You're awesome!
August 26, 2010 1:15 AM Subscribe

How great would you feel if a real person called you every day to tell you, "You're Awesome!"?
posted by sveskemus (68 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite

telesnarketing.
posted by parmanparman at 1:19 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

Depressed and angry, I'd certainly harbor a seething resentment towards whoever signed me up for it. If it was a friend or loved one this would feed into the depressed and angry part.
posted by Grimgrin at 1:22 AM on August 26, 2010 [5 favorites]

AwesomeBlue?

More realistically, I suppose this is better than the dial-a-breakup service... but the barrier to entry is so extremely low that it's only a matter of time before someone outsources this to India and you have to cut your rates and it all goes to hell.

Alternatively, I'd pay for a service where someone would call up people I hate and yell at them indiscriminately for 30 seconds from a different number every day.
posted by disillusioned at 1:27 AM on August 26, 2010 [7 favorites]

This:

Makes for a great gift - Give AwesomenessReminders to yourself, a friend, or your child

plus this:

Q: Can I give you a custom message to say?
A: Yes! Just put your custom message in the "Any additional instructions?" field.

leaves room for some games. For example, a man who falls behind on his child support payments starts getting a "What an awesome father!" message every day paid for by the ex-wife.
posted by pracowity at 1:29 AM on August 26, 2010 [11 favorites]

"How great would you feel if a real person called you every day to tell you, "You're Awesome!"?"

Hm. That, or something to that effect already happens most days, actually. I think I would kind of miss it if it didn't, though.
posted by markkraft at 2:02 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm going to send all my friends an Empty-Praise-O-Gram™ right now.
posted by le morte de bea arthur at 2:11 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

.. like I was being set up.
posted by zog at 2:13 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

How would you feel if someone had to be paid to tell you you're awesome?
posted by biffa at 2:29 AM on August 26, 2010 [13 favorites]

If they pay Steven Wright to do their voice work, it might be worth it.
posted by maxwelton at 2:32 AM on August 26, 2010 [7 favorites]

meh
posted by mlis at 2:43 AM on August 26, 2010

Pretty shit unless they knew exactly why I'm awesome and could stand the inquisition about it.
posted by bonaldi at 3:00 AM on August 26, 2010 [3 favorites]

$10/month. LOL
posted by rhizome at 3:04 AM on August 26, 2010

I'd pay to have someone call every day and say "you're a complete kneebiter."
posted by zippy at 3:20 AM on August 26, 2010 [2 favorites]

I'd like to create a rival one which rings you to tell you "You suck". I think it would be far more popular.
posted by russmaxdesign at 3:21 AM on August 26, 2010 [2 favorites]

My dogs tell me this every day, but they don't use a phone or words and have no agenda other than kibble and bellyrubs.
posted by goofyfoot at 3:56 AM on August 26, 2010 [8 favorites]

Well, I think my self-esteem would probably plunge to sub Marianas-Trench levels to think that I, or someone I knew, honestly thought that I might feel pleased that someone who does not know me is saying something about me because they have been paid to do so. I guess I'd feel about as delighted and convinced as I would if a prostitute told me, "Ooh baby, you're really good."
posted by Decani at 3:56 AM on August 26, 2010

I'd be embarrassed and ultimately depressed, since it would simply mean that I was once again an unwitting tool in someone's tacky little scheme to make a buck. And I'd be really bugged to have to get in touch with whoever had set it up for me to receive such calls, and have to tell them that i hated the whole smarmy idea and to please terminate the sad little affair ASAP.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:06 AM on August 26, 2010

You could also do this for free, Twitter-style.
posted by thisjax at 4:09 AM on August 26, 2010

If someone signed me up for this, I would wonder why they don't just call me themselves, for free. So, you want to cheer me up, but you'd rather pay a stranger to do it? Gee, thanks.

Cheaper than the cost of a movie ticket and way cheaper than the cost of a life coach

At first, for a few minutes, I thought that this actually said, "cheaper than the cost of a life," and that was MASSIVELY depressing.
posted by Gator at 4:21 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

Gah, no! As it is, I can barely stand answering my phone.
posted by peripathetic at 4:39 AM on August 26, 2010 [2 favorites]

Oh man, that hollow tone, the uncertainty of who he's speaking to, the way he even wraps up the call -- it's all the kind of tone I used to use as a telemarketer. Not effective in convincing me I'm awesome (which, PS, I totally am).
posted by piratebowling at 4:40 AM on August 26, 2010

way cheaper than the cost of a life coach

Wait. Wait. What? Life coach? Life fucking coach? Life coach? Oh, lord save us, is this an actual thing in the US now? Is this an actual term in use? An actual job category? Cause, if it is, man, I made such a good decision to move outta that country 15 years ago.

Not that Bush/Cheney wasn't reason enough...
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:58 AM on August 26, 2010 [4 favorites]

I was going to snark on this by imitating a recorded announcement telling me I'm awesome. But actually, being told I'm awesome every day by a robot would be pretty awesome.
posted by DU at 4:59 AM on August 26, 2010

Life coach is a thing and has been for a time. I don't know if it's a thing that anybody (sane) uses, though.

Also, unless I've been asleep, you could not have moved out of the US 15 years ago because of Bush/Cheney. At least not their most recent incarnation.
posted by DU at 5:00 AM on August 26, 2010

My dogs tell me this every day, but they don't use a phone or words and have no agenda other than kibble and bellyrubs.

So you are already paying someone for affection every day. We are merely haggling about the species.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:05 AM on August 26, 2010 [14 favorites]

I've been trying to limit my use of 'awesome.'
I don't think it should be treated as if it is a real word.
It's as if 'groovy' survived into the 90s.
posted by PHINC at 5:11 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

OMG, I want to do this and record the formant frequencies of the vowels over time. But only if it's the same voice every day. After thirty of 'em, I could quantify just how unenthusiastic and bored the voice gets (which is inversely proportional to my increasing awesomeness, of course).
posted by iamkimiam at 5:12 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

This depressing and weird "service" has made me all the more determined to take part in wheelieman's (and possibly other people's, if somebody could cobble together some kind of organized Thing) mail exchange. Everybody who signs up should add a little "this was my favorite post of yours" note to whatever randomness they send out, in the spirit of "You're awesome, fellow MeFite!"
posted by Gator at 5:13 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

Telephone pep talk vs. Cheers to You!: who wins the depression rodeo? I vote for Cheers to You. Especially because it comes with inspirational puzzle pieces that don't seem like they actually fit together.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 5:13 AM on August 26, 2010

Also, unless I've been asleep, you could not have moved out of the US 15 years ago because of Bush/Cheney. At least not their most recent incarnation.

Of course they came along well after I'd moved away. As did, apparently, the "life coach" thing. Glad I was away for both, then, that's all.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:13 AM on August 26, 2010

I'd feel relieved that it doesn't say "Your" Awesome!.
posted by hypersloth at 5:30 AM on August 26, 2010

My wife answers the phone all day at work. Every phone call generally consists of people with problems, or someone trying to sell her something. It's totally goofy, but I can definitely see this service as a welcome deviation from her daily life. Good show, AwesomenessReminders.
posted by fusinski at 5:36 AM on August 26, 2010

Reel Big Fish tell me this for free whenever I want.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 5:44 AM on August 26, 2010

Give AwesomenessReminders to yourself, a friend, or your child

The thought of a parent paying a monthly fee for the disembodied voice of a total stranger to tell their own child that they're awesome is the most depressing thing I've ever heard of.
posted by afx237vi at 5:46 AM on August 26, 2010 [10 favorites]

If the service was Hugh Newman/TJ Thyne telling me "You. are. great!" I might actually sign up.
posted by weston at 5:58 AM on August 26, 2010

flapjax at midnite: "Wait. Wait. What? Life coach? Life fucking coach? Life coach? Oh, lord save us, is this an actual thing in the US now? Is this an actual term in use? An actual job category? Cause, if it is, man, I made such a good decision to move outta that country 15 years ago."

My sister, at 11, announced to me in no uncertain terms that she aspires to be a life coach. Her reason? "I like telling people what to do".
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 6:05 AM on August 26, 2010 [2 favorites]

I'd disconnect my phone.
posted by sandraregina at 6:32 AM on August 26, 2010

If I wanted anybody to tell me I'm awesome to some degree, I would just stay up till about 12:45a.m. Eastern Time and wait for Craig Ferguson to announce it's a great day for America.
posted by JoeXIII007 at 6:43 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

Do they support IRC?
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 6:49 AM on August 26, 2010

I'd rather not think about the many people who like this idea—depressing.
posted by impuls at 6:58 AM on August 26, 2010

I need no such reminder; because I. AM. AWESOME.
posted by bwg at 6:59 AM on August 26, 2010

I paid $5 so I could come here every day and have people tell me I'm full of shit.
posted by rocket88 at 7:00 AM on August 26, 2010 [14 favorites]

This gives me an idea. For only $5 a month I will favorite the mefite of your choosing once a day (if they don't post a comment every day I will find a recent comment to favorite). For $10 a month I will favorite a comment a day and flag any front page posts as awesome fantastic. Note: no discounts will be given for comments I would have favorited anyway.

TedW,
A total sweetheart (as far as I can tell) mefite had a somewhat similar thought a couple of years back.

If you favorite this comment I'll send you a mushy MeFi mail love note, possibly with integral equations in them.
posted by onalark at 8:53 PM on February 24, 2008 [86 favorites -] [!]

(I thought it worth mentioning - because I still remember onalark apologizing for any delays responding -he hadn't figured his jokey offer would get so many eager takers. Plus his notes were genuinely delightful.)
posted by Jody Tresidder at 7:10 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

Rather than pay someone to lie to me, I'd rather go to a strip club and pay someone to act like I'm interesting. Because of the boobies, obviously.
posted by tommasz at 7:42 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

So, I found out many years ago when I started riding that motorcyclists give little indications of recognition to each other. They do, that is, if they respect your rig. I rode a cruiser and took safety seriously (though not seriously enough to not ride) so full leathers, etc.. This meant that sport bikers would ignore me and I'd just look damn foolish nodding or giving a wave in their direction. Cruiser-types would generally give a nod or a curt wave, and I have to admit, I liked that little bit of recognition.

Well one fall day, I'm out riding on a divided highway, coming in to town from the nearby provincial park. Beautiful fall colours, nice and cool even with the leathers on. And up ahead, heading the other way, I see this bike. It's a fricking monster. Some kind of gigantic chopper. On it sits this biker dude. Great big guy in leathers, long hair, beard, shades, skullcap I think. Arms wrapped around him belong to this biker chick, long blonde hair flowing behind. I take this all in from a distance as we are about to pass on these divided strips of highway. At that moment, his head swivels to look over, and then he raises his fist with a thumbs-up and just cruises by like that.

It's stupid, I know, but the buzz from that approval stuck with me for probably weeks.

This, not so much.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 7:42 AM on August 26, 2010 [6 favorites]

You are an incredibly sensitive man who inspires joy-joy feelings in all those around you!
posted by ostranenie at 7:43 AM on August 26, 2010

YOUR "AWESOME" service just got plugged on metafilter!!!!!!
posted by straight at 7:44 AM on August 26, 2010

Everything has a price.
This is stupid, and makes me feel vaguely uncomfortable.
But I know people that would absolutely love it, so whatever, each to their own.
posted by Stagger Lee at 8:03 AM on August 26, 2010

I would think "oh, shit, where's my phone?"
posted by madcaptenor at 8:38 AM on August 26, 2010

Also, unless I've been asleep, you could not have moved out of the US 15 years ago because of Bush/Cheney. At least not their most recent incarnation.

I think flapjax at midnite was saying that they left the US 15 years ago, and that Bush/Cheney confirmed that it was a good decision.
posted by randomname25 at 8:42 AM on August 26, 2010

Wow, no mention of Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged yet?
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:49 AM on August 26, 2010

I prefer Jeeves.
posted by LuckySeven~ at 8:50 AM on August 26, 2010

I think the blue is taking this a little too seriously. It's pretty clear from the samples on the website and the FAQ that "Zack" sees the service as a good joke that will make someone smile. I doubt many people actually have Zack call to help cure their insecurities in themselves. He seems to understand that his service caters to those that would sign up a friend just to have a laugh. It's harmless fun at a cheap rate - worthy of no more criticism than $10 worth of party favors.
posted by Muddler at 9:15 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

I doubt many people actually have Zack call to help cure their insecurities in themselves.

A guy with a name like Zack should be doing just the opposite.

*ring*

"Hello?"

People are talking. *drag on cigarette* About you.

"What? Who is this?"

A friend.

"I don't think you're my friend."

Maybe you're right. Maybe someone paid me to make this call.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:31 AM on August 26, 2010 [7 favorites]

I'd let it go to voicemail unless they were willing to stay on the line while I argued with them about why they're wrong.
posted by BaxterG4 at 9:34 AM on August 26, 2010

Upon reflection, this would be a pretty awesome take on the secret valentine.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 9:38 AM on August 26, 2010

It's been happening every day since Dec 28, 2008.

My son tells me.
posted by stormpooper at 10:34 AM on August 26, 2010 [1 favorite]

Wow, no mention of Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged yet?

I'd pay to have someone call every day and say "you're a complete kneebiter."
posted by zippy at 5:20 AM
posted by Babblesort at 10:43 AM on August 26, 2010

How great would you feel if a real person called you every day to tell you, "You're Awesome!"?

As mentioned previously. I have a dog. Some days it would be nice if she acted like a cat.
posted by blue_beetle at 11:16 AM on August 26, 2010

You are an incredibly sensitive man, who inspires joy-joy feelings in all those around you.
posted by The Bellman at 11:32 AM on August 26, 2010

For $10 it might be worth hearing my parents' stories, since there is no chance they would ever figure out what is happening, and would probably slowly go crazy.
posted by jermsplan at 11:48 AM on August 26, 2010

Wow I'm glad I read the comments in here before I signed up all my friends. I actually thought it's kind of hilarious and totally worth the $10, but apparently people would be permanently psychologically damaged by getting an anonymous awesome-gram every day for a month.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 12:28 PM on August 26, 2010

I was actually going to do this for my friend. She could really use this and would get a kick out of it. Then I noticed that they wanted my Social Security number, and that's where it got creepy.
posted by snottydick at 2:02 PM on August 26, 2010

To make sure your friends understand they are AWESOME even if you never visit, order A MAGGOT MAN to accompany them and channel our phone calls. Take our SPECIAL OFFER and order AWESOMENESS REMINDERS for TEN YEARS OR MORE and your friend will receive A MAGGOT MAN for no extra cost!
posted by Anything at 2:27 PM on August 26, 2010

Isn't a life coach an unlicensed therapist, who also organizes your closets?
posted by StickyCarpet at 4:42 PM on August 26, 2010

I don't care what y'all say I would pay good money to have that maggot tell me how awesome I am every day.
posted by sveskemus at 1:00 AM on August 27, 2010

They should offer a service where, for $50/month, they will do some research to confirm your awesomeness, and then call you to say that you are *certified* to be awesome. You can order a certificate at an additional charge.

This would have to be a recurring charge so that they could keep renewing your certification. What if you turned not awesome???

And if you pay for the $50/mo and don't make the cut, they'll call every day to say "We're sorry, but you do not currently meet our awesomeness criteria."
posted by Galaxor Nebulon at 2:07 PM on August 27, 2010 [1 favorite]

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