Penis As You’ve Never Seen It Before

July 17, 2010 1:54 PM

[NSFW] High Contrast Cock: High resolution photos of my cock and foreskin. (via)

Gay Fleshbot:

These photos aren't just a series of penises in silly costumes. Did you know that dicks sweat? Well yeah, we guess we did, too. But we never thought about it before now! In fact, there are basically only two things that we think about when it comes to the human penis: peeing and fucking. These photos somehow force us to look at the penis from a completely different perspective, as though we were only really seeing it for the first time. With his large cock and lengthy foreskin, this Craig fellow manages to capture just how mutable and strange of an organ the dick really is. Make sure to check out the full size images—they're pretty great!

[You made need to click through the initial blogger warning page for these subsequent links to work.]
Highlights include: Upside Down, Glitter, Patriotic, Sweaty, Rapunzel, Sea Anemone, Glasses, Trapped, Terry Richardson, Flaming.

posted by andoatnp (210 comments total)

Possibly the most superfluous NSFW warning ever.
posted by Skeptic at 1:57 PM on July 17, 2010 [11 favorites]

I can't quite put my finger on it but I get the feeling this ain't gonna fly
posted by infini at 1:58 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

!!✻★#☁⌁!
posted by mazola at 2:01 PM on July 17, 2010 [5 favorites]

Arrgghh, cocks on my internets!
posted by cropshy at 2:04 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

Gobstoppers eh?
No I wouldn't like to guess what color they are now.
posted by msbutah at 2:04 PM on July 17, 2010

*flails around blindly fumbling for the emergency eyewash station*
posted by loquacious at 2:04 PM on July 17, 2010 [5 favorites]

I can't quite put my finger on it but I get the feeling this ain't gonna fly

Cock-blocker!
posted by cjorgensen at 2:05 PM on July 17, 2010 [3 favorites]

Flagged as a double.

*not fruitist*
posted by lukemeister at 2:06 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

Regarding sweaty: "Yeah just water from a mister. I rubbed down with a little oil first to make sure it would bead up nicely."
posted by new brand day at 2:06 PM on July 17, 2010

More inside indeed.
posted by kmz at 2:07 PM on July 17, 2010

So let me see if I understand this correctly. These are pictures of penises?
posted by gallois at 2:07 PM on July 17, 2010

These are pictures of penises?

No, just a penis.
posted by Faint of Butt at 2:11 PM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

no, no, no, NO.
posted by piratebowling at 2:12 PM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

Though hetero, I'm all for showing the male like this.
posted by new brand day at 2:12 PM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

Where's the nomnomnom tag?
posted by nestor_makhno at 2:13 PM on July 17, 2010 [3 favorites]

Surprisingly affecting. Thanks!
posted by wemayfreeze at 2:15 PM on July 17, 2010

Also Glitter is amazing. Next-level shit.
posted by wemayfreeze at 2:15 PM on July 17, 2010 [3 favorites]

See. Now THIS is the CBT that I always think you're talking about over on The Green.
posted by greekphilosophy at 2:15 PM on July 17, 2010 [12 favorites]

oh man you what why?
posted by molecicco at 2:17 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

I laughed aloud. For some reason the sight of some dude's dick decked out like Columbia from the Rocky Horror Picture show just does that to me, I guess. These are a cute as a shar-pei.
posted by Diablevert at 2:18 PM on July 17, 2010

uh... whoops. i meant this photo
posted by molecicco at 2:19 PM on July 17, 2010

God I love foreskins, they're the most beautiful things. Which would be a strange thing to type but the pics are really artful and you never see foreskins any more. I hope this doesn't get deleted.
posted by shinybaum at 2:20 PM on July 17, 2010 [6 favorites]

peanut butter solution!
posted by molecicco at 2:20 PM on July 17, 2010

This close, they always look like landscape.
posted by emilyd22222 at 2:22 PM on July 17, 2010 [7 favorites]

Penises? On the Internet?

Well I never...
posted by chillmost at 2:25 PM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

miss mah bucket
posted by pyramid termite at 2:26 PM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

Dear Blogspot content warning: No, in hindsight, I did not understant and I wish I had not continued.
posted by afx237vi at 2:28 PM on July 17, 2010 [34 favorites]

I think that this post has singlehandedly resolved the circumcision debate that has been running through my head.
posted by emilyd22222 at 2:30 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

Gobstoppers eh?

More like Everthrusting Gobsmacker, amirite?

Sorry.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 2:30 PM on July 17, 2010

Listen, it's obvious we're having a problem in the communications department. In the future, you've got to tell me what it is you want right away, because otherwise I've got no way of knowing that you don't want to see my penis. I'm a pretty sharp guy, but you can't expect me to know how you're feeling all the time. Unless you tell me, I'm going to just assume that you want to see my penis.
posted by clockwork at 2:34 PM on July 17, 2010 [6 favorites]

Fantastic post. The Sea Anemone link is just brilliant; loved it.
posted by heyho at 2:36 PM on July 17, 2010

I like cocks, but for some reason I'm afraid to click the links.
posted by desjardins at 2:42 PM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

Oh god, the glitter one urgently needs to be animated somehow with Sylvester's "You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real)" playing in the background.
posted by elizardbits at 2:44 PM on July 17, 2010

The Sea Anemone one also looks kind of like a star nosed mole.
posted by andoatnp at 2:44 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

Wow, glitter really is the herpes of the craft world.
posted by loquacious at 2:46 PM on July 17, 2010 [7 favorites]

I never had strong feelings about my own circumcision until today. Now, I can say with certainty that I am really glad that I don't have a foreskin.
posted by silby at 2:47 PM on July 17, 2010 [5 favorites]

This vaguely reminds me of a photo set that some Japanese artist did a dozen or so years ago, where he dressed up his ween in doll clothes. I can't remember the guy's name, unfortunately, and, considering the subject matter, am rather reluctant to ask the google.
posted by elizardbits at 2:47 PM on July 17, 2010

Dude lights his dick on fire(or 'shops it in). The closest I've gotten is burning some pubes off. It might be a metaphor for VD or a prostate problem.
posted by christhelongtimelurker at 2:48 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

Link
posted by sfts2 at 2:49 PM on July 17, 2010

wait, what?
posted by nathancaswell at 2:52 PM on July 17, 2010

Hmm, this is not my favorite.
posted by something something at 2:53 PM on July 17, 2010

why the hell did i bother to click on this? they'll ask me about this in heaven, won't they? fucking angels.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:55 PM on July 17, 2010 [11 favorites]

With all the mousetraps and other antics, dude is crusin' for a torsion.
posted by Burhanistan at 2:57 PM on July 17, 2010

Uh, the NSFW warning was needed, as for some reason I thought this said "High Contrast Clock", and assumed it would be some "puppetry of the penis" thing, but you know, a clock of some kind. Ugh.
posted by King Bee at 3:00 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

> miss mah bucket

That was the only link in this thread I dared click on, and as a result I've learned that the original walrus who lost his bucket has died. CURSE YOU, UNIVERSE!
posted by Catseye at 3:00 PM on July 17, 2010 [3 favorites]

I totally love this. I'm serious.
posted by desuetude at 3:01 PM on July 17, 2010

that foreskin, foreskins in general, and the things that man does with his, are all, goddamn, motherfucking, gross.

thank you and good night.
posted by Super Hans at 3:02 PM on July 17, 2010

that can't be good for it.
posted by anniecat at 3:03 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

In retrospect, I didn't want to see that.
posted by found missing at 3:04 PM on July 17, 2010

HAHA VICTORY IS MINE

(I still have no idea where it's from, I just found it in my pix folder entitled "lolz".)
posted by elizardbits at 3:04 PM on July 17, 2010 [5 favorites]

You know I saw this not but a few days ago and did that reaction where you're both intrigued and confused and kinda grossed out but want to share it with people, that feeling? That internets feeling? It hit me powerfully.

And then I took a breath and the feeling passed.

This last bit clearly did not happen with you.

I don''t know who is the winner here.
posted by The Whelk at 3:05 PM on July 17, 2010 [10 favorites]

This will not . . . well, you know the rest.
posted by Nabubrush at 3:05 PM on July 17, 2010

> that foreskin, foreskins in general, and the things that man does with his, are all, goddamn, motherfucking, gross.

thank you and good night.
posted by Super Hans

If your name was Super Glans we would have a killer eponysterical.
posted by Burhanistan at 3:06 PM on July 17, 2010 [3 favorites]

Anyway at no point is his dick in a chicken so we still win.
posted by The Whelk at 3:07 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

How are we sure that this isn't a self link?
posted by Burhanistan at 3:17 PM on July 17, 2010 [4 favorites]

How are we sure that this isn't a self link?

Don't worry, I'm a good jewish boy.
posted by andoatnp at 3:20 PM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

I can't quite put my finger on it...

You're doing it wrong.

I'm straight, and I liked these a lot (except for the painful ones -- ouch!). I don't look at much gay porn, so maybe these kinds of images are super common there. But in hetero porn (unless you dig way deeper than you should into the amateur stuff) the cocks pretty much all look alike, and there isn't usually this much sense of playfulness with them.
posted by Forktine at 3:22 PM on July 17, 2010 [4 favorites]

that foreskin, foreskins in general, and the things that man does with his, are all, goddamn, motherfucking, gross.

Wait what? Ain't nothing wrong with your average foreskin. They're all stretchy like a hat! A penis hat.
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 3:26 PM on July 17, 2010 [15 favorites]

I can never decide if I like Jewish guys or foreskins better... I've only seen them together once, and it was pretty damned delightful.

Boo! on the foreskin hate here. Seriously? What the fuck is that all about? An unmutilated cock is a thing of great beauty in my world.
posted by heyho at 3:27 PM on July 17, 2010 [4 favorites]

I wonder if he takes requests?
posted by desuetude at 3:28 PM on July 17, 2010

I wonder if he takes requests?

Yes. From the blog: "Send me questions and ideas at [e-mail]"
posted by andoatnp at 3:30 PM on July 17, 2010

I'm sensing a concerted effort by several users of the site to gay up the front page of Metafilter. Not that there's a problem with that, just that we're wise to your plans and schemes, boys.
posted by crunchland at 3:31 PM on July 17, 2010

> I can never decide if I like Jewish guys or foreskins better... I've only seen them together once, and it was pretty damned delightful.

Boo! on the foreskin hate here. Seriously? What the fuck is that all about? An unmutilated cock is a thing of great beauty in my world.

You do realize that there are hundreds and hundreds of millions of circumcised men who are not Jewish, right? Also, be mindful that "mutilated" is a pretty trollish term.
posted by Burhanistan at 3:31 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

More inside, you say?
posted by Pope Guilty at 3:32 PM on July 17, 2010 [5 favorites]

Boo! on the foreskin hate here. Seriously? What the fuck is that all about? An unmutilated cock is a thing of great beauty in my world.

I would say that this is one of those things that's a matter of personal preference and not something that needs f bombs dropped on it.
posted by emilyd22222 at 3:33 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

and the first thing i thought of was Awkward Stock Photos
posted by Hammond Rye at 3:33 PM on July 17, 2010 [3 favorites]

I'm sensing a concerted effort by several users of the site to gay up the front page of Metafilter

There are demographics other than gay men who like dicks, ya know...
posted by emilyd22222 at 3:35 PM on July 17, 2010 [23 favorites]

I don't mean to troll by saying "unmutilated" at all. I should have said uncut, I suppose. Sorry to have stressed anyone by my comment. I'm surprised by the "ewwww" going on, though. No offense intended.
posted by heyho at 3:37 PM on July 17, 2010

what emilyd2222 said, with foreskins on
posted by infini at 3:37 PM on July 17, 2010

yay, can we we have a big fight about foreskins again??
posted by saul wright at 3:42 PM on July 17, 2010

Maybe later, I am busy declawing my vegan cat.
posted by elizardbits at 3:42 PM on July 17, 2010 [34 favorites]

High contrast pussy?
posted by new brand day at 3:45 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

There are demographics other than gay men who like dicks, ya know...

True, but do they frequent gay.fleshbot.com?
posted by crunchland at 3:48 PM on July 17, 2010

Whenever I recommend Metafilter to anyone, the next day something like this appears on the front page.
posted by memebake at 3:48 PM on July 17, 2010 [15 favorites]

True, but do they frequent gay.fleshbot.com?

Probably.
posted by emilyd22222 at 3:50 PM on July 17, 2010 [4 favorites]

more like COCKtail umbrella amirite

This is a really neat blog! I am a lady in a straight relationship who has not had a whole lot of positive interaction with penises before the one attached to my current partner. I feel a lot like the woman in this webcomic with respect to penis fascination, which I think occasionally wears on my partner's patience. So it's sort of awesome that there is an entire blog about how penises are cool and strange.

For example I didn't know that you could fit that many Gobstoppers into a foreskin!
posted by bewilderbeast at 3:51 PM on July 17, 2010 [4 favorites]

I'm slightly embarrassed that I thought "meatotomy" was his bro-speak for cock anatomy. I had no idea it was a real thing until he linked it later on. (I also learned about sounding, so this post has just been an education for me.)
posted by gladly at 3:52 PM on July 17, 2010

Well that was rather unpleasant to look at.
posted by Houyhnhnm at 3:53 PM on July 17, 2010

I wonder if he takes requests?

he has had request to stick a small candle down it

Woohoo, gets in before thread deletion!!
posted by marienbad at 3:56 PM on July 17, 2010

"If your name was Super Glans we would have a killer eponysterical.
posted by Burhanistan"

hahaha. I was going to write that I would be surprised if anyone would give themselves such a username, but then there probably are/have been some odd usernames on here in the last 11 years. Anyone think of any?
posted by marienbad at 4:00 PM on July 17, 2010

With his large cock and lengthy foreskin
He fights crime?
posted by Abiezer at 4:01 PM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

Flagged as "Aw Hell, no!"
posted by bwg at 4:03 PM on July 17, 2010

ah, thanks for toning down the rhetoric
posted by found missing at 4:04 PM on July 17, 2010

See. Now THIS is the CBT that I always think you're talking about over on The Green.

Glittery, glittery therapy.
posted by desuetude at 4:05 PM on July 17, 2010 [3 favorites]

I don't think this one is getting deleted. At least one mod seems to be around.
posted by desjardins at 4:07 PM on July 17, 2010

With his large cock and lengthy foreskin
He fights crime?

Henchman: "Boss, we're trapped in some kind of sticky webbing."
Villain: "What th ... aww fuck. THAT'S NOT WEBBING!"
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:10 PM on July 17, 2010 [7 favorites]

I realize that the BBC budget it stretched, but this is the lamest Dr. Who alien ever.
posted by Dr. Zira at 4:10 PM on July 17, 2010

[few comments removed - we're not deleting it but this also isn't going to turn into a circumcision fight. Go to metatalk if you need to be that way.]
posted by jessamyn at 4:11 PM on July 17, 2010 [3 favorites]

I like cocks and foreskins and pictures of same but for some reason I thought that site was pretty creepy. Maybe it was the high contrast.
posted by sevenyearlurk at 4:12 PM on July 17, 2010

I like high contrast, but for some reason I thought that site was pretty creepy. Maybe it was the cocks and foreskins.
posted by found missing at 4:14 PM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

Calm down. I didn't get the vibe that anyone here was actually grossed out by the foreskin in these photos, just ya know, photos of cocks + stuff was enough to squick out the pussies here. (heh, see what I did there?)

All in all, I think this is great from an artistic/photographic sense, and body positive images for men are great too. How many guys see other's penises outside of porn?
posted by fontophilic at 4:14 PM on July 17, 2010

I am intrigued by your ideas and would like to subscribe to your penis.

did I do that right?
posted by iconomy at 4:18 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

8====Dafilter
posted by Senor Cardgage at 4:19 PM on July 17, 2010 [3 favorites]

Now THIS is the CBT that I always think you're talking about over on The Green.

Cock Bedazzling Time?
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 4:19 PM on July 17, 2010 [4 favorites]

we're not deleting it

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!
posted by Greg Nog at 4:19 PM on July 17, 2010 [4 favorites]

i was right about at least a couple of odd usernames: fishfucker, spicynuts

found via cortex's game. thanks matey.
posted by marienbad at 4:19 PM on July 17, 2010

Okay -- I have to ask because I don't have one.

But -- okay, guys? Wouldn't some of these....really, really hurt?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:20 PM on July 17, 2010

This post has yet again confirmed that "cut" is the Light and the Way.

Those things look like they belong in a Frank Herbert story, being terrible.

USA! USA! USA!
posted by Senor Cardgage at 4:21 PM on July 17, 2010

How many guys see other's penises outside of porn?

I was just thinking about this. Not in the sex way, just in the OMg they're FANTASTIC THOUGH way. Just like teenage girls are getting grossed out by their pubic hair and sticky out labia because they never see it, teenage boys seem to be a bit eww foreskins these days.

Positive and intriguing images for everyone, yay.
posted by shinybaum at 4:22 PM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

How many guys see other's penises outside of porn?

I always thought straight guys surreptiously checked each other out in the locker room so they knew how they measured up. Of course, on the internet everyone's 8" or more.

But -- okay, guys? Wouldn't some of these....really, really hurt?

I'm too squeamish to click, but some guys really do like pain.
posted by desjardins at 4:22 PM on July 17, 2010

surreptitously

surreptitiusly

whatever.
posted by desjardins at 4:24 PM on July 17, 2010

I don't look at much gay porn, so maybe these kinds of images are super common there.

No, not really. Cocks look pretty much all alike in gay porn too.
posted by blucevalo at 4:26 PM on July 17, 2010

I don't look at much gay porn, so maybe these kinds of images are super common there.

Also, I wouldn't call these pictures gay porn.
posted by andoatnp at 4:28 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

See. Now THIS is the CBT that I always think you're talking about over on The Green.
posted by greekphilosophy at 4:15 PM on July 17

Heh, a couple years back I was talking about "CBT" for my anxiety and a friend on LJ was like. umm... And then in comments I replied and he was like - "OH! I thought Cock & Ball Torture was a strange therapy to use for social anxiety, but hey what works for you, I guess..."
posted by symbioid at 4:33 PM on July 17, 2010

Hi

I'm from the internet.

Why exactly is ths here?

Thanks

Tim
posted by timsteil at 4:37 PM on July 17, 2010

Weirdly, we now refer to pictures of bookshelves as porn.
posted by found missing at 4:38 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm concerned about the treatment and welfare of that penis. I'm contacting PETA now.
posted by Elmore at 4:52 PM on July 17, 2010

PEENA?
posted by found missing at 4:53 PM on July 17, 2010

I recognize this guy. I saw him on ChatRoulette.
posted by Obscure Reference at 5:00 PM on July 17, 2010 [4 favorites]

Wow.

My favorite thing is that every person rushed in here to say something about "ah, oh, um... these are crazy! I mean, um, there's fireworks! And balloons! And... weird stuff... er. That's strange, right?" – everyone rushed in here to say that stuff, and make a quick joke, because everyone here in this thread felt an insurmountable urge to avoid saying what we are all, in fact, actually thinking:

This man has an extraordinarily beautiful penis.

Houyhnhnm: “Well that was rather unpleasant to look at.”

Are you serious?
posted by koeselitz at 5:08 PM on July 17, 2010 [4 favorites]

I'm at work and can't open any of the links, yet I'm strangely fascinated. Much more than I would have expected.
posted by twirlypen at 5:14 PM on July 17, 2010

While I have indeed enjoyed looking at penises in my time...

And indeed touching them and etc.

I don't understand why this is here.

Maybe I'm getting old. It just doesn't seem MetaWorthy.

I won't flag it. I'm just not sure about it.
posted by Splunge at 5:18 PM on July 17, 2010

I showed it to my wife and she that the same thing I did "Eeewww, it's diseased!"
posted by new brand day at 5:18 PM on July 17, 2010

Yay! I am straight and I approve of this post. And I want a foreskin. Dammit.
posted by zeek321 at 5:24 PM on July 17, 2010

OMG FIRECRACKER IN THE URETHRA AHHH AHHH AHHHH!!!!

(I actually like this link very much, but AAAAAHHHH!!!)
posted by mollymayhem at 5:28 PM on July 17, 2010

No, thanks. I find it hard to imagine a world where I'd have any need to see pictures of your genitals.

Go back to wearing a raincoat and flashing it furtively to people on the street if you need so urgently to get it out there.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:33 PM on July 17, 2010

I am delighted by the idea that this could be the secret blog of someone like your mailman, or your dentist, or Senator Lindsay Graham.
posted by MegoSteve at 5:37 PM on July 17, 2010 [10 favorites]

I always thought straight guys surreptitiously checked each other out in the locker room so they knew how they measured up. Of course, on the internet everyone's 8" or more.

In my experience (speaking as a straight man) straight men will do just about anything to NOT look at another man's junk, surreptitiously or otherwise. The risk of being caught (for even the briefest, subtlest glance) is too great. Of course as a "grow-er not a show-er" I may have have some particular, ahhh, sensitivity to these types of things...
posted by jalexei at 5:38 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

But -- okay, guys? Wouldn't some of these....really, really hurt?

Some of them hurt just to look at. Different strokes, different folks. I've always put CBT in that category of things that I'll never understand -- I try to treat my own parts very, very nicely.

Also, I wouldn't call these pictures gay porn.

Well, there was that gay.fleshbot thing, so it's being used as gay porn even if it wasn't intended that way. And the blog links trend pretty gay, too, for what that's worth. Whether or not it is gay porn, I'm not the right person to make that call.

I think the "ewww, foreskin!" thing is sad, sort of like when guys on the internet say that women's pubic hair is nasty. Having one is a lot of fun; not having one doesn't stop you from having fun. I think the "eww gross" reaction to foreskins, pubic hair, dangly labia, and any number of other things, comes from the fact that the available sexual imagery is so limited. It's all around us -- but almost everyone in the images looks identical.
posted by Forktine at 5:42 PM on July 17, 2010 [5 favorites]

All of you pro/anti foreskin/penis people are really just dancing around the real issue: the use of mechanic's tools on or near genitalia.

I, for one, take a decidedly anti-vise-grip stance.
posted by phunniemee at 5:46 PM on July 17, 2010 [3 favorites]

My very first experience of other real penises was at a pool that I was taken to by my parents in the late 1960s. The memory of the actual time is vague. But the memory of what transpired is very clear.

I was there, a small boy. I had a locker key. I went to the bench where my locker was and undressed. All around me were men with huge swinging dicks snapping towels at each other and laughing.

I had, up to that time, never seen another naked full grown man. They seemed to be having fun. Yet I was terribly embarrassed. More for them than for me. I remember thinking, why would they do that? Their THINGS were hanging out.

So unless my parents brought me to a gay/bi pool, I think that straight men have less of a problem being naked around each other than one might think.
posted by Splunge at 5:50 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

What a dick.
posted by jonmc at 5:52 PM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

I, for one, take a decidedly anti-vise-grip stance.

Would that be a three point stance?
posted by Splunge at 5:52 PM on July 17, 2010

I didn't like that. I would rather see pictures of vaginas in unusual circumstances.

Oh wait, I look at those every morning. Never mind.
posted by Uncle Grumpy at 5:55 PM on July 17, 2010

Well that's interesting, Here's some. Can I make an FPP about them?

NSFW

Be Careful
posted by Splunge at 6:00 PM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

So unless my parents brought me to a gay/bi pool, I think that straight men have less of a problem being naked around each other than one might think.

It's funny, everyone says this, and based on that I can't disagree, but after decades of gym, high school and college athletics, I can honestly say I've never been in a situation like that.

My God... It's me! It's me isn't it!? But how did everybody spread the word I was coming? This is going to keep me awake for, oh, the next few decades at least...
posted by jalexei at 6:02 PM on July 17, 2010

I like to look at penises and all but this strikes me as tacky -- like people dressing up dogs in lobster costumes.
posted by binturong at 6:08 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

In all, this was a kind of hilarious post. It had everything. I laughed. I cried. I winced in pain.

But now he's gone and made my foreskin jealous and I've had to apologize to it like three times for being so boring.

I keep looking down at my lap and it's dragged something new and exciting over that it wants to play with - a blank cd, ribbons, ligatures, a curling iron and now a little league trophy.

Thanks Magic Penis From The Internet, you've gone and made me look bad in front of my boy. Thanks a lot.
posted by greekphilosophy at 6:09 PM on July 17, 2010 [11 favorites]

I think the "ewww, foreskin!" thing is sad, sort of like when guys on the internet say that women's pubic hair is nasty. Having one is a lot of fun; not having one doesn't stop you from having fun. I think the "eww gross" reaction to foreskins, pubic hair, dangly labia, and any number of other things, comes from the fact that the available sexual imagery is so limited. It's all around us -- but almost everyone in the images looks identical.

Point taken. However, I don't think there's anything wrong with having a preference. Some guys prefer larger breasts, some prefer smaller- it appeals to their aesthetic, reflects the bodies of their past sexual partners, etc., but it doesn't mean that they'd run away crying if they saw the wrong sized breasts. If you see something outside of your personal norm, you may be surprised, or even initially repulsed, but I'd expect that for most people, their schemas (and maybe even preferences) expand to fit the new norm.
posted by emilyd22222 at 6:24 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

I've never been so happy to be able to read the comments on a post before deciding whether or not to click its links.
posted by zarq at 6:24 PM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

I prefer larger breasts, but I don't find small breasts disgusting.
posted by Crabby Appleton at 6:34 PM on July 17, 2010

The internet is so over.
posted by jcworth at 6:48 PM on July 17, 2010

splunge - we've done the cervix post before. wonderful site and honestly helped explain some things about my own body.

the site for this FPP? - this site is freaking hilarious and wonderful. i am pro-genital silliness. also, the mental image of greekphilosophy's dejected foreskin is making me shoot things out of my nose. his posts should come with a warning label - "may damage sinuses from laughing too hard"
posted by nadawi at 6:51 PM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

i just dont understand the concept of a foreskin. it's like ... i dont know ... a penis in disguise or something.

on that note, this looks like a twilight chorizo.
posted by liza at 7:00 PM on July 17, 2010

Willy Wanka
posted by zippy at 7:02 PM on July 17, 2010

How the fuck did this post survive?
posted by Thorzdad at 7:28 PM on July 17, 2010

How the fuck did this post survive?

We talked about it and thought it met the general points for a decent post and if people didn't like the subject matter [which was well-explained in the post description] they didn't have to read it. People are welcome to go to MetaTalk if they think we made the wrong decision.
posted by jessamyn at 7:32 PM on July 17, 2010 [3 favorites]

However, I don't think there's anything wrong with having a preference.

Preferences are great; saying that a totally normal body part is definitionally gross is not so great, especially when that distaste comes only from porn and erotic imagery rather than real-life experience.

I keep looking down at my lap and it's dragged something new and exciting over that it wants to play with - a blank cd, ribbons, ligatures, a curling iron and now a little league trophy.

This FPP reminded me of being 8 years old and in the bathtub, when my foreskin would play roles like the sarlacc, devouring the arm of an action figure. It was totally desexualized play, and I have a similar reaction to these photos: he just looks like he is having fun.
posted by Forktine at 7:56 PM on July 17, 2010 [4 favorites]

high resolution uncut cock ≠ abnormally attractive and interesting cock. that is all and goodnight.
posted by nathancaswell at 8:02 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

For all you foreskins are gross people, that guy's foreskin is probably the longest/most wrinkly I have ever seen, and should by no means be taken as typical. That said, it's more amusing or cute than gross. How can you look into that eye and not smile
posted by tehloki at 8:05 PM on July 17, 2010

The glitter one made me laugh and laugh. Like, out loud and everything.
posted by hot soup girl at 8:15 PM on July 17, 2010

THE SPICE MUST FLOW

nah seriously uncut cocks are really silly-lookin' but not any more silly-lookin' than uncut cocks. a penis is just fundamentally visually goofy.
posted by kafziel at 8:17 PM on July 17, 2010

This guy is fixated on his own prick a little more than is healthy.
posted by crunchland at 8:18 PM on July 17, 2010

Not the "a penis is just visually fundamentally goofy" thing. Oh well, different strokes I guess.
posted by Nabubrush at 8:23 PM on July 17, 2010

> Oh well, different strokes I guess.

I see what you did there.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:37 PM on July 17, 2010

Just out of curiousity, how does one remove glitter from one's penis? Because that's nasty, messy stuff* and I have banned it from our house because once it's unleashed, there's just no way to get it all out again, because the little bits spread like a plague, and sticks to everything.

*Glitter. Not penises. Just for the record, I am pro-penis. Big fan. Of the penis. Outstanding contribution to humanity, the penis. Well done, the penis. Truly amazing, the penis.
posted by Dr. Zira at 9:10 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

The glitter got up in his urethra like a shiny kidney stone.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:13 PM on July 17, 2010

Some people really want this penis post pulled.
posted by stinkycheese at 9:16 PM on July 17, 2010

Double
posted by Burhanistan at 9:24 PM on July 17, 2010

I, for one, take a decidedly anti-vise-grip stance.

Would that be a three point stance?

A wide stance perhaps?
posted by MikeMc at 9:26 PM on July 17, 2010

In there he said most of the glitter came off rather easily and quickly, and the balance hung around for weeks (much as you'd expect).
posted by Nabubrush at 9:28 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]

eeee... kill it with fire!
posted by markkraft at 10:23 PM on July 17, 2010

I like the ones with that cock in it.
I'm also glad that I didn't deprive my son with such a versatile toy.
(like my dad did...)
posted by Balisong at 10:48 PM on July 17, 2010

Didn't care much for the main post, but the comments have been thoroughly entertaining.
posted by gallois at 11:01 PM on July 17, 2010

OMG FIRECRACKER IN THE URETHRA AHHH AHHH AHHHH!!!!

I read this in the voice of The Count and hurt myself giggling.
posted by zippy at 11:26 PM on July 17, 2010 [3 favorites]

wow, you guys have clearly never cruised the hard/extreme galleries of bme, have you? this stuff is TAME. i mean, pliers on your foreskin....that's like, so elementary school compared to some of the stuff that people do to themselves. for pleasure. because they want to. because they like it.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 11:35 PM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]

(no comment)



just...wtf?
posted by maortiz at 12:22 AM on July 18, 2010

that can't be good for it.


Okay -- I have to ask because I don't have one.

But -- okay, guys? Wouldn't some of these....really, really hurt?


I haven't looked at many of the pics but just as general info... The only sensitive parts for my part(s) is the glans and the balls. Everything else is pretty much inert and insensitive skin and.. I dunno, blood vessels? You can bend it and sqeeze it and hit it with a hammer and not much will come of it unless you break the skin. Then it might sting.

However, DON'T put glitter on the glans for gods sake! I'm squirming over here. There's a reason for that foreskin and that is to keep dirt and stuff OFF of that part!
posted by Catfry at 1:27 AM on July 18, 2010

European attempting to preserve some semblance of sanity in the conversation here. Cut or un-cut, please to be remembering that there will be people of both varieties reading this thread (and people who are fond of fondling both varieties as well) and try not to insult people who are uncut by calling them gross, or people who are cut by calling them primitive or whatever. Regardless of your strong personal feelings either way, there are people on the other side who are quite happy with what they have (or what they fondle) and don't want to read you calling them names.
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 4:51 AM on July 18, 2010 [2 favorites]

I read this headline as: High Contrast CLock; which is just what I'm looking for for my 86y/o grandmother.
posted by applemeat at 5:16 AM on July 18, 2010

[.comments removed. seriously, as I said before: NO. Go to MeTa if you want to complain about circumcision, this is not the place for it]
posted by jessamyn at 5:20 AM on July 18, 2010 [2 favorites]

Wait--go back to Awkward Stock Photos. That's some mighty fine internet there.
posted by ancientgower at 7:21 AM on July 18, 2010

I feel somewhat cheated that I don't have a foreskin, nor did I have any say in the matter.
posted by wsg at 7:33 AM on July 18, 2010 [3 favorites]

i know how you feel, I've been accused of penis envy myself
posted by infini at 7:38 AM on July 18, 2010

Yeah, as for what a foreskin feels like... The only other body part I can compare it to - that almost everyone has as a frame of reference - is an earlobe.

Sure, you can feel pain there. But it is a pretty resilient and stretchy bit of human. For this reason, in many cases, phimosis (tight, unretractable foreskin) can be cured without much medical intervention. It just takes a looooooong time and constant effort. It's basically like putting gauges in your earlobe. When done on a very long timeline, it doesn't hurt or cause ripping but instead slowly stretches out the foreskin so that it retracts over the glans.

Also, it bears noting that testicles are the sensitive part downstairs - not the scrotal skin covering them, which is more or less of the same sensitivity as just about any other skin. While nobody should be playing fast and loose with anyone else's balls unless invited, there's no reason to develop a phobia of touching them at all for fear of causing inordinate pain. I only say this because if I didn't have balls and was raised being taught "omg don't hurt the balls!" I might develop a complex and avoid them entirely just to be on the safe side.

As for sounding - inserting something into your urethra - I can't attest to what it feels like but I get the impression that it LOOKS more painful than it actually is. I think the psychological response seeing foreign objects inserted into the human body is pretty textbook. I actually think this has a lot to do with gay rights - since I suspect most people think "gay" and immediately think "omg buttsex" and then that little primordial red flashing light starts in their brain that says, "...but that's WRONG." This leaves aside all sorts of factors, like gay men who don't engage in anal sex and the fact that our modern technology means that the whole ordeal is much less logistically problematic these days. But that little "omg outtie not innie" instinct doesn't listen to logic.

And finally, frankly, I'm disappointed about the penis shaming going on in this thread. Especially because the subject is something that people rarely have any control over. Whether it is circumcised and 2" erect or uncircumcised and looks like it actually belonged on a horse, you work with the penis you were given through a combination of genetics a medical decisions made by others. Shaming people about their body is wrong. Period. But most of the time we do it in subtle ways: failing to represent bodily diversity in mass media, creation of folkloric tales and running gags about the human body. A lot of the comments here far exceeded subtlety (which is itself damaging and awful). Explicitly shaming people - even anonymous internet people! - about something as private and personal as their genitals? (And make no mistake, that's what you are doing with the "eww foreskin" or "barbaric circumcision" comments.) That's deranged. There is a time and a place to discuss the merits or problems associated with circumcision - a conversation about the aesthetics of a stranger's penis isn't it.
posted by greekphilosophy at 8:31 AM on July 18, 2010 [32 favorites]

July 18th 2010, 11:31 AM, Greekphilosophy delivers a stirring, inspiring oratory about genitals.

The world rejoices.
posted by The Whelk at 8:42 AM on July 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

well shit, something good came out of this thread after all.
posted by nathancaswell at 8:45 AM on July 18, 2010

I'd like the community at large to notice how mature I'm being RE: the comment above me.

Thank you.
posted by The Whelk at 9:00 AM on July 18, 2010

Duly noted, The Whelk.
posted by KathrynT at 9:28 AM on July 18, 2010

I think that greekphilosophy and I could talk about penises all day.

(And yeah, those of us without penises of our own get a big dose of caution about "the balls," and I think most of us had nooooo idea that you can play with the scrotum. Or that it's okay to giggle when you do.)
posted by desuetude at 9:30 AM on July 18, 2010 [2 favorites]

Are you not feeling well, The Whelk?
posted by Nabubrush at 9:30 AM on July 18, 2010

er, just one more thing...

who is Terry Richardson? and why is that pic a tribute to him? is he a dick?
posted by marienbad at 9:47 AM on July 18, 2010

I think most of us had nooooo idea that you can play with the scrotum. Or that it's okay to giggle when you do

I had to ask my wife, "Why are you so FASCINATED by my scrotum?"

"Because I don't have one.. and it's so NEAT.. it's stretchy! and then it contracts! And then your balls hide! Can you control that??"

"I AM NOT YOUR SCIENCE EXPERIMENT!!!!"
posted by mrbill at 10:41 AM on July 18, 2010 [3 favorites]

I was all set to say this Craig fellow has a pretty nice body (hello!) and it's a shame he's focusing so much on his (much less attractive to me) cock, but greekphilosophy is right. Besides, after seeing what he can do with a golf ball (!) and an easter egg (!!), I want a foreskin more than ever.
posted by kittyprecious at 10:43 AM on July 18, 2010

Terry Richardson is a fashion photographer who is rumored to be pervy and allegedly sexually harasses his female models- his images have that same sort of aesthetic, and many of his shots involve dicks, including his.
posted by emilyd22222 at 10:44 AM on July 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

Besides, after seeing what he can do with a golf ball (!) and an easter egg (!!), I want a foreskin more than ever.


it's a handy change purse
posted by nathancaswell at 11:10 AM on July 18, 2010

I always keep my USB stick there
posted by Catfry at 11:23 AM on July 18, 2010

Are you serious?

I am. It's not his penis I find unpleasant; it's the things he does to it.
posted by Houyhnhnm at 11:59 AM on July 18, 2010

that foreskin, foreskins in general, and the things that man does with his, are all, goddamn, motherfucking, gross.

thank you and good night.
posted by Super Hans at 3:02 PM on July 17 [+] [!]

GOD BLESS AMURIKA!
posted by Malice at 12:11 PM on July 18, 2010

high resolution uncut cock ≠ abnormally attractive and interesting cock. that is all and goodnight.

Repeated for emphasis. YYMV, of course.
posted by darkstar at 1:21 PM on July 18, 2010

How did this post survive?

The real question is, why did it take so long? Women have held mirrors and shared since the seventies. Good to see you guys finally catching up.

And when will we get a song? (something like "Hair" with the appropriate references)
posted by Surfurrus at 1:39 PM on July 18, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oddest compliment I've ever gotten (and this was fairly recently): "You have a nice, pretty, well-formed penis." My response was "Uhm, okay, thank you? Nobody's ever told me that before, and here I am paranoid about size" and she just laughed.
posted by mrbill at 1:45 PM on July 18, 2010

In a similar vein (heh), in bed one night, a lover described to me his smaller-than-average penis as "party-sized."
posted by darkstar at 2:23 PM on July 18, 2010 [3 favorites]

One of my superpowers is saying inappropriate things in bed. They include but are hardly limited to:

- "It's like a microphone. I just want to sing into it." And then I did.

or

- "This is the largest scrotum I've ever seen. You could house refugees under it!"

Yeah. I have no idea why I'm single.
posted by greekphilosophy at 2:45 PM on July 18, 2010 [7 favorites]

"It's like a microphone. I just want to sing into it." And then I did.

What song? And was this inspired by Shortbus?
posted by Houyhnhnm at 3:06 PM on July 18, 2010

It was 2005 so I doubt it was Shortbus-inspired. And my standby penis karaoke song is "Unchained Melody." I feel like that most efficiently turns the awkwardness up to eleven.
posted by greekphilosophy at 3:18 PM on July 18, 2010 [3 favorites]

And my standby penis karaoke song is "Unchained Melody.

Well. THERE'S the problem. Too dirge-like. You need something that inspires a little more swing in his, erm, step. Hard to Handle? This Magic Moment? River Deep -- Mountain High?
posted by desuetude at 3:59 PM on July 18, 2010

Dick Bidet.
posted by cjorgensen at 4:29 PM on July 18, 2010

One of my superpowers is saying inappropriate things in bed. [...] Yeah. I have no idea why I'm single.

OMG CALL ME

we may be twins
posted by kittyprecious at 6:09 PM on July 18, 2010

in the "inappropriate in bed category"

i too have played a few rounds of penis karaoke. also: no matter how nerdy the fellow in your bed, they don't appreciate when you pretend you're playing galaga or street fighter complete with sound effects.
posted by nadawi at 6:56 PM on July 18, 2010

no matter how nerdy the fellow in your bed, they don't appreciate when you pretend you're playing galaga or street fighter complete with sound effects.

That has not been my experience.


pew! pew!
posted by jessamyn at 8:37 PM on July 18, 2010 [12 favorites]

What do you mean I can only favorite that once, jessamyn? OPPRESSOR.
posted by desuetude at 8:46 PM on July 18, 2010

that's Imperial Oppressor to you
posted by infini at 10:25 PM on July 18, 2010

Go to MeTa if you want to complain about circumcision, this is not the place for it

But it's totally the place for making out it's just an aesthetic preferences thing, no biggie. Repeatedly. Uncensoredly.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 1:07 AM on July 19, 2010

But it's totally the place for making out it's just an aesthetic preferences thing, no biggie. Repeatedly. Uncensoredly.

AS long as they don't result in a runaway GRAR thread then yes, those comments are allowed.
posted by Catfry at 2:54 AM on July 19, 2010

But it's totally the place for making out it's just an aesthetic preferences thing, no biggie. Repeatedly. Uncensoredly.

Yes.

"I am going to turn this into a huge freaking fight by calling people baby mutilators." is a lot different than "Different people can disagree on this topic in good faith and here is my opinion." MetaTalk is your option, please feel free to use it.
posted by jessamyn at 7:17 AM on July 19, 2010

"no matter how nerdy the fellow in your bed, they don't appreciate when you pretend you're playing galaga or street fighter complete with sound effects." posted by nadawi

You know the part where the one green ship comes down, and beams your ship up, and then you can rescue it? I LOVE THAT PART. pew pew pew!
posted by not_on_display at 9:31 AM on July 19, 2010

> You know the part where the one green ship comes down, and beams your ship up, and then you can rescue it? I LOVE THAT PART. pew pew pew!

Is that some kind of allusion to holding back orgasm?
posted by Burhanistan at 9:37 AM on July 19, 2010

"Is that some kind of allusion to holding back orgasm?" posted by Burhanistan

No, I just thought it would go well with the pictures on this site! Get back on topic, folks!

(Aside to Burhanistan) no, it's when you [whisper whisper whisper] you get it now? Totally 8-bit, too.
posted by not_on_display at 10:10 AM on July 19, 2010

Thanks emilyd22222. I think i understand now.

Playing Galaga? I do Pac Mac with my girlfriends ... munch munch munch and then I eat the cherry.
posted by marienbad at 12:05 PM on July 19, 2010

i've had astroids played on my boobs before.
posted by nadawi at 12:43 PM on July 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

munch munch munch and then I eat the cherry.

so you only do it once and only with virgins? and i thought my fetishes were specific.
posted by nadawi at 12:43 PM on July 19, 2010

lol@nadawi.

no i do it 3 times hence munch munch munch ;)
posted by marienbad at 12:49 PM on July 19, 2010

My trysts have usually been more like Berzerk:


"Intruder alert! INTRUDER ALERT!

Stop the humanoid! STOP THE INTRUDER!


Coin detected in pocket."
posted by darkstar at 1:54 PM on July 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

this is the blue people not the grey. someone halt this thread immediatemente

please? a pony?
posted by infini at 2:02 PM on July 19, 2010

infini pleading for an end?
posted by Surfurrus at 2:07 PM on July 19, 2010

why yes, I've been brought up very sheltered to protect my modesty from dishonour and embaressment etc this thread makes me want to pull the veil down over my face
posted by infini at 12:54 AM on July 20, 2010

You realize you can just not read it, right? Personally, I think we should have more conversations about playing old games with body parts.
posted by stoneweaver at 12:32 PM on July 22, 2010

Connect-the-dots using freckles is a good one.
posted by not_on_display at 1:55 PM on July 23, 2010

I think we should have more conversations about playing old games with body parts.

Or new games with old body parts. Old men, represent!
posted by Splunge at 7:41 PM on July 25, 2010