Car Salesman Finally Tells The Truth

July 21, 2010 6:49 AM

Car Salesman Finally Tells The Truth; SLYT; *NSFW*

Folks you've seen it in magazines,
You've read it in the newspapers,
In fact perhaps you've even seen the owner's picture:
Ralph Williams, the owner of Bayshore Chrysler-Plymouth,
345 El Camino Real in the City of San Bruno.

You know it's the big bald-headed son of a bitch,
The man that came to San Fransisco to offer them more for the dollar they spend:
The man that came to San Fransisco to rape each and every citizen in the whole San Fransisco Bay area.

You don't believe it? Listen to me - I don't lie.

Take a fucking car like this,
A 1966 Ford, a Country Squire Nightmaster Station Wagon:
Don't worry about the equipment -
Imagine all the fun you can have in the back!

And while you're doing it
Imagine all the money
That that bald-headed prick Ralph Williams is going to be making
On the car he's talk -
Trying to fuck you out of.

Yes, the man who will take every dime out of the San Fransisco Bay area
And spend it on prostitutes,
booze,
and of course crap tables
In the City of Las Vegas.

I'm sure you've heard about it.

So remember this:
If you'd like to get fucked in the up,
Real hard,
Before you buy a car come down here -
Let Rob Williams do it!
Why not? Why? Why not somebody else?
Remember our address is 345 El Camino Real,
In the City of San Bruno.

But
If you come from Marin County,
The East Bay area,
Or San Jose,
Your money spends just as well as anybody else's -
And when this bald-headed son of a bitch gets a hold of you
You will spend money.

Talking about payments?
Five years payments of a hundred dollars a month!
You can't get even!

So shop before you buy - Bayshore Chrysler-Plymouth.

posted by Meatbomb (25 comments total)

the Salieri of Southern California car dealers
posted by DU at 6:57 AM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

The best [fake] car dealer commercial ever: Fuck you, Baltimore!
posted by stavrogin at 7:07 AM on July 21, 2010 [4 favorites]

LDCC Large Detroit Car Company

Bad gas mileage, faulty engineering, plastic emblems that fall off:
At the Large Detroit Car Company these are part of the standards we set for ourselves.
posted by Meatbomb at 7:11 AM on July 21, 2010

Who says the truth makes you flinch?
posted by infini at 7:15 AM on July 21, 2010

Wait wait wait... Ford made a stationwagon called the 'Nightmaster'? Really?

Oh, it sounds like he's saying something else there. Nine-pounder? Night-founder? Knife-fighter? Can't tell.
posted by FatherDagon at 7:39 AM on July 21, 2010

What the hell? I recognize this TV pitchman, how is this possible? I only lived in SF for a couple of years around 1990, that would be the wrong time for this ad, I think. Surely a guy like this would have done ads for decades, like Cal Worthington (who I also remember from my years in LA).

Just what the hell IS this ad? I presume this is some joke for the owner and was never shown on TV.
posted by charlie don't surf at 7:52 AM on July 21, 2010

Yeah, it's gotta be a joke after they got a little punchy filming other spots. It's pretty damn funny and always nice to see salesmen have a sense of humour about themselves. That address is currently the location of Grace Honda, fwiw.
posted by Nelson at 8:12 AM on July 21, 2010

Snopes forum discussion on this (inconclusive):

http://message.snopes.com/showthread.php?t=60045
posted by intermod at 8:14 AM on July 21, 2010

From the highly underrated Dudley Moore comedy, Crazy People.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 8:18 AM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

From 1980's "Used Cars".

I had the phony model car kit that was a promo piece for that movie and actually put it together one day out of boredom, thus ruining any future eBay value.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:19 AM on July 21, 2010

Ah, the inspiration for Ralph Spoilsport, of Spoilsport Motors.
posted by grubi at 8:24 AM on July 21, 2010

The Snopes thread identifies the pitchman as Chick Lambert. Most of the Google links are about this parody, but if you dig a bit deeper you can find other material.
posted by Nelson at 8:52 AM on July 21, 2010

From 1980's "Used Cars".

One of the greatest Steven Spielberg movies ever produced.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 9:23 AM on July 21, 2010

That is god damn beautiful suit he's wearing. Why the hell don't people dress like that anymore? That's a suit that would make Sinatra jealous.
posted by spicynuts at 10:40 AM on July 21, 2010

I like the dog.
posted by HuronBob at 10:59 AM on July 21, 2010

spicynuts: "That is god damn beautiful suit he's wearing. Why the hell don't people dress like that anymore? That's a suit that would make Sinatra jealous."

I thought the same thing. That's what I like about White Collar, Neal is just such a snappy dresser.
posted by xedrik at 12:04 PM on July 21, 2010

That is truly great: The man has a beautiful suit, razor sharp brylcreem hair, smooth rope-a-dope car salesman hypno-speil, a genuine 1966 Ford, a Country Squire Nightmaster Station Wagon (obviously designed and named with suburban pedophiles in mind),early video color saturation and a basic font, makes for totally delicious dissonance.

And I NEVER use the word delicious.
posted by Skygazer at 12:19 PM on July 21, 2010

"Hi, neighbor! I'm Edgar Allan Poe, manager of Bird of Prey Motors..."
The Firesign Theater's other great used car salesman.
posted by ardgedee at 1:10 PM on July 21, 2010

Yup, Chick Lambert was the name of the pitchman here, obviously blowing off some steam with the crew while the videotape rolled. Note the dog... these Ralph Williams spots were the apparent inspiration for Cal Worthington and his "dog" Spot. I can find old newspaper ads from my hometown newspaper, the Regina (Saskatchewan) Leader-Post for the "World's Biggest Car Dealer", Ralph Williams and his (short-lived) AMC franchise in Regina.
posted by evilcolonel at 4:05 PM on July 21, 2010

Fun Town Auto. It's a silly comedy thing, but it is funny.
posted by jefbla at 6:21 PM on July 21, 2010

Well, here's how it goes in Oregon. Actually, specifically Portland but this gets aired all over the state. Portland's a big car dealer mecca 'cause they offload a buttload of cars at the port. SLYT, compliled for your viewing convenience.
posted by Guy Newport at 7:03 PM on July 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

Geeze, where's that link? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCUBxgdKZ_Y
posted by Guy Newport at 7:04 PM on July 21, 2010

Much as I love the idea of a '66 Country Squire Knife Fighter, I'm pretty sure he just said "nine-passenger" station wagon.

I bet the horn still says "I'll CUT YOU, mang!" instead of "beep beep" though.
posted by arto at 10:20 PM on July 21, 2010

Does anybody know where to find clips of Ed Babar of Furniture USA (also on El Camino Real)? Come on down! These haunted my late night TV viewing as an impressionable child.
posted by chavenet at 4:22 AM on July 22, 2010

chavenet - this guy?
posted by Meatbomb at 6:06 AM on July 22, 2010