"No, the sign said “water is not portable.” “Potable?” Is that another one from Doug’s Dictionary Of Words He Pulls Out Of His Ass?"

August 3, 2010 8:24 PM

"Cops said if I get caught huffing again they’re locking me up, but they didn’t say nothing about painting an unventilated bathroom over and over again. You can either join me or judge me, Douglas, but don’t just stand there with the door open. You’re letting all the party out of here."

Comedian Kyle Kinane periodically writes one side of fictional conversations he has with "Doug," who tries to keep him out of trouble. It's very funny. I'm Dead and It's All My Fault.

posted by mreleganza (39 comments total)

pretty layout. minimal.

oh, and lulz.
posted by leotrotsky at 8:29 PM on August 3, 2010

Eh. These sound like tweets that were too long, so he started a blog.
posted by yhbc at 8:35 PM on August 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

The problem with the internet is anybody can publish... there's no editors to say.."great" or "good" or "tweak this" or "meh".

But, here to save the internet is MetaFilter... so we can say "WTF" or "I Don't Get It", or "this really sucks" and stuff like that...

This site... Stand up at a cheap bar in some dreary state that you don't live in...
posted by HuronBob at 8:41 PM on August 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

Reminds me a lot of fireland (which is a good thing).
posted by Nattie at 8:49 PM on August 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

These are pretty great. Thanks for posting this!
posted by Greg Nog at 8:51 PM on August 3, 2010

I think you killed it.
posted by mrgrimm at 8:57 PM on August 3, 2010

Doug isn't very much help, is he?
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 9:17 PM on August 3, 2010 [4 favorites]

Wow, I don't always like standup, but this is fuckin' high-larious.
posted by koeselitz at 9:23 PM on August 3, 2010 [2 favorites]

These sound like tweets that were too long, so he started a blog.

I thought that's what Tumblr was for?
posted by grouse at 9:25 PM on August 3, 2010

The problem with the internet is anybody can publish... there's no editors to say.."great" or "good" or "tweak this" or "meh".

I would say this is similar to claiming that the problem with democracy is that everybody can vote.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:27 PM on August 3, 2010 [4 favorites]

"I would say this is similar to claiming that the problem with democracy is that everybody can vote."

Exactly!
posted by HuronBob at 9:47 PM on August 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oh, wait, let me try:

"Why yes Doug, it is a pain in the ass to carry around this reel to reel portable tape recorder, but how else am I supposed to listen to my 1962 Orson Welles reading of the Field Guide to Edible Wild Plants? Just hold it for me for a second, will ya? Orson says these berries are boysen: boysenberries."

--

"I think I can handle this Doug. Jeez. Haven't you ever seen the advertisement for that Discovery Channel show? You know, the one about how sharks are so weak?"
posted by Skwirl at 9:48 PM on August 3, 2010

Thanks for sharing. His stand up is fantastic!
posted by bloody_bonnie at 10:08 PM on August 3, 2010

I wouldn't say it isn't funny. I would say that one-sided conversations in which there's an obviously bad idea being naively advocated isn't exactly the most challenging form for a comic to tackle.
posted by clockzero at 10:14 PM on August 3, 2010 [3 favorites]

"Come on, Doug, you're laughing: and if you're laughing, everybody else is going to want to laugh, especially at a place where they sell drinks. I'm a funny guy. Let me just get up here on this stage and show them how funny I am."
posted by pyramid termite at 10:37 PM on August 3, 2010 [5 favorites]

I am also of the opinion that his standup is pretty great.
posted by triceryclops at 11:05 PM on August 3, 2010

This stuff may be hit or miss, but every now and then one comes along that's simple and good: "You don’t have to pay the mafia back if you can outsmart them, Doug. Check out this wig."

Brevity, wit, soul, etc.
posted by Spatch at 11:47 PM on August 3, 2010 [6 favorites]

I love this, it's like arguing with my id!
posted by ill13 at 12:36 AM on August 4, 2010 [1 favorite]

Not his best material; I like him better as a cartoon.

What I didn't remember from watching that bit the first time is that it ends in a death reference. Plus the name of his CD. This guy has focus!
posted by Chichibio at 12:51 AM on August 4, 2010

One more thing: if I hadn't been stricken by temporarily insanity many years ago and not sold my MAD Magazine collection for pennies on the dollar in a moving sale, I would be able to reference the artist/writer for "Famous Last Words", which to me was the perfection of this FPP's form.

What's the German word for "nostalgia for old jokes"?
posted by Chichibio at 12:59 AM on August 4, 2010

temporary. Maybe I'm still stricken. Struck.

{bang}
posted by Chichibio at 1:01 AM on August 4, 2010

Huh. I did not expect this to be a person I'd heard of.

I agree with HuronBob that this dude would benefit from an editor, but he is funny.

Also, I know that Kyle Kinane is portraying a character in the posts on I'm Dead And It's All My Fault, and that the character is supposed to be an arrogant, self-destructive dick, but I was turned off right away when he used the word "fag" in one of the first few posts at the top of the page.

I don't think I would have minded if the use of "fag" enhanced the joke, or even if the joke was really funny, but neither was the case (for me)
posted by elr at 1:30 AM on August 4, 2010

This had to be front page on the Huffingtonpost....
posted by Bighappyfunhouse at 2:54 AM on August 4, 2010

This is enjoyable.
posted by chunking express at 3:57 AM on August 4, 2010

Got sort of a Jim Anchower feel to it, doesn't it?
posted by gjc at 4:27 AM on August 4, 2010 [1 favorite]

Reminds me of the Crumb family conversations.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 4:53 AM on August 4, 2010

much better than I was anticipating
posted by wilful at 5:28 AM on August 4, 2010

Metafilter: You're letting all the party out of here.
posted by nevercalm at 5:53 AM on August 4, 2010 [3 favorites]

As a Doug, and a fan of Kyle Kinane's, I've really enjoyed this for quite a while.
posted by Doug Stewart at 6:28 AM on August 4, 2010

By far my favorite:

Doug, check it out! I fixed the microwave so it runs even when the door’s open. No more wasting time with all this “open, close, open, close” bullshit. Yeah, well sometimes I feel like you’re gonna give me cancer.

Sometimes, I feel like Doug vetting my partner's "brilliant" ideas. I can sympathize, Doug. I can definitely sympathize.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 6:39 AM on August 4, 2010

Also, loved this.

"If you ever want to feel like a toothless cog in the machine of society - might I offer selling cake decorations over the phone."
posted by grapefruitmoon at 6:50 AM on August 4, 2010

Shit my dad Doug says.
posted by nathancaswell at 6:56 AM on August 4, 2010

Some of them just need to be shorter to be perfect. He doesn't need to explain the joke. For example, this gem, which is followed by three extraneous sentences:

“Load-bearing walls” is a myth made up by the carpenters’ union to scare people away from doing their own home improvements.
posted by The Bellman at 7:16 AM on August 4, 2010 [1 favorite]

Shit my dad Doug says.

Actually, it's shit said to Doug. Doug never actually speaks. Sorry to ruin your joke. This is probably the sort of thing that Doug says all the time.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 7:42 AM on August 4, 2010 [2 favorites]

The best part of this thread is when I remembered how great Fireland is. Thanks, Nattie.

And yes, this guy has some good ideas but could seriously use an editor.
posted by misha at 7:46 AM on August 4, 2010

"The flashing lights are a warning, Doug. It means we've got another 2 minutes. Why else would they make it possible to drive around the gates?"
posted by mrgrimm at 8:26 AM on August 4, 2010

I'd like to see the RPG equivalent.

Gelatinous Cubes are nature's armor polisher. Just lie down in their path.

Portable hole in a bag of holding? Jump in with it; that's the poor man's teleport.

Conjugation? What kind of magic is that? C'mon, you know that beastie is an illusion. Disbelieve.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:49 AM on August 4, 2010

lol
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 4:52 PM on August 4, 2010

I grew up having to be a Doug to my dad all the time.
posted by Countess Elena at 7:06 PM on August 4, 2010