July 31, 2001

4:26 PM

Stories like this onealways seems to bring a smile to my face. For the record, this is the second time in the last few years that some stupid (or very desperate) criminal has tried to rob a doughnut shop in the Chicago land area. You'd think that the concept alone would stop a would-be assailant, but I guess truth is stranger than fiction.
posted by Bag Man (15 comments total)

interesting that they give out the home area of the assailants, down to the block on what street. Is that normal?
posted by th3ph17 at 4:35 PM on July 31, 2001

Oh my god, this was my Dunkin Donuts when I was a wee highschooler, newly addicted to coffee. When I studied photography at Columbia College, I took a great shot of the owner and his brother -- I need to find that image! Of course, the police officers that frequented the place never seemed to appreciate me or any of my unkempt teenage friends.
posted by Eamon at 5:24 PM on July 31, 2001

Is that normal?

Yep, at least in Chicago.
posted by skallas at 5:37 PM on July 31, 2001

When I was in high school, junior or senior year, there was a concert at my high school called "Everybody's Concert" and it was basically a variety show with all kinds of performances. Some friends of mine and I decided that it would only be fun to attend if we got drunk in my kitchen first, so we did, sneaking some liquor from my parents' cabinet.

Of course, time passed quickly, and by the time we arrived at the high school for the concert, it had already been busted up by the police because a fight had broken out. And the streets were now crawling with cops in cars, stopping people to question them about the fight. They pulled up next to us and stopped, shining their flashlights on a bunch of four drunk girls swaying on the sidewalk.

"Hey there girls, were are you coming from?" they asked us.

"Um, nowhere," we replied.

"Were you at the high school about 30 minutes ago?" they asked, looking us over and pulling the car up to the curb.

As one policeman began to dig into us with questions, the other one turned to a girl in our group and said,

"Wait I second, I know you. You work at the Dunkin' Donuts in Cleveland Circle, right?"

"Yup," she replied.

He pointed her out to his partner, who agreed he recognized her. Then he said,

"Sorry for the trouble ladies," and they drove off into the night.
posted by megnut at 5:44 PM on July 31, 2001

lol, great story meg.
posted by lotsofno at 5:54 PM on July 31, 2001

This idiot cop is lucky they only had pellet guns. Stupid cowboy nearly got himself and the clerk killed. He should be assigned to a desk until he learns not to take reckless chances with the lives of the public. Moron.
posted by Optamystic at 7:03 PM on July 31, 2001

I was thinking the same thing Optamystic. The story could also be described as follows:

Off-duty cop knocked unconscious during attempted donut shop robbery, hailed as hero.

How very, very Wiggums.
posted by joemaller at 7:18 PM on July 31, 2001

In thinking about it a bit more, I think the cop did do the right thing. How was he to know whether or not the robbers were going to shoot the clerk and then shoot him? There isn't exactly a moral code to larceny these days. But at least the Trib didn't brand him a "hero".

"All [he] wanted was a cup of coffee"

Yeah, right. "And a jelly donut and one of those long chocolate ones with the sprinkles."
posted by joemaller at 7:56 PM on July 31, 2001

The thing is, joe...the cop didn't even successfully foil the robbery. He grabbed one guy's gun, and the other guy whacked him over the head, stunning him. If the perps had been carrying real guns, not only would Officer Dumbass have gotten himself killed, but probably the clerk as well, since the gun was pointing at him when our "hero" grabbed it.
posted by Optamystic at 8:38 PM on July 31, 2001

I can't believe I just used the word "perp" in a sentence.
posted by Optamystic at 8:39 PM on July 31, 2001

Stupid cowboy nearly got himself and the clerk killed.

Geez Optamystic, you ever been in a line of work that puts your life on the line every day for the sake of others? You're pretty tough on the guy. Sure, the situation goofed up, but if you're trained for this kind of thing, shouldn't you act? Should CPR-trained people not perform it because they might screw it up, or break a rid? Or what's to say that this would have turned out any differently had an on-duty officer arrived on the scene as the robbery was taking place?

The good police officers in this country get enough bad press from the awful, twisted ones; now the ones trying to do the right thing get criticized, too?
posted by gramcracker at 8:43 PM on July 31, 2001

> interesting that they give out the home area of the
> assailants, down to the block on what street. Is that
> normal?

That is strange (to me, anyway). If they won't (or can't?) give their exact addresses, why give approximate addresses unless they want to characterize the sort of people they are. I wonder if Chicagoans reading the article thought to themselves, "Three stupid [name a race or religion or class]s got busted trying to hold up a doughnut shop."
posted by pracowity at 5:32 AM on August 1, 2001

Well, since every Chicago police officer I know carries a gun even while they're off-duty, I have to give the cop credit for not drawing it -- that definitely would've made the situation worse. Then, after being treated at the hospital (where both my little sister and my son were born), he went to work! Sure, there are plenty of assholes in the police force, but this guy seems alright.
posted by Eamon at 7:59 AM on August 1, 2001

The thing about Chicago is that it's built on the prairie, so 90% of the streets are in a remarkably uniform grid pattern, with every 800 increment marking one mile. Saying someone lives on Foo Avenue is meaningless without the rest of the geography: Foo Ave. probably passes through between 10 and 20 markedly different neighborhoods on its route through the city. People here grow up near intersections, as much as in named neighborhoods.
posted by dhartung at 4:28 PM on August 1, 2001

Actually, dhartung, the assailants are listed as living on "the 7800 block of South Merrill," "the 7900 block of South Constance Avenue," and "the 1300 block of Buffalo Avenue in Calumet City." Pracowity's comment really made me think -- I know exactly what neighborhoods these guys are from, and this information is enough to make a pretty accurate guess about their race and class. I wonder if the paper would've published the same information if these kids were Catholic highschoolers from Beverly.
posted by Eamon at 3:06 AM on August 2, 2001