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Ja-va-ooh-la-la
August 14, 2010 9:19 AM   Subscribe

Introducing: Lady Java. (Follow-up to the almost SFW "Java 4-Ever".)

"Come into my house,
and I will let you click my mouse"

Jenny Skavlan is previously known for her "sex in an outhouse"-scene (slightly NSFW) in the Nazi-Zombie movie "Dead Snow", and for dancing and singing (?) in a commercial for Grandiosa frozen pizza (412.176 views on YouTube - the most popular Norwegian pizza commercial on YouTube ever?).

Btw, the JavaZone conference will be at Oslo Spektrum in September. Lady Gaga will hold two concerts in Oslo at the same venue one month later.
posted by iviken (37 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

 
"Oracle" really doesn't rhyme well, does it?
posted by djgh at 9:25 AM on August 14, 2010


Okay, I'm definitely not one of Gaga's "monsters" by any stretch, but that first video link is clever and funny.

(although you did break our 6-week run without a Lady Gaga post...)
posted by hippybear at 9:27 AM on August 14, 2010


That's it, I'm switching to C#.
posted by jenkinsEar at 9:27 AM on August 14, 2010 [4 favorites]


Was this written by someone who has ever used a computer?
posted by Deathalicious at 9:30 AM on August 14, 2010 [3 favorites]


What's with all the old-school beige macs? Java ran like cold molasses flowing uphill on those machines, I can't imagine anyone would even want to remember that.
posted by weston at 9:31 AM on August 14, 2010


Smiley emoticons always add that extra something to a blog post.
posted by blucevalo at 9:32 AM on August 14, 2010


What I like about this is that it parodies the artist in tone, but doesn't try and fail miserably at doing a shot-by-shot parody of a video.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 9:41 AM on August 14, 2010 [2 favorites]


I always assumed that Ruby Tuesday was the ballad of an engineer who no longer had "innovation time off" days.
posted by geoff. at 9:52 AM on August 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


Who paid for this?
posted by empath at 9:57 AM on August 14, 2010


(not the post, the video -- it seems way big budget)
posted by empath at 9:58 AM on August 14, 2010


I'd guess the JavaZone conference paid for it.
posted by hippybear at 10:10 AM on August 14, 2010


I'd guess the JavaZone conference paid for it.

Yes, and the conference is owned by javaBin, the Norwegian Java User Group, not by Oracle.
posted by iviken at 10:59 AM on August 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


I like Lady Gaga, but I actually prefer this softer mix to the real song.
posted by cmoj at 10:59 AM on August 14, 2010


what is this I don't even..

Suing Google for using Java made me not want to develop with Java anymore, is this supposed to make me change my mind back?
posted by Space Coyote at 11:04 AM on August 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


That's it, I'm switching to C#.

Were you enticed by the Bill Gates screen bukkake bit in the video?
posted by me & my monkey at 11:08 AM on August 14, 2010


My GOD. that video is probably the worst thing i have ever watched... it makes me slowly grow more viscerally uncomfortable until i have to turn it off. worse than 1guy1jar, worse than bme pain olympics, worse than swap.avi
posted by tehloki at 11:28 AM on August 14, 2010


No.
posted by ryoshu at 11:31 AM on August 14, 2010


I particularly liked the compilation/copulation word play. But nothing else. Dead Snow was much better than this.
posted by hanoixan at 11:45 AM on August 14, 2010


[rotten fish joke]
posted by erniepan at 12:18 PM on August 14, 2010


Every time I have happened to brush against Java for whatever reason, I found it distasteful and bothersome. This is one of those times.
posted by Dr Dracator at 12:30 PM on August 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


It would be delicious if Lady GaGa sues these people for copyright infringment.
posted by mge at 12:30 PM on August 14, 2010


Lady Java is know for her outrageous outfits including the famous trio of suits: Rimini Street, Tommorow Now and Andriod.. She's a bit of a poser though she claims
to be hard core gpl but really she's patently trollish after you listen for a while....at least she's not a juggalo.
posted by humanfont at 12:52 PM on August 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


The end is nigh.
posted by swift at 1:39 PM on August 14, 2010


I failed computer science.

And that's my mandatory Lady Gaga thread comment!
posted by mccarty.tim at 2:05 PM on August 14, 2010


Also, hurf durf I hear she's cross-platform.
posted by mccarty.tim at 2:08 PM on August 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


So guys, if you could choose between destroying Java or Adobe Flash, which would you pick?
posted by mccarty.tim at 2:12 PM on August 14, 2010



So guys, if you could choose between destroying Java or Adobe Flash, which would you pick?


Java. At least Flash is being actively developed. Java has been abandonware for nearly half a decade.
posted by phooky at 2:41 PM on August 14, 2010 [1 favorite]


Was anyone at the first JavaOne? The one where they played some fusion jazz thing over and over in a loop for like 45 minutes? And where Thomas Dolby played "She Blinded Me With Science" and noone applauded? Just want to kibbutz.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 5:49 PM on August 14, 2010


Back in the day (the 70's, the 80's) you'd see adverts like this in BYTE or PC WORLD: a scantily-clad woman draping herself over a router. This is like that, with higher production values.
posted by SPrintF at 5:55 PM on August 14, 2010


Rating have been disabled for this video.

... I can't imagine why...
posted by chairface at 8:03 PM on August 14, 2010


It would be delicious if Lady GaGa sues these people for copyright infringment.

Meanwhile... Oracle sues Google over Android and Java
posted by Artw at 8:06 PM on August 14, 2010


Java has been abandonware for nearly half a decade.

Java's had plenty of development, it's just most of it is in spite of, rather than because of Sun. Oracle look set to fix that by suing people who try and do anything with it, though. Pity.
posted by rodgerd at 12:02 AM on August 15, 2010


Java. At least Flash is being actively developed. Java has been abandonware for nearly half a decade.

What? Java is currently the most widely used programming language in existence. When languages are widely used, development tends to slow down, because making changes will have a major impact. After that, it's C, C++, PHP and Javascript. Hardly bastions of innovation.

Oracle sues Google over Android and Java

Yeah, that's pretty much B.S, right there. Apparently they're upset that Google used another JVM, rather then Sun's, while sun made a lot of money licensing JavaME. But it's pretty ridiculous to open source a project, then sue someone for forking it. Obviously, Sun got purchased between those two events, but still.

Android is probably one of the best things out there for Java, although obviously not Oracle's bottom line. Ugh.
posted by delmoi at 3:05 AM on August 15, 2010


But it's pretty ridiculous to open source a project, then sue someone for forking it.

Dalvik isn't even a fork - it's independent reimplementation (and based on the Harmony project). It would be like the FSF suing Apple for contributing to the LLVM project on the basis that the FSF own the GCC copyrights.

Android is probably one of the best things out there for Java, although obviously not Oracle's bottom line. Ugh.

At the end of the day, I suspect Oracle would be happy to kill 90% of Java development if it could empty the pockets of the remaining 10%. That's pretty much been their MO with WebLogic customers, and it's been their initial treatment of Solaris/SPARC shops.
posted by rodgerd at 4:06 AM on August 15, 2010


The big challenge for Oracle is how to monetize Java. The whole of the Sun acquisition was built on the idea that there exists some huge untapped source of revenue from Java which the management team at Sun could not figure out how to mine. I think their initial attempt is fairly clumsy and crude. It comes across as a giant FU to the community and could be a total meltdown for the brand. This is
New Coke all over again.
posted by humanfont at 6:40 AM on August 15, 2010


Java's had plenty of development, it's just most of it is in spite of, rather than because of Sun.

Very true. Sun has a long history of killing any library development by rolling their own, shitty version into the Java libs and assuring people that they really ought to switch to their own version. And the Java dev community does it every time for... well, whatever reason the Java dev community does what it does.

But Sun has not maintained Java itself in any significant way for a long, long time. There are major, basic functionality gaps that have had bugs filed against them for over a decade. My favorite example, though, is this: take a look at the Java 7 beta API for the URL class. Very fundamental, widely-used class. Probably a few thousand devs look at the doc for this class every day. At the very start of the doc is this link:

http://www.socs.uts.edu.au/MosaicDocs-old/url-primer.html

Nothing says "I don't particularly give a shit" quite like trumpeting a dead deep link to the documentation for a browser that was discontinued thirteen years ago.
posted by phooky at 8:27 AM on August 15, 2010


But Sun has not maintained Java itself in any significant way for a long, long time. There are major, basic functionality gaps that have had bugs filed against them for over a decade ... take a look at the Java 7 beta API for the URL class

Oh please. Documentation always goes out of date, and everyone knows what a URL is. And in any event, the URL class has actually been superseded by the URI Class, which doesn't seem to have any dead links. The URL class itself is really only there for backwards comparability with really old code, although people do use it all the time. But there are thousands of classes and thousands of javadoc files.

You can see the URI class docs go into great detail as well. There have also been a lot of advancements in the JVM as well, and work on closures for JDK 7. To say that it hasn't been worked on is just ridiculous. Microsoft has probably done more work on .net, but they make a lot more money off of that, so what would you expect?
posted by delmoi at 1:19 PM on August 15, 2010


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