35 years ago. I'd rather hear him play banjo, something he is truly good at, than listen to him try to do comedy.
posted by timsteil at 7:08 AM on June 27, 2010


dirtynumbangelboy: That movie whose name I can't remember where he's a suicide counsellor with a truly stunning ensemble cast?

Mixed Nuts!

I just want to say: I love Mixed Nuts. I love LA Story. I love Steve Martin. I love World of Warcraft. I love this rider. I love dirtynumbangelboy's screen name. I love the whole world!

Boom de yada.
posted by Anyamatopoeia at 7:21 AM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Mixed Nuts! Yes! What a fantastic movie.

And that is an amazing xkcd.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 7:39 AM on June 27, 2010


Though I wish he'd given up on movies about thirty years ago.

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles and Dirty Rotten Scoundrels not funny?

I loved Pennies From Heaven too.
posted by Max Power at 7:40 AM on June 27, 2010


Though I persist that Zepplin's famous "brown M&M" clause was for a good purpose.

That was Van Halen. All Zep required was a few virgins and a volcano.
posted by jonmc at 7:43 AM on June 27, 2010 [3 favorites]


Aw fuck how did I forget DRS?
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 7:49 AM on June 27, 2010


That is absolutely frightening.

Yeah, but he somehow managed to get some pretty ladies for his Judah Praise Team.
posted by jonmc at 7:51 AM on June 27, 2010


(scroll all the way down)
posted by jonmc at 7:53 AM on June 27, 2010


As someone who deals with artist riders on a daily basis, I thought this was pretty funny.
And yeah "Leap of Faith" and "Simple Twist of Fate" when he ties the a balloon to the little girl?
and shoot what about "Roxanne"? Those were all FUNNY!
posted by HappyHippo at 8:43 AM on June 27, 2010


In the UK hardly anyone even knows who King Tut is.

Thank you Steve Martin for giving me, a Canadian expat, a slight edge at imported parlour games against a country full of Cliff Clavins. They also don't tend to know who Cliff Clavin is.
posted by srboisvert at 8:45 AM on June 27, 2010


I got to meet Steve Martin once. Long ago in my theatre days, when I was a stage management intern, I was at an opening party for one of the early productions of "Picasso at the Lapin Agile" [ART, Hasty Pudding Theatre, circa 1994-ish].
I hate approaching celebrities. I mean, how does one open that conversation with anything other than "I'm a huge fan and loved you in XYZ, etc."? At any rate Steve Martin looked obviously tired to me, so I didn't want to bother him. But, many of the shows crew at the party were having him sign copies of the scripts anyway, so I decided to throw caution to the wind.
Here's the thing about Steve Martin: At that time [hopefully he still does this] he carried preprinted cards for fans who approach him. The cards say something to the effect of "This is to certify that you have had a personal encounter with me and that you found me warm, polite, intelligent and funny" and then his signature. Thinking that such a souveneir might be nice to show to my parents as evidence that their support of my BFA and MFA tuition had not been unproductive, I approached him shyly and opened the conversation very awkwardly with "I feel like the biggest dork in the world..." at which point he interrupted me and said:
"No. I am. I'm the biggest dork in the world." Then he proceeded to hand me his card.
And that I why I adore Steve Martin.
posted by Dr. Zira at 8:50 AM on June 27, 2010 [21 favorites]


All children must join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.

posted by Sys Rq at 9:28 AM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


I loved Steve Martin back in the day, but like Bruce Willis, he seems to have lost his ability to be funny since the 80's.

This rider, on the other hand, gives me hope that he hasn't totally lost the funny altogether. Also, so does Dr. Zira's story :)
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:39 AM on June 27, 2010


That movie whose name I can't remember where he's a suicide counsellor with a truly stunning ensemble cast?

Could it be Mixed Nuts? The movie that taught me that it's OK to walk out of a terrible movie and demand my ticket money back? Is that the one?
posted by not that girl at 10:06 AM on June 27, 2010


For the most part, meh. But Bela Fleck shout out so worth it. Go see Bela Fleck play. He will rock your socks off with his picking.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:18 AM on June 27, 2010


Though I persist that Zepplin's famous "brown M&M" clause was for a good purpose.

You're thinking of Van Hagar. Led Zeppelin were the first to jump the shark.
posted by hal9k at 10:49 AM on June 27, 2010


I find Steve Martin's modern funny to be funny, and his serious to be quite good. I don't think it's that he's lost the ability to be funny, but rather that funny deals with surfaces, and he prefers to look deeper now.

Also, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels is one of the best comedies of all time.

OKLAHOMA! OKLAHOMA OKLAHOMA!

"He loves to run and run and run."
posted by zippy at 11:17 AM on June 27, 2010 [4 favorites]


Okay, sure, everything he writes these days is essentially the same.

I have to stop in here to put in a word for Shopgirl. I enjoyed it. A lot. I didn't see the movie, but I thought the book was warm and engaging and a fabulous way to spend couple hours. It didn't feel tired or "the same" to me.

Loved it.
posted by eleyna at 11:21 AM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


I can't really the be the first person to mention Bowfinger, right?

And yes, his performance in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels is marvelous, as is Michael Caine's (and Glenn Headly's, for that matter). I watched it a couple of weeks and was amazed by how well it's held up -- really charming and funny. (I had no idea till till recently that it was actually a remake of a Marlon Brando/David Niven film.)

Also, his memoir Born Standing Up is great fun -- breezy and smart and thoughtful all at once.
posted by scody at 12:28 PM on June 27, 2010 [2 favorites]


Seconding scody - Born Standing Up is a great read. If you're interested in the question of whether Steve Martin is funny or not and why, I'd recommend it. He talks about how he discovered the limits and gimmicks of magic shows early on, and abandoned magic for the absurdity of standup comedy, in which he got laughs by coming at the conventions of comedy completely sideways. And then he got tired of the limits and gimmicks of comedy, and has been all about writing for the last couple decades, apart from a few slapstick movie roles that really were poorly thought out (Cheaper by the Dozen?). I think his writing is ambitious and often funny, but also shows that he hasn't been at it as long as he's been at performance, so I still find his work on the page seems less developed even as I enjoy it.
posted by Miko at 1:10 PM on June 27, 2010


The true point of the M&M clause: to suss out who read the thread before posting, and who didn't.
posted by CunningLinguist at 2:54 PM on June 27, 2010 [2 favorites]


The beauty of Mr. Martin is not just that he is "funny" (remember how many shades and tints of funny exist) but his sensitivity to the humanity where "funny so often is needed"... life's tragedies are where the most beautiful smiles, and laughs, and tears are... and so often... there is Steve Martin (La story, go time). I don't mean "great comedy lies in tragedy", nor, "in tragedy is great comedy"... I mean, in great humanity is understanding and ability to speak to the context of Tragedy.

I don't get the "funny, not-funny" forced dichotomy. Also, he USED to be hilarious, before he was popular, I like his old material, before he sold out, Ohh, now Do that One joke! But make it applicable to the modern day! No, not like that!! That was too emotional, you did it wrong!! SAP! Next!

One thing you can say about Woody Allen, his short stories were truly funny

Both of them still write satire and parody for the Shouts & Murmurs column for the New Yorker occasionally. I still love Steve Martin's, but I can barely get through Woody Allen's, even though I love his films.


Woody Allen can still write funny short pieces... Exhibit A (two men are reincarnated as lobsters, and Bernie Madoff walks into the Bar...)
Lastly; Grand Canyon!
posted by infinite intimation at 3:03 PM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Eye of the beholder, I guess - I read the New Yorker and had read that along with Allen's other stuff, but I get bored by the 3rd or 4th paragraph.
posted by Miko at 3:56 PM on June 27, 2010


Once again: the point of Van Halen's brown M&M cause was to indicate whether the promoters had read the rider or not, and it was added after their equipment destroyed at least one arena floor after the promoters had not read it. Yes, tour riders often have wacky requests like giant condoms and oddball food, but their most important function is to lay out the requirements for the venue, required backline (equipment such as amps and speaker cabinets) for the musicians, and stuff like that which is essential for the show to take place without any major problems.
posted by DecemberBoy at 7:08 PM on June 27, 2010


Bowfinger gets no love?
posted by squeakyfromme at 7:27 PM on June 27, 2010


Somewhere there is video of him accepting the Mark Twain Prize - that is pretty recent, and I thought his speech for that absolutely killed. (Though, all the reaction shots in that video are kind of annoying.)
posted by newdaddy at 8:19 PM on June 27, 2010



Very true point, sorry to do my "mocking dispassionate 'used-to-be' fans" routine bit in that same comment, did not mean that as commentary on you anyone writing here I guess just a note on a phenomenon of pop culture in general (of course he got eye surgery, without it he might look old, and old lookers aren't allowed in our teevees!) including the speeding up of our popculture cycle, where we have rejected as old/useless people by the time they are 25,
posted by infinite intimation at 9:00 PM on June 27, 2010


I loved Steve Martin back in the day, but like Bruce Willis, he seems to have lost his ability to be funny since the 80's.

Wait, what? Bruce Willis was an 80s comedy guy on par with Steve Martin, Chevy Chase, Martin Short, John Candy, et al? I must have missed something!

As far as I know, Bruce's only pre-90s screen presence was Die Hard and Moonlighting. While there was some incidental comedy there, I wouldn't describe those as "funnyman" roles in the same vein as Steve Martin. If you're going to go that far, might as well consider every Schwarzenegger action movie to be a "comedy" too. There are some grey areas between action and comedy, for sure, but that's blurring the distinction into meaninglessness.
posted by cj_ at 9:05 PM on June 27, 2010


Oh man, I'd be there in a heartbeat if he did the Grandmother Song.

Just the ladies! "Never make love to Bigfoot..."
Now all the men! "Hello, my name is Bigfoot..."
posted by Spatch at 9:40 PM on June 27, 2010


Wait, what? Bruce Willis was an 80s comedy guy on par with Steve Martin, Chevy Chase, Martin Short, John Candy, et al? I must have missed something!

Maybe he meant Bruce Vilanch? Anyone could confuse those two.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:01 PM on June 27, 2010


Unforgivable
posted by fullerine at 12:11 AM on June 28, 2010


Right there with ya, fullerine - I loves me some Steve, but even having to fund a kidney transplant wouldn't explain away that slap to the face of historic comedy.
posted by davelog at 6:15 AM on June 28, 2010


Anybody who can make the absurdist masterpiece The Jerk and then basically lampoon himself in Dirty, Rotten Scoundrels while still making the latter an excellent movie in it's own right is OK in my book for all time, no matter how many times he co-stars with Queen Latifah.

As far as I know, Bruce's only pre-90s screen presence was Die Hard and Moonlighting. While there was some incidental comedy there, I wouldn't describe those as "funnyman" roles in the same vein as Steve Martin.

I agree with the final clause here, but it sounds to me like you never watched Moonlighting. That was some seriously old-skool vaudeville comedy television. George Burns and Gracie Allen Solve Crimes.
posted by DU at 6:42 AM on June 28, 2010 [4 favorites]


The fact of having a career in movies now, unless you're Johnny Depp, is that you have to appear in some stupid movies, if just because such a large percentage of movies made now are stupid. Steve Martin appeared in the Pink Panther remakes, yes, but what choice did he have? Actors bring something to their role, but ultimately they don't write the lines or come up with the situations. And they both have bills to pay and a public eye to remain in, so that they can get a role in the next good movie that comes along.

Meanwhile everything else Steve Martin has been in or produced (including this piece, it's nice if you aren't shining a spotlight at it and practically daring us to not laugh) is at the least very funny. Have you seen the Muppet Show he was in where they changed the whole format, and took out the laugh track, replacing it with just the Muppet Show crew? Did you see him on the last episode of Johnny Carson's Tonight Show?
posted by JHarris at 2:10 PM on June 28, 2010


I don't remember seeing Johnny's final show, so I haven't seen him in that context. I have the episode of the Muppet Show you're talking about on DVD - Kermit was auditioning new talent - and it's great stuff. Fantastic banjo work and effective comedy that capitalizes on the awkward situation.

I suspect that Steve Martin, if he's not already repentant for daring to participate in a remake of an iconic comedy like Sellers' PP, will be once Hollywood farts out a remake of The Jerk starring the Twilight cast.

You know it's only a matter of time before those zeebs think of it.
posted by davelog at 4:55 PM on June 28, 2010


I agree with the final clause here, but it sounds to me like you never watched Moonlighting. That was some seriously old-skool vaudeville comedy television. George Burns and Gracie Allen Solve Crimes.

You're right of course. My mom watched it and I saw a few, but I'm not intimately familiar with it. So I could be way off-base here. But judging everything past that.. I still don't think he's in the same category as Steve Martin or the other "80s funnyman" people I mentioned. They were a particular brand for a particular era, and I just don't see him fitting in with that. Bruce Willis is way better known for his dramatic roles and action hero escapades than his comedy routine (if he can be said to have one at all).
posted by cj_ at 2:52 AM on July 1, 2010


This is true. I just remember watching Moonlighting DVD's when they came out and thinking, "Dang, Bruce Willis used to be HILARIOUS. What the hell happened to him?!" Nowadays he'll crack a joke once in awhile, but mostly he's just kinda being macho instead.

Didn't mean to imply that he was one of the great 80's funnymen, but if you watch him in Moonlighting vs well, anything else, it's a drastic change in personality. He used to be wild.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:06 PM on July 1, 2010


Maybe I need to actually watch that show, then. Sounds like a side of him I never experienced. NB, I love pretty much everything he's ever done despite not seeing much Moonlighting.
posted by cj_ at 12:49 AM on July 2, 2010


He still has the best crazy person smile.
posted by djrock3k at 7:39 AM on July 2, 2010


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