Pele should go back to the museum

July 5, 2010 12:53 PM

Argentina has been eliminated from The World Cup, but that doesn't mean we aren't free to enjoy some quotes from the always quotable Diego Maradona. For example, after Argentina qualified for the finals in South Africa, after looking like they would not make it, he said "To those who did not believe: now suck my d**k - I'm sorry ladies for my words - and keep on sucking it. I am either white or black. I will never be grey in my life. You treated me as you did. Now keep on sucking d**ks. I am grateful to my players and to the Argentinian people. I thank no one but them. The rest, keep on sucking d**ks."
posted by Keith Talent (85 comments total)

*sucks dicks*
posted by koeselitz at 12:58 PM on July 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

You can stop now.
posted by mazola at 12:58 PM on July 5, 2010 [4 favorites]

Also, I'm pretty sure you're allowed to say the word "ducks" on Metafilter without censoring it.
posted by koeselitz at 12:59 PM on July 5, 2010 [11 favorites]

And that machismo and swagger looks all the sillier after he got STOMPED.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:00 PM on July 5, 2010

Maradona kissed his players as they came off the field.

Billy Martin never did that.
posted by Joe Beese at 1:02 PM on July 5, 2010

Billy Martin sucked dicks.
posted by vbfg at 1:05 PM on July 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

After Argentina lost to Germany, so many people wanted to suck Maradona's d**k that the police had to set up a three-kilometre blockade around the airport Sunday to keep fans away!
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:06 PM on July 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

So often great players don't make great coaches. I don't know if Maradona is a great coach - he can't be that bad. But Argentina's defeat at the hands of the Germans was nothing less than a total humiliation.

That being said, I respect his total defiance. That's the kind of delusional thinking that can make a person a great player. It's an unerring, blind faith in oneself. It can also lead to complete and utter self-destruction.
posted by Xoebe at 1:06 PM on July 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

@koeselitz, it's desks. He's obviously a studious gentleman who wishes people to get as much from education as they can. Let's all suck his desk!
posted by Doug Stewart at 1:08 PM on July 5, 2010

Who can forget Maradonna's infamous handjob of god?
posted by Elmore at 1:09 PM on July 5, 2010 [11 favorites]

The elephant asked the camel: "Why are your breasts on your back?"

The camel clearly irritated by this replies: "What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face."
posted by netbros at 1:11 PM on July 5, 2010 [9 favorites]

Mr. Maradona? We've found your trophy.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:11 PM on July 5, 2010 [4 favorites]

Why does this guy own so many ducks?
posted by gwint at 1:15 PM on July 5, 2010

Billy Martin sucked dicks.

Nah, he just kicked dirt all over them.
posted by jonmc at 1:16 PM on July 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Man, I don't care if Maradona is a jerk, a cokehead or what. He's just so entertaining that I can't not love him.
posted by Put the kettle on at 1:17 PM on July 5, 2010

so many people wanted to suck Maradona's d**k that the police had to set up a three-kilometre blockade

Wow. That's one big duck.
posted by scody at 1:17 PM on July 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

If he gained 50 pounds and grew his hair out, Colin Farrell can play Maradona in the movie.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 1:18 PM on July 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

I've lived (suffered) through the jingoistic nonsense that has been the Argentinian media for the last 2 months and I'm sorry to say that I was cheering for Germany. I feel a bit bad for my friends who had a bad day on Saturday, but I just wanted it to stop.

It made my head hurt. TV adverts where God talks to the Argentinian people about how he's on their side. Adverts where people around the world are in awe of how obsessed Argentina is about football. Africans who despite being savages with spears (no, really) can be tamed to follow Argentina.

And as for the sheer barefaced arrogance of Maradona. Well, that shut him the fuck up didn't it? Looks like he's human after all.
posted by jontyjago at 1:19 PM on July 5, 2010 [4 favorites]

Maradona, what time is it?
posted by barnacles at 1:19 PM on July 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Clearly Stanley McChrystal has a long way to go. That Telegraph article is the funniest thing I have seen all week. I feel sorry for the man's bastard children.
posted by bukvich at 1:19 PM on July 5, 2010

You said a mouthful, Diego.
posted by Abiezer at 1:20 PM on July 5, 2010

Oh, and also, I feel like Maradona is an Oliver Stone movie waiting to happen.
posted by Put the kettle on at 1:23 PM on July 5, 2010 [3 favorites]

If you have a player of Juan Roman Riquelme's stature and demeanor refusing to play for you, I'm pretty sure YOU are the one who sucks dicks.
posted by 3FLryan at 1:23 PM on July 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

jontyjago: "Africans who despite being savages with spears (no, really)"

Oh, well, this kind of casual media racism is par for the course in all of Latin America, I think. I know it certainly is here in Mexico, where, in the last few months, Africans in football-related TV commercials have worn masks and danced in grass skirts, brandished spears, and cooked white explorers alive in giant pots continuously.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 1:26 PM on July 5, 2010

Classy, just like the style of play found in today's world cup soccer.
posted by uraniumwilly at 1:27 PM on July 5, 2010

Oh, and in the Spanish he doesn't actually mention d**ks. He said "Que la chupen y sigan chupando" which literally means "That they suck it and keep on sucking."

He could be talking about a lollipop. Just sayin'.
posted by jontyjago at 1:27 PM on July 5, 2010 [4 favorites]

My dad during a discussion on some Argentina game: "Yeah that Maradona, he's insane these days."
posted by pyrex at 1:32 PM on July 5, 2010

i love maradona. he looks like what happens when you give a homeless guy a suit. he's like a tiny little napoleon.
posted by Mach5 at 1:33 PM on July 5, 2010 [6 favorites]

I enjoyed the ESPN coverage in which Alexi Lalas continually referred to him as a "man child."
posted by Dr. Zira at 1:34 PM on July 5, 2010

El Pibe: questionable coach, but best mascot ever.
posted by Skeptic at 1:35 PM on July 5, 2010 [5 favorites]

@koeselitz, it's desks. He's obviously a studious gentleman who wishes people to get as much from education as they can. Let's all suck his desk!

Yep. He most definitely meant desks!
posted by ericb at 1:36 PM on July 5, 2010

In related World Cup news about coaches: Dunga FIRED: Brazil Cans National Soccer Coach.
posted by ericb at 1:39 PM on July 5, 2010

Awesome
posted by rosswald at 1:40 PM on July 5, 2010

Christ, what a d*ck.
posted by notsnot at 1:44 PM on July 5, 2010

Telling everyone to suck dicks is pretty much the best thing to say. Just wanted to put that out there.
posted by Divine_Wino at 1:46 PM on July 5, 2010 [6 favorites]

"I hate everything that comes from the United States. I hate it with all my strength," he says as he is adorned head to toe in Adidas gear.
posted by tmt at 1:49 PM on July 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

When quizzed whether he permitted his players to have sex during the World Cup, Dieguito is reported to have responded: “Of course, as long as the women do all the work.”

I see. That must have been his defensive strategy for the Germany game as well.
posted by Dr. Zira at 1:50 PM on July 5, 2010 [15 favorites]

BZZZZZZZZzzzzz
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 1:50 PM on July 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oh, I think that this should be Maradona's trophy.
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:52 PM on July 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

"I hate everything that comes from the United States. I hate it with all my strength," he says as he is adorned head to toe in Adidas gear.
posted by tmt at 4:49 PM on July 5 [+] [!]

I'm guessing that's why he's wearing Adidas, a German-originating multinational company, rather than Nike.
posted by toodleydoodley at 1:55 PM on July 5, 2010 [8 favorites]

"I hate everything that comes from the United States. I hate it with all my strength," he says as he is adorned head to toe in Adidas gear.

Adidas: brought to you by the tiny town of Herzogenaurach, Germany, since 1924.
posted by insouciant at 1:55 PM on July 5, 2010

Plaatsvervangende schaamte: Brought to you by tmt since July 5.
posted by mr.marx at 2:08 PM on July 5, 2010 [3 favorites]

I'm saddened that this left off the end of the "23 wildcats" quote, which, after going on about how well-prepared Argentina were, finished with words to the effect of "to beat us, other teams will have to put all their beef on the grill". Which is my favourite metaphor of the year.

If you have a player of Juan Roman Riquelme's stature and demeanor refusing to play for you, I'm pretty sure YOU are the one who sucks dicks.

What's wrong with sucking dicks?
posted by Infinite Jest at 2:11 PM on July 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

<emily litella>

What's all this I hear about "The Sucking Detective?" I thought Michael Gambon was brilliant in it. It's a work of musical noir genius...

What? Oh, I see.

Never mind.
</emily litella>
posted by zippy at 2:26 PM on July 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

What, no "dicksucking" tag?
posted by zarq at 2:29 PM on July 5, 2010

What's wrong with sucking dicks?

I don't think that he implies that there is anything wrong with sucking dicks. I only seems that Maradona would prefer that his critics suck dicks instead of criticising him and his team.
posted by Hicksu at 2:33 PM on July 5, 2010

It's "docks," actually. A reference to the abundance of coastline in the Netherlands. Looks like Dieguito's picking the Oranje to take it all.
posted by gompa at 2:34 PM on July 5, 2010

It only....
posted by Hicksu at 2:35 PM on July 5, 2010

Yeah. I was just saying the other day that I would pay to go to see him do stand up. Argentina's answer to Richard Pryor.
posted by ob at 2:46 PM on July 5, 2010

I'm getting an idea for a design for the argentine version of the vuvzuela.
posted by fourcheesemac at 2:55 PM on July 5, 2010 [5 favorites]

Ahhhh, delicious Schadenfreude. My parents follow the South American tradition of rooting for anybody that opposes Argentina (there's a long history of animosity there), so there was lots of loud hispanophone noise-making when they went down last weekend. My mother, ever the gentle soul, declared loudly in a Brauhaus full of Germans (yes, we went to the Chicago Brauhaus to watch the game), "They couldn't even die with honor! Not even a single goal, those losers."

In any case, the most delicious pleasure my parents got was to see Maradona in total agony during and after the game. It wasn't their most generous moment…

I'll be in Berlin in a few hours, so I guess I'll keep rooting for Germany…
posted by LMGM at 3:05 PM on July 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

Gotta love Maradona. At least he is a character, and the World Cup needs moar characters. He is more interesting than either that arrogant french bloke or even Pele. And he was a better player than either too.

I also read that he said "suck it and keep sucking it" and didn't mention the word dick at all.

"I enjoyed the ESPN coverage in which Alexi Lalas continually referred to him as a "man child."
posted by Dr. Zira at 9:34 PM"

That would be the Alexei Lalas, who has never won the World Cup, nor managed a team in the finals right?
posted by marienbad at 3:06 PM on July 5, 2010

dorks. it's dorks, y'all.
posted by toodleydoodley at 3:06 PM on July 5, 2010

And as for the Riquelme issue, I for one was gutted when I heard about them falling out. Maradona originally wanted to plan the team around him, and perhaps if they had kissed and made up.... well, who knows.
posted by marienbad at 3:12 PM on July 5, 2010

also, Maradona to Quit? sty sports reports...
posted by marienbad at 3:13 PM on July 5, 2010

What is the difference between an Argentinian and a Battery?


- The battery has a positive side...

(Brazilian saying)
posted by yoyo_nyc at 3:23 PM on July 5, 2010 [3 favorites]

Why did the Argentinian go outside in a thunderstorm?

He thought God was taking his picture.
posted by jontyjago at 3:37 PM on July 5, 2010 [5 favorites]

That would be the Alexei Lalas, who has never won the World Cup, nor managed a team in the finals right.

Yes, and also partially responsible for running the LA Galaxy into the ground, the very same, but nonetheless, a keen observer of successful man-children, having worked directly with many of them.

Speaking of man-children, I hear congrats are in order for C. Ronaldo who has made one of his own. Word on the street is that the newborn bursts into tears instantaneously whenever Wayne Rooney is mentioned.
posted by Dr. Zira at 3:47 PM on July 5, 2010

You have no idea how difficult it is to not ....type..the...obvious...thing....now.

*shakes*
posted by The Whelk at 3:52 PM on July 5, 2010

@jontyjago and @LMGM

LOL!
posted by liza at 3:56 PM on July 5, 2010

That would be the Alexei Lalas, who has never won the World Cup, nor managed a team in the finals right.

So that's a small club you have to belong to in order to be a TV pundit. I didn't realize the entrance qualifications were so strict. I'll be calling Jack Charlton for his deep analysis on tactics shortly. I'll also try to erase from my memory the fact that he had his goalkeeper hoof the ball over the heads of Liverpool's best midfield (and I'll include Sheedy here) to get it to some Italian Ice Cream Man who pretended he had a granny from Dublin. Yup. Good commentary. Lalas is no sage, but for ESPN's coverage, he'll do fine. John "Don't ask about the Columbian Guy" Harkes, is even better.
posted by Nick Verstayne at 4:03 PM on July 5, 2010

"I'm sorry ladies for my words - and keep on sucking it."

Like a virgin?

Some World Cup fans have discovered and commented this song (performed by Madonna):
"Don't cry for Messi Argentina,
the truth is, he never left you
All through this wild game
his short appearance
he was surrounded
by tons of Germans."
posted by iviken at 4:29 PM on July 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

toodleydoodley: I wrongly assumed it was a US company. They have a sprawling campus about 15 miles from Nike's world headquarters. I had better check my facts!
posted by tmt at 4:38 PM on July 5, 2010

As a sports fan, stuff like this is like mana in the desert. Offensive? Sure, but it's better than what we usually get. So many athletes, coaches, managers, when asked for a quote give some kind of mumbled nonsense that is calculated not to offend. They toe the line so much that it's incredibly rare to actually find a memorable moment in an interview with anyone involved in sports.

That's why something like Ron Artest's interview after the Lakers won is so wonderful. Or Rasheed Wallace going meta on the whole process, seething with rage, yet knowing that any response would get him fined (and, of course, was still fined). Gregg Popovich, coach of the Spurs (NBA, not Tottenham), is also fun to watch.
posted by Ghidorah at 4:56 PM on July 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Meanwhile Joachim Löw can't even wash his sweater.

I wonder what will happen to Maradona's grey suits? (I'm assuming he's been wearing more than one throughout the tournament ...)
posted by needled at 4:58 PM on July 5, 2010

Speaking of man-children, I hear congrats are in order for C. Ronaldo who has made one of his own.

"[Cristiano Ronaldo's] simple and somewhat mysterious Twitter message:

'It is with great joy and emotion that I inform I have recently become father to a baby boy. As agreed with the baby's mother, who prefers to have her identity kept confidential, my son will be under my exclusive guardianship. No further information will be provided on this subject and I request everyone to fully respect my right to privacy (and that of the child) at least on issues as personal as these are.'

Ronaldo has declined to identify the mother. The Portuguese newspaper Correio da Manhã reported that she 'is from North America and had her child in early June', according to Agence France-Presse."*

posted by ericb at 4:58 PM on July 5, 2010

Si yo fuera Maradona. Manu Chao serenading Maradona.

Santa Maradona by Mano Negra.

Those two are in my daily rotation, the following is not.

El Sueño del Pibe. Dieguito singing about/to himself.
posted by dirty lies at 5:53 PM on July 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

You know Id rather have the craziness of Maradona, than the bloodless coach who says his team gave 110% on the field, but the other team wanted it more.
posted by Omon Ra at 5:58 PM on July 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Maradona by the Business, everyone's fave hooligan-punk band. Or not.
posted by Kirk Grim at 6:00 PM on July 5, 2010

Speaking of Adidas, the matchups are Nike (Holland) - Puma (Uruguay) and Adidas (Spain) - Adidas (Germany), so Adidas is guaranteed to be in the final, not counting the Jabulani and the refs' attires and the stadium ads etc. etc. etc.
posted by needled at 6:10 PM on July 5, 2010

1) It's Mierdadona, thank you.

2) As big of an asshole as Meirdadona is, at least he demands that his own culo is treated like royalty.

3) Carlos Valderrama is the only "El Pibe". End of story.

4) You know who else was an asshole living on the outskirts of Buenos Aires and wanted the whole world to suck his duck?

5) There is no five.
posted by Ufez Jones at 6:23 PM on July 5, 2010

"I hate everything that comes from the United States. I hate it with all my strength," he says as he is adorned head to toe in Adidas gear.

American not only don't manufacture Adidas, they don't even know how to pronounce it.
posted by L'OM at 6:24 PM on July 5, 2010 [3 favorites]

Carlos Valderrama is the only "El Pibe"

I took a flight from LAX to YYZ back in 1996-ish. He was on the same plane. I could see his hair all the way from coach.
That is all.
posted by Dr. Zira at 6:40 PM on July 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Why do all these gourmands keep sucking my duck?
posted by kaibutsu at 7:23 PM on July 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

John "Don't ask about the Columbian Guy" Harkes, is even better.

I wish John Harkes would catch that disease where you suddenly forget how to speak. He's actually got me wishing the vuvuzelas were louder during the telecasts.
posted by inigo2 at 7:28 PM on July 5, 2010

Suck it Ninja.
posted by pianomover at 7:29 PM on July 5, 2010

Random Adidas sidenote that's probably already known to most here: Adidas and Puma were founded by brothers who had a falling out. Both companies are still headquartered in the small Germany town both brothers lived in.
posted by kmz at 10:50 PM on July 5, 2010

I watched the Argentina vs. Germany game in an Austrian beer garden, seated next to a party of middle-aged Germans. Toward the end of the game, when it was clear that Germany would win, our tablemates stopped cheering the German goals and started rooting loudly for Argentina to score a goal.
posted by syzygy at 1:12 AM on July 6, 2010 [2 favorites]

Valderrama's duck also once got much attention.
posted by Skeptic at 4:55 AM on July 6, 2010

Diego: Awfully good player. Awful coach.

As for Riquelme, he tends to shut down in important matches, therefore....
posted by ersatz at 6:24 AM on July 6, 2010

Heh yeah, syzygy, that's how it goes.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 7:08 AM on July 6, 2010

"I'm sorry ladies for my words - and keep on sucking it."
Like a virgin?
Some World Cup fans have discovered and commented this song (performed by Madonna)

What is the difference between Maradona and Madonna?
posted by Kabanos at 8:53 AM on July 6, 2010

My mother, ever the gentle soul, declared loudly in a Brauhaus full of Germans (yes, we went to the Chicago Brauhaus to watch the game), "They couldn't even die with honor! Not even a single goal, those losers."

You probably don't need me to tell you this, but your mother is awesome.
posted by Errant at 10:17 AM on July 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

What is the difference between Maradona and Madonna?

A duck?
posted by mazola at 7:56 PM on July 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

"So that's a small club you have to belong to in order to be a TV pundit"

It was meant the other way round. I am not suggesting you have to win the world cup to be a pundit, more that he is mocking someone who has won it, played in it 4 times and attempted to win it as manager of his country.
posted by marienbad at 2:10 PM on July 7, 2010