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Jack Abramoff: Pizza Lobbyist
June 29, 2010 7:57 PM   Subscribe

Convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff was released from prison this month and quickly found himself a new job as the head of marketing for a Baltimore kosher pizza shop.

previously on mefi
posted by youcancallmeal (42 comments total)

 
This wasn't part of the version of Pizza Tycoon that I played.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 8:05 PM on June 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


Best Kosher Pizza in Baltimore? Big dreams.
posted by mreleganza at 8:07 PM on June 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


And so Mr. Abramoff's image rehabilitation begins. Give it a few years and he'll be running for Senator or something.
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:07 PM on June 29, 2010


My, how time flies.
posted by lysdexic at 8:08 PM on June 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


The jokes...they write themselves?
posted by cjorgensen at 8:09 PM on June 29, 2010


Just read about this in the bizarre New York Times article that, for some odd reason, includes a photo giving you the name and phone number of the pizza place. It also includes a sarcastically captioned photo of someone sponging grease off a pizza slice with a napkin.
posted by rottytooth at 8:13 PM on June 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


FWIW, I've had their pizza many many times since my dad and step-mother became orthodox. Let's just say that I boycott the place and it has nothing to do with their new employee. Ick.
posted by youcancallmeal at 8:15 PM on June 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


"So much that has happened since then," Rosenbluth said. "He didn't know what an iPad was."

This reminds me of two years ago, when I was working at a non-profit, helping out a dude who had just gotten out of prison on a seven year sentence. Guy was (to my eyes) completely reformed and just glad to be out in the real world with his wife and kids. Best part was his gleeful expression as he tried to figure out his brand new iPhone, which his wife had bought him. He felt like he was in a sci-fi movie.

Anyway, Abramoff seems like a cock, but if he's earning an honest paycheck I wouldn't hold it against him or the business that's hired him. I've always perceived his religious overtures as being patently insincere, but whatever, it's not like I'm ever meeting the guy.
posted by Sticherbeast at 8:26 PM on June 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


someone sponging grease off a pizza slice with a napkin

Aw shit! Ulillillia's celebrated pizza degreasing technique in action!
posted by pravit at 8:26 PM on June 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


In other news, Congress has passed a tax break for organizations that perform research into Jewish-Italian ethnoculinary relations, and the state of Maryland has suspended health inspections for purveyors of take-out meals that do not contain both meat and dairy.
posted by miyabo at 8:28 PM on June 29, 2010 [14 favorites]


From the linked article: "I think people get a second chance," said Ron Rosenbluth, owner of the shop... "If they do their time, they deserve a chance." Here's hoping that Abramoff takes advantage of the opportunity turn his life around.
posted by Daddy-O at 8:29 PM on June 29, 2010


"I think people get a second chance," said Ron Rosenbluth, owner of the shop... "If they do their time, they deserve a chance."

Yeahhhh. That's it. And hey, a little publicity can't hurt either.
posted by vapidave at 8:30 PM on June 29, 2010 [3 favorites]


tl;dr: Baltimore pizza owner is one fucking marketing genius.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 8:37 PM on June 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


I've always perceived his religious overtures as being patently insincere, but whatever, it's not like I'm ever meeting the guy.

You can be a slimey (ex-)lobbyist and still be religious, there isn't anything in the Torah about not being a lobbyist.
posted by WalterMitty at 8:37 PM on June 29, 2010


Yeahhhh. That's it. And hey, a little publicity can't hurt either.

Snap.
posted by nola at 8:50 PM on June 29, 2010


How does kosher pizza work? Sorry to be a dense, awkward gentile, but is it just cheese slices? Why doesn't the article mention this?
posted by boo_radley at 8:52 PM on June 29, 2010


boo_radley

It's just veggie pizza. No mixing meat and dairy.
posted by youcancallmeal at 9:00 PM on June 29, 2010


How does kosher pizza work? Sorry to be a dense, awkward gentile, but is it just cheese slices? Why doesn't the article mention this?

Veggie toppings are also fine.
posted by piratebowling at 9:00 PM on June 29, 2010


My favorite thing about Jack Abramoff is the outfit he wore to court:

After pleading guilty to fraud, tax evasion and conspiracy to bribe public officials with luxury golf outings, free food and tickets to sporting events, Abramoff emerged from U.S. District Court in Washington on Tuesday dressed like a crime boss. He could not have appeared more guilty, more menacing and more unsympathetic than if he had walked out wielding a baseball bat and muttering something about so-and-so sleeping with the fishes.

(photo here)
posted by Put the kettle on at 9:04 PM on June 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


Well, I mean, can you get a chicken slice if out doesn't have cheese on it? Just sauce and meat, no cheese? Gonna have to track down a place in denver...
posted by boo_radley at 9:06 PM on June 29, 2010


boo_radley

Nope, you'd need seperate meat and dairy kitchen supplies which very few restaurants do and Tov definitely doesn't. Hence charmers like falafel pizza. Gag.
posted by youcancallmeal at 9:07 PM on June 29, 2010


I... I... I expected something much more nefarious.
posted by T.D. Strange at 9:09 PM on June 29, 2010


I... I... I expected something much more nefarious.

Well, give the man a minute to get his bearings; he just got out of jail.
posted by Tomorrowful at 9:13 PM on June 29, 2010 [6 favorites]


How does kosher pizza work?

Abramoff has come up with his own special way of keeping kosher - by laundering the dough before turning it into pizza.
posted by any major dude at 9:32 PM on June 29, 2010 [4 favorites]


Prediction: Two election cycles from now, pizza will somehow be the issue for the presidency. Fox talking heads will heap scorn on the Democratic candidate for not getting the cheese-filled sausage crust wrapped in fried chicken that KFC will be offering by then, blogs will accuse political enemies of "holding the anchovies" and being "four seasons" w/r/t their convictions, and the left-wing blogosphere will tear itself apart over whether it is acceptable to compromise on the kind of cheese used.
posted by No-sword at 9:56 PM on June 29, 2010 [2 favorites]


Well, I mean, can you get a chicken slice if out doesn't have cheese on it? Just sauce and meat, no cheese? Gonna have to track down a place in denver...

In theory, you could get a chicken pizza anyway; there is no restriction about mixing birds and milk. In practice -- no. It's not done by Rabbinic decree. And most places that serve kosher pizza a strictly vegetarian. Otherwise, they need two sets of everything, one for milk, one for meat.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:58 PM on June 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


Why can't pizza be "safe traif" like Chinese food? It's all mixed up, jumbled together, and covered by a blanket of cheese, no?

Dietary restrictions; sheesh. If it has four legs and isn't a table, if it has two wings and not an airplane, it's freakin' food.
posted by porpoise at 10:28 PM on June 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


If a dog will not eat it, it is not food.
posted by infinitewindow at 11:23 PM on June 29, 2010


He's been convicted.. of being a lobbyist?
posted by ecab at 12:17 AM on June 30, 2010


Falafel pizza sounds awesome, and now I would like to eat some.
posted by lauranesson at 12:29 AM on June 30, 2010 [2 favorites]


It's kosher pizza, and such small portions!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:21 AM on June 30, 2010


I liked the grease-sponging picture, myself. If you don't have to drain a little grease off a slice of cheese pizza, there's not enough provolone in the mix of cheeses, which is just sad.
posted by sonascope at 6:22 AM on June 30, 2010


If a dog will not eat it, it is not food.

As a dog owner I will say that even if a dog will eat it, it may not be food.
posted by TedW at 6:36 AM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


It's funny how he rediscovered his Jewish identity when the Feds got hold of him.
posted by tommasz at 6:52 AM on June 30, 2010


I've never actually been to Tov Pizza, but all the Orthos around here have "I Heart Tov Pizza" bumperstickers.

What really sucks is the kosher Dunkin' Donuts where you can't get a damn sausage, egg and cheese bagel.
posted by electroboy at 8:04 AM on June 30, 2010


Management never discussed it, but I believe Jack Abramoff did lobbying for my previous employer. Within a year or so of his indictment, money for one of their government contracts started drying up, causing them to have to shift people around to different projects. The only hint I was ever given of what was going on, until I figured it out from Googling, was that "We used to have a patron who has since retired."
posted by gsteff at 8:36 AM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


Jack's earlier Kosher pork scheme.
posted by rosswald at 9:56 AM on June 30, 2010 [1 favorite]


> but if he's earning an honest paycheck I wouldn't hold it against him

I thouhgt you said he was in marketing.
posted by goethean at 11:43 AM on June 30, 2010


It all mixes together in your stomach anyway.

Least that's what my aunt Pat told me.
posted by Sukiari at 4:44 PM on June 30, 2010


"So much that has happened since then," Rosenbluth said. "He didn't know what an iPad was."

Oh, so sad for him...
posted by QueerAngel28 at 11:02 AM on July 1, 2010


One silk handkerchief. One watch. One ring. One gold money clip with no money in it. And one mobile phone.
posted by cereselle at 9:11 AM on July 2, 2010


As a dog owner I will say that even if a dog will eat it, it may not be food.

Necessary does not imply sufficient.
posted by Fezboy! at 9:53 AM on July 2, 2010


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