Did what's-his-name get at you yesterday?

August 19, 2010 4:08 PM

"Ever since the time of dinosaurs, man has told jokes. Humor has been evolving for literally millions of years. And many historians now believe that the current era may very well be the funniest time in the history of history. We’ve moved from an era of knock-knock jokes to a more sophisticated and mature form of comedy that represents the culmination of man’s struggle to evolve: The Deez Nuts Joke."

Parts 2, 3, 4 and 5.

(The Prequel)

posted by dhammond (83 comments total)

I don't get it.
posted by LSK at 4:12 PM on August 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

Related.
posted by griphus at 4:13 PM on August 19, 2010

There are easier ways to make people avoid you.
posted by clockzero at 4:15 PM on August 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

I laughed out loud at Claratin D - Claratin Deeeez Nuts!

Because it's so dumb that it left the funny zone and came back around the other side.
posted by GuyZero at 4:17 PM on August 19, 2010 [6 favorites]

I LOL'd
posted by toodleydoodley at 4:22 PM on August 19, 2010

Deez Nuts reminds of Truck Nutz and I hates me some Truck Nutz therefore I cannot even chuckle at a Deez Nuts "joke"
posted by MikeMc at 4:22 PM on August 19, 2010

it's just so stupid it's funny. Extra points for the D-Bags who put a reference to this on their license plate.
posted by zombieApoc at 4:25 PM on August 19, 2010

NOT ADEQUATELY INTOXICATED
posted by everichon at 4:26 PM on August 19, 2010

7. You ask “Do you dance to Oldies?” If so, you reply “You dance to h’old deez nuts!”

Originality Factor 7: If you bust this out as pickup line at the dance club, at least you’ll know they haven’t heard it before.

you know, I really could have used this last week at that retro soul night
posted by mannequito at 4:27 PM on August 19, 2010

We’ve moved from an era of knock-knock jokes to a more sophisticated and mature form of comedy that represents the culmination of man’s struggle

All fixed, fast-frozen relations, with their train of ancient and venerable prejudices and opinions, are swept away, all new-formed ones become antiquated before they can ossify. All that is solid melts into air, all that is holy is profaned, and man is at last compelled to face, with sober senses, DEEEEZ NUTS
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:28 PM on August 19, 2010 [4 favorites]

This smacks of fishsticks/fish dicks.
posted by phunniemee at 4:31 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

This is actually timely now that recipes in Metatalk are unwelcome.

* steeples fingers in thought *
posted by everichon at 4:32 PM on August 19, 2010

SOMEWHAT ADEQUATELY INTOXICATED.

but not entirely...
posted by TigerMoth at 4:32 PM on August 19, 2010

I need to know the founder of the Southern Poverty Law Center.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 4:33 PM on August 19, 2010 [8 favorites]

I appreciate the work put into these. For example:

6. Ask your scholarly friend, “Do you prescribe to the theories of Dr. Rubdy?” If they have read the paper “Sensitizing Learners Towards a More Productive Classroom Participation: an 'Exploratory' Approach” by Rani Rubdy of the National University of Singapore, they are likely to respond with a resounding yes. Then it is your turn to shout “Rub Deeeeez Nuts!!!” If they ask who Dr. Rubdy is, you say “Rub Deeeez Nuts!” then grab your crotch, and then explain that Dr. Rubdy wrote a very important paper on class participation.

I always value the change to intellectually stimulate my friends, especially if it means they might stimulate DEEEEZ NUTS!

Ba-da-BING!
posted by filthy light thief at 4:34 PM on August 19, 2010 [16 favorites]

The Internet finally means something to me again!
posted by orville sash at 4:35 PM on August 19, 2010

I love this. LOVE THIS. LOVE LOVE LOVE.
posted by josher71 at 4:37 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

dznuts
posted by fixedgear at 4:38 PM on August 19, 2010

I need to know the founder of the Southern Poverty Law Center.

Morris D...wait a minute...
posted by MikeMc at 4:38 PM on August 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

This is great. I actually tried the classic CD one on my wife a few weeks ago and she looked at me like I was nuts.
posted by gabrielsamoza at 4:49 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

As a lady, I cannot wait to use these jokes.
posted by mmmbacon at 4:52 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Does anyone know who the USCDC is?
posted by griphus at 4:58 PM on August 19, 2010

This is great. I actually tried the classic CD one on my wife a few weeks ago and she looked at me like I was nuts.

Well then she saw them. SUCCESS!


I had one all ready about the author of Medea but decided that was too ouchy.
posted by louche mustachio at 4:58 PM on August 19, 2010 [5 favorites]

DINOSAURS AND HUMANS NEVER LIVED TOGETHER
posted by DU at 5:00 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Ever since the time of dinosaurs, man has told jokes.

Just ask these guys.
posted by jonmc at 5:00 PM on August 19, 2010

DINOSAURS AND HUMANS NEVER LIVED TOGETHER

NO SHIT CAPTAIN OBVIOUS
posted by jonmc at 5:01 PM on August 19, 2010

NO SHIT CAPTAIN OBVIOUS

CAPTAIN DEEZ NUTS
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:02 PM on August 19, 2010 [12 favorites]

So you're telling me those hours upon hours of "Flintstone" anthropological footage are some sort of modern-day hoax? Welcome to Crank City, DU. Population: You.
posted by griphus at 5:02 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm glad the jokes included #14... Rick "Disco Duck" Dees, because he was the first thing this ex-radio guy thought of.

DUCK DEEEEZ NUTS!
and somebody I know who worked for him assures me he is
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:04 PM on August 19, 2010

griphus, as long as you're here, please share the secret to your foot powered car and baby elephant vaccuum cleaner. Thanks. and some hot pix of wilma and betty would be nice. Yabba Dabba Do Me!
posted by jonmc at 5:04 PM on August 19, 2010

Actually, the "time of dinosaurs" was the years The Flintstones were first on TV. Before 1961, there were no jokes. At least, no good ones.
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:06 PM on August 19, 2010

Before 1961, there were no jokes. At least, no good ones.

There weren't many after, either. They had to go into the future and get them from the Jetsons.
posted by jonmc at 5:08 PM on August 19, 2010

Fred: Have you seen Barney?
Dinosaur: Barney who?
Fred: Barney Rub-Deez-Nuuuttttsssss!
posted by mannequito at 5:08 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Um, wow. I'm imagining the Venn diagram that illustrates the overlap between "ICP fans", "people who think 'deez nuts' jokes are funny", and "regular readers of MetaFilter". It's a very awkward diagram.
posted by ixohoxi at 5:09 PM on August 19, 2010 [6 favorites]

They had to go into the future and get them from the Jetsons.

No, no, no. It was that floating green antisocial dwarf. He was the Prometheus of humor, dum-dum.
posted by griphus at 5:10 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Gazoo? Gazoo was the man.

ixohoxi: consider me the point where the angles meet. Or whatever. It's been a long hard day and I had to spend 20 minutes guarding my boss' wifes' Prius which is a weird job for a man almost 40.
posted by jonmc at 5:12 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

It's a very awkward diagram.

It almost looks like a pair of ....
posted by mannequito at 5:13 PM on August 19, 2010 [13 favorites]

Wow.

It's like it's 1999 and I'm hanging out with a bunch of hip college dudes who think it's fun to act like you're a frat guy all over again.

Yeesh, I don't think I've heard a 'deez nuts' joke in at least half a decade.
posted by koeselitz at 5:18 PM on August 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

When I was 16, I did this weekend-long church thing about getting closer to Jesus, and the only thing I really remember about it was this kid named Whit who was there, who was actually Jewish and didn't know anyone else there (most of us were in the same youth group together) and so, in retrospect, I have no idea why he was there at all, but we got along great, and at one point he was trying to explain the classic "CDs" joke to me, which I have never in my life seen in the wild, despite my adoration of all things humorous and juvenile.

I think about this joke ALL THE TIME, but have never actually used it, for fear of then having to explain why I'm grabbing my crotch and shouting and grinning like a drunken monkey. But I'm glad this site is here. And the "Felty's" one is amazing.
posted by Navelgazer at 5:21 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

THESE TESTICLES!
posted by everichon at 5:21 PM on August 19, 2010

I love this. LOVE THIS. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Then LOVE LOVE LOVE Deez nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuts!

Hey, it really works!
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 5:23 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

It's like it's 1999 and I'm hanging out with a bunch of hip college dudes who think it's fun to act like you're a frat guy all over again.

So did you enjoy the hip college dudes'...parodies?
posted by horsewithnoname at 5:25 PM on August 19, 2010 [6 favorites]

I haven't heard a Deez Nuts joke since 1997. That was while listening to The Drew Show with Drew Garabo, 104.1 on your FM, when I lived in FL. He was fired and ended up being replaced by Rick Dees. Who? Lick Deez Nuts!
posted by zephyr_words at 5:25 PM on August 19, 2010

It's like it's 1999 and I'm hanging out with a bunch of hip college dudes who think it's fun to act like you're a frat guy all over again.

As one of those hip college students I will say that, yes, it was fun as hell.
posted by josher71 at 5:28 PM on August 19, 2010

Friend and I in high school, c. 1992, making prank phone call: "Excuse me sir, we're taking a survey. Which do you prefer to listen to, records or CDs?

Old guy on the other end: "Hell if I know, I don't own either one!"

Us: "Thank you."

[We hang up.]
posted by drjimmy11 at 5:29 PM on August 19, 2010 [8 favorites]

MR. T ATE DEEZ NUTS
posted by Rhaomi at 5:40 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

DINOSAURS AND HUMANS NEVER LIVED TOGETHER

K-T'S NUTS

You may need a geologist with bona fides to explain this one.
Bona fiDEEZ NUTS.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 5:41 PM on August 19, 2010 [5 favorites]

Hey, it really works!

Hey, really work deez nuts.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:47 PM on August 19, 2010

oh man, Back at new years, I was going to Dutch Kills with manosthf, and I kept asking if there was going to be food there or just cocktails (cause those cocktails are serious, you should really eat first), and I was told, there will be food, but not much, just deez nuts! We managed to milk about a week's worth of comedy out of the fact that there would only be nuts to eat...

yum!
posted by jrb223 at 5:57 PM on August 19, 2010

Ween covering The Guess Who (sort of...)
posted by stifford at 5:59 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Parodies....NUTZ!
posted by horsemuth at 6:05 PM on August 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

ka-POW!
posted by horsewithnoname at 6:07 PM on August 19, 2010

I had one all ready about the author of Medea but decided that was too ouchy.

Hey, Euripides nuts, Eumenides nuts.
posted by kenko at 6:21 PM on August 19, 2010 [7 favorites]

DINOSAURS AND HUMANS NEVER LIVED TOGETHER

Because humans are racist agin dinosaurs. Homo-dino (HD) relations were always kept under wraps. Doesn't mean it didn't happen! Think about it.
posted by Mister_A at 6:25 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Well, humping a dinosaur is so easy even a caveman can do it.
posted by jonmc at 6:29 PM on August 19, 2010

X or Z or K, spiral oval drain.
posted by Mblue at 6:30 PM on August 19, 2010

They have a cumulative effect and I am laughing.
posted by Bookhouse at 6:33 PM on August 19, 2010

Because humans are racist agin dinosaurs. Homo-dino (HD) relations were always kept under wraps. Doesn't mean it didn't happen! Think about it.

HDeeez nuts!
posted by Navelgazer at 7:03 PM on August 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

As seen at a MetaFilter Meetup.
posted by MrMoonPie at 7:28 PM on August 19, 2010

The classic "Cassettes or compact discs?" has been a part of the family lexicon for at least ten years. So much so that my girlfriend refuses to acknowledge any question that could end up at deez nuts.
posted by klangklangston at 8:14 PM on August 19, 2010 [3 favorites]

Deez-nutz jokes: the verbal equivalent of "being iced."

I find both highly entertaining.
posted by buzzkillington at 8:21 PM on August 19, 2010

This gives me hope for my mefi post about yo mama.
posted by electroboy at 8:35 PM on August 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

It's like someone in a position of power heard my earlier cry for help.
posted by pineapple at 8:41 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Do you consider yourself optimistic?
Yeah.
That's funny because you never opt to miss dick.
posted by I Foody at 8:51 PM on August 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

These are taken to such an absurd level that i just have to laugh. A lot. Too much.
posted by djduckie at 8:52 PM on August 19, 2010

Wait till I go to the bank and start asking about ultra-safe investment vehicles!
posted by mazola at 9:42 PM on August 19, 2010

Bah. Deez went doze a long time ago.

I present to you instead "How to Curse like a Hipster." Fixie and beard references suspiciously absent, tho it does seem to be written by some sort of internet pervert. Bonus - MeFi props given.
posted by Slap*Happy at 9:58 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Whatever, man, deez nuts jokes are the best jokes. An oldie but gooDEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZ NUUUUUUUUUTSSSS.
posted by kkokkodalk at 10:01 PM on August 19, 2010

I will never understand American humour.
posted by JtJ at 1:02 AM on August 20, 2010

Humour deeeeeeez nuts.
posted by Pallas Athena at 2:05 AM on August 20, 2010 [2 favorites]

Flavor Flav's friend.
posted by eccnineten at 2:20 AM on August 20, 2010

From Dr. Dre's album The Chronic (warning-misogynistic sexist lyrics):

[Warren G]
Let me call this old bitch, see what this bitch doin
{*mumbling*} Call this bitch, raggedy-ass, shit man

[Some Gal] Hello?
[Warren G] Whassup?!
[Some Gal] Nothin, whatchu doin?
[Warren G] Nuttin, just kickin it
[Some Gal] Are y'all done?
[Warren G] Nah, whatchu gon' do today?
[Some Gal] Umm.. pick up my stuff from the cleaners
[Some Gal] Might go get my nails done
[Warren G] Seriously
[Some Gal] Why whassup?
[Warren G] Ay did did did whats-a-name done get at you yesterday?
[Some Gal] Who?
[Warren G] {*singing*} Deeez nuuuts!
[Some Gal] Aw shut up nigga!

******

"I wanna ask you one question
If I had some nuts, hangin on the walls, what did I have honey?"
I said, "Darling you'd have some walnuts."
She said, "Well.. daddy if I had some nuts
on my chest, would those be chestnuts?"
I said, "Hell yes!"
She said, "Well daddy if I had nuts under my chin
would those be chin-nuts?"
I said, "Hell no bitch you'd have a dick in your mouth!" {*echoes*}
posted by MrMulan at 6:10 AM on August 20, 2010

Damn, didn't click on the prequel link.
posted by MrMulan at 6:20 AM on August 20, 2010

This will die a natural death, but is there any way we can speed up the process?
posted by IndigoJones at 6:49 AM on August 20, 2010

YOU JUST GOT ICED BRO
posted by slogger at 7:06 AM on August 20, 2010

is there any way we can speed up the process?

That's what she said...
posted by stifford at 7:10 AM on August 20, 2010

Before 1961, there were no jokes. At least, no good ones.

Hokum!
posted by squeak at 7:42 AM on August 20, 2010

is there any way we can speed up the process?

Take two of DEEZ NUTS and call me in the morning.
posted by dhammond at 8:16 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

Man, I tease Deez Nuts!
posted by jeffmik at 8:42 AM on August 20, 2010

Are we not men?
posted by pianomover at 9:20 AM on August 20, 2010

God help me, I actually laughed at those.
posted by black8 at 10:23 AM on August 20, 2010

Me: Trying to figure out where to alphabetize the male lead in, oh, that stupid movie where Barbra Streisand plays an insane hooker . . .

You: D's. Nuts.

Me: Thanks!
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 10:23 AM on August 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

The classic "Cassettes or compact discs?" has been a part of the family lexicon for at least ten years. So much so that my girlfriend refuses to acknowledge any question that could end up at deez nuts.


1) Damn, klang, you beat me to it.

2) klang neglects to tell y'all that his brother's nickname is Dee, thus making the possesive "Dee's Nuts" a more personal family joke.

3) I don't even need to acknowledge the question. Anyone mentioning cassettes, CDs, or compact disks in my presence probably wonders why I am reduced to fits of laughter, but, oh well...the question "would I?" has a similar effect.
posted by beelzbubba at 1:32 PM on August 20, 2010