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July 28, 2010 1:36 PM   Subscribe

Celestial Soul Portraits
posted by empath (76 comments total) 18 users marked this as a favorite

 
oof
posted by Babblesort at 1:38 PM on July 28, 2010


Related:
Soul Money
posted by ShawnStruck at 1:39 PM on July 28, 2010 [1 favorite]


Ah, capitalism.
posted by reductiondesign at 1:40 PM on July 28, 2010


Jim Woodring used to offer to do a portrait of your "conditioned soul" in the back of his comics. They were better.
posted by anazgnos at 1:44 PM on July 28, 2010 [1 favorite]


one

hundred

fifty

dollars
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 1:44 PM on July 28, 2010 [2 favorites]


I think we should take a collection and get one done of the admins because I mean, DAMN. I want to see what that would look like.

hamburgers. or maybe bacon cheeseburgers. Or maybe one of those fake burgers make of bubblegum...
posted by FritoKAL at 1:46 PM on July 28, 2010


You should earn your halo the hard way by fasting for weeks on end and wandering in the desert.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:48 PM on July 28, 2010


I like how Iasos, by virtue of being Greek, got stuck with the Parthenon as his background. Also, does the beam from his forehead make him look like (a) a unicorn, or (b) the NCC-1701-D?
posted by Beardman at 1:51 PM on July 28, 2010


You people are reacting as if this isn't AWESOME.
posted by found missing at 1:53 PM on July 28, 2010 [22 favorites]


YES

My favorite touch appears in the very first photo:

Q: WHAT TREE IS MOST MAGICAL
A: NOT THESE SHITTY TREES, PORBABLY PALMS TREES ARE MOST MAGICAL
posted by Greg Nog at 1:54 PM on July 28, 2010 [28 favorites]


There's something wrong with the first pictures. They don't look like reality at all.
posted by The Whelk at 1:55 PM on July 28, 2010


I want one of these to put on the side of my van.
posted by charred husk at 1:56 PM on July 28, 2010 [5 favorites]


I'm pretty sure Iasos is what Manson sees when he looks in a mirror.
posted by Babblesort at 1:59 PM on July 28, 2010


New Improved Erialâ„¢ has twice the magic sticks as other leading brands.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 2:00 PM on July 28, 2010 [2 favorites]


Dude, I am so mailing in a check for $150 and this picture!
posted by Xoebe at 2:02 PM on July 28, 2010 [1 favorite]


Wait, never mind, that's the "after" picture...
posted by Xoebe at 2:02 PM on July 28, 2010


Erial meditates and "tunes into you", to "get your unique Essence".

GENERAL JACK D. RIPPER IS HAVING NONE OF THIS!
posted by Skot at 2:07 PM on July 28, 2010 [1 favorite]


I like Rennie Sparks work better...
posted by Bighappyfunhouse at 2:07 PM on July 28, 2010


Arielle's eyebrows were shaved and airbrushed back on.
posted by Beardman at 2:10 PM on July 28, 2010 [1 favorite]


I need one of these. Immediately.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 2:13 PM on July 28, 2010


I looked at his other paintings (priced at up to $49,000!!!!!) and this one kind of caught my eye.
posted by bonobothegreat at 2:15 PM on July 28, 2010 [3 favorites]


Double halo! Oh my God
posted by theodolite at 2:17 PM on July 28, 2010 [6 favorites]


Eyebrows don't seem to be the only thing airbrushed onto Arielle.
posted by InfidelZombie at 2:19 PM on July 28, 2010 [1 favorite]


With the wonderful software Paint and all 256 or was it 32 million colours and the full variety of brush strokes available right here on my desktop, for just $5 I will make a portrait of all of thee
posted by infini at 2:23 PM on July 28, 2010 [1 favorite]


I am afraid of meeting Arielle (after) in my dreams. She will eat my soul.
posted by Splunge at 2:23 PM on July 28, 2010


Wyland does not care for this un-cetacean appropriation of his work.

He does find it groovy however.
posted by Keith Talent at 2:24 PM on July 28, 2010


Oh man, I ran across this the other day and thought about posting it but then I was all, like, this is just too WEIRD for metafilter. Probably metafilter cannot COPE with the beauty and the ultimate spiritual amazingness of sheer magickieness that is the true seeing of these highly spiritual paintings in which you can totally almost see how just another weirdo at a Ren Faire is actually, like, playing the fiddle for rainbow unicorns of love and stuff. Like as good as if Thomas Kinkade had spent some time with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and also done maybe just one or two doses too many back in the 60s. But instead I am wrong and there is true spiritual love here - thank you metafilter for yet again proving me wrong.
posted by mygothlaundry at 2:26 PM on July 28, 2010 [3 favorites]


Okay, I'll bite - empath, how the fuck did you find this?
posted by Think_Long at 2:27 PM on July 28, 2010


I'd like to withdraw my last comment, I do see some vaguely dolphin shaped objects encircling a plasma noose around poor Arielle's neck.
posted by Keith Talent at 2:27 PM on July 28, 2010


I want one of those beams like Iasos has if it can be used to read in bed at night. Or if it will explode cars or helicopters, that'd rock also...
posted by dancestoblue at 2:28 PM on July 28, 2010 [1 favorite]


what GothLaundry said was almost my exact thought except I would have never found something like this nor did I.... until right now of course
posted by infini at 2:28 PM on July 28, 2010


FritoKAL says in sarcasm what I came here to say in earnest.
posted by adamrice at 2:29 PM on July 28, 2010


> I do see some vaguely dolphin shaped objects encircling a plasma noose around poor Arielle's neck.

That's just the dirt on the doors of your perception, man. These soul portraits reflect the viewer as much as they do the subjects. It's astrally interactive!
posted by Burhanistan at 2:29 PM on July 28, 2010


The pictures lose something if you can't view them on their original black velvet.
posted by TDavis at 2:30 PM on July 28, 2010 [1 favorite]


I don't know, I feel pretty good about this. There isn't any implicit idea that you "need" these retouched photos for anything, that they'll earn your money back or something, and it all seems quite upfront. If people have $150 to blow on this, they know what they're getting. And really, $150 is pretty cheap for custom artwork.

I will admit that I, personally, find them atrocious. And that I laugh at them in a mean-spirited way.
posted by Squid Voltaire at 2:33 PM on July 28, 2010 [3 favorites]


This is me "before."

This is me "after."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:33 PM on July 28, 2010 [1 favorite]


He should make a soul portrait of this fellow.
posted by dhens at 2:55 PM on July 28, 2010


Sorry, no. Way too much dolphin art.
posted by PrincessNocturna at 3:14 PM on July 28, 2010


Well. So that's where all the acid went.
posted by loquacious at 3:19 PM on July 28, 2010 [1 favorite]


Every one of these looks like a trump card from a potential Unicorn Rainbow Power tarot deck.

The Pied Violinist of Heaven's Gate!
The Marine Biology Crusader!
Tiki Torch Wielder!
Astral Lily Dancer!
Third Eye Enlightenment Warrior!
Uncomfortable Cat Queen!

You get a reading with this deck, you know everything is coming up roses. Roses in every hue imaginable.
posted by adipocere at 3:21 PM on July 28, 2010


Wow. This is a good 3pm doldrums pickmeup. Hoo, damn.
posted by everichon at 3:23 PM on July 28, 2010 [1 favorite]


http://melissaharris.com/creatrix/spiritessence.shtml
Here is another site doing the same thing for $225, a little nicer but the same rainbow unicorn fuzzy feeling.

Hexatron's Wife
posted by hexatron at 3:24 PM on July 28, 2010


I wonder if he'd do Goatse.
posted by homunculus at 3:31 PM on July 28, 2010


I, too, remember when Portal of Evil used to be good.
posted by penduluum at 3:56 PM on July 28, 2010


I wonder if he'd do Goatse.

"What the ... omg ... THAT'S ONE OF THE CHAKRAS!"
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:58 PM on July 28, 2010 [1 favorite]


Some of his actual paintings aren't terrible.
posted by HumanComplex at 4:05 PM on July 28, 2010


OK, couple thoughts:

1) Would kinda be neat to see a combo-portrait of MeFi staff made from that one photo where they're kinda all standing around. Sorta stalkery to say that maybe, but it would feel more like a group purchase where the chances of feeling ripped off go way down.

2) Would be double-neat to have an imagemagick script that turned MeFi profile photos into an approximation of one of these portraits. Then you could check a little box in your profile that says "IASOS" and bam.

I'm also pretty sure there's a station on the island in LOST where there's a guy sits around making these.
posted by circular at 4:07 PM on July 28, 2010


Okay, I'll bite - empath, how the fuck did you find this?

I have a team of people who sift through the internet for me, and I just post the best of the best here.
posted by empath at 4:07 PM on July 28, 2010 [1 favorite]


I propose that we purchase a group portrait of the moderators.
posted by empath at 4:09 PM on July 28, 2010


It is like seeing an artistic rendition of what one would look like after being hit by an elaborately airbrushed van making a cliché delivery. IN ASTRAL SPACE.
posted by joe lisboa at 4:27 PM on July 28, 2010


I have a team of people who sift through the internet for me, and I just post the best of the best here.

I tried visiting metametafilter.com but it's not registered. It's metas all the way down!
posted by Rhomboid at 4:36 PM on July 28, 2010 [3 favorites]


Has anyone heard this guy's music yet? I'm at work and can't listen to it, but man, I bet it's good.
posted by a.steele at 4:38 PM on July 28, 2010


Has anyone heard this guy's music yet? I'm at work and can't listen to it, but man, I bet it's good.

Yeah, but God forbid you post a link to it. I keed ...
posted by joe lisboa at 4:40 PM on July 28, 2010


I propose that we purchase a group portrait of the moderators.

I am seriously down with a contribution towards this effort. Make. It. Happen.
posted by Devils Rancher at 4:54 PM on July 28, 2010 [2 favorites]


Let's sponsor this one of Basil Marceaux. I'm thinking big ol' King Tut headdress and some heraldic mules.
posted by fleetmouse at 4:58 PM on July 28, 2010


Oh, joe lisboa, I thought you were getting onto me for not posting a link to his music. I get it now, but there it is for everyone else. I can't wait to get to my home computer to hear it and probably make it my ringtone.
posted by a.steele at 5:03 PM on July 28, 2010 [1 favorite]


Some of his actual paintings aren't terribearable.

posted by Senor Cardgage at 5:09 PM on July 28, 2010


So he found the 'angelic chorus' preset on his synth. Good for him.
posted by empath at 5:09 PM on July 28, 2010


So he found the 'angelic chorus' preset on his synth. Good for him.

The synth pads! They burn! They BURN!
posted by joe lisboa at 5:13 PM on July 28, 2010 [1 favorite]


I'm thinking big ol' King Tut headdress and some heraldic mules.

Ummm, we're not paying for Erial to 'meditate and "tune into you", to "get your unique Essence" 'just so you can micromanage this whole thing, brah.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 5:14 PM on July 28, 2010 [1 favorite]


I wonder what he would make of the SON I AM DISAPPOINT guy.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:19 PM on July 28, 2010


"There was a dream that was Photoshop, Prospero! This is not it - THIS IS NOT IT!"
posted by EatTheWeak at 5:22 PM on July 28, 2010 [1 favorite]


Some of his actual paintings aren't terrible.

If by "not terrible" you mean, "horrible, no good, very bad," then, well, sure.
posted by emilyd22222 at 5:50 PM on July 28, 2010


I looked at his other paintings (priced at up to $49,000!!!!!) and this one kind of caught my eye.

That one's by Alex Grey, not Erial Ali.
posted by newmoistness at 5:56 PM on July 28, 2010


OMG! double halo all across the forehead! It's so beautiful! *cry cry cry*
posted by Foam Pants at 7:24 PM on July 28, 2010


Alex Grey is pretty awesome.

Erial's also awesome, but in an entirely different way.
posted by hippybear at 7:24 PM on July 28, 2010


I would want him to do a celestial soul portrait of my cats or of this picture.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 9:17 PM on July 28, 2010 [2 favorites]


One of my coworkers got one of these in the office Secret Santa last year. (To be fair it was a homemade one and not an Erial Ali original, but we found it to be largely indistinguishable.)
posted by danb at 9:31 PM on July 28, 2010


What the fuck is this shit?
posted by perilous at 6:20 AM on July 29, 2010


I propose that we purchase a group portrait of the moderators.

I am seriously down with a contribution towards this effort. Make. It. Happen.


This would be awesome, especially because this part:

Erial has a phone consultation with you - where he finds out about you - your interests, your passions, your fascinations, how you "see" yourself.


could be recorded for the podcast!
posted by Think_Long at 8:12 AM on July 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


Worth every penny
posted by Flood at 8:21 AM on July 29, 2010


If we got one of these of Meatbomb, would the before and after be indistinguishable?
posted by slogger at 8:32 AM on July 29, 2010 [1 favorite]


the after would be too large to view at once and we wouldn't even notice when it was done - kind of like how you can't see the entire Milky Way with a microscope.
posted by The Whelk at 8:39 AM on July 29, 2010


The Meatbomb one has already been done and we're living inside it.
posted by empath at 9:08 AM on July 29, 2010


oh god no... hold me, I'm traumatized
posted by infini at 12:06 PM on July 29, 2010


Excuse me, but isn't this just a new age Blingee?

Well, I do like the light coming out of the guy's forehead.
posted by treeshar at 7:19 PM on July 29, 2010


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