Up the down staircase

August 12, 2010 10:31 PM

Before the development of rubber technology and tubing made medical gavage feasible for the average patient doctors used to feed people through the ass.

I found a 1994 English medical dictionary that mentioned rectal feeding as a "discontinued practice" but this book (scroll down a bit) lists it in reference to terminally ill patients. I found the term present in a number of dictionaries in other languages like this one so it may be practiced more widely today in some countries.

Also, note the bit about cocaine in the link on "through".

posted by XMLicious (56 comments total)

You guys, I know it's been a while, but if someone can come up with a way to work a joke about Human Centipede in here, that would be awesome
posted by kittens for breakfast at 10:34 PM on August 12, 2010 [6 favorites]

fish sticks
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 10:38 PM on August 12, 2010

Googling "rectal alimentation" is the new "Dude! 'cock' is in the dictionary!"
posted by sanko at 10:42 PM on August 12, 2010

kfb I was totally trying to do that but I couldn't think of one.
posted by XMLicious at 10:46 PM on August 12, 2010

The words "more inside" just took a different meaning.
posted by vidur at 10:47 PM on August 12, 2010 [5 favorites]

Dear Kid Writing an Esasy on James Garfield,

There are two posts on this site with the tag "JamesGarfield."

You want the other one. Really.
posted by sanko at 10:49 PM on August 12, 2010 [22 favorites]

This is the best title ever. A++++++ metafilter post. I demand people find me a better one.
posted by mccarty.tim at 10:58 PM on August 12, 2010

Well, if it's good enough for the president. Pass the sogum pipe.
posted by unliteral at 10:59 PM on August 12, 2010

Garfield eating via rectum is the new HURF DURF TAFT'S FAT.
posted by mccarty.tim at 10:59 PM on August 12, 2010 [2 favorites]

Hmm, ass to ass as opposed to ass to mouth. Nutrients pool up, until you have the two most nourished people on earth. 100% medically accurate, indeed, kittens.
posted by mccarty.tim at 11:01 PM on August 12, 2010

You guys, I know it's been a while, but if someone can come up with a way to work a joke about Human Centipede in here, that would be awesome

The low brow use of the vernacular in such a high brow site such as metafilter also had me thinking Human Centipede. So I'll go with this instead...

In one of the original Jerky Boys calls, Sol Rosenberg is complaining to a nurse that "this is tearing the ass out of me." Despite his incredible pain she snootily and rather coldly tells him to "use the correct terminology."
posted by uncanny hengeman at 11:02 PM on August 12, 2010

THIS IS NOT HOW GARFIELD EATS HIS LASAGNA.
posted by zippy at 11:04 PM on August 12, 2010 [5 favorites]

Well, I.....
posted by Trochanter at 11:06 PM on August 12, 2010

My Rectally Inserted Dinner With Andre. I love that film.
posted by Trochanter at 11:08 PM on August 12, 2010

There are two posts on this site with the tag "JamesGarfield."

You want the other one. Really.

How about getting intimate with someone's shit to look for clues as to why they are going crazy? Funny on so many levels.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 11:08 PM on August 12, 2010

mccarty.tim: "Hmm, ass to ass as opposed to ass to mouth. Nutrients pool up, until you have the two most nourished people on earth. "

Those aren't nutrients.
posted by rhizome at 11:10 PM on August 12, 2010

THIS IS NOT HOW GARFIELD EATS HIS LASAGNA.

mondays *sigh*
posted by fleetmouse at 11:12 PM on August 12, 2010 [2 favorites]

Asses to asses, poop to poop.
posted by dirigibleman at 11:18 PM on August 12, 2010

This had to be the best class in nursing school to audit, just to see the looks on the future nurses faces when it was all laid out and explained.
posted by selenized at 11:18 PM on August 12, 2010

Garfield eating via rectum

Look at the first post under the tag enema. The tags on this post turned out to be a goldmine.
posted by XMLicious at 11:19 PM on August 12, 2010

))<>((

is the first thing I thought of, and I didn't even like that movie.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 11:27 PM on August 12, 2010 [4 favorites]

So I can claim to be part of the solution not the problem when I tell someone to take their dinner and shove it up their ass? Nice.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 11:33 PM on August 12, 2010

Now, is flatulence still flatulence in that situation, or would that technically become a burp?

ewwww.
posted by Back to you, Jim. at 11:42 PM on August 12, 2010 [3 favorites]

Are these google book links supposed to be opening to specific pages? All I'm getting is the index.
posted by Mitheral at 12:19 AM on August 13, 2010

Anyone else feeling a bit peckish?
posted by TwelveTwo at 12:21 AM on August 13, 2010

The first thing I thought of was this episode of South Park.


I am twelve.
posted by louche mustachio at 12:23 AM on August 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

This procedure applied to a bulimic would be like watching food go backwards.
posted by TwelveTwo at 12:23 AM on August 13, 2010

Hmmmm... Mitheral, is there any chance you're viewing this in a country where a book published in 1896 would not be public domain? It's telling you ("No preview available") that you aren't allowed to look at the book at all for some reason. (So yes, all the links should be going to specific pages.)
posted by XMLicious at 12:27 AM on August 13, 2010

Steampunk? This is awesome. I've been watching Cosmos earlier, and now I know I will dream of some Victorian-era astronauts getting fed via the rear on the way to Venus, which is naturally a beautiful swamp, filled with intricate, wonderful life.

Oddly, I find it hard to sleep tonight.
posted by mccarty.tim at 12:42 AM on August 13, 2010

Maybe you're sleeping on the wrong side.
posted by Obscure Reference at 1:06 AM on August 13, 2010

South Park already did it
posted by yoHighness at 1:32 AM on August 13, 2010

Excuse me, sir... why are you dancing?

I'm not dancing. I'm chewing gum.
posted by qvantamon at 2:35 AM on August 13, 2010 [5 favorites]

I met a veterinarian through my website on overland travel. One day he loaded his wife and dog into his van and decided to drive to the Caucasus from Norway. At a later date we're having a web site get-together, and he's showing his pictures and talking about the trip. One of the pictures shows his dog, pouting, with some vinyl tubing coming out from under his tail. "Oh, that", our vet friend answers to our queries. It transpires that the reason is that his dog, in an unsupervised moment, scarfed down half a bag of dry dog food. A this point it is apparently important to provide fluids to the animal, which the vet's van is not really set up to do. But he's got som IV tubing. A coke bottle is cleaned out and pressed into service as a reservoir, and some IV fluid is improvised by boiling water and adding salt and sugar. The IV tubing was then inserted rectally in the pooch, and the owners were happy, and Fido kept his health and hopefully learned a lesson.
posted by Harald74 at 2:41 AM on August 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

The "Related Posts" box on this post is, how can I put it, interesting... Ahem...
posted by Harald74 at 2:42 AM on August 13, 2010

Wait, I thought it was assholes to ELBOWS.
posted by kalessin at 4:30 AM on August 13, 2010

It is a waste of time to administer by the rectum food which is not predigested...

Well if nothing else, it'll knock the smirk off of Guy Fieri's face.
posted by PlusDistance at 4:31 AM on August 13, 2010

You can wash down dinner with a nice glass of sherry!
posted by TedW at 5:06 AM on August 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

All I can think of is that bit in Frank Zappa's Broken Hearts Are For Assholes where he keeps singing "Don't fool yourself girl, it's going right up your poop chute".
posted by longbaugh at 5:06 AM on August 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

What? What?

In the butt?
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 6:12 AM on August 13, 2010

The only thing I can add: I've been told you can survive at sea without water by absorbing sea water rectally (just floating in the ocean, really) because your lower organs will deal with the salinity, where you couldn't drink salt water for too long. I couldn't find any internet sources backing me up, but my sister-in-law told me this, and she's a doctor (well, she wasn't then, but is now).

In short: I think you could probably survive in the ocean by dunking your butt in the water for a while. Probably.
posted by filthy light thief at 6:56 AM on August 13, 2010

It may be appropriate also to mention (although would it ever be?) that in some refractory cases of Clostridium difficile pseudomembranous colitis (in which, usually, older folks whose normal gut flora were eradicated save for the aforementioned, spore-forming bug got terrifyingly sick), they used to re-colonize the colon by instilling a blended mixture of saline and fresh stool, preferably from a healthy family member (thankfully, per rectum, as they say).
posted by adoarns at 6:58 AM on August 13, 2010

Not always per rectum, adoarns.

*shudders*
posted by maudlin at 7:46 AM on August 13, 2010

And now, would Monsieur care for a mint?
posted by Trochanter at 8:16 AM on August 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: the question is often asked, "How long can life be supported by rectal feeding?"

Rectal alimentation may be currently unfashionable, but rectal imbibing is not unheard of. Vodka enemas, tequila enemas, whiskey enemas, wine enemas, all get you drunk fast without the need to enjoy a tasty beverage. It's not a particularly safe practice since there's no way to vomit if you assdrink too much: Cops: sherry enema killed Texan, for instance.
posted by Nelson at 8:22 AM on August 13, 2010

IN THE BUTT [DR.] BOB
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:25 AM on August 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

It's not a particularly safe practice since there's no way to vomit if you assdrink too much

Actually, the problem is that the veins draining the lower colon do not drain into the hepatic portal system and so you do not get the effect of first pass metabolism decreasing the amount of alcohol that reaches the rest of the body.
posted by TedW at 9:33 AM on August 13, 2010

Actually, to correct myself, it is probably the fact that rectal alcohol bypasses gastric ethanol dehydrogenase that accounts for decreased first pass metabolism.
posted by TedW at 9:37 AM on August 13, 2010

Hospital food tastes like shit.
posted by Kirk Grim at 9:51 AM on August 13, 2010

filthy light thief: I think Bear mentioned something like this on Man vs. Wild. And then he gave himself an enema. Was probably also mentioned on Survivorman, but without the enema.
posted by Dreamcast at 10:15 AM on August 13, 2010

Also, note the bit about cocaine in the link on "through".

Not surprising; cocaine was used for years as an anaesthetic for eye surgery, so other small and sensitive areas? Sure, why not!

And now, would Monsieur care for a mint?

Perhaps a smoke, instead
posted by jtron at 10:26 AM on August 13, 2010

Nelson: "Metafilter: the question is often asked, "How long can life be supported by rectal feeding?""

Metafilter: The question is often asked: Is our rectums feeding?
posted by rhizome at 10:30 AM on August 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Recta.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:00 AM on August 13, 2010

Can my rectum has cheeseburger?
posted by Trochanter at 12:24 PM on August 13, 2010

ROU_Xenophobe: "Recta."

BushFAIL!
posted by rhizome at 12:34 PM on August 13, 2010

Perhaps a smoke, instead

Wait, what? The phrase "blow smoke up his ass" has basis in another medical practice? This just keeps getting better.¹

1. For certain values of "better".
posted by XMLicious at 2:50 PM on August 13, 2010

Not surprising; cocaine was used for years as an anaesthetic for eye surgery, so other small and sensitive areas? Sure, why not!

I just thought it was funny in the context of the current issue of medical marijuana. "Doctor, I need some cocaine for my hemorrhoids!"

Also, something I hadn't noticed before - in the link on "the" to the nutrient enema recipes, one of them ends with "Port Wine, Brandy, or Opium to be added as ordered."
posted by XMLicious at 2:58 PM on August 13, 2010