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As many balls as she wants.
July 18, 2010 1:18 PM   Subscribe

How the male angler fish is totally and completely screwed.
posted by grapefruitmoon (54 comments total) 29 users marked this as a favorite

 
i did not know this
posted by nathancaswell at 1:21 PM on July 18, 2010 [4 favorites]


Man, fishrage is the worst.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:22 PM on July 18, 2010


I liked this one.
posted by bonobothegreat at 1:23 PM on July 18, 2010


I learned this from Hank Green.
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 1:24 PM on July 18, 2010 [2 favorites]


Hmph ...didn't work. The How to Choose a Banshee one was good.
posted by bonobothegreat at 1:24 PM on July 18, 2010


Man, nature can be fucking weird and awesome at the same time.
posted by pyrex at 1:24 PM on July 18, 2010 [3 favorites]


and you can get it as a print!
posted by boo_radley at 1:25 PM on July 18, 2010


Odd. This could also describe much of my 2004. Thanks, grapefruitmoon!
posted by Ufez Jones at 1:29 PM on July 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


The female angler, however, defiles this notion

I'm really not sure if that's a typo or what.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:30 PM on July 18, 2010


Hmph ...didn't work. The How to Choose a Banshee one was good.

You didn't link to the page.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 1:32 PM on July 18, 2010


Most people just think the hagfish is horrifying-looking. The more you learn about that species, the more horrifying it becomes.
posted by Pope Guilty at 1:35 PM on July 18, 2010


FISHRAGE!
posted by zinfandel at 1:38 PM on July 18, 2010


Scariest form of procreation ever.

And once again I wonder if the Great Designer of it all is female.
posted by bearwife at 1:38 PM on July 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


Hagfish and the Disgusting Slime
posted by benzenedream at 1:39 PM on July 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


This one about web design is my all time favorite. Along with what your email address says about you.
posted by lilkeith07 at 1:39 PM on July 18, 2010 [7 favorites]


I do not ever want to eat an angler fish. Please do not over-inform me on the sex habits of cod, tuna or whatever was in my sushi last week.

Are they edible, anyway?
posted by shinybaum at 1:39 PM on July 18, 2010


What about the second male angler fish? Or the third? Or the fourth? Are they not deterred by all the fused balls stuck on their one love?
posted by iamkimiam at 1:46 PM on July 18, 2010


What a sad existence. Maybe Party Gorilla could cheer him up.
posted by homunculus at 1:50 PM on July 18, 2010


Okay, this one makes up for the fact that it's by The Oatmeal, who, in his defense, doesn't seem so SEO-scummy these days. (Also, check the page source for an awesome ASCII art "motherfucking" Pterodactyl.)
posted by JHarris at 1:54 PM on July 18, 2010


defiled |= defied

Hope he didn't print those posters yet. Old designer's joke:

Q: Who's the most important person on the design team?

A: The Preefrooder.
posted by charlie don't surf at 1:55 PM on July 18, 2010 [12 favorites]


so this is where the old saying "you've got more balls than most men I know" comes from...
posted by infini at 1:56 PM on July 18, 2010


Good God, I hope that's not where this saying comes from!
posted by iamkimiam at 2:00 PM on July 18, 2010


I, for one, am glad to not be a male anglerfish.
posted by Tomorrowful at 2:03 PM on July 18, 2010


bonobothegreat: "The How to Choose a Banshee one was good."

I'm glad I wasn't the only one bothered by that. Poor banshee.
posted by brundlefly at 2:13 PM on July 18, 2010


I learned this from Hank Green .

Man, that was the first time I loved a vlogbrothers video as much as I hoped I would. Awesome.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 2:21 PM on July 18, 2010


Are they edible, anyway?

They are, and they are delicious and expensive. In England they are known as monkfish and appear often in fish restaurants.
posted by biffa at 2:50 PM on July 18, 2010


Scariest form of procreation ever.

You obviously never met my second wife.
posted by Splunge at 2:51 PM on July 18, 2010 [3 favorites]


In England they are known as monkfish and appear often in fish restaurants.

I've... eaten monkfish. Excuse me while I try to choke on a meal I had two years ago.
posted by shinybaum at 2:54 PM on July 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


IIRC Minkfish is a different kind of ugly as he'll fish.
posted by Artw at 3:04 PM on July 18, 2010


Fish are fucking crazy. You know the fundamental plot flaw in Finding Nemo is that clownfish, who live in groups, have a matriarchy that will change depending on the largest fish. The biggest one if male will have a sex change and become the female, the smaller all become male. So Nemo's dad would have become his mum, and Nemo... well he would have remained the same.

The other thing that is fucking insane is that the anenome's they live in have a double symbiotic relationship. They have algae living within them that provide sugars to feed them through photosynthesis. But also the clownfish that host in them will also find food and drop it at the mouth of the anenome.

So, a few gonads growing out of a female monkfish isn't too perverse. Problem with monkfish is that too few of them are line caught. So every time you take a tasty bite you have several football fields worth of sea floor totally destroyed. So, who's more fucked up? The gonad embedded fish or the humans who eat them?
posted by Elmore at 3:30 PM on July 18, 2010 [9 favorites]


Yeah. Been there.
posted by tapesonthefloor at 3:53 PM on July 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


What freaks me out is the claim that these anglerfish have wombs (false, I presume)
posted by honest knave at 3:54 PM on July 18, 2010


Aren't angler fish brilliant? They've got a little torch that hangs from their head so they can see in the dark. Brilliant! Isn't the ocean a brilliant place?
posted by turgid dahlia at 4:12 PM on July 18, 2010 [3 favorites]


They've got a little torch that hangs from their head so they can see in the dark.

It's actually there to attract prey. Fish sees light, thinks I don't know what that glowing thing is, but it sure looks delicious!, goes in for a nibble, and CHOMP. Hence the name.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:19 PM on July 18, 2010


Aren't names fantastic? Before they came along, nobody knew what anything was. Brilliant!
posted by turgid dahlia at 4:24 PM on July 18, 2010


Fish can't see red. Brilliant or dull.
posted by Elmore at 4:39 PM on July 18, 2010


Fish can't see red.

Ironic, since they are so easily enraged.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:40 PM on July 18, 2010


Ironic, since they are so easily enraged.

Untrue. They are just very sensitive to intonation. You are just unaware of how much anger you are revealing when you shout your fucking head off at them. Why are you shouting at the fish, fucker?
posted by Elmore at 4:44 PM on July 18, 2010


SHOULD NOT HAVE CLICKED HAGFISH VIDEO LINK. DO NOT KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING. WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 5:00 PM on July 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


Baited. Totally.
posted by Elmore at 5:04 PM on July 18, 2010


i see this style of writing a lot on the internet... i vote we call it "steam of nomsciousness" from now on
posted by nathancaswell at 5:49 PM on July 18, 2010


My wife puts monkfish in her paella. It tastes fantastic. I have no regrets.
posted by deliquescent at 8:09 PM on July 18, 2010


Dear God, sorry to disturb you but
I feel that I should be loud and clear:
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK YOU DISEASED FUCK

ps and also candiru I mean: really?
posted by everichon at 9:37 PM on July 18, 2010 [2 favorites]


more sea-life proof of Intelligent Design:

Shark In-Womb Cannibalism

VIDEO
posted by Bwithh at 10:20 PM on July 18, 2010


shinybaum: "I do not ever want to eat an angler fish. Please do not over-inform me on the sex habits of cod, tuna or whatever was in my sushi last week."

Previously!
posted by archagon at 2:13 AM on July 19, 2010


Are they edible, anyway?

Iron Chef anglerfish battle! (youtube)

This episode was on SBS TV a few days ago. Apparently they are an ideal fish for certain types of stew. The liver removal scene is truly horrific, but the most awesome part of Iron Chef anglerfish battle is the dish that involves baked anglerfish spine arranged with baked anglerfish head. Itadakimasu!

Also, here is an image that may haunt you in your dreams.
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 3:15 AM on July 19, 2010 [2 favorites]


Isn't the ocean a brilliant place?

NO NO YOU ARE WRONG IT IS GHASTLY. People laugh at me when I say I fear the horrors of the deep. Perhaps it is time for me to leap out of a cupboard dressed as an anglerfish.
posted by elizardbits at 5:41 AM on July 19, 2010 [2 favorites]


You know what lives in the ocean? Monsters
posted by r_nebblesworthII at 6:00 AM on July 19, 2010 [1 favorite]


Perhaps it is time for me to leap out of a cupboard dressed as an anglerfish.

watch out for the balls...
posted by infini at 6:01 AM on July 19, 2010


We have a little angler in one of our tanks that has learned that when the top opens, food comes in. So I now get greeted with an excited wiggling little puppy dog of a fish ever time I go near the tank.

This revelatory information will make that experience much more... disturbing going forward.
posted by quin at 8:17 AM on July 19, 2010


watch out for the balls...

This shall be my battle cry, yes.
posted by elizardbits at 8:28 AM on July 19, 2010 [2 favorites]


Holy hell, A Thousand Baited Hooks! That's...fantastic! I only vaguely had an idea of how big those things were.

God, humans will eat anything, won't we?

Tell the merchant...you can keep the fillet.

BECAUSE IT GIVES ME NIGHTMARES.
posted by Jilder at 11:23 AM on July 19, 2010


Perhaps it is time for me to leap out of a cupboard dressed as an anglerfish.

Now I have a new halloween costume.
posted by HFSH at 3:38 PM on July 19, 2010


When quin stops posting here, check the tank.
posted by Elmore at 4:33 PM on July 19, 2010 [1 favorite]


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