Yakuza Accuracy Test
August 10, 2010 1:30 PM   Subscribe

Yakuza video game reviewed by actual Yakuza

Veteran Tokyo crime reporter Jake Adelstein asks 3 Yakuza syndicate members to play and review Sega's "Yakuza 3" video game to see how accurate it is.

Excerpt:
M: I like the fact that you power up by eating real food. Shio ramen gives you a lot of power — CC Lemon, not as much. It all makes sense.
S: The breaded pork cutlet bento box is like mega power. More than ramen. That's accurate.
K: If they had shabu (crystal meth) as a power-up item, that would be realistic. It's a yakuza game.
S: They have sake!
M: Kiryu is an executive, right? We all know the guys at the top don't drink or do speed.
S: Yeah, not anymore.
M: Can you smoke in the game? I forget. That should be a power-up.
S: Cigarettes and shabu should be in every yakuza game.
posted by BZArcher (31 comments total) 30 users marked this as a favorite
 
This was a surprisingly interesting and informative read. I'd like to see a whole series of interviews along these lines:

Soldiers reviewing Call of Duty
Early 20th Century American Cowboys reviewing Red Dead Redemption
Macrocephalic Italian space-plumbers reviewing Super Mario Galaxy

Etc.
posted by saladin at 1:35 PM on August 10, 2010 [17 favorites]


Ahem. Web pages aren't magazines. Web pages aren't magazines. WEB. PAGES. AREN'T. MAGAZINES. Whoever did this layout is in for some serious yubitsume.
posted by griphus at 1:37 PM on August 10, 2010


Web pages aren't magazines.

Funny you mention that, people in the comments section of the article are raving about the layout. Apparently it looks quite nice on an iPad.
posted by saladin at 1:38 PM on August 10, 2010 [1 favorite]


I found the layout sort of refreshing and readable. I'm glad it's not the standard, but they obviously adjusted the magazine style sizing to make it monitor friendly, and I didn't have to load 6 freaking new pages just to read it.
posted by redsparkler at 1:38 PM on August 10, 2010 [2 favorites]


Having a lot of ex-gang friends, I know not many were impressed by supposed "urban crime" games.
posted by yeloson at 1:39 PM on August 10, 2010


Jake Adelstein's book Tokyo Vice, about his years as a crime reporter in Japan, is a great read if you're into this sort of thing.
posted by dortmunder at 1:39 PM on August 10, 2010 [6 favorites]


Two of the three are missing their pinkies — in the old days, when a yakuza or his subordinates screwed up, they chopped off pinkies as an act of atonement — and this seems to affect their gameplay.

Dry humor, nice find.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:40 PM on August 10, 2010


Ditto Greg Nog & redsparkler, I really like the layout. I doubt I'd like it as much if everyone did it, but I missed it when the Escapist stopped doing a similar thing.

That article is full of money quotes:
K: The CIA part of the story, I don't buy though. Too nutty for me. What do you think Adelstein? You used to work for them right.
A: I never worked for the CIA. Well, not directly.
M: The Mossad. You're Jewish.
K: He'll never admit it.
A: I'll admit it. I'm Jewish.

posted by juv3nal at 1:43 PM on August 10, 2010 [5 favorites]


With the mention of shabu, there's a great account of the drug in the article 72-Hour Party People.
posted by avoision at 1:48 PM on August 10, 2010 [2 favorites]


Ironically, the sections that Shirokawa seemed to enjoy the most were cut out of the US version: mahjong, the sexual massage parlor, and the hostess clubs. After I explain to him what Sega cut from the US version, he said: アメリカ版を買った奴がかわいそうだ。セガUSAが最低だね.(Translation: I feel sorry for the people who bought the American version. SEGA USA sucks.)

Yeah, what the hell, Sega? (I'm including the mahjong in that sentiment)
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 1:53 PM on August 10, 2010 [4 favorites]


This made me remember the book Speed Tribes by Karl Taro Greenfield. Stories of the lives of gangsters, porn stars, hustlers, and the lost of Japan's post 80s implosion.

William Gibson dust jacket blurb for the book.
Greenfeld accesses contemporary Japanese culture at levels of resolution unavailable elsewhere. I know of no better or more enjoyable work on the subject. Writers of fiction will be ripping Greenfeld off for decades to come.
posted by Babblesort at 2:01 PM on August 10, 2010 [6 favorites]


I liked the layout - it was a lot nicer than Boing Boing's usual "WALL OF TEXT" or the gallery style articles from Wired or Gawker sites. I also missed on the first read that the 3 Yakuza non de plumes were "Mr. Green", "Mr. White", and "Mr. Black."
posted by BZArcher at 2:03 PM on August 10, 2010


In related news, 1UP gets Henry Hill to play various videogames.
posted by mhum at 2:06 PM on August 10, 2010 [9 favorites]


I wanted to run my Zombie Killer iPhone app by some... Aw forget it.
posted by Splunge at 2:42 PM on August 10, 2010


So quotable!

S: I don't know any ex-yakuza running orphanages.
K: There was one a few years ago. A good guy.
M: You sure it wasn't just a tax shelter?
K: Sure it was a tax shelter but he ran it like a legitimate thing. You know.


This one unnerved me for some reason:

M: If they wanted to make it realistic, he'd pull out a gun and shoot it and miss! Or the damn thing wouldn't fire. That would be realistic. (They all laugh).
posted by djgh at 2:50 PM on August 10, 2010 [1 favorite]


This one unnerved me for some reason:

Yeah, but the other part from that dialogue sounded about right:
K: Nobody is going to waste a bullet on some street punk, like the ones that keep bugging Kiyru.
[...]
K: Shooting people sends a message.
M: So does shooting anything. Shooting people gets you sent to jail.
K's assessment of Nigerians vs. Locals is spot-on, though:
The young Japanese punks we hire, they give up, they don't browbeat drunks into bringing business to our establishments. They got no backbone. The Nigerians are aggressive. They can make good touts.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 3:13 PM on August 10, 2010


Yakuza video game reviewed by actual Yakuza

And here it is, your moment of zen.
posted by Relay at 3:20 PM on August 10, 2010 [2 favorites]


I'd like to see a whole series of interviews along these lines:

Well, as a spacefaring Lombaxe, I can tell you that while the wrench is a great tool, and one that you will use regularly, if you are going up against something more terrifying that a bolt shaped switch, and you have a RYNO II, you use that first.
posted by quin at 3:30 PM on August 10, 2010


This one unnerved me for some reason:

M: If they wanted to make it realistic, he'd pull out a gun and shoot it and miss! Or the damn thing wouldn't fire. That would be realistic. (They all laugh).


Don't be unnerved, Japan had a total of 53 shootings in 2006 (36 suspected to have been committed by Yakuza) and 66 in 2007, this is just tough-guy braggadocio.

Not all of them are really scary or even bad guys. I (accidentally) befriended a local Yakuza old-timer and his wife at my local pub in the town where I lived. He used to buy me drinks and snacks and ask me to sit and talk with him while he got tanked, and he'd ask me about Canada in broken English and I'd try to answer with my baby-talk Japanese, and we'd share drunken laughs. He really liked Canadians because of a Canadian character in some movie he'd seen once, I never figured out which one. I thought nothing of it because I often got special treatment at this place, just a really great bunch of folks.

Anyways, as time went on certain details started to stick out. Why do so many people in this bar have tattoos compared to the people I see out on the street? Why does this old guy and his wife have such good standing in this bar full of people in their 20s and 30s? One evening while walking to the beach, I saw the old man from the pub walking the other way on the opposite sidewalk with a group of young guys in track suits and sunglasses and funny haircuts, like they were extras on the Japanses Sopranos or something. I waved at him, and the young guys glared at me until the old guy smiled and waved back. I still hadn't really put 2 and 2 together, I had only been in Japan 6 months or so and could chalk all this up to cultural differences.

One day I'm in the bar and old guy comes in with his wife. I wave and say hi, and he talks to the barman wo relays to me that something-San wants me to sit with him again. OK, sure, why not, right? This time he was on a mission or something because we got really, really drunk. When it was time to go, I thanked him and for some reason decided to shake his hand. His pinky was, um, shortened...on both hands. I kind of make eye contact with the barman, who can sense I'm about to say something spectacularly dumb in my drunken state, and he starts making these crazy "X" gestures with his arms to say "don't do it, you stupid gaijin!"

Ugh, I did it, I guess--I must have made too much of an expressive curious look at his hand or something, or maybe he saw the wheels were finally turning and I was figuring it out. I'm an idiot, I know. He looks me in the eye and smiles and makes a cutting motion with one hand at his shortened finger and says "I am Yakuza." I'm not terribly familiar with this yubitsume business, but I gather since he was stubby-pinkied on both hands the guy fucked up a few times. All I could manage was "Oh."

I didn't press anyone for any details from that point on and was a little uncomfortable in that bar for a while, but they were great folks so I didn't stop going there on my days off. These were the friendliest people I knew in town, and they took me in and treated me really well despite my not being able to speak good Japanese and generally acting like a big clueless idiot. They'd invite me to hang out and watch movies there after hours. They told me where all the interesting stuff in town was, they even invited me out on their days off to go and eat and drink with them at local places I would never have known about.

In the end, old guy asked if I wouldn't mind teaching his granddaughter English. I said I would anytime, and gave him my card. He never called. I went home to Canada. The end.
posted by Kirk Grim at 3:54 PM on August 10, 2010 [48 favorites]


Nice article. I recently played Yakuza 3 and thought it was fantastic; the gameplay is pretty standard, but the story and characters are very well done, with some great acting as well.

The surprisingly realistic story was a pleasant change from the ridiculous cookie-cutter conspiracies and cynicism that western games seem to think is 'grown up' and 'serious' and I'd suggest anyone with a PS3 to check it out - it's pretty cheap!
posted by adrianhon at 3:57 PM on August 10, 2010


mhum's article link is shorter, but it's just as great as the FPP link in its way. Of course the old wiseguy likes Animal Crossing best. Of course!
posted by Countess Elena at 3:58 PM on August 10, 2010


S: What's with all the fucking gaijin (foreigners) in the area anyway? It used to be just Japanese, Koreans and Chinese.
M: Don't say gaijin. Say Gaikokujin. It's more polite. Jake's a gaijin.
S: Yeah, I forget sometimes. What's with all the fucking gaikokujin in Kabukicho anyway?


Politest gangsters ever?
posted by r_nebblesworthII at 4:05 PM on August 10, 2010 [5 favorites]


Politest gangsters ever?
What's hilarious about that is that even the guy doing the correcting lapses:
Don't say gaijin. Say Gaikokujin. It's more polite. Jake's a gaijin.
posted by juv3nal at 4:19 PM on August 10, 2010 [4 favorites]


3 Yakuza yak about Yakuza 3.
posted by EmGeeJay at 4:30 PM on August 10, 2010 [3 favorites]


Saladin Wrote

Macrocephalic Italian space-plumbers reviewing Super Mario Galaxy



I read that review: I don't think they liked it.

posted by lalochezia at 4:35 PM on August 10, 2010


What's hilarious about that is that even the guy doing the correcting lapses:
Don't say gaijin. Say Gaikokujin. It's more polite. Jake's a gaijin.


I read that as fucking with Jake: "It's rude to call those people gaijin. But this guy over here, he's a fucking gaijin."
posted by Mister Moofoo at 5:37 PM on August 10, 2010 [1 favorite]


Watching The Wire with goons.
posted by kenko at 7:12 PM on August 10, 2010 [2 favorites]


Ahem. Web pages aren't magazines. Web pages aren't magazines. WEB. PAGES. AREN'T. MAGAZINES. Whoever did this layout is in for some serious yubitsume.

Phht. Weiner dogs aren't nuclear reactors!

That layout is splendid.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:45 PM on August 10, 2010


There was a yakuza sake bar not far from my place, Kirk Grim. You make me regret listening to the warnings.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 5:38 AM on August 11, 2010 [1 favorite]


That layout is super-nice, wow!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:16 AM on August 11, 2010


Jake Adelstein's book Tokyo Vice, about his years as a crime reporter in Japan, is a great read if you're into this sort of thing.

Seconding this recommendation. It's worth reading for the insights into the life of a journalist in Japan, at least.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:44 PM on August 27, 2010


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